Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for giving me the breath of life on this day 33 years ago! Because of this breaqth of Love from you, each day of my life is a gift from you. Wow, I have received 12,045 gifts from you. What have I done to deserve such gifts from you? I know this is all because of Love which can never be bought. Father, thank you for all the blessings that you have bestowed me. Thoughtimes may be tough at times, You have given me the light of hope even in my darkest hours for me to look towards the light and lead me out of darkness. I thank you for Jesus who has been my Mastter and Mentor and a Brother. If not of this guidance, I would have gone astray away from You. Because of victory over death which he had willingly gone through out of Love and in Love, I have more confidence and faith that no matter how stormy my life may be, Jesus can calm the storms and heal me. All I have to do is to learn to trust him more and strengthen my faith.
I thank you for the difficult people and challenges in my life as they help me to grow to be more mature and to learn to let go and let You. You have been teaching me to exchange my yoke for Jesus' yokje which is lighter to carry. You have taught me to die to myself bit by bit so that I would not leave this world with regrets and bitterness which coukld have turned into tragic death as hell on earth. Thank for helping me to grow in wisdom through these difficult people and chanllenges though I may want to give up at times. When I can no longer walk, You carry me just like how a father carries his own daughter on his shoulder.
I am sorry for the time when I have hurt your Beloved Son, Jesus, whenever I hurt anyone since Christ appears in the face of everyone I meet. I may be wilful and want things my way. However, you never deal with me with an eye for an eye approach. Rather, you keep on forgiving me whenever I turn to you with sincere repentance. Each day of my life is an opportunity for me to be purified so that I can get closer and closer to You. You love me so much that You cannot bear to see me straying far. Though I am not going to church, You ahve never gieven up on me and continue to pursyue me with such intense Love. You have spoken to me through the nature, friends, loved ones, etc. Love never fails. You are Love. So, You will never fail.
Father, I really pray for a home that is built out of Love with my spouse. If it is Your will, bless me with a spouse who loves me and accepts me as who I am. He will love me as part of himself. We will walk through thick and thin together. I really hope to experience to be someone's spouse and mother. I want to experience the joy of becoming a mother. I also pray that my spouse will be a man of strong faith who places God above everyone and everything else. He seeks to serve but not to be served. I pray that I can serve with him together with our children. He is a man who has the courage to face his feelings and express them with sincerity and be himself. He is willing and has the guts to walk the path meant for him with me and I will be willing to go through thick and thin with him. Nevertheless, I would not just get any Tom, Dick or Harry to marry me. Recently, I have this guy who is younger than me asking me weird questions and writing something weird to me. Hopefully, he is just writing them at a brotherly level. I would rather think that I am too sensitive or have misinterpreted what he has written or asked than him wanting to have relationship more than just a brother. I do not want to handle another complicating relationship. As I have to see him almost everyday, I would not want to have any complication with him. He is a kind and gentle person who has a bright future. I am glad to have him as my brother to work together closely. I am far too mature for him and I find myself geting very impatient to explain things to him to the last detail. Our communication frequency is just not there. I do not feel right with him. He is just not the one. Father, help me. I am very bad in handling matters of heart. I have been getting frustrated when I attract some guys who have interest in me and yet I am not interested in them. I have tried to lei low and yet I don't know why I still attract some guys. I am not even pretty or good in any ways. I am just a plain Jane. I would not want to ruin anyone's life or hurt anyone. Somehow, I can sense that I am meant for marriage. I may be wrong, I will just wait patiently for my spouse to appear and confess his feelings and willingness to go on the adventurous ride through life journey together. Through the covenant of matrimony bestowed by You, we would give each other as part of each other as one. While waiting, I will continue to use my gifts for the good of others and travel around the world with my friends or alone. Of course, I would hope to travel with my spouse as intimate sharing with a spouse can never be done with friends and others. Whether single or married, I lift it up to You as You know which vocation is best suitable for me to share God's love with the others and lead life to the fullest with a deep sense of fulfilment and joy within for me to reach out to the hearts of the others even in the midst of tough times.
I am starting my life anew from today onwards. Somehow, I believe it is a positive start. I will stop cutting off people who love me and want to travel my life journey with me. Thank you, Father, for everything! I love You! Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me for the past few days through my friends! Last but not least, Happy Birthday to myself!
With Love,
Elena
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