Merry Christmas to all! Hope everyone has a loving Christmas
experience with loved ones and friends in God. I always believe that Christmas
is not about gift exchange but a life giving one. Life giving as in how we
spend our time which can never be bought during Christmas with the people in
the world, how we share this intense Love from God with the people we come
across in our lives. This intense Love is too magnificent to be contained in
our smallness.
My focus for this Christmas is how I can be a light of
Christ to others through bringing glimmer of hope to the others, especially
people who are facing challenges in their lives and how I can be of any help to
them, be it listening ears, my mere presence or doing charity to the less
fortunate ones. This year is a challenging year for me and the people around me
but also comes with more meaningful Christmas for me, getting me to move out of
my comfort zone to reach out to the people around me in small ways. Before I
reach out to the others, prayers will come first to set my spiritual state
right with the birth of Christ in the manger as my visual guide during this Advent
period. He must be the first source of the glimmer of hope in my life. This reminder
of glimmer of hope comes in various forms through the little blessings from the
people around me, such as little gifts and treats from colleagues, support from
my boss, time spent with loved ones, etc. I seek to thank God daily for the ‘fuel’ from
these daily blessings to the glimmer of hope from the birth of Christ to keep
the light on even during bleak period. Out of Love, I continue to share these
blessings with the others according to their needs. Nothing great but bringing hope to the people around
me who need it the most in small ways.
Christmas this year is more meaningful. God has got my
friend whom I never contacted for years to be reunited with me. She is going
through tough time and I am glad that she opened herself up to share her life
with me. Towards her, I try to do little things to help her, helping her to
start her life anew for new year. All I hope is to see her do well in her
career and lead life to the fullest with joy and meaning without losing hope. For the past few weeks, it came to me as a
surprise that a few colleagues have come to me for advice suddenly. Most of
them are my seniors and I did not talk to them much at first. Issues range from life and death to matters of
heart. I should say that it really put me to test as there is a wide range of sensitive,
heavy topics to touch on. I am a very rational person when it comes to advising
people and yet these heavy matters cannot just be intellectualized which I
usually do and some people told me I tend to be very cold in advising people
without much emotion. So, I change my approach and this trains me to use my
heart more and be more sensitive to people’s feelings when they share. I could ‘hear’
their cries within and one of them even cried. I know I cannot do much but to
listen to them and help them in little ways I can, such as listening
attentively, offering to cover some extra duties if needed, spending time with
them to let them know that they are not alone, simply asking them if everything
is fine to show that I care, etc. I will
also take time to spend quiet time with God after each of their sharing and
lift their issues up to God. I know I am not God and I cannot play God to help
them. All I can do is to bring hope from the birth of Christ to them through my
words and deeds and lift their issues up to the Higher Power to handle.
Personally, I am having challenging time. Have to cope with
low morale, family issues, uncertainty of income & future and tantrums from
the others. I blew up twice this month as I kept everything to myself until I thought
it was time for me to voice out that I should not just keep absorbing people’s outburst
and nonsense. I also have to face the harsh reality that most administrative staff
like us can do a lot even beyond our job scopes and yet most organizations and
people do not see much value in us. Some people have told me they used to treat
administrative staff in their previous organizations like shit and they tried
to treat me that way at first until I was enough assertive to warn them to have
some respect for me. I can do a hundred
things more than an executive and yet promotion is almost impossible and pay
increment is not justifiable for the amount of work I do no matter which organizations
I go to. Things get even worse if I have nasty bosses which I had during most
of my working years. We are usually underappreciated
or even disrespected wherever we go and sadly, even from friends. However, I
always believe that no matter which organizations I move to, God has sent me there
for some purposes for me. I will not
submit sub-standard work to the organizations no matter how much I do not like
certain bosses or situations since I am there for my services to get my pay in
return. I am responsible for the role God has assigned me to in the
organizations. Professionalism is most important to me at work. That is why I
will never get involved with any petty matters or office romance to smear my
professional role no matter how much most people look down on administrative staff.
No matter which organizations I go to, I
try to improve on whatever needs to be improved before I am called to move on
to another organizations by God.
I think most people
around me have forgotten that I am also a person with my challenges and
feelings like anyone else since I tend to play the strong role in my life. People
have forgotten that I also need others’ advice and support. Being strong doesn’t
mean being God. Strong people also need support and advice from others. Most of
the time, when I need advice, I have no one to turn to. I guess that is also
why I can never abandon God as He is always there no matter where I am. I need
to stay connected to God to keep myself functioning normally. This also helps me to understand people of authority.
They play stronger roles most of the time with people under them and most
people expect them to be God. Sometimes, even they, themselves, have forgotten that
they can be vulnerable human beings with feelings and down period. Some even continue
to play God until they wonder why they are still so miserable after attaining
material wants and needs. Towards them, if I am close to them enough, I will
drop subtle hint that they are breaking down. If they open up to me, I will
listen to them and analyze their situations and advise them as a friend. But,
my general approach will be respect towards them as my authority no matter how
I may not like some of them.
So far, I have been having a fruitful Christmas celebration
with loved ones and friends. Other than listening and advising people around
me, I also tried to get involved with charity work but have failed in a way. I signed
up for gift wrapping services at various shopping centres under LoveFAd after
work during weekdays or weekend for public donation to beneficiaries. I ended
up doing only one shift and forced to give up other slots due to a throat
infection and fever. Abit upset over it as I enjoyed the gift wrapping session
though tiring after work. But, no words could express my joy of getting people’s
presents wrapped for their loved ones and friends and how the donation out of
my hard work from these people are going to benefit the beneficiaries. Doing
such charity work expands myself beyond my world and include the less fortunate
ones in my life by focusing on the services rendered in return for the donation
as Christmas gift to these less
fortunate ones for their needs to be satisfied. I understand how it is like to
be a poor person since I come from a poor family and how small blessings from
others which we may take for granted can be more than enough for a poor person.
Though I have left the church for years and I am still
outside church, I will try my best to live my life to the fullest as a Catholic,
whether recognized by the institution or not. Once a Catholic, always a
Catholic. Have read through Pope Francis’ midnight mass homily. Somehow, even
before coming across his homily online, my focus for this Christmas has been on
what he had delivered, ““The people who walked in darkness have seen a great
light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined” ( Is 9:1).
What I have been praying and doing during Advent period right up to Christmas was what Pope Francis had asked us to pray, “Lord, help me to
be like you, give me the grace of tenderness in the most difficult
circumstances of life, give me the grace of closeness in the face of every
need, of meekness in every conflict”. This is very apt in the situation I am in now.
I believe the Holy Spirit has been working actively in my life for me to
continue to be connected me with God, others and myself. I am no saint with
flaws which others may find unbearable at times. As much I can, I will continue
to do God’s work to the best of my ability wherever I am called to.
Going forward, time is going to be more difficult for me and
I will need to save up very hard for my new flat for the next 4 years since I do not earn much with
zero savings. Besides, I may be unemployed at any time. I have nobody to fall
back on. Neither do I have any spouses like others to go back to for support. I
guess it is God’s way of teaching me to lead a simple life. I have to give up
my gym membership by the end of this year for more affordable alternatives to
keep healthy. No overseas traveling for the next 4 years. I can forsee great changes
next year, especially in my career. I have to be realistic that I cannot afford
high end lifestyle like others. I don’t believe in lamenting over what I don’t
have or trying to giving others the impression that I am well to do or at the
same high level as them. Just have to
learn to cut back on budget and make do with the little I have. I do not mind
how others see me. Life is mine. Those who love me will seek to understand and
accept me as who I am. Those who don’t will automatically leave my life since I
do not fulfil their criteria or am no longer of any use to them anymore. There
is no need to impress others. At least, for now, I am still healthy enough to
move around and that, itself, is a blessing.
With Love,
Elena
