Just come back from mass again. Fr Anthonio was the celebrant. He was very cute. Before I rushed out of the hall to get back in time for my work, he gave me a big smile. Don't know why. I was feeling very upset as I saw people receiving communion and all I could do was to watch. Who asked me to sin? Who asked me to be bad? How to receive communion when I do not even go to church on every Sunday? I have left the church for a few months. I have forgotten how it is like to receive communion. Never mind. God knows how I feel inside. The smile from Fr Anthonio brought me comfort. I knew the smile was from God. He knows what is going on in my heart. When I go lunchtime mass, I will never bother to find out the celebrant for the next mass. It's not as if I would choose to go for masses which my favorite priests celebrate. I do not even have any favorite priests to begin with. I just leave it open. The helpers asked me to get the schedule. I was rushing off and did not bother about it. There is this IHM woman who goes for the same mass as me. Hopefully, she is not the KPO kind who will go around apreading rumours about me at IHM. I was hurt enough. I have left the church and that should satisfy their wants. All I want is to spend that half an hour with God on every Friday as much as I can.
I was bringing my colleagues out to explore the Rail Corridor along the Upper Bukit Timah Road. The route, itself, sucks. I almost sprained my ankle a few times as I have bad left knee from my serious fall twice many years ago. Now, I feel the strain. Good for the monster. We suffered while she enjoyed herself in the office. Actually, all of us were too busy looking out for the pebbles to avoid falling to appreciate the scenery. Anyway, there was nothing for us to admire with all the bushes around. One of my colleagues and I were being fed on by the mosquitoes. One thing I did appreciate was we helped one another along the way. Some were walking behind to take care of a colleague with leg problems. This colleague did not give up and finished the 1 hour route with us. The rest of us were leading in front looking for a way out to the main road from the track. We managed to find a slope to get out at last. Then, we tried to support one another to reach the road safely. I enjoyed that part as I felt that unity. Along the way, I observed everyone. One of the male colleague always wants things in his own way. I was in charge of the camera and he insisited on grabbing the camera and placed it on a tall wall to take a picture for all of us. I told him I did not want to risk it as it was the departmental property. He refused to listen. I quit arguing with him and warned him if anything were to happen, he had to be responsible with it. Finally, the rest of them also thought it was too risky to place it there and stopped him from doing it. Then, he finally listened. Along the way, he also argued with another colleague on the route. He was wrong in the end. So what if he is a scholar? Scholar is not God. It does not mean that he is right all the time. I am working closely with him on a project. He is getting on my nerves. This is not the first time he is doing it. Just because he is not in charge of the things, he just wants things his way even if it is risky to do so as he does not have to be responsible for it. For things that he is in charge of, he will take special care so that he would not get into trouble. He also has a way of getting things and information from us and yet he keeps all that he knows to himself. Sigh! Why so double standard? How can a scholar be so insecure? He is not only slow but also stubborn. Nowadays, I give up on him. By late 20s, I would expect him to understand and know certain things. I refuse to explain certain issues with a lot of details to make him look stupid. I keep my mouth shut most of the time. The other male colleague who was the person-in-charge of this outing bought drink for himself without considering the others and I was shocked that he rushed off for his music lesson without caring if his staff who had leg problem could get down the slope or checked if everyone was alright. I thought it was quite irresponsible. All the responsibility fell on me. An activity like this could really tell me more about their characters.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed the outing with my colleagues, especially our meal together at a HongKong cafe at Bukit Timah Plaza. 8 out of 11 of us went for the meal. It has been a long time since I enjoy such big gathering in an informal setting. Even those colleagues who are normally serious at work let their hair down and went crazy. All of us shared food. It was just like a big family. Surprisingly, the teambonding element was the strongest in this meal that we did not plan. Though I was the organizer, I left the planning for the venue for meal to them and simply tagged along. I always believe that for all of us to enjoy the outing, all of us should voice our preferences and come to a consensus. It is not about me. It is about we as one team. One colleague offered to pay for the whole meal first. I assured her I would make sure she would get the reimbursement that she should get. The meal was filled with laughter and joy. I believe the Holy Spirit was working freely at that table out of Love.
My birthday celebration continues tomorrow. My best friend is treating me to a buffet lunch at Triple Three Restaurant at Mandarin Orchard hotel. More food. Hopefully, I would be fine by then as I keep on having stomach upset. Currently, I am visiting a Chinese doctor to treat my body. Really going broke. I spent $38 on my first visit to the doctor and five days of Chinese medicine. Have to go back to her on Tuesday. Then, after seeing her, have to go for Art Therapy. On Wednesday, vocal lesson again. Really going broke. But, at least, I am trying to improve on my well being so that I am healthy enough to serve in any areas of my life. Even if it is time for me to get married and have children, I will be healthy enough to be pregnant. With my health now, I think I can't even be afford to get pregnant. Even if I am called to be single in the end, I still have to be healthy to lead life to the fullest. My body is the temple to house the Holy Spirit. How can I abuse it?
Time to exercise. I have been delaying it for months. Very tired and lazy. Hopefully, I can get up and start exercising. Ok, go back to work now. Just made a mistake. Hopefully, the monster would not tell me off as it was communicated to me wrongly by the Finance Department. Sigh! Still poor at paperwork. What to do? I can only do my best.
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