A parcel with nice packaging but contains worms within

Ok, the monster continues to want things in her own way. She is asking me to organize an outing for the department. And, she dominates the whole planning without considering the staff's preferences and certain health issues. She shoul;d have told me where she wanted to go right at the beginning instead of acting to be nice telling all of us she ould leave it to us. Then, behind them, she rejected all our options after I have done much research and voting among the staff. She still wants that stupid Rail Corridor trip. She knows that one or two staff cannot walk on the rough track and yet she still wants it her own way. Really vomit blood working under her. Never mind. Life still moves on. No point complaining.
Really have got no mood to work. Having migraine again. Sigh! Maybe, it is due to the fact that I stayed overnight in town and chatted with my friend over the weekend. Time flew fast with her. I have been wondering in my mind. Many people can write and comment on God and the faith. How many people really practise and understand with the heart and not just with the head? I have read through blog enteries from various blogs and even read comments on them. Some even comment on comments from others. But, how many people actually live the word through their lives? I know some of them personally. I can't help it to judge that they may comment very well on the blog entries and yet they have done things that disgust people behind others. They even suck up to people with authorities. I even talked to them personally. I am sorry to say that I judge. Sometimes, I may feel the aggression on the comments that they have on other people's comments. Somehow, I do not feel that they are just trying to clarify aspects of the faith but more for the sake of trying to be right and holy. I may be wrong and I hope that I am wrong. Often, they choose to stick with people who seem holy or with authorities to show that they are holy. They even accompany these people wherever they go or buy things for them.  I am glad that I am not part of the group though I have been condemned by such group. If these people whom they suck up to fall from their positions, see if these people still stick with them through thick and thin. Love does not discriminate.

No wonder it is a narrow gate to heaven. It really sieves out the goats from the sheeps. It really takes out the deception from the truth. What appears outside does not matter. God looks into what is inside. Many people can write and preach or teach very well on God. The reason why I leave certain places is not because I am holy. I leave because I do not see myself growing holy with them as most of them are acting. How can a person who is thriving to grow to be holy to grow with people who are not even true to themselves? It seems that they still have not changed. I hope that they do not impart such values to the younger ones. I do not deny that all of us are broken in some ways even in church. That does not disturb me. In fact, that gives me comfort from God that all of us are in the same boat with Christ to grow together. Sadly to say, what disturbs me is when the seemingly holy people suck up to some authorities and even form groups of people of their own types. People who are not of their types are kicked out. That is not even love but divisions. For me, I will learn from these 'elites' about knowledge of faith at the head level as they are very well versed with the knowledge since they do research and read alot in order not to lose to the others. But, I will never want to see them as living examples about how to live the Christian faith. Rather, I look out for people who are sincere towards people and themselves though they may not be as eloquent or knowledgeable as these 'elites'. Even if I look for a spouse, I do not look for an 'elite'. I go for people who are sincere and not there to show people how good or talented or handsome they are. Trying to impress me fails. Moreover, I do not go for people pleaser.

Too bad. There are so many such people around. Hope that they will not only make use of their knowledge for the good of the others but also to live out the faith with sincerity and without discrimination. If they truly understand the parable of the prodigal son, they would not have discriminated against anyone to form groups to begin with. I am already broken and weak in faith. If I mix with such 'elites', I will appear holy but deep within, I have not grown to be holy. It's like a parcel with nice packaging but contains worms within.

With Love,
Elena