Just come back from my outing with my mum and the two kids before I officially start work for my new job on next Wednesday. Nowadays, the weather in Singapore is really erratic as if the weather is suffering from PMS. Many people around me are falling sick. As for me, I try to drink more water, eat an apple daily and rest well so that I will not fall sick when I start work. I am very happy today. Why? I had the most wonderful dream last night. I saw myself in a European country with nice scenic view which I have never seen in my life, not even in my dreams, before. The water was clear and blue which allowed me to see through it into the marine beauty beneath. I saw myself enrolled in a school with elaborate Renaissance painting and ornaments, staying in a hostel. Though only a dream which I can never fulfil due to my financial situation, I am happy enough to have such dream. The dream was so real that the residue of the happiness was carried from the dream into reality upon waking up. I thank God for such wonderful dream. Anyway, dreams do not cost a single cent. I can have dreams as grandeur as I would like them to be without a hole in my pocket.
Since I will be holding a position in the Corporate Communications department in a Japanese MNC, I have been reading materials about communication, especially on new media. I even touched on Sociology and new media. Many questions do come up in my mind as usual whenever I touch on the articles. One thing does cross my mind is whether new media which causes annihilation of time and space also causes annihilation of truth, personal touch and warmth at the same time. One aspect of annihilation of time and space means that through the new media like the Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc., we connect with our loved ones and people we are interested to have updates on instantly no matter where we are in real time. We can even chat with them and post updates about ourselves, interest or any other information for other people to have access to. Of course, platform like Facebook allows privacy to be set such as who can gain access to our information and updates, the level of privacy set against specific people to have access only to certain information that we post, etc. We can easily form interest, religious or other groups to share our common goals, areas of interest, updates, etc. A wealth of information can be easily accessible online for our knowledge and upkeeping with latest news of issues, happening and other matters that interest globally.
My question is the authenticity of the information posted online. How much truth is there in every posting? On Facebook, some people do not post true stuffs about themselves. In fact, some posted traits and updates about their idealistic images. In that case, are we drifting away from who we are as unique children of God created by God? Are we deceiving ourselves and others through such virtual platform? How true can the friendships be when all we are befriending are the imagined images of those people? When left alone at night with the true selves, are these people feeling more miserable as they know very well they are not who they claim to be online? Will they loathe their true selves? When we know who they are eventually, will we feel cheated or devastated when we find out they are not the images that they have created in the virtual world?
The other question is who regulate the materials posted online and how true they can be. People or groups who have the authority to censor parts of every information may present the information what they think are right. What they think are right may not be right with God at times. Sometimes, such censorship is a form of manipulation to distort the perception of the target audience for their own self centred benefits or political motives. For instance, a leader who has gone wayward may report on certain information about certain people whom he wants to get rid of for the fear that they may hinder him from attaining certain amount of money, fame or higher position. Half truth presented is still not true. Truth means utter honesty in confession of facts without any taint of lies or hidden facts or distortion or ambiguity of the original information at all. Everyone may claim that his truth is true. My question is based on whose perspective. My so called truth may not be what you claim to be true, resulting in conflicts. If such conflicts blow out of proportion involving more people with personal attacks or accusations on a greater scale, they may lead to wars.
New media may cause loneliness in some people, lacking in personal touch and warmth. They may have many friends online. In reality, they hide within their virtual worlds without going out to meet people face to face for personal touch and warmth. Words or messages online are abstract afterall. They can never be compared to meeting others face to face. You can never see body languages or hear the tone of messages online which form parts of effective communication. Therefore, it is easy to lie online without such subtle body languages and tone of speech which can only be observed through meeting with the people face to face. Sometimes, I wonder if one’s sensitivity or reading of the body language or cues in reality may weaken with the fact that he is hidden within his virtual world. Even if videos are posted online for one to view body languages, only part of the reality can be recorded for view and the deliberate presentation of only certain parts of the video may distort the information about the incidents or people involved to convey one’s intended message which may not be true to the target audience due to biases.
Sometimes, I see that virtual platforms like the Facebook, Twitter or blogs cause one to be narcissistic. Instead of using them as platforms for contacting with friends sincerely, they become platforms for adding as many friends as possible to show one’s popularity on Facebook, deliberately posting certain information to give people the impression that one is knowledgeable, smart or wise, providing updates on many activities to show that one is attractive and well sought after. It is indeed fine to want to show one’s positive traits to others, wanting to be seen as good. However, overdoing it only emphasizes on one’s insecurity and low self esteem. Sometimes, it brings mockery from sharper and experienced people who see through the veil of narcissism to self. This may also blow one’s flaws out of proportion through such exaggeration on certain self proclaimed positive traits and praises. He may be seen as a virtual jest at worst.
New media, itself, is neutral. It depends on our purposes and approach. If it is used for the service of people, spreading good news, proclaiming truth out of Love with sensitivity to others’ feelings and culture, it is a powerful good tool to reach out to many people. If it is for self serving intention with hidden agendas or biases or ill political motives, it is destructive tool that ruins many lives, leading to conflicts and wars. When new media is used with the Spirit of Love, it will never be abused for self centered uses. It seeks harmony and spread the good news to improve the quality of life of others and self. It promotes goodness. Basically, the ten commandments can be applied not just in real life but also in the virtual world. Nowadays, crimes can be committed online like cyber sex, cyber rape, intellectual theft, etc. What we think will translate into action most of the time, even online. If we allow the Holy Spirit out of Love to guide us with the choice of our words and materials that we post online, they should result in peace, building and improving lives, strengthening communities and bonds, extending mercy for forgiveness again and again. If the words or materials are not posted with the Spirit of Love, we will see biases, discrimination, harsh languages used, disrespect for others’ privacy, discordance, division among people, fights and wars, narcissism or distortion of self which drift away from the true self, scandals, smearing others’ reputation, revenge. Thus, commandments carried out with the Spirit of Love will guide us our behaviour and choice of materials to be posted and languages used in the virtual world. Beside, one must be reminded that the virtual world can never replace the reality that we live in. We are living in the tangible world created by God. Many things can never be done online such as having quiet time with God through the nature surrounded by the flora and fauna by using our five senses to experience them. New media is not accessible to many people in the world, such as the poor in the developing countries or in certain areas within developed countries. We still have to step out of our virtual world to reach out to these people. New media can also never replace our face to face meeting with our loved ones and friends. The materials and words we post online only help us to connect with people instantly out of convenience. They are abstract afterall. Love can truly be translated from being abstract to real and tangible through our bodies. Language of Love can be expressed effectively in many ways other than words, such as spending quality time together, purchasing gifts, doing something for loved ones and friends, etc. The body is the temple for the Spirit. If virtual world is adequate to share Love, what is the point of having the body? We are still human beings with five senses and we still need to experience the abstract Love through using our bodies to express this abstract Love into tangible expression of Love for us to experience it to be more real through our five senses with personal warmth and touch. Virtual world confines within the cold gadgets or hardwares. How warm can it be without touching a real tangible person with bodily temperature and touch? We are still social animals who need touch and warmth.
If you have been hiding in the virtual world for too long, time to get out of it for some sunshine and warmth with your loved ones and friends in the real world which is part of God’s creation. If not, you may end up as cold as the hardware or gadgets that you are using for communication. The social skills will deteriorate in the real world if they are not used often. Also, be careful with how we use the new media. Are we connecting with others or disconnecting from the others through escapism from the real world into the virtual world? Do our choice of materials and worlds posted online build and improve life or destroy life? That’s all for my sharing. Have a great weekend ahead! I am going to have my great weekend away from my virtual world to the real world with a movie with my friend tomorrow and my exploration of the nature at Pulau Ubin with my hiking kaki. I am also very delighted to win the lucky draw for the first time throughout my life so far. That is a pair of tickets to Marvel- The Avengers. That is a little miracle from God as a gift of Love to me. Hurray! More good things are coming!! Have a blessed weekend!
With Love,
Elena
Friday, April 27, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Finally, Out of the Tomb!!
I would like to start my blog entry by thanking all my friends and loved ones for being there to support and encourage me during the past five months of my unemployment. Sorry, guys, for putting up with my nonsense at times. This period of five months has been really tough for me. I have finally settled myself in a Japanese MNC in Jurong East. Yes, it is indeed far for me. I am literally travelling from East to West of Singapore. Since the MRT system is no longer reliable due to frequent breakdowns and delays, I tried to take a bus from my home to the workplace this morning. My gosh!! It took me at least two hours to reach Jurong East interchange and another 15 mins to walk to my office. However, I am still glad that I have found a job. I cannot expect to have a perfect job where the workplace is near my house and I like the job scope at the same time. I am starting work on 2 May and I am looking forward to a fresh start in my career.
Jesus was in the tomb for three days before he was resurrected. During my unemployment for five months, I did have a taste of how it was like to be in a tomb, especially, in my career. I could imagine that when in a tomb, one would be feeling lonely, cold and dark though there might be people walking with you. Nevertheless, they could never die with you. You still have to face certain matters like death, illnesses, unemployment, etc. in life. Nobody can ever replace you in going through such events. Yes, I felt the loneliness, coldness and darkness during my five months of unemployment. I got told off or even put down by interviewers, no reply after sending countless resumes, and even insinuated or condescended by some close friends. Sometimes, I did doubt about my ability though I generally would not be affected by people’s personal attack.
Though we are all human beings and not human doing, it is definitely true that inertia for too long will cause depression in the long run. When we have something with certain purposes to do, we will focus on the tasks to be done with objectives and harness our energies and turn these energies into productive results that serve others for the love of God. When a person is inert for too long, his mind will wander without any control and anything productive. Instead of being stagnant, I did try to reach out to friends who needed help from time to time so that I would not fall so down that I became depressed. The best medicine for pulling oneself out of the spiral of downs would be to stop focusing on one’ own negative feelings for too long but to reach out to help others who need support or help in any ways so that one’s world can expand beyond self and connect with the others’ and he will not feel the loneliness unbearable.
I am finally resurrected in terms of my career. There were many times when I did want to give up looking for a job that matched my personality and abilities the best as advised by my previous reporting officers and settle myself down into any job which I loathed and got myself tortured again like how tortured I had been feeling for the past 7 years of my working life. I could not help it but felt worthless at times though I know very well my own worthiness is not based on what I do but who I am as a child of God. Once again, my ex reporting officer’s advice kept on ringing in my head, ‘Don’t be someone you are not. Don’t keep doing something you cannot. It will keep on coming back to haunt you, just like what had been happening to my friend until she got herself a job which matched her personality and abilities.’ There were many times I was feeling so down that I simply rot at home. Somehow, meditating on God’s word and regular prayers did help. I did not rot at home for long. Somehow, some energy, I would believe, would have been the Holy Spirit, pushed me to reach out to others or do something to keep my mood up. During this period of cooping in the ‘tomb’, I have learnt that regular prayers and time with God through meditation on the Word would prevent me from falling too deep into depression. Such acts serve as reminders that God is always there for me though I may not feel His presence. Besides, by hanging in there for God’s time to bless me with the job, it enables me to know better what I want in life instead of short changing myself by settling into any job which may repeat the vicious cycle of unhappiness in my career.
The other thing is I did not journey alone. My friends would drag me out of the ‘tomb’ from time to time. One friend brought me to Goodwood Park Hotel to treat me to high tea buffet and my favourite durian puffs and crepe to celebrate her birthday. A few others reminded me to be patient and wait for God’s time to bless me with a job. And, a few others treated me to Starbucks coffee and meals at times. As usual, I do not express my gratitude much directly to them. Basically, I am really thankful for their efforts and time to cheer me up. Some posted positive comments and encouragement on my Facebook. This enables me to see clearly that no Christian journey should be travelled alone. We need brothers and sisters to journey with us and pick one another up from time to time.
Finally, after five months in the tomb with my unemployment, I am seeing light in my career. I am getting myself out of the ‘tomb’ by getting into the private sector which many reporting officers and even job recruiters advised that my personality matches the best with. Besides, it is a field which I have always wanted to develop in which is corporate communication. The plus point of this Japanese MNC is they believe in Corporate Social Responsibility. I have just signed my appointment letter for this job this morning. Every staff has to fulfil at least one hour of social responsibility through any charity work. Personally, I always believe that community work is essential for the growth of working adults and building bonds among colleagues. There were some organizations I worked with did not go for social responsibility. What I realize is those staff seemed to have forgotten that they were blessed to be healthy and count their blessings and tend to whine alot. They tend to be more self centered at work. The bond among them was not strong. For those organizations which practise corporate social responsibility, the bond among staff is stronger since they come together to do something meaningful for the less fortunate ones and they find more meaning in their work since they are reminded through such community work that it benefits the community. In fact, I am glad to see that I have to fulfil one hour of corporate social responsibility every year since I tend to be very task oriented and forget I am a human with compassion too. Such yearly activity helps me to keep in touch with the human side of me and serves as a platform for me to help the less fortunate ones.
With the light shed on my career through my new job, I am more hopeful that other areas of my life will also improve slowly. The other area I hope to see light is my romantic relationship. I hope that men looking for fling or flirt will stay out of my way. I get annoyed and disgusted by such men. Recently, I got harassed by someone whom I did not know through smses. I gave him warning directly and told him I had no interest in being friends with him. I really hope that I will not have some weird guys coming to me with some weird expression or words which scare me off, especially at work. I am just a plain Jane. Nothing special or attractive about me. If I am willed by God to get married, I just hope to have a serious relationship with the man who is willed to be my spouse. If I am called to be single, I also would not want any fling with any men. I am happy alone. I believe that if I am right with God, and love and accept myself as who I am, I will attract the right man. If not, my life will be forever screwed up and attract all sorts of Tom, Dick or Harry who just want to have fling or sexual pleasure with me. I will never ever allow anyone to abuse me in any ways as I am a precious child of God.
Now, I really see light in my life by first setting myself right in my career by using my talents and gifts in my job and growing with organization which my personality can fit in. My new chapter of life starts with this Easter and I will continue to seek improvement on other areas of my life by first loving and accepting my true self. I know I can do it with God!!
With Love,
Elena
Jesus was in the tomb for three days before he was resurrected. During my unemployment for five months, I did have a taste of how it was like to be in a tomb, especially, in my career. I could imagine that when in a tomb, one would be feeling lonely, cold and dark though there might be people walking with you. Nevertheless, they could never die with you. You still have to face certain matters like death, illnesses, unemployment, etc. in life. Nobody can ever replace you in going through such events. Yes, I felt the loneliness, coldness and darkness during my five months of unemployment. I got told off or even put down by interviewers, no reply after sending countless resumes, and even insinuated or condescended by some close friends. Sometimes, I did doubt about my ability though I generally would not be affected by people’s personal attack.
Though we are all human beings and not human doing, it is definitely true that inertia for too long will cause depression in the long run. When we have something with certain purposes to do, we will focus on the tasks to be done with objectives and harness our energies and turn these energies into productive results that serve others for the love of God. When a person is inert for too long, his mind will wander without any control and anything productive. Instead of being stagnant, I did try to reach out to friends who needed help from time to time so that I would not fall so down that I became depressed. The best medicine for pulling oneself out of the spiral of downs would be to stop focusing on one’ own negative feelings for too long but to reach out to help others who need support or help in any ways so that one’s world can expand beyond self and connect with the others’ and he will not feel the loneliness unbearable.
I am finally resurrected in terms of my career. There were many times when I did want to give up looking for a job that matched my personality and abilities the best as advised by my previous reporting officers and settle myself down into any job which I loathed and got myself tortured again like how tortured I had been feeling for the past 7 years of my working life. I could not help it but felt worthless at times though I know very well my own worthiness is not based on what I do but who I am as a child of God. Once again, my ex reporting officer’s advice kept on ringing in my head, ‘Don’t be someone you are not. Don’t keep doing something you cannot. It will keep on coming back to haunt you, just like what had been happening to my friend until she got herself a job which matched her personality and abilities.’ There were many times I was feeling so down that I simply rot at home. Somehow, meditating on God’s word and regular prayers did help. I did not rot at home for long. Somehow, some energy, I would believe, would have been the Holy Spirit, pushed me to reach out to others or do something to keep my mood up. During this period of cooping in the ‘tomb’, I have learnt that regular prayers and time with God through meditation on the Word would prevent me from falling too deep into depression. Such acts serve as reminders that God is always there for me though I may not feel His presence. Besides, by hanging in there for God’s time to bless me with the job, it enables me to know better what I want in life instead of short changing myself by settling into any job which may repeat the vicious cycle of unhappiness in my career.
The other thing is I did not journey alone. My friends would drag me out of the ‘tomb’ from time to time. One friend brought me to Goodwood Park Hotel to treat me to high tea buffet and my favourite durian puffs and crepe to celebrate her birthday. A few others reminded me to be patient and wait for God’s time to bless me with a job. And, a few others treated me to Starbucks coffee and meals at times. As usual, I do not express my gratitude much directly to them. Basically, I am really thankful for their efforts and time to cheer me up. Some posted positive comments and encouragement on my Facebook. This enables me to see clearly that no Christian journey should be travelled alone. We need brothers and sisters to journey with us and pick one another up from time to time.
Finally, after five months in the tomb with my unemployment, I am seeing light in my career. I am getting myself out of the ‘tomb’ by getting into the private sector which many reporting officers and even job recruiters advised that my personality matches the best with. Besides, it is a field which I have always wanted to develop in which is corporate communication. The plus point of this Japanese MNC is they believe in Corporate Social Responsibility. I have just signed my appointment letter for this job this morning. Every staff has to fulfil at least one hour of social responsibility through any charity work. Personally, I always believe that community work is essential for the growth of working adults and building bonds among colleagues. There were some organizations I worked with did not go for social responsibility. What I realize is those staff seemed to have forgotten that they were blessed to be healthy and count their blessings and tend to whine alot. They tend to be more self centered at work. The bond among them was not strong. For those organizations which practise corporate social responsibility, the bond among staff is stronger since they come together to do something meaningful for the less fortunate ones and they find more meaning in their work since they are reminded through such community work that it benefits the community. In fact, I am glad to see that I have to fulfil one hour of corporate social responsibility every year since I tend to be very task oriented and forget I am a human with compassion too. Such yearly activity helps me to keep in touch with the human side of me and serves as a platform for me to help the less fortunate ones.
With the light shed on my career through my new job, I am more hopeful that other areas of my life will also improve slowly. The other area I hope to see light is my romantic relationship. I hope that men looking for fling or flirt will stay out of my way. I get annoyed and disgusted by such men. Recently, I got harassed by someone whom I did not know through smses. I gave him warning directly and told him I had no interest in being friends with him. I really hope that I will not have some weird guys coming to me with some weird expression or words which scare me off, especially at work. I am just a plain Jane. Nothing special or attractive about me. If I am willed by God to get married, I just hope to have a serious relationship with the man who is willed to be my spouse. If I am called to be single, I also would not want any fling with any men. I am happy alone. I believe that if I am right with God, and love and accept myself as who I am, I will attract the right man. If not, my life will be forever screwed up and attract all sorts of Tom, Dick or Harry who just want to have fling or sexual pleasure with me. I will never ever allow anyone to abuse me in any ways as I am a precious child of God.
Now, I really see light in my life by first setting myself right in my career by using my talents and gifts in my job and growing with organization which my personality can fit in. My new chapter of life starts with this Easter and I will continue to seek improvement on other areas of my life by first loving and accepting my true self. I know I can do it with God!!
With Love,
Elena
Sunday, April 8, 2012
A Resurrected Self As A Child of God out of Love Despite Ridicule & Difficulties With This Easter
Happy Easter to all of you! May you continue to carry this glimmer of hope within you through your life through the resurrection of Jesus Christ who had died for us out of Love and conquered death in glory! What else can be greater than such victory that Jesus has won for us? How do I spend my 40 days in my desert during the Lent period? My focus was more on finding and accepting myself as who I am despite ridicule, difficulties through the desert. It is not easy. Sometimes, I really feel like falling back into the vicious cycle as it is the easiest way out. What do I mean by that?
I treasure friendship alot. Most of the time, when I am criticized or insulted in any ways by friends or loved ones, I choose not to confront them directly, unlike my professional self where I tend to be assertive and tough. I have endured some negative remarks from some of my friends for a decade, some for two years, etc. Recently, I guess I have decided I have to raise this issue with some of my closer friends as it is time for them to grow up to be more tactful since their communication seems to be affecting their relationships with others and even professionally. I have been constantly reminded of my flaws such as my nose is flat, my legs are fat, my figure looks like a man, my teeth are crooked, etc. Yes, they are facts and I have accepted them. But, it does not mean that I enjoy such comments from time to time. What can I do to them? If you ask me if I will ever go for plastic surgery, I would give a definite ‘No’ unless I am disfigured. To me, plastic surgery is meant for people who are disfigured in some ways through accidents or from any deformity or diseases. If I go for certain correction, it would be for my teeth as my tooth brush has problem reaching certain parts of my teeth causing dental problems.
I know that I am not pretty according to worldly standards. Even I tend I fail in terms of physical attraction since I am also well known for high standard towards beauty. It does not matter. The fact that God creates me and I still exist shows that God sees beauty in me in some ways which most people fail to see. Yes, when I was younger, I did have people asking me to be a model, air stewardess because of my height and what they claimed my nice long legs. There was even a joke that when some of my friends saw my primary school photo, they commented,’ What happen to you now?’ meaning that why I look so different now (uglier lah) as I used to be very fair with big eyes. So what? Friends who know me well know that I do not go for limelight and I do not like to show off. To me, there is nothing to show off. The fact is that I will age and my appearance will change. Why should I focus so much on something which I have got no control over and fret over it? But, nobody likes to be constantly put down with such flaws repeatedly, especially by close friends. I believe close friends do not keep on giving such negative remarks which tear me down instead of trying to correct me or helping me to improve. During this period of Lent, I was pretty straightforward towards close friends who once again repeated such words to put me down. I think it is time for them to learn to be more tactful so that their relationships with the others will also improve and for me to be more assertive in my social life.
I am still searching for a job now. It seems that there is this glimmer of light shining as one Japanese MNC seems to be interested in hiring me. Since the MNC has already arranged for interviews with a few more candidates in this coming week, I have to wait for their reply till the end of this coming week. This MNC was recommended by a recruitment agency. This MNC has called the agency to check how interested I was in this position and this agency has come back to me that the interviewer is quite positive about me. The place of work is in Jurong East, really far away from where I stay. But, I am really interested in this position as it is something I am looking for in the department of Corporate Communication. After going through the organization website and interview, their values seem to gel with mine. My agency is also requesting for quite a decent pay for me. Now, it is up to the hiring personnel’s decision. Anyway, I have another interview with a statutory board for a marketing position on this Tuesday. I am looking forward to it. I should say that for many times, I have thought of just getting back into any administrative job just for the income and getting into the vicious cycle of hating my job, hating my life, doing something which I am really bad in, like what I have doing in my career for the past 7 years. Somehow, the advice given by my previous reporting officer keeps on ringing in my mind, ‘If you continue to do what you are really bad in and try to be who you are not, it will keep on coming back to haunt you just like how it has haunted my friend until she found a job she could do.’ So, here I am, I continue to press on and send countless resumes for the jobs which I know I can do well as advised by my previous reporting officers from my previous organizations. It is easier and more tempting to get back into vicious cycle of just getting any administrative jobs which I suck at doing and quitting my job again after one year after being rejected by organizations or no response from the organizations for the application of the positions for the past 4 months. It is easy to give up waiting for the job I can do as who I am. But, who will suffer? Nobody else but me. It is really not easy to truly acknowledge I am not good in certain things like paperwork in my case and to look for something which I know I can do. It really takes a lot of patience and faith as I can get rather despondent as times. Sometimes, some interviewers would further put me down. I really hope to see miracle in my career.
The recruitment agency which recommended me the position in the Japanese MNC made some comments on me when she first saw me before my interview with the MNC. She asked me to put on a smile as I looked strong. She felt I was a strong character. When she talked to me over the phone to fix a date for our interview, she could feel I was a strong character and she was interested to see me. I explained to her my concern instead of keeping quiet. I explained to her I did not smile when seeing her at first as I almost fell twice on my way up to her office. Besides, I was quite tensed up as I only had less than two hours to go for the interview with the MNC after ours and I needed to find out where the MNC was. How could I smile under such condition? I also explained to her I also did not know what interviewers wanted. Some interviewers commented that I looked tanned and therefore, they concluded they would not hire me as I seemed to be too active while some interviewers expected me to be active and jovial when I appeared quiet. Some employers expected me to be quiet and introverted and regretted hiring me as they realized I was outgoing and jovial on the job which they did not like. So, who am I supposed to be? I explained I would smile when I saw interviewers but needed to scan the interviewers before I know how I should behave and talk or whether I could joke since I tend to joke alot during interviews. After listening to my explanation, she was shocked by what I used to face before but I told her I would take note of her comments. This time round, I spoke up for myself as I tend to be misunderstood and kept quiet just to want to get a job. By explaining more, she could understand me better and help me to find jobs that suit my temperament and working style better. If I keep quiet, she will keep on having the wrong impression of me. I guess it will also help her to understand other candidates better and try not to schedule the interviews too tight.
The other area I hope to see miracle is in my romantic relationship. I really hope to overcome certain fears and have the confidence to get into healthy romantic relationship. My close friends know that I have never looked out for nice looking guys even when I was in Secondary school. In fact, throughout my life, I have never looked up to any celebrity or anyone as my idols. Some friends around me would ask me to look out for some guys who are good looking or eloquent or popular but I am simply not interested in it. My mentality is what is the point of salivating at these attractive guys? All I can do is to admire them as art pieces. I do not dream to get close to them or try to find ways to befriend them. Some guys who think they are popular and attractive think that I am trying to get close to them, like other women. They are absolutely wrong if they think so. To me, I do not have such fantasy or delusion to get them to be my boyfriends. Never. Sometimes, I am even amused by the women following them day and night. It is as if they were gigolos and these lonely women who are inferior in some ways need these men to boost their own self esteem. Most of them are married and I really pity their spouses. Personally, I often look for something deeper in a romantic partner, like faith in God, character, maturity, values, integrity, authenticity, altruism, mental rapport, owning responsibilities, humility, etc. Good looks will fade with time afterall. I believe if I am right with God, and love and accept myself as who I am as created by God, I will attract the right guy as blessed by God. I have never believed in looking for a man desperately to be my spouse due to my age or changing myself according to the preference of the man I like or his desired image of his spouse or marrying for the sake of marrying. Marriage is not a game and I do not believe in divorce. Marriage is a blessing from God. I do hope to experience life deeper by experiencing life as a spouse, mother, etc. Life is an adventure. It is meant to be explored and experienced with risks. If I live in fear that marriage may fail, I will never get to experience life to the fullest and I continue to live in fear. No pain, no gain. I rather risk it all as I believe God will always be there to help if the marriage is blessed by God.
I am looking forward to miracles in these areas. I believe God loves me. I am still out of the church. I am happy God has never abandoned me. As it is Easter Day today, I decided to bring the statue of the Holy Family embraced by the wing of an angel for a priest to bless. I really wanted to receive grace from God through the blessing of a priest on this item I have bought a few weeks ago on this special day of Jesus’ resurrection. Through the apps, I found that there was a Korean mass at 12 noon at the Cathedral of the Good Shepherd. I would expect a Korean priest to be still around at 1.30pm since I woke up late today. When I reached there, I saw some Korean Catholics having fellowship. I tried to ask one of them for a priest. She could not understand English but she asked someone else to help me. I explained I was looking for a priest to bless the statute with my gesture of signing a cross on the item. This lady led me to a Korean priest. The lady explained to him I needed him to bless my statue. I could not explain the joy within me as he was blessing the statute with reverence in silence. It was very beautiful to experience God’s grace through the blessing by the priest with reverence even though we had language barriers. After the blessing, the priest smiled and wished me Happy Easter Day. No words could describe the gratitude in me and how touched I was from such blessing from him and making his efforts to wish me in English. I also appreciated the ladies who helped me to get the priest to bless the item. It shows that despite language barrier and different nationalities, we could still make the efforts to help one another to enjoy the blessings from God as a big universal Catholic family. I thank God for such experience with Koreans. I really enjoy my Easter Day. I really hope to go back to church one day. I know it will come.
Enough of my sharing. Happy Easter Day to all! God is wonderful. Hurray! My friend is treating me high tea at Goodwood Park Hotel tomorrow for her birthday celebration. You may wonder why she treats me instead of vice versa. The reason is my saving is running really low and she wants me to celebrate her birthday with her. I love durians and she knows. I shall indulge myself with the durian pastries with her tomorrow. After that, we will proceed to Party world KTV to sing our lungs out. On Tuesday, I go for an interview again. Hopefully, by the end of the week, I receive good news of being hired. Meanwhile, I read more professional articles to pick up the language and style of writing as I am required to do some writing professionally. At the same time, I am still on my books on Between Heaven and Mirth, and A Dangerous Method. I also catch up my readings on iDom portal by the Dominicans brothers and priests, from blog by Fr Rolheiser, Words on Fire, etc. I think I need to start exercising in the stadium as I have a 5km Fun Run at the Singapore Flyer in this coming Saturday morning. No matter what, life is beautiful with Love that conquers death. So, can any trials and tribulations in life be ever greater than Jesus who had conquered death and resurrected in glory out of Love? You decide. God bless.
With Love,
Elena Foo
I treasure friendship alot. Most of the time, when I am criticized or insulted in any ways by friends or loved ones, I choose not to confront them directly, unlike my professional self where I tend to be assertive and tough. I have endured some negative remarks from some of my friends for a decade, some for two years, etc. Recently, I guess I have decided I have to raise this issue with some of my closer friends as it is time for them to grow up to be more tactful since their communication seems to be affecting their relationships with others and even professionally. I have been constantly reminded of my flaws such as my nose is flat, my legs are fat, my figure looks like a man, my teeth are crooked, etc. Yes, they are facts and I have accepted them. But, it does not mean that I enjoy such comments from time to time. What can I do to them? If you ask me if I will ever go for plastic surgery, I would give a definite ‘No’ unless I am disfigured. To me, plastic surgery is meant for people who are disfigured in some ways through accidents or from any deformity or diseases. If I go for certain correction, it would be for my teeth as my tooth brush has problem reaching certain parts of my teeth causing dental problems.
I know that I am not pretty according to worldly standards. Even I tend I fail in terms of physical attraction since I am also well known for high standard towards beauty. It does not matter. The fact that God creates me and I still exist shows that God sees beauty in me in some ways which most people fail to see. Yes, when I was younger, I did have people asking me to be a model, air stewardess because of my height and what they claimed my nice long legs. There was even a joke that when some of my friends saw my primary school photo, they commented,’ What happen to you now?’ meaning that why I look so different now (uglier lah) as I used to be very fair with big eyes. So what? Friends who know me well know that I do not go for limelight and I do not like to show off. To me, there is nothing to show off. The fact is that I will age and my appearance will change. Why should I focus so much on something which I have got no control over and fret over it? But, nobody likes to be constantly put down with such flaws repeatedly, especially by close friends. I believe close friends do not keep on giving such negative remarks which tear me down instead of trying to correct me or helping me to improve. During this period of Lent, I was pretty straightforward towards close friends who once again repeated such words to put me down. I think it is time for them to learn to be more tactful so that their relationships with the others will also improve and for me to be more assertive in my social life.
I am still searching for a job now. It seems that there is this glimmer of light shining as one Japanese MNC seems to be interested in hiring me. Since the MNC has already arranged for interviews with a few more candidates in this coming week, I have to wait for their reply till the end of this coming week. This MNC was recommended by a recruitment agency. This MNC has called the agency to check how interested I was in this position and this agency has come back to me that the interviewer is quite positive about me. The place of work is in Jurong East, really far away from where I stay. But, I am really interested in this position as it is something I am looking for in the department of Corporate Communication. After going through the organization website and interview, their values seem to gel with mine. My agency is also requesting for quite a decent pay for me. Now, it is up to the hiring personnel’s decision. Anyway, I have another interview with a statutory board for a marketing position on this Tuesday. I am looking forward to it. I should say that for many times, I have thought of just getting back into any administrative job just for the income and getting into the vicious cycle of hating my job, hating my life, doing something which I am really bad in, like what I have doing in my career for the past 7 years. Somehow, the advice given by my previous reporting officer keeps on ringing in my mind, ‘If you continue to do what you are really bad in and try to be who you are not, it will keep on coming back to haunt you just like how it has haunted my friend until she found a job she could do.’ So, here I am, I continue to press on and send countless resumes for the jobs which I know I can do well as advised by my previous reporting officers from my previous organizations. It is easier and more tempting to get back into vicious cycle of just getting any administrative jobs which I suck at doing and quitting my job again after one year after being rejected by organizations or no response from the organizations for the application of the positions for the past 4 months. It is easy to give up waiting for the job I can do as who I am. But, who will suffer? Nobody else but me. It is really not easy to truly acknowledge I am not good in certain things like paperwork in my case and to look for something which I know I can do. It really takes a lot of patience and faith as I can get rather despondent as times. Sometimes, some interviewers would further put me down. I really hope to see miracle in my career.
The recruitment agency which recommended me the position in the Japanese MNC made some comments on me when she first saw me before my interview with the MNC. She asked me to put on a smile as I looked strong. She felt I was a strong character. When she talked to me over the phone to fix a date for our interview, she could feel I was a strong character and she was interested to see me. I explained to her my concern instead of keeping quiet. I explained to her I did not smile when seeing her at first as I almost fell twice on my way up to her office. Besides, I was quite tensed up as I only had less than two hours to go for the interview with the MNC after ours and I needed to find out where the MNC was. How could I smile under such condition? I also explained to her I also did not know what interviewers wanted. Some interviewers commented that I looked tanned and therefore, they concluded they would not hire me as I seemed to be too active while some interviewers expected me to be active and jovial when I appeared quiet. Some employers expected me to be quiet and introverted and regretted hiring me as they realized I was outgoing and jovial on the job which they did not like. So, who am I supposed to be? I explained I would smile when I saw interviewers but needed to scan the interviewers before I know how I should behave and talk or whether I could joke since I tend to joke alot during interviews. After listening to my explanation, she was shocked by what I used to face before but I told her I would take note of her comments. This time round, I spoke up for myself as I tend to be misunderstood and kept quiet just to want to get a job. By explaining more, she could understand me better and help me to find jobs that suit my temperament and working style better. If I keep quiet, she will keep on having the wrong impression of me. I guess it will also help her to understand other candidates better and try not to schedule the interviews too tight.
The other area I hope to see miracle is in my romantic relationship. I really hope to overcome certain fears and have the confidence to get into healthy romantic relationship. My close friends know that I have never looked out for nice looking guys even when I was in Secondary school. In fact, throughout my life, I have never looked up to any celebrity or anyone as my idols. Some friends around me would ask me to look out for some guys who are good looking or eloquent or popular but I am simply not interested in it. My mentality is what is the point of salivating at these attractive guys? All I can do is to admire them as art pieces. I do not dream to get close to them or try to find ways to befriend them. Some guys who think they are popular and attractive think that I am trying to get close to them, like other women. They are absolutely wrong if they think so. To me, I do not have such fantasy or delusion to get them to be my boyfriends. Never. Sometimes, I am even amused by the women following them day and night. It is as if they were gigolos and these lonely women who are inferior in some ways need these men to boost their own self esteem. Most of them are married and I really pity their spouses. Personally, I often look for something deeper in a romantic partner, like faith in God, character, maturity, values, integrity, authenticity, altruism, mental rapport, owning responsibilities, humility, etc. Good looks will fade with time afterall. I believe if I am right with God, and love and accept myself as who I am as created by God, I will attract the right guy as blessed by God. I have never believed in looking for a man desperately to be my spouse due to my age or changing myself according to the preference of the man I like or his desired image of his spouse or marrying for the sake of marrying. Marriage is not a game and I do not believe in divorce. Marriage is a blessing from God. I do hope to experience life deeper by experiencing life as a spouse, mother, etc. Life is an adventure. It is meant to be explored and experienced with risks. If I live in fear that marriage may fail, I will never get to experience life to the fullest and I continue to live in fear. No pain, no gain. I rather risk it all as I believe God will always be there to help if the marriage is blessed by God.
I am looking forward to miracles in these areas. I believe God loves me. I am still out of the church. I am happy God has never abandoned me. As it is Easter Day today, I decided to bring the statue of the Holy Family embraced by the wing of an angel for a priest to bless. I really wanted to receive grace from God through the blessing of a priest on this item I have bought a few weeks ago on this special day of Jesus’ resurrection. Through the apps, I found that there was a Korean mass at 12 noon at the Cathedral of the Good Shepherd. I would expect a Korean priest to be still around at 1.30pm since I woke up late today. When I reached there, I saw some Korean Catholics having fellowship. I tried to ask one of them for a priest. She could not understand English but she asked someone else to help me. I explained I was looking for a priest to bless the statute with my gesture of signing a cross on the item. This lady led me to a Korean priest. The lady explained to him I needed him to bless my statue. I could not explain the joy within me as he was blessing the statute with reverence in silence. It was very beautiful to experience God’s grace through the blessing by the priest with reverence even though we had language barriers. After the blessing, the priest smiled and wished me Happy Easter Day. No words could describe the gratitude in me and how touched I was from such blessing from him and making his efforts to wish me in English. I also appreciated the ladies who helped me to get the priest to bless the item. It shows that despite language barrier and different nationalities, we could still make the efforts to help one another to enjoy the blessings from God as a big universal Catholic family. I thank God for such experience with Koreans. I really enjoy my Easter Day. I really hope to go back to church one day. I know it will come.
Enough of my sharing. Happy Easter Day to all! God is wonderful. Hurray! My friend is treating me high tea at Goodwood Park Hotel tomorrow for her birthday celebration. You may wonder why she treats me instead of vice versa. The reason is my saving is running really low and she wants me to celebrate her birthday with her. I love durians and she knows. I shall indulge myself with the durian pastries with her tomorrow. After that, we will proceed to Party world KTV to sing our lungs out. On Tuesday, I go for an interview again. Hopefully, by the end of the week, I receive good news of being hired. Meanwhile, I read more professional articles to pick up the language and style of writing as I am required to do some writing professionally. At the same time, I am still on my books on Between Heaven and Mirth, and A Dangerous Method. I also catch up my readings on iDom portal by the Dominicans brothers and priests, from blog by Fr Rolheiser, Words on Fire, etc. I think I need to start exercising in the stadium as I have a 5km Fun Run at the Singapore Flyer in this coming Saturday morning. No matter what, life is beautiful with Love that conquers death. So, can any trials and tribulations in life be ever greater than Jesus who had conquered death and resurrected in glory out of Love? You decide. God bless.
With Love,
Elena Foo
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