Have been partying for the past few days. Abit deprived of sleep though I did catch up with my sleep as much as I can. Well, it is worthy as my bond with my loved ones and friends is much stronger through such time together. Ok, shall quiet down until the New Year Eve when I start partying again with a group of friends at Sentosa. Now, time for me to tone down for the next hour and spend quiet time with God through my reflection in this blog entry. We are coming towards the end of the year. I will always reflect on what has happened within this year. No matter what has been happening, it all boils down to 'Who am I?' Notice that 'I' is the only pronoun which is in capital letter no matter where I place it in a sentence. What does it imply to me? This 'I' is not referring to me as a human being who is the small 'i'. Rather, it refers to the 'I' who is God in me. This is alluded to Matthew 16:15 where Jesus said to his disciples, "But who do you say that I am?" with the implication of Godly Being within it.
All of us play different roles in our lives. I may play the roles as a spouse, employee, volunteer serving in church, a daughter, etc. at different times. Every role that I play is called by God for me to be responsible for sharing God's Love with the others, be they my children, colleagues, fellow brothers and sisters serving in the same ministry, my spouse. I have to take ownship of the roles I am called to play. It is not just about myself but these roles are played in relation to the others. It is just like Jesus who may mean differently to everyone of us, such as a Messiah, Master, Saviour, Friend, Brother, etc. Sometimes, his relationship with us changes during different stages of my life. He may be a Saviour to me when I am saved from a hopeless situation and he may be Messiah when I am reflecting on God's Word, etc. No matter what, the focus should be the 'I' in me. It is this Being of 'I' who will never change in me no matter how my roles change at different times. For Jesus, no matter where he was, what he was doing, his focus was always on God who is 'I'.
All of us have our worth no matter how lowly or unworthy I may see myself to be in God. The small 'i' that is me is nothing if I don't have God as the big 'I'. I can only do my best in my best roles as guided by God. Sometimes, I may impose my own will on the others, thinking that my way is the right way when it may not be God's way. Sometimes, I may try to play my role very well and yet I seem to fail. For instance, I may have done my best as a mother trying to educate and nurture my child to do good and yet my child leads astray. During such time, forcing the child to do what I think is right may backfire as the child may become more rebellious and behave even worse. That is when prayer must come in. No matter what I do or which role I play, prayer must always come first. Firstly, through regular prayers, I acknowledge that there is God who is higher than me. It is His will that all of us should obey. I keep my focus right on God so that I will not force my will on the others while I humble myself before Him through prayers. Secondly, I do not depend on my own strength but on God's. I build my faith up over time through prayers by surrendering situations and the people up to Him. I trust that He will intervene and do what is best within the situations. If I am part of this intervention, the Holy Spirit in me will guide me what to do and say accroding to God's time. Sometimes, it may just mean that for certain situations, I may not be the suitable person to be involved in certain cases according to God's will but my prayers are needed. I should never feel lousy even if things don't go my way. If I have done my best and yet things do not turn out well, it may just mean that it may not be God's way even with good intention.
Even a child who is vulnerable can be of use to certain situations just with their presence. For example, my two year old nephew brings a lot of joy to us. During our Christmas celebration on last Saturday, his laughter and act of kissing and hugging us brought a lot of laughter to all of us in the midst of the gloomy situation when certain bad news hit us just before Christmas. Even a child who is without any skills or education could bring such joy to us. I experienced the love of Christ through my nephew. Also, the presence of my relatives gathering in my house helped to lift the spirit of everyone without doing anything big. It is just as simple as their presence in my home which brought such joy and love to my home. We had a joyous celebration full of Love. So, nobody is useless and unworthy. Even a rubbish can be recycled for use. How about us as children of God who are created by Him out of Love? Sometimes, we may fail in our roles and feel lousy. But, we must never let it judge our worth. Our worth is in God. It is common to fail at times as long as we learn something out of it so that we will try our best not to repeat them and improve every time, becoming more and more like the image of God. If God expects us to be perfect, then what is Sacrament of Reconciliation for? Then, why did Jesus even bother to die for us? The best thing in the world is free and that is Love. Love is not earned but a gift from God. If it needs to be earned, I should say that only the rich and the influential people are qualified as children of God. Then, Jesus should be living in a palace made of gold and enjoy a luxurious life to be served. But he did not. He was born in a poor and unhygenic environment meant for animals. He served with a lot of misunderstanding and persecutin from the others instead of being served. Even when he died, he was crowned with thorns and humiliated at all levels stripped naked. This implies Love is meant for all, whether rich or poor, healthy or sick, weak or strong, influential or oppressed.
Personally, I have achieved quite abit for this tough year. I did manage to place some procedures in my ex-organization, winning the praise and trust of my reporting officers. I did manage to put a stop to all the nonsense that a difficult colleague had been creating for everyone in the office and implement some office rules within it with the help of the director. Through the process, I was wronged by some people and went through tough times from some colleagues. However, because of it, I become much closer to God and start my each working day with prayers and meditation on God's word. Without starting my working days with prayers and His Word, I could not have survived such difficult and harsh working environment from some difficult colleagues. Also ended up in emergency ward because of caffeine for me to stay alert on the job which I was very bad in but it led to the discovery of misdiagnosis of a rare disorder which was diagnosed twelve years ago. I can start anew now without this disorder. Well, I am quite inactive in church ministry this year. All my energy and time have been taken up by friends, family and my previous job where there was a serious mismatch of my ability and interest with my jobscope. Maybe, also God's will for me to break away from church matters for awhile due to certain reasons. I thank God that my friends are going on well, my bond with family is much stronger and I have started anew in a new job. Now, I have to spend some quiet time to seek God's direction as to where I should serve next year. Most of the time during next year may be taken by my job as my new job is at higher level, demanding and expecting alot more from me. I plan to start my undergraduate studies by July next year,. See where God is leading me to though I have certain plans in mind.
No matter what my roles are in life, I must keep in mind that they are part of God's will for me in relation to the others. It is never about my own achievement and myself. It is how I share God's Love with the others through the different roles I am called to play. Even if I fail at times, I must never feel unworthy for I am God's child. There is always this big 'I' (God) in the small 'i' (me). All I have to do is to be humble and learn from my mistakes so that I will improve. I must also keep in mind that I may not be the person to do something in certain situations when only prayers are needed from me.
If a rubbish can be recycled for use, God will never create me as His child to be even worse than rubbish for He is Love and will have his 'creative' ways of using me as a Creator. So, next time, if you feel bad about yourself or feel worthless, just look at shit and tell yourself if the shit can be used as fertilizer for the growth of plants, how about me? I definitely can never be worse than shit because I am a child of God created out of Love as a part of Him. It is also a good closure to this year with thanksgiving to God. If not for God, I would not have survived those tough times. I thank God for giving me tough times to help me to grow and strengthen me and bless me for everything and everyone in my life for all of them are gifts from Him to me. I love you, Father. Thank you very much for being my Father who never abandons me and always loves me no matter what!!
With Love,
Elena
Monday, December 27, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Reflection on the gospel reading of the The Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph
Mt 2:13-15, 19-23
The gospel comes in timely for me. My family has been just plagued with a bad news regarding life and death in the light of Christmas. That is ironic with the birth of Christ brings such bad news to my family. All of us are worried. Nevertheless, the very person who is most affected turns to God for divine help. For me, I trust that the Lord will bring healing to the person concerned. The Holy Family sets an example for me to follow. My family members are not Christians. But, I see all of us hanging on and supporting one another to bring comfort and support to the afflicted ones, imitating the example of the Holy Family. No matter what the outcome is, all of us are hanging on to God for hope and help for miracle to happen.
Personally, such situation tells me that things are beyond our control. I have to learn to hang on to God for hope and healing. I pray for miracle to happen. All I have is this gift of faith from God. I also have a taste of experience for myself what the Holy Family had gone through, standing united in Love despite the ‘search for the child to destroy him’. Joseph did everything as ‘warned in a dream’ by the ‘angel of the Lord’. So, during this period of tough time that my family is going through, no matter what God’s will is for that loved one, we will continue to imitate the Holy Family to go through it together in Love and with Love for one another. This is indeed the richest Christmas that I have ever gone through in Love as seen through the actions and words of encouragement and love for the afflicted ones in my family. So, never give up hope no matter what! Love moves mountains. Merry Christmas to all. May all of us be truly enriched with miraculous wonder of Love!
With Love,
Elena
The gospel comes in timely for me. My family has been just plagued with a bad news regarding life and death in the light of Christmas. That is ironic with the birth of Christ brings such bad news to my family. All of us are worried. Nevertheless, the very person who is most affected turns to God for divine help. For me, I trust that the Lord will bring healing to the person concerned. The Holy Family sets an example for me to follow. My family members are not Christians. But, I see all of us hanging on and supporting one another to bring comfort and support to the afflicted ones, imitating the example of the Holy Family. No matter what the outcome is, all of us are hanging on to God for hope and help for miracle to happen.
Personally, such situation tells me that things are beyond our control. I have to learn to hang on to God for hope and healing. I pray for miracle to happen. All I have is this gift of faith from God. I also have a taste of experience for myself what the Holy Family had gone through, standing united in Love despite the ‘search for the child to destroy him’. Joseph did everything as ‘warned in a dream’ by the ‘angel of the Lord’. So, during this period of tough time that my family is going through, no matter what God’s will is for that loved one, we will continue to imitate the Holy Family to go through it together in Love and with Love for one another. This is indeed the richest Christmas that I have ever gone through in Love as seen through the actions and words of encouragement and love for the afflicted ones in my family. So, never give up hope no matter what! Love moves mountains. Merry Christmas to all. May all of us be truly enriched with miraculous wonder of Love!
With Love,
Elena
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Traces of God
I often joke with my close friends that the only consistency in my life is inconsistency. What I mean is there is a lot of changes in my life. They often laugh at it. Well, the truth is that throughout my life, I always have to go through a lot of drastic changes, whether I like it or not. Certain things are just beyond my control. One great lesson I learn from it is I must never take for granted that things and people are always there for me.
There were drastic changes such as from preparing for blood transfusion of blood due to serious jaundice at birth to sudden recovery from it the next day after taking just a sip of Chinese medicine secretly fed, sudden admission to emergency ward leading to sudden discovery of misdiagnosis of a rare congenital disorder, starvation to sudden inheritance of a small sum of money from an unrelated loved one, sudden death of friends and loved ones, sudden requirement of attention from me to friends who attempt suicide, handling people with rare disorders, etc. I will never know what will happen next. In terms of work and studies, I am often thrown into situations where I have to create systems, procedures or ideas out of nothing. For most of the systems or ideas that I have been putting in place over the years in different organizations, I never get to see the fruits as I am forced to leave the organizations prematurely due to restructuring, mismatch of job, closing down of department, etc. One weird thing is some colleagues had been doing some tasks for over ten years in the same ways without changes until I take over where I have to handle special cases which they had not handled before. Sometimes, I bumped into difficult bosses where they asked me for certain things at the last minute when I had little time to think through and had to respond fast. When I look back, it would not be possible for me to survive the turbulence without God in my life.
All these drastic changes do bring me praises from bosses and some people at times. I am definitely a person with average intelligence or, perhaps, even a bit lower than average. Somehow, when these changes come, the desperation drives me to be creative which surprises some bosses and people and even myself. I know that I could not have survived those changes without God. God gives me the hope. As long as I do not lose hope, there will always be a way when it may seem to be no way. In the doxology during the Eucharistic celebration, I guess this is what it means to 'wait in joyful hope' for the coming of Jesus Christ. It does not mean that I only wait in joyful hope during happy moments. It means that I wait in joyful hope at all times, even in tribulations and sufferings. As long as I hang on to this hope, I will always see breakthroughs in life. Miracles will happen with just a glimmer of hope. As a human being, I may be tired at times. That is when I need the community, friends and loved ones to walk with me. We are all in the same boat. All of us have our ups and downs at different times. When I am up, I can help the others who are down,. When I am down, the others can help me up. Even when Jesus was carrying the cross on the way, Simon had to help him with it. Christ is in everyone. He can appear in the form of our teacher, colleague, friend, enemy, etc. in our lives to love us in different ways, to help us to grow to be more complete and more and more like the image of God.
I remember one vivid incident where there was a Saturday when a group of my friends and I were celebrating a friend's birthday when the other friend received a call from his family that his dad died suddenly. The mood dampened as my friend left to rush home to see his dad. The birthday boy did not know how to react. In the end, all of us continued to lift the spirit up and continued with the celebration. On the next day, the same group of us went down for the funeral of my friend's dad. How drastic change can be! One thing that touched me was the love and support that this group of friends of mine have for one another, regardless of a birthday celebration during one moment or a funeral at the next. I feel a sense of Christian love from them though they are not Christians. I see Christ in them to bring hope and happiness to friends.
Christmas Day is coming soon. All of us are excited about it for different reasons. I was strolling with my best friend along Orchard Road today. I was quite impressed by the display of the statues of the nativity scene outside some shopping centres. That sight reminds me that Christmas is not just about having fun and shopping and buying gifts for friends and loved ones. It is all about this hope that the birth of Jesus Christ brings into the world. This birth ultimately sent him to his death which was essential to conquer death in Love to bring hope from his resurrection. It tells me that no matter how big my problems or issues seem to be, no matter how great or drastic changes continue to be, they are never greater than God as Jesus had even conquered death.
I often like the month of December as it is always rainy and cold. The spirit of Love through Christmas becomes more deeply felt with Love during this rainy and cold season as we embrace one another with hugs, kisses, actions, words or gifts of hope, love and encouragement out of the Love within us. The warmth out of this Love is experienced more prominently no matter how cold the environment may be. Don't you agree that it is more warm and romantic to experience the Love of God through Christmas with our loved ones and friends and community during this cold and rainy season?
Time to sleep. I had a happy and nice belated birthday celebration with my best friend. My reporting officer is coming back from her leave and I will be meeting her for the first time tomorrow. As my position is new, my job scope has still not been defined by my boss and reporting officer. Certain roles that I am taking on have not been fully handled by any colleagues. I can forsee more drastic changes coming in my way. Currently, my stress level is very high as my boss wants me to pick up things very fast and handle things with her which she is not really experienced in as she is also quite new to her position. I will also be assigned with tasks at a higher level which I do not really have confidence in. I am overloaded with information. Now, all I have to do is to go through the uncertainties with God who is with and in me. I know I can make it as He will never throw me into situations that I cannot handle. All I need is to remind myself to have the faith of a mustard seed and He will do the rest. If I can do it, so can you. Miracle is around the corner as long as I hang on to the Hope
With Love,
Elena
There were drastic changes such as from preparing for blood transfusion of blood due to serious jaundice at birth to sudden recovery from it the next day after taking just a sip of Chinese medicine secretly fed, sudden admission to emergency ward leading to sudden discovery of misdiagnosis of a rare congenital disorder, starvation to sudden inheritance of a small sum of money from an unrelated loved one, sudden death of friends and loved ones, sudden requirement of attention from me to friends who attempt suicide, handling people with rare disorders, etc. I will never know what will happen next. In terms of work and studies, I am often thrown into situations where I have to create systems, procedures or ideas out of nothing. For most of the systems or ideas that I have been putting in place over the years in different organizations, I never get to see the fruits as I am forced to leave the organizations prematurely due to restructuring, mismatch of job, closing down of department, etc. One weird thing is some colleagues had been doing some tasks for over ten years in the same ways without changes until I take over where I have to handle special cases which they had not handled before. Sometimes, I bumped into difficult bosses where they asked me for certain things at the last minute when I had little time to think through and had to respond fast. When I look back, it would not be possible for me to survive the turbulence without God in my life.
All these drastic changes do bring me praises from bosses and some people at times. I am definitely a person with average intelligence or, perhaps, even a bit lower than average. Somehow, when these changes come, the desperation drives me to be creative which surprises some bosses and people and even myself. I know that I could not have survived those changes without God. God gives me the hope. As long as I do not lose hope, there will always be a way when it may seem to be no way. In the doxology during the Eucharistic celebration, I guess this is what it means to 'wait in joyful hope' for the coming of Jesus Christ. It does not mean that I only wait in joyful hope during happy moments. It means that I wait in joyful hope at all times, even in tribulations and sufferings. As long as I hang on to this hope, I will always see breakthroughs in life. Miracles will happen with just a glimmer of hope. As a human being, I may be tired at times. That is when I need the community, friends and loved ones to walk with me. We are all in the same boat. All of us have our ups and downs at different times. When I am up, I can help the others who are down,. When I am down, the others can help me up. Even when Jesus was carrying the cross on the way, Simon had to help him with it. Christ is in everyone. He can appear in the form of our teacher, colleague, friend, enemy, etc. in our lives to love us in different ways, to help us to grow to be more complete and more and more like the image of God.
I remember one vivid incident where there was a Saturday when a group of my friends and I were celebrating a friend's birthday when the other friend received a call from his family that his dad died suddenly. The mood dampened as my friend left to rush home to see his dad. The birthday boy did not know how to react. In the end, all of us continued to lift the spirit up and continued with the celebration. On the next day, the same group of us went down for the funeral of my friend's dad. How drastic change can be! One thing that touched me was the love and support that this group of friends of mine have for one another, regardless of a birthday celebration during one moment or a funeral at the next. I feel a sense of Christian love from them though they are not Christians. I see Christ in them to bring hope and happiness to friends.
Christmas Day is coming soon. All of us are excited about it for different reasons. I was strolling with my best friend along Orchard Road today. I was quite impressed by the display of the statues of the nativity scene outside some shopping centres. That sight reminds me that Christmas is not just about having fun and shopping and buying gifts for friends and loved ones. It is all about this hope that the birth of Jesus Christ brings into the world. This birth ultimately sent him to his death which was essential to conquer death in Love to bring hope from his resurrection. It tells me that no matter how big my problems or issues seem to be, no matter how great or drastic changes continue to be, they are never greater than God as Jesus had even conquered death.
I often like the month of December as it is always rainy and cold. The spirit of Love through Christmas becomes more deeply felt with Love during this rainy and cold season as we embrace one another with hugs, kisses, actions, words or gifts of hope, love and encouragement out of the Love within us. The warmth out of this Love is experienced more prominently no matter how cold the environment may be. Don't you agree that it is more warm and romantic to experience the Love of God through Christmas with our loved ones and friends and community during this cold and rainy season?
Time to sleep. I had a happy and nice belated birthday celebration with my best friend. My reporting officer is coming back from her leave and I will be meeting her for the first time tomorrow. As my position is new, my job scope has still not been defined by my boss and reporting officer. Certain roles that I am taking on have not been fully handled by any colleagues. I can forsee more drastic changes coming in my way. Currently, my stress level is very high as my boss wants me to pick up things very fast and handle things with her which she is not really experienced in as she is also quite new to her position. I will also be assigned with tasks at a higher level which I do not really have confidence in. I am overloaded with information. Now, all I have to do is to go through the uncertainties with God who is with and in me. I know I can make it as He will never throw me into situations that I cannot handle. All I need is to remind myself to have the faith of a mustard seed and He will do the rest. If I can do it, so can you. Miracle is around the corner as long as I hang on to the Hope
With Love,
Elena
Friday, December 17, 2010
Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the Fourth Sunday of Advent (19 December 2010)
Mt 1:18-25
I really take my hats off Joseph. His love for God was so great that ‘he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home. He had no relations with her until she bore a son, and he named him Jesus.’ I wonder how his faith was so strong. As a man, he was truly a good man with integrity and love where ‘He had no relations with her until she bore a son’. It is all about self control and abstinence for love when called forth. If not, he could have abandoned Mary and gone for another woman. But, he obeyed God and had no relations with her. I think in their time, being pregnant with a child before having relations with her spouse was a great scandal. And yet, Joseph was willing to take up the risk and went through thick and thin with Mary. This is one undying Love which I have learnt from Joseph. If he was not afraid, why should I? He was a man just like me. I should ask for more courage and stronger faith to love without running away as I tend to run away from people or things that I cannot cope. Time for me to grow up and face the music, depending not on myself but on God for “God is with us.”.
With Love,
Elena
I really take my hats off Joseph. His love for God was so great that ‘he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home. He had no relations with her until she bore a son, and he named him Jesus.’ I wonder how his faith was so strong. As a man, he was truly a good man with integrity and love where ‘He had no relations with her until she bore a son’. It is all about self control and abstinence for love when called forth. If not, he could have abandoned Mary and gone for another woman. But, he obeyed God and had no relations with her. I think in their time, being pregnant with a child before having relations with her spouse was a great scandal. And yet, Joseph was willing to take up the risk and went through thick and thin with Mary. This is one undying Love which I have learnt from Joseph. If he was not afraid, why should I? He was a man just like me. I should ask for more courage and stronger faith to love without running away as I tend to run away from people or things that I cannot cope. Time for me to grow up and face the music, depending not on myself but on God for “God is with us.”.
With Love,
Elena
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The Significance of Gift
My break has finally come to an end. My new job starts tomorrow which marks the start of my new stage of life at a new workplace. Have been busy with spending time with family and friends for the past one week. Falling sick again due to lack of rest. Worse still, had sleepless night last night due to caffeine which aggravate my cough and flu. During December yearly which is also known as the Christmas season, most of us would be busy with buying gifts for our loved ones and friends. When it comes to gift, giving naturally comes to my mind. Well, gift is not just about giving but also receiving with gratitude. I am not a wealthy person. When I buy gifts for anyone, I always have to set money aside specially to buy gifts for my loved ones and friends. Buying gifts often take up a lot of my efforts and time. I often have to get to know more about what my friends and loved ones are going through and select gifts that speak to them words of concern and encouragement.
Friends and loved ones who know me very well know that I may be a joker in certain groups. When it comes to expression of deep feelings, I encounter a lot of problems. The worse thing is I have been scolded by a few loved ones or friends who are close to me with 'gifts do not buy friendships', 'gifts do not measure up to Love. If you want to care, you should care directly so that the person will know if you care.', 'I wonder if you appreciate what I have done.', etc. I get slapped with such remarks especially by guys. Some even scolded me in public. I often get very upset and helpless by such remarks. I also know that I should care directly. But, I am also frustrated by being tongue tied. Therefore, one of my ways of caring is through buying gifts that speak meaning and care to these loved ones and friends. Money to me does not come easy especially when I am poor. By parting with my money to buy gifts for them means that they are very important to me. They hold special positions in my heart. I do treasure them as gifts from God. It's indeed a blessing to have them around to share Love through gifts. I often have to search a few places and spend a lot of time before I decide to select those gifts for my loved ones and friends. Behind these gifts, it is the love that I am expressing to them. The essence is not the items that I have given but my care and concern that go to them with these gifts.Of course, giving gifts is just one of the ways to express love and care and it can never completely replace the need to communicate or spend quality time with the loved ones and friends
To me, gifts have another significance, especially after the death of my 'mummy'. It is a blessing to be still able to buy gifts and share my love with my loved ones and friends. Once they are gone through death, I can never experience such tangible expression of love again. Once they are gone, beside praying for them, I can never do things for and with them. I can never share my love with them through giving them presents. Therefore, to be able to give them gifts means that God is blessing me with this gift of sharing Love with the loved ones and friends through such tangible of receiving from or giving them gifts. I can still add such each happy moment on to the many happy memories that I already have from God as gifts. So, while these loved ones and friends are still around, it is a blessing to give them gifts as my gratitude that they are still in my life as God's blessings for me.
Other than our loved ones and friends, we must never forget the unfortunate ones and the poor. By looking at them, I should be thankful that I am blessed in so many ways. The sight of the poor and unfortunate ones serve as reminders to me that I should not complain about the things that I don't have or things don't go my way. How about them? Whe compared to them, shouldn't I be thankful to God for what I have? It is a blessing to give, especially to the unfortunate and poor ones, Christ is also in them. When we clothe them, we also clothe Christ. When we feed them, we also feed Jesus. What we do to them is also what we do to Christ as being a Christian is all about sharing Love. When I share what I have with these people, I acknowledge that they are my brothers and sisters. One dangerous thing is I should never see them as lower than me and give them things or help as a superior party to the inferior parties. In this way, I am judging to a certain extent and may have the tendency to look down upon them, acting as a god in some ways. If I am not careful, I may become arrogant and do charity out of showing others how great I am instead of genuinely helping them out of Love. I also learn and benefit from these unfortunate and poor ones. One lesson I can learn is to be contented with what I have. Only through contentment and gratitude towards God for what I have as compared to the unfortunate and poor ones, I can experience joy deep within. I know that what I have comes from God and I will be more generous to share such blessings with the others out of Love.
The penitential services will start in various parishes for one whole week from tomorrow onwards. This is one gift from God for me to spend more time with Him to examine my life and see what needs to be confessed through the service for Him to heal me so that I may rejoice with true joy without the burden of sins when Christmas Day comes. God has already blessed me with a gift beside this. That is my new job which helps me to start anew. After the penitential service on Tuesday, I can truly start anew. Letting go of sins and unforgiveness through the Sacrament of Reconciliation allows me to draw closer to God and people. I can also renew my relationship with the people and God.
No matter what, I thank God for gving me a new start in my life by blessing me with this Christmas gift in the form of my new job. Ok, I need to go and sleep for the fresh start in my new job tomorrow. :)
With Love,
Elena
Friends and loved ones who know me very well know that I may be a joker in certain groups. When it comes to expression of deep feelings, I encounter a lot of problems. The worse thing is I have been scolded by a few loved ones or friends who are close to me with 'gifts do not buy friendships', 'gifts do not measure up to Love. If you want to care, you should care directly so that the person will know if you care.', 'I wonder if you appreciate what I have done.', etc. I get slapped with such remarks especially by guys. Some even scolded me in public. I often get very upset and helpless by such remarks. I also know that I should care directly. But, I am also frustrated by being tongue tied. Therefore, one of my ways of caring is through buying gifts that speak meaning and care to these loved ones and friends. Money to me does not come easy especially when I am poor. By parting with my money to buy gifts for them means that they are very important to me. They hold special positions in my heart. I do treasure them as gifts from God. It's indeed a blessing to have them around to share Love through gifts. I often have to search a few places and spend a lot of time before I decide to select those gifts for my loved ones and friends. Behind these gifts, it is the love that I am expressing to them. The essence is not the items that I have given but my care and concern that go to them with these gifts.Of course, giving gifts is just one of the ways to express love and care and it can never completely replace the need to communicate or spend quality time with the loved ones and friends
To me, gifts have another significance, especially after the death of my 'mummy'. It is a blessing to be still able to buy gifts and share my love with my loved ones and friends. Once they are gone through death, I can never experience such tangible expression of love again. Once they are gone, beside praying for them, I can never do things for and with them. I can never share my love with them through giving them presents. Therefore, to be able to give them gifts means that God is blessing me with this gift of sharing Love with the loved ones and friends through such tangible of receiving from or giving them gifts. I can still add such each happy moment on to the many happy memories that I already have from God as gifts. So, while these loved ones and friends are still around, it is a blessing to give them gifts as my gratitude that they are still in my life as God's blessings for me.
Other than our loved ones and friends, we must never forget the unfortunate ones and the poor. By looking at them, I should be thankful that I am blessed in so many ways. The sight of the poor and unfortunate ones serve as reminders to me that I should not complain about the things that I don't have or things don't go my way. How about them? Whe compared to them, shouldn't I be thankful to God for what I have? It is a blessing to give, especially to the unfortunate and poor ones, Christ is also in them. When we clothe them, we also clothe Christ. When we feed them, we also feed Jesus. What we do to them is also what we do to Christ as being a Christian is all about sharing Love. When I share what I have with these people, I acknowledge that they are my brothers and sisters. One dangerous thing is I should never see them as lower than me and give them things or help as a superior party to the inferior parties. In this way, I am judging to a certain extent and may have the tendency to look down upon them, acting as a god in some ways. If I am not careful, I may become arrogant and do charity out of showing others how great I am instead of genuinely helping them out of Love. I also learn and benefit from these unfortunate and poor ones. One lesson I can learn is to be contented with what I have. Only through contentment and gratitude towards God for what I have as compared to the unfortunate and poor ones, I can experience joy deep within. I know that what I have comes from God and I will be more generous to share such blessings with the others out of Love.
The penitential services will start in various parishes for one whole week from tomorrow onwards. This is one gift from God for me to spend more time with Him to examine my life and see what needs to be confessed through the service for Him to heal me so that I may rejoice with true joy without the burden of sins when Christmas Day comes. God has already blessed me with a gift beside this. That is my new job which helps me to start anew. After the penitential service on Tuesday, I can truly start anew. Letting go of sins and unforgiveness through the Sacrament of Reconciliation allows me to draw closer to God and people. I can also renew my relationship with the people and God.
No matter what, I thank God for gving me a new start in my life by blessing me with this Christmas gift in the form of my new job. Ok, I need to go and sleep for the fresh start in my new job tomorrow. :)
With Love,
Elena
Monday, December 6, 2010
Stability within instability
Have just come back from my outing with my little girl and managed to sit down to spend my time with God through my reflection here. Basically, the purpose of this blog is meant to be my time spent with God through reflection. I do not expect anyone to read my blog entries as I am not any well known priest or religious sister or prestigous spiritual writer but a simple person with low educational level capable of sins. Well, if God leads anyone to this blog, I hope that he/she will be blessed in some ways through my writing. If not, every blog entry is my gift to God.
For the past two months, things have been hectic for me working and searching for jobs and preparing for interviews and tests in the midst of my current job. Things moved even faster, especially for the past week when things happened like whirlwind with the celebration of the birthday of my nephew who is also my godson, the death of a relative, handing over and coaching new staff who would be taking over my job at my current workplace, signing of appointment letter and pre-employment checkup for my new job, catching up with friends whom I have not met for a long time, etc. I simply have got no time for any other things. I was basically feeling very drained and all over the place until my immune system gave way when I started clearing leave on last Wednesday. I wanted to have a good rest. Who knows I fell sick with bad flu followed by bad stomach problems and pain resulting in poor sleeping quality? Sigh! Still on medication till now. May have to visit doctor.
God is damn smart. My sickness is a signal from Him that I am moving too fast without resting. It is also an indication that I need to slow down and spend more time with Him. Most of the time, I need to be forced to slow down by being sick. I did a bit of reflection during my resting from my sickness. Though things around me were moving fast and I felt very drained, He has never left me. He cared for me through my colleagues and friends. I am very touched and thankful that these people are blessings from God to me. I was feeling very drained and down as I was put down and insulted by some interviewers due to my low educational level with only a Diploma. I felt like giving up up at times. In the midst of instability, I found stability through the Love of God from these colleagues and friends. They encouraged me to keep me going. My reporting officer was very supportive towards my search for jobs especially through special arrangement of taking leave for interviews and advice on my job search and encouragement to keep me going. I also thank my colleagues for giving me advice and encouraged and cheered me up when I could not walk further. I was very touched when these colleagues bothered to nag at me and pointed out my mistakes and advised me not to repeat them at my new job. The tone of their voices touched me deep within as I could feel the care and concern. They even bothered to spend time and effort to have a farewell lunch with me though they were very busy in their work. After the farewell lunch which perked me up on the same day, I managed to defeat the other strong candidate with a lot of laughter with the interviewers during the final interview and was selected for the new job. If my pre-employment checkup clears, I will start work on next Monday. This means a new start for me in my career path. In fact, the HR personnel told me my new boss is waiting for me to start work. I am looking forward to this new start with excitement. I am really thankful for that farewell lunch from these colleagues of mine who see me as a friend and tried their best to give me the confidence and encourgement to fight this battle for my final interview.
What I have learnt is that things may be changing around me in the world, my emotions may be unstable, people's hearts may change from time to time. One thing will never change is God's Love. This unchanging and undying Love is shown through fidelity, especially after Christ had even conquered death by being obedient to God through death with undying love. Such Love can never destroyed by death. God never leaves me, just like how my colleagues and friends never leave me. Another clear example is a husband who truly loves his wife will show his true love to his wife through his fidelity towards her though as a human, at times, he may have the danger of being tempted by other attractive women who may flirt with him or use underhand means to have affairs with him. Due to his true love for his wife, he will never fall into such trap and will go back to his wife and be there for her no matter what. His wife in his heart can never be replaced by any other women as he knows the woman waiting for him at home is God's gift as a part of him. If he appreciates her as part of him, how can he bear to abandon this part of him? For us, as children of God, we may be tempted to sin from time to time, as long as we truly love God, we will go back to God again and again and be truly repentant. He ia always there with such undying fidelity. He will never change. Only we change. Through the baptism, we respond to God's Love with love as children of God and are parts of Him. Our faith is gift from God to us so that we may continue to be in love with Love through fidelity, especially in times of temptation and difficulties. Such fidelity allows me to hang on to Him and never let go so that I will always have hope in life. All instability in this world will never defeat me for I have this Stability (God) in me. I become a stronger person in life.
Of course, such fidelity does not happen overnight. In any relationships, the bond has to be strengthened gradually through activities together, consistent communication with each other, interest in the life of each other, being there for each other, etc. No relationships can survive without communication or being present to each other at all as described in 'Out of sight, out of mind'. The relationship will die like withered plants not being taken care of at all. Of course, where there is true love in relationships, absence will only make the hearts grow fonder. Then, the people involved will make the efforts and time for each other no matter how busy they are since they are in each other's heart. This is also true in my relationship with God. I admit that I spend less time with God nowadays because of my hectic schedule. Whenever I do not maintain stable relationship with God, I become unstable. I get frustrated and feel down easily. Things around me affect me more easily and I lose focus on God. My relationships with people may be affected. My discernment towards things and people become clouded. My mood may swing. I may no longer feel God's presence and doubt if God loves me. That is because my focus has been shifted from God who is Stable to things or people who are unstable or ever-changing.
I must learn from Jesus. His love for God is never-changing. His fidelity towards God out of Love can never be described with words, especially in the midst of his suffering and humiliation at all levels at the Calvary. This gives me the hope that if Jesus, as a man, could do it, all of us have the potential to be more and more like the image of God as long as we have the faith and stay faithful to God, especially in times of suffering and temptation. Nothing is impossible with God. One thing I have never agreed is God is good all the time. To me, God is never to be confined within time at all. God is Love and in Love, Goodness. This Goodness is not referring to good in the midst of good and bad. Rather, it refers to Perfection, Wholeness. This Wholeness can be seen from Jesus' love to God and God's Love to Jesus where the Holy Spirit works freely in this intense perfect Love between the Son and the Father where it is known as the Holy Trinity. My role as a child of God is to continue this love by loving God and opening myself in receiving God's Love for the Holy Spirit to work freely in me for me to love others and others to love me. Of course, I am not like Jesus who is an unblemished lamb. I sin from time to time. That is why I need to have fidelity for my love to God by going back to Him again and again with repentance through the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Eucharistic celebration. I need to make conscious efforts and decision to spend time with God so that my relationship with Him will improve over time. As my relationship with Him is stronger, my faith will also keep going stronger so that even if things and people are unstable around me, I will still be stable with God as the centre of my life.
Well, I admit that I am guilty of not making such effiorts and time as I tend to drift off very easily. That will only mean that I need to re-prioritize my life and put God back to the centre with consicous efforts and spend more time with God. And, this period of Advent is a reminder to me to slow down and set my focus right on God so that in the midst of instability around me, I still stand stable with God as my centre in life.
With Love,
Elena
For the past two months, things have been hectic for me working and searching for jobs and preparing for interviews and tests in the midst of my current job. Things moved even faster, especially for the past week when things happened like whirlwind with the celebration of the birthday of my nephew who is also my godson, the death of a relative, handing over and coaching new staff who would be taking over my job at my current workplace, signing of appointment letter and pre-employment checkup for my new job, catching up with friends whom I have not met for a long time, etc. I simply have got no time for any other things. I was basically feeling very drained and all over the place until my immune system gave way when I started clearing leave on last Wednesday. I wanted to have a good rest. Who knows I fell sick with bad flu followed by bad stomach problems and pain resulting in poor sleeping quality? Sigh! Still on medication till now. May have to visit doctor.
God is damn smart. My sickness is a signal from Him that I am moving too fast without resting. It is also an indication that I need to slow down and spend more time with Him. Most of the time, I need to be forced to slow down by being sick. I did a bit of reflection during my resting from my sickness. Though things around me were moving fast and I felt very drained, He has never left me. He cared for me through my colleagues and friends. I am very touched and thankful that these people are blessings from God to me. I was feeling very drained and down as I was put down and insulted by some interviewers due to my low educational level with only a Diploma. I felt like giving up up at times. In the midst of instability, I found stability through the Love of God from these colleagues and friends. They encouraged me to keep me going. My reporting officer was very supportive towards my search for jobs especially through special arrangement of taking leave for interviews and advice on my job search and encouragement to keep me going. I also thank my colleagues for giving me advice and encouraged and cheered me up when I could not walk further. I was very touched when these colleagues bothered to nag at me and pointed out my mistakes and advised me not to repeat them at my new job. The tone of their voices touched me deep within as I could feel the care and concern. They even bothered to spend time and effort to have a farewell lunch with me though they were very busy in their work. After the farewell lunch which perked me up on the same day, I managed to defeat the other strong candidate with a lot of laughter with the interviewers during the final interview and was selected for the new job. If my pre-employment checkup clears, I will start work on next Monday. This means a new start for me in my career path. In fact, the HR personnel told me my new boss is waiting for me to start work. I am looking forward to this new start with excitement. I am really thankful for that farewell lunch from these colleagues of mine who see me as a friend and tried their best to give me the confidence and encourgement to fight this battle for my final interview.
What I have learnt is that things may be changing around me in the world, my emotions may be unstable, people's hearts may change from time to time. One thing will never change is God's Love. This unchanging and undying Love is shown through fidelity, especially after Christ had even conquered death by being obedient to God through death with undying love. Such Love can never destroyed by death. God never leaves me, just like how my colleagues and friends never leave me. Another clear example is a husband who truly loves his wife will show his true love to his wife through his fidelity towards her though as a human, at times, he may have the danger of being tempted by other attractive women who may flirt with him or use underhand means to have affairs with him. Due to his true love for his wife, he will never fall into such trap and will go back to his wife and be there for her no matter what. His wife in his heart can never be replaced by any other women as he knows the woman waiting for him at home is God's gift as a part of him. If he appreciates her as part of him, how can he bear to abandon this part of him? For us, as children of God, we may be tempted to sin from time to time, as long as we truly love God, we will go back to God again and again and be truly repentant. He ia always there with such undying fidelity. He will never change. Only we change. Through the baptism, we respond to God's Love with love as children of God and are parts of Him. Our faith is gift from God to us so that we may continue to be in love with Love through fidelity, especially in times of temptation and difficulties. Such fidelity allows me to hang on to Him and never let go so that I will always have hope in life. All instability in this world will never defeat me for I have this Stability (God) in me. I become a stronger person in life.
Of course, such fidelity does not happen overnight. In any relationships, the bond has to be strengthened gradually through activities together, consistent communication with each other, interest in the life of each other, being there for each other, etc. No relationships can survive without communication or being present to each other at all as described in 'Out of sight, out of mind'. The relationship will die like withered plants not being taken care of at all. Of course, where there is true love in relationships, absence will only make the hearts grow fonder. Then, the people involved will make the efforts and time for each other no matter how busy they are since they are in each other's heart. This is also true in my relationship with God. I admit that I spend less time with God nowadays because of my hectic schedule. Whenever I do not maintain stable relationship with God, I become unstable. I get frustrated and feel down easily. Things around me affect me more easily and I lose focus on God. My relationships with people may be affected. My discernment towards things and people become clouded. My mood may swing. I may no longer feel God's presence and doubt if God loves me. That is because my focus has been shifted from God who is Stable to things or people who are unstable or ever-changing.
I must learn from Jesus. His love for God is never-changing. His fidelity towards God out of Love can never be described with words, especially in the midst of his suffering and humiliation at all levels at the Calvary. This gives me the hope that if Jesus, as a man, could do it, all of us have the potential to be more and more like the image of God as long as we have the faith and stay faithful to God, especially in times of suffering and temptation. Nothing is impossible with God. One thing I have never agreed is God is good all the time. To me, God is never to be confined within time at all. God is Love and in Love, Goodness. This Goodness is not referring to good in the midst of good and bad. Rather, it refers to Perfection, Wholeness. This Wholeness can be seen from Jesus' love to God and God's Love to Jesus where the Holy Spirit works freely in this intense perfect Love between the Son and the Father where it is known as the Holy Trinity. My role as a child of God is to continue this love by loving God and opening myself in receiving God's Love for the Holy Spirit to work freely in me for me to love others and others to love me. Of course, I am not like Jesus who is an unblemished lamb. I sin from time to time. That is why I need to have fidelity for my love to God by going back to Him again and again with repentance through the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Eucharistic celebration. I need to make conscious efforts and decision to spend time with God so that my relationship with Him will improve over time. As my relationship with Him is stronger, my faith will also keep going stronger so that even if things and people are unstable around me, I will still be stable with God as the centre of my life.
Well, I admit that I am guilty of not making such effiorts and time as I tend to drift off very easily. That will only mean that I need to re-prioritize my life and put God back to the centre with consicous efforts and spend more time with God. And, this period of Advent is a reminder to me to slow down and set my focus right on God so that in the midst of instability around me, I still stand stable with God as my centre in life.
With Love,
Elena
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