Who am I?

Have been partying for the past few days. Abit deprived of sleep though I did catch up with my sleep as much as I can. Well, it is worthy as my bond with my loved ones and friends is much stronger through such time together. Ok, shall quiet down until the New Year Eve when I start partying again with a group of friends at Sentosa. Now, time for me to tone down for the next hour and spend quiet time with God through my reflection in this blog entry. We are coming towards the end of the year. I will always reflect on what has happened within this year. No matter what has been happening, it all boils down to 'Who am I?' Notice that 'I' is the only pronoun which is in capital letter no matter where I place it in a sentence. What does it imply to me? This 'I' is not referring to me as a human being who is the small 'i'. Rather, it refers to the 'I' who is God in me. This is alluded to Matthew 16:15 where Jesus said to his disciples, "But who do you say that I am?" with the implication of Godly Being within it.

All of us play different roles in our lives. I may play the roles as a spouse, employee, volunteer serving in church, a daughter, etc. at different times. Every role that I play is called by God for me to be responsible for sharing God's Love with the others, be they my children, colleagues, fellow brothers and sisters serving in the same ministry, my spouse. I have to take ownship of the roles I am called to play. It is not just about myself but these roles are played in relation to the others. It is just like Jesus who may mean differently to everyone of us, such as a Messiah, Master, Saviour, Friend, Brother, etc. Sometimes, his relationship with us changes during different stages of my life. He may be a Saviour to me when I am saved from a hopeless situation and he may be Messiah when I am reflecting on God's Word, etc. No matter what, the focus should be the 'I' in me. It is this Being of 'I' who will never change in me no matter how my roles change at different times. For Jesus, no matter where he was, what he was doing, his focus was always on God who is 'I'.

All of us have our worth no matter how lowly or unworthy I may see myself to be in God. The small 'i' that is me is nothing if I don't have God as the big 'I'. I can only do my best in my best roles as guided by God. Sometimes, I may impose my own will on the others, thinking that my way is the right way when it may not be God's way. Sometimes, I may try to play my role very well and yet I seem to fail. For instance, I may have done my best as a mother trying to educate and nurture my child to do good and yet my child leads astray. During such time, forcing the child to do what I think is right may backfire as the child may become more rebellious and behave even worse. That is when prayer must come in. No matter what I do or which role I play, prayer must always come first. Firstly, through regular prayers, I acknowledge that there is God who is higher than me. It is His will that all of us should obey. I keep my focus right on God so that I will not force my will on the others while I humble myself before Him through prayers. Secondly, I do not depend on my own strength but on God's. I build my faith up over time through prayers by surrendering situations and the people up to Him. I trust that He will intervene and do what is best within the situations. If I am part of this intervention, the Holy Spirit in me will guide me what to do and say accroding to God's time. Sometimes, it may just mean that for certain situations, I may not be the suitable person to be involved in certain cases according to God's will but my prayers are needed. I should never feel lousy even if things don't go my way. If I have done my best and yet things do not turn out well, it may just mean that it may not be God's way even with good intention.

Even a child who is vulnerable can be of use to certain situations just with their presence. For example, my two year old nephew brings a lot of joy to us. During our Christmas celebration on last Saturday, his laughter and act of kissing and hugging us brought a lot of laughter to all of us in the midst of the gloomy situation when certain bad news hit us just before Christmas. Even a child who is without any skills or education could bring such joy to us. I experienced the love of Christ through my nephew. Also, the presence of my relatives gathering in my house helped to lift the spirit of everyone without doing anything big. It is just as simple as their presence in my home which brought such joy and love to my home. We had a joyous celebration full of Love. So, nobody is useless and unworthy. Even a rubbish can be recycled for use. How about us as children of God who are created by Him out of Love? Sometimes, we may fail in our roles and feel lousy. But, we must never let it judge our worth. Our worth is in God. It is common to fail at times as long as we learn something out of it so that we will try our best not to repeat them and improve every time, becoming more and more like the image of God. If God expects us to be perfect, then what is Sacrament of Reconciliation for? Then, why did Jesus even bother to die for us? The best thing in the world is free and that is Love. Love is not earned but a gift from God. If it needs to be earned, I should say that only the rich and the influential people are qualified as children of God. Then, Jesus should be living in a palace made of gold and enjoy a luxurious life to be served. But he did not. He was born in a poor and unhygenic environment meant for animals. He served with a lot of misunderstanding and persecutin from the others instead of being served. Even when he died, he was crowned with thorns and humiliated at all levels stripped naked. This implies Love is meant for all, whether rich or poor, healthy or sick, weak or strong, influential or oppressed.

Personally, I have achieved quite abit for this tough year. I did manage to place some procedures in my ex-organization, winning the praise and trust of my reporting officers. I did manage to put a stop to all the nonsense that a difficult colleague had been creating for everyone in the office and implement some office rules within it with the help of the director. Through the process, I was wronged by some people and went through tough times from some colleagues. However, because of it, I become much closer to God and start my each working day with prayers and meditation on God's word. Without starting my working days with prayers and His Word, I could not have survived such difficult and harsh working environment from some difficult colleagues. Also ended up in emergency ward because of caffeine for me to stay alert on the job which I was very bad in but it led to the discovery of misdiagnosis of a rare disorder which was diagnosed twelve years ago. I can start anew now without this disorder. Well, I am quite inactive in church ministry this year. All my energy and time have been taken up by friends, family and my previous job where there was a serious mismatch of my ability and interest with my jobscope. Maybe, also God's will for me to break away from church matters for awhile due to certain reasons. I thank God that my friends are going on well, my bond with family is much stronger and I have started anew in a new job. Now, I have to spend some quiet time to seek God's direction as to where I should serve next year. Most of the time during next year may be taken by my job as my new job is at higher level, demanding and expecting alot more from me. I plan to start my undergraduate studies by July next year,. See where God is leading me to though I have certain plans in mind.

No matter what my roles are in life, I must keep in mind that they are part of God's will for me in relation to the others. It is never about my own achievement and myself. It is how I share God's Love with the others through the different roles I am called to play. Even if I fail at times, I must never feel unworthy for I am God's child. There is always this big 'I' (God) in the small 'i' (me). All I have to do is to be humble and learn from my mistakes so that I will improve. I must also keep in mind that I may not be the person to do something in certain situations when only prayers are needed from me.

If a rubbish can be recycled for use, God will never create me as His child to be even worse than rubbish for He is Love and will have his 'creative' ways of using me as a Creator. So, next time, if you feel bad about yourself or feel worthless, just look at shit and tell yourself if the shit can be used as fertilizer for the growth of plants, how about me? I definitely can never be worse than shit because I am a child of God created out of Love as a part of Him. It is also a good closure to this year with thanksgiving to God. If not for God, I would not have survived those tough times. I thank God for giving me tough times to help me to grow and  strengthen me and bless me for everything and everyone in my life for all of them are gifts from Him to me.  I love you, Father. Thank you very much for being my Father who never abandons me and always loves me no matter what!!

With Love,
Elena

Reflection on the gospel reading of the The Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph

Mt 2:13-15, 19-23

The gospel comes in timely for me. My family has been just plagued with a bad news regarding life and death in the light of Christmas. That is ironic with the birth of Christ brings such bad news to my family. All of us are worried. Nevertheless, the very person who is most affected turns to God for divine help. For me, I trust that the Lord will bring healing to the person concerned. The Holy Family sets an example for me to follow. My family members are not Christians. But, I see all of us hanging on and supporting one another to bring comfort and support to the afflicted ones, imitating the example of the Holy Family. No matter what the outcome is, all of us are hanging on to God for hope and help for miracle to happen.


Personally, such situation tells me that things are beyond our control. I have to learn to hang on to God for hope and healing. I pray for miracle to happen. All I have is this gift of faith from God. I also have a taste of experience for myself what the Holy Family had gone through, standing united in Love despite the ‘search for the child to destroy him’. Joseph did everything as ‘warned in a dream’ by the ‘angel of the Lord’. So, during this period of tough time that my family is going through, no matter what God’s will is for that loved one, we will continue to imitate the Holy Family to go through it together in Love and with Love for one another. This is indeed the richest Christmas that I have ever gone through in Love as seen through the actions and words of encouragement and love for the afflicted ones in my family. So, never give up hope no matter what! Love moves mountains. Merry Christmas to all. May all of us be truly enriched with miraculous wonder of Love!

With Love,
Elena

Traces of God

I often joke with my close friends that the only consistency in my life is inconsistency. What I mean is there is a lot of changes in my life. They often laugh at it. Well, the truth is that throughout my life, I always have to go through a lot of drastic changes, whether I like it or not. Certain things are just beyond my control. One great lesson I learn from it is I must never take for granted that things and people are always there for me.

There were drastic changes such as from preparing for blood transfusion of blood due to serious jaundice at birth to sudden recovery from it the next day after taking just a sip of Chinese medicine secretly fed, sudden admission to emergency ward leading to sudden discovery of misdiagnosis of a rare congenital disorder, starvation to sudden inheritance of a small sum of money from an unrelated loved one, sudden death of friends and loved ones, sudden requirement of attention from me to friends who attempt suicide, handling people with rare disorders, etc. I will never know what will happen next. In terms of work and studies, I am often thrown into situations where I have to create systems, procedures or ideas out of nothing. For most of the systems or ideas that I have been putting in place over the years in different organizations, I never get to see the fruits as I am forced to leave the organizations prematurely due to restructuring, mismatch of job, closing down of department, etc. One weird thing is some colleagues had been doing some tasks for over ten years in the same ways without changes until I take over where I have to handle special cases which they had not handled before. Sometimes, I bumped into difficult bosses where they asked me for certain things at the last minute when I had little time to think through and had to respond fast. When I look back, it would not be possible for me to survive the turbulence without God in my life.

All these drastic changes do bring me praises from bosses and some people at times. I am definitely a person with average intelligence or, perhaps, even a bit lower than average. Somehow, when these changes come, the desperation drives me to be creative which surprises some bosses and people and even myself. I know that I could not have survived those changes without God. God gives me the hope. As long as I do not lose hope, there will always be a way when it may seem to be no way. In the doxology during the Eucharistic celebration, I guess this is what it means to 'wait in joyful hope' for the coming of Jesus Christ. It does not mean that I only wait in joyful hope during happy moments. It means that I wait in joyful hope at all times, even in tribulations and sufferings. As long as I hang on to this hope, I will always see breakthroughs in life. Miracles will happen with just a glimmer of hope. As a human being, I may be tired at times. That is when I need the community, friends and loved ones to walk with me. We are all in the same boat. All of us have our ups and downs at different times. When I am up, I can help the others who are down,. When I am down, the others can help me up. Even when Jesus was carrying the cross on the way, Simon had to help him with it. Christ is in everyone. He can appear in the form of our teacher, colleague, friend, enemy, etc. in our lives to love us in different ways, to help us to grow to be more complete and more and more like the image of God.    

I remember one vivid incident where there was a Saturday when a group of my friends and I were celebrating a friend's birthday when the other friend received a call from his family that his dad died suddenly. The mood dampened as my friend left to rush home to see his dad. The birthday boy did not know how to react. In the end, all of us continued to lift the spirit up and continued with the celebration. On the next day, the same group of us went down for the funeral of my friend's dad. How drastic change can be! One thing that touched me was the love and support that this group of friends of mine have for one another, regardless of a birthday celebration during one moment or a funeral at the next. I feel a sense of Christian love from them though they are not Christians. I see Christ in them to bring hope and happiness to friends.

Christmas Day is coming soon. All of us are excited about it for different reasons. I was strolling with my best friend along Orchard Road today. I was quite impressed by the display of the statues of the nativity scene outside some shopping centres. That sight reminds me that Christmas is not just about having fun and shopping and buying gifts for friends and loved ones. It is all about this hope that the birth of Jesus Christ brings into the world. This birth ultimately sent him to his death which was essential to conquer death in Love to bring hope from his resurrection. It tells me that no matter how big my problems or issues seem to be, no matter how great or drastic changes continue to be, they are never greater than God as Jesus had even conquered death.

I often like the month of December as it is always rainy and cold. The spirit of Love through Christmas becomes more deeply felt with Love during this rainy and cold season as we embrace one another with hugs, kisses, actions, words or gifts of hope, love and encouragement out of the Love within us. The warmth out of this Love is experienced more prominently no matter how cold the environment may be.  Don't you agree that it is more warm and romantic to experience the Love of God through Christmas with our loved ones and friends and community during this cold and rainy season?

Time to sleep. I had a happy and nice belated birthday celebration with my best friend. My reporting officer is coming back from her leave and I will be meeting her for the first time tomorrow. As my position is new, my job scope has still not been defined by my boss and reporting officer. Certain roles that I am taking on have not been fully handled by any colleagues. I can forsee more drastic changes coming in my way. Currently, my stress level is very high as my boss wants me to pick up things very fast and handle things with her which she is not really experienced in as she is also quite new to her position. I will also be assigned with tasks at a higher level which I do not really have confidence in. I am overloaded with information. Now, all I have to do is to go through the uncertainties with God who is with and in me. I know I can make it as He will never throw me into situations that I cannot handle. All I need is to remind myself to have the faith of a mustard seed and He will do the rest. If I can do it, so can you. Miracle is around the corner as long as I hang on to the Hope

With Love,
Elena

Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the Fourth Sunday of Advent (19 December 2010)

Mt 1:18-25

I really take my hats off Joseph. His love for God was so great that ‘he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home. He had no relations with her until she bore a son, and he named him Jesus.’ I wonder how his faith was so strong. As a man, he was truly a good man with integrity and love where ‘He had no relations with her until she bore a son’. It is all about self control and abstinence for love when called forth. If not, he could have abandoned Mary and gone for another woman. But, he obeyed God and had no relations with her. I think in their time, being pregnant with a child before having relations with her spouse was a great scandal. And yet, Joseph was willing to take up the risk and went through thick and thin with Mary. This is one undying Love which I have learnt from Joseph. If he was not afraid, why should I? He was a man just like me. I should ask for more courage and stronger faith to love without running away as I tend to run away from people or things that I cannot cope. Time for me to grow up and face the music, depending not on myself but on God for “God is with us.”.

With Love,
Elena

The Significance of Gift

My break has finally come to an end. My new job starts tomorrow which marks the start of my new stage of life at a new workplace. Have been busy with spending time with family and friends for the past one week. Falling sick again due to lack of rest. Worse still, had sleepless night last night due to caffeine which aggravate my cough and flu. During December yearly which is also known as the Christmas season, most of us would be busy with buying gifts for our loved ones and friends. When it comes to gift, giving naturally comes to my mind. Well, gift is not just about giving but also receiving with gratitude. I am not a wealthy person. When I buy gifts for anyone, I always have to set money aside specially to buy gifts for my loved ones and friends. Buying gifts often take up a lot of my efforts and time. I often have to get to know more about what my friends and loved ones are going through and select gifts that speak to them words of concern and encouragement.

Friends and loved ones who know me very well know that I may be a joker in certain groups. When it comes to expression of deep feelings, I encounter a lot of problems. The worse thing is I have been scolded by a few loved ones or friends who are close to me with 'gifts do not buy friendships', 'gifts do not measure up to Love. If you want to care, you should care directly so that the person will know if you care.', 'I wonder if you appreciate what I have done.', etc. I get slapped with such remarks especially by guys. Some even scolded me in public. I often get very upset and helpless by such remarks. I also know that I should care directly. But, I am also frustrated by being tongue tied. Therefore, one of my ways of caring is through buying gifts that speak meaning and care to these loved ones and friends. Money to me does not come easy especially when I am poor. By parting with my money to buy gifts for them means that they are very important to me. They hold special positions in my heart. I do treasure them as gifts from God. It's indeed a blessing to have them around to share Love through gifts. I often have to search a few places and spend a lot of time before I decide to select those gifts for my loved ones and friends. Behind these gifts, it is the love that I am expressing to them. The essence is not the items that I have given but my care and concern that go to them with these gifts.Of course, giving gifts is just one of the ways to express love and care and it can never completely replace the need to communicate or spend quality time with the loved ones and friends

To me, gifts have another significance, especially after the death of my 'mummy'. It is a blessing to be still able to buy gifts and share my love with my loved ones and friends. Once they are gone through death, I can never experience such tangible expression of love again. Once they are gone, beside praying for them, I can never do things for and with them. I can never share my love with them through giving them presents. Therefore, to be able to give them gifts means that God is blessing me with this gift of sharing Love with the loved ones and friends through such tangible of receiving from or giving them gifts. I can still add such each happy moment on to the many happy memories that I already have from God as gifts. So, while these loved ones and friends are still around, it is a blessing to give them gifts as my gratitude that they are still in my life as God's blessings for me.

Other than our loved ones and friends, we must never forget the unfortunate ones and the poor. By looking at them, I should be thankful that I am blessed in so many ways. The sight of the poor and unfortunate ones serve as reminders to me that I should not complain about the things that I don't have or things don't go my way. How about them? Whe compared to them, shouldn't I be thankful to God for what I have?  It is a blessing to give, especially to the unfortunate and poor ones, Christ is also in them. When we clothe them, we also clothe Christ. When we feed them, we also feed Jesus. What we do to them is also what we do to Christ as being a Christian is all about sharing Love. When I share what I have with these people, I acknowledge that they are my brothers and sisters. One dangerous thing is I should never see them as lower than me and give them things or help as a superior party to the inferior parties. In this way, I am judging to a certain extent and may have the tendency to look down upon them, acting as a god in some ways. If I am not careful, I may become arrogant and do charity out of showing others how great I am instead of genuinely helping them out of Love. I also learn and benefit from these unfortunate and poor ones. One lesson I can learn is to be contented with what I have. Only through contentment and gratitude towards God for what I have as compared to the unfortunate and poor ones, I can experience joy deep within. I know that what I have comes from God and I will be more generous to share such blessings with the others out of Love.

The penitential services will start in various parishes for one whole week from tomorrow onwards. This is one gift from God for me to spend more time with Him to examine my life and see what needs to be confessed through the service for Him to heal me so that I may rejoice with true joy without the burden of sins when Christmas Day comes. God has already blessed me with a gift beside this. That is my new job which helps me to start anew. After the penitential service on Tuesday, I can truly start anew. Letting go of sins and unforgiveness through the Sacrament of Reconciliation allows me to draw closer to God and people. I can also renew my relationship with the people and God.

No matter what, I thank God for gving me a new start in my life by blessing me with this Christmas gift in the form of my new job. Ok, I need to go and sleep for the fresh start in my new job tomorrow. :)

With Love,
Elena

Stability within instability

Have just come back from my outing with my little girl and managed to sit down to spend my time with God through my reflection here. Basically, the purpose of this blog is meant to be my time spent with God through reflection. I do not expect anyone to read my blog entries as I am not any well known priest or religious sister or prestigous spiritual writer but a simple person with low educational level capable of sins. Well, if God leads anyone to this blog, I hope that he/she will be blessed in some ways through my writing. If not, every blog entry is my gift to God.

For the past two months, things have been hectic for me working and searching for jobs and preparing for interviews and tests in the midst of my current job. Things moved even faster, especially for the past week when things happened like whirlwind with the celebration of the birthday of my nephew who is also my godson, the death of a relative, handing over and coaching new staff who would be taking over my job at my current workplace, signing of appointment letter and pre-employment checkup for my new job, catching up with friends whom I have not met for a long time, etc. I simply have got no time for any other things. I was basically feeling very drained and all over the place until my immune system gave way when I started clearing leave on last Wednesday. I wanted to have a good rest. Who knows I fell sick with bad flu followed by bad stomach problems and pain resulting in poor sleeping quality? Sigh! Still on medication till now. May have to visit doctor.

God is damn smart. My sickness is a signal from Him that I am moving too fast without resting. It is also an indication that I need to slow down and spend more time with Him. Most of the time, I need to be forced to slow down by being sick. I did a bit of reflection during my resting from my sickness. Though things around me were moving fast and I felt very drained, He has never left me. He cared for me through my colleagues and friends. I am very touched and thankful that these people are blessings from God to me. I was feeling very drained and down as I was put down and insulted by some interviewers due to my low educational level with only a Diploma. I felt like giving up up at times. In the midst of instability, I found stability through the Love of God from these colleagues and friends. They encouraged me to keep me going. My reporting officer was very supportive towards my search for jobs especially through special arrangement of taking leave for interviews and advice on my job search and encouragement to keep me going. I also thank my colleagues for giving me advice and encouraged and cheered me up when I could not walk further. I was very touched when these colleagues bothered to nag at me and pointed out my mistakes and advised me not to repeat them at my new job. The tone of their voices touched me deep within as I could feel the care and concern. They even bothered to spend time and effort to have a farewell lunch with me though they were very busy in their work. After the farewell lunch which perked me up on the same day, I managed to defeat the other strong candidate with a lot of laughter with the interviewers during the final interview and was selected for the new job. If my pre-employment checkup clears, I will start work on next Monday. This means a new start for me in my career path. In fact, the HR personnel told me my new boss is waiting for me to start work. I am looking forward to this new start with excitement. I am really thankful for that farewell lunch from these colleagues of mine who see me as a friend and tried their best to give me the confidence and encourgement to fight this battle for my final interview.

What I have learnt is that things may be changing around me in the world, my emotions may be unstable, people's hearts may change from time to time. One thing will never change is God's Love. This unchanging and undying Love is shown through fidelity, especially after Christ had even conquered death by being obedient to God through death with undying love. Such Love can never destroyed by death. God never leaves me, just like how my colleagues and friends never leave me. Another clear example is a husband who truly loves his wife will show his true love to his wife through his fidelity towards her though as a human, at times, he may have the danger of being tempted by other attractive women who may flirt with him or use underhand means to have affairs with him. Due to his true love for his wife, he will never fall into such trap and will go back to his wife and be there for her no matter what. His wife in his heart can never be replaced by any other women as he knows the woman waiting for him at home is God's gift as a part of him. If he appreciates her as part of him, how can he bear to abandon this part of him? For us, as children of God, we may be tempted to sin from time to time, as long as we truly love God, we will go back to God again and again and be truly repentant. He ia always there with such undying fidelity. He will never change. Only we change. Through the baptism, we respond to God's Love with love as children of God and are parts of Him. Our faith is gift from God to us so that we may continue to be in love with Love through fidelity, especially in times of temptation and difficulties. Such fidelity allows me to hang on to Him and never let go so that I will always have hope in life. All instability in this world will never defeat me for I have this Stability (God) in me. I become a stronger person in life.

Of course, such fidelity does not happen overnight. In any relationships, the bond has to be strengthened gradually through activities together, consistent communication with each other, interest in the life of each other, being there for each other, etc. No relationships can survive without communication or being present to each other at all as described in 'Out of sight, out of mind'. The relationship will die like withered plants not being taken care of at all. Of course, where there is true love in relationships, absence will only make the hearts grow fonder. Then, the people involved will make the efforts and time for each other no matter how busy they are since they are in each other's heart. This is also true in my relationship with God. I admit that I spend less time with God nowadays because of my hectic schedule. Whenever I do not maintain stable relationship with God, I become unstable. I get frustrated and feel down easily. Things around me affect me more easily and I lose focus on God.  My relationships with people may be affected. My discernment towards things and people become clouded.  My mood may swing. I may no longer feel God's presence and doubt if God loves me. That is because my focus has been shifted from God who is Stable to things or people who are unstable or ever-changing.

I must learn from Jesus. His love for God is never-changing. His fidelity towards God out of Love can never be described with words, especially in the midst of his suffering and humiliation at all levels at the Calvary. This gives me the hope that if Jesus, as a man, could do it, all of us have the potential to be more and more like the image of God as long as we have the faith and stay faithful to God, especially in times of suffering and temptation. Nothing is impossible with God. One thing I have never agreed is God is good all the time. To me, God is never to be confined within time at all. God is Love and in Love, Goodness. This Goodness is not referring to good in the midst of good and bad. Rather, it refers to Perfection, Wholeness. This Wholeness can be seen from Jesus' love to God and God's Love to Jesus where the Holy Spirit works freely in this intense perfect Love between the Son and the Father where it is known as the Holy Trinity. My role as a child of God is to continue this love by loving God and opening myself in receiving God's Love for the Holy Spirit to work freely in me for me to love others and others to love me. Of course, I am not like Jesus who is an unblemished lamb. I sin from time to time. That is why I need to have fidelity for my love to God by going back to Him again and again with repentance through the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Eucharistic celebration. I need to make conscious efforts and decision to spend time with God so that my relationship with Him will improve over time. As my relationship with Him is stronger, my faith will also keep going stronger so that even if things and people are unstable around me, I will still be stable with God as the centre of my life.

Well, I admit that I am guilty of not making such effiorts and time as I tend to drift off very easily. That will only mean that I need to re-prioritize my life and put God back to the centre with consicous efforts and spend more time with God. And, this period of Advent is a reminder to me to slow down and set my focus right on God so that in the midst of instability around me, I still stand stable with God as my centre in life.

With Love,
Elena

Joyful Anticipation

We have entered into the period of Advent. To me, this period of time until Christmas Day is all about waiting. This waiting is the joyful anticipation of the birth of Jesus Christ. Within this joyful anticipation, it does not mean that life is smooth sailing. Rather, this joyful anticipation gives me the hope that no matter how tough times can be, this joyful anticipation of the birth of Jesus Christ brings me the hope that there is always this glimmer of light within this darkness. Things or situations may seem to be bleak around me, such as the death of loved one, unemployment, failing my exams, broken relationships, etc. Instead of focusing on the darkness, I should learn to set my focus on the light which is Jesus Christ.
I have the privilege to have a taste of what joyful anticipation is like close to my heart. Currently, my family members are waiting for the birth of my niece which should be due in early February next year. Nevertheless, my sister who is waiting in joyful anticipation of the birth of my niece suffers from some discomfort and the heaviness of the stomach as the child in the womb is growing heavier each day. Sometimes, she would fall sick from time to time. It comes to my mind that it applies to all of us who are waiting in joyful anticipation of the birth of Jesus Christ. We may feel heavy with sins and may fall sick spiritually or even physically under the effect of sins. I may have offended or wronged someone and yet I have not reconciled with that person. I feel heavy and tortured with the sins of unforgiveness. If this continues, I will fall sick by being consumed by anger or bitterness and may even spread it to the others by spreading rumours about that person or instigate the others to go against that person. Then, it may result in division within the community.

Sometimes, in order to protect myself, I may blame on the others, situations or even on luck. Instead of being a coward shifting all blame on everyone or everything else where I may never grow or be truly transformed, I must learn to see that I do play a part to such bleak situations or such negative perception of situations. I must reflect and see what I can do to improve situations so that I will not repeat the mistakes. If I am really not part of any contribution to the situation such as the death of my loved one, I must learn to lift myself up to God for healing and let go of my deceased loved one to God slowly for God to take care of His child instead of clinging obstinately to the deceased and allowing myself to wallow into self pity or depression. In this case, it is about letting go slowly for God to heal me and to set my focus right on God again and not on the deceased loved one over God. It is all about setting my focus right on God.

This period of Advent is a good time for me to quiet down and look into my life deeply and see which areas of my life are still in darkness where I should open them up for God to shine into these areas for transformation to happen deep within. Imagine if I am so heavy with and tortured by my sins or choose to live in darkness, can I ever join the community and celebrate Jesus’ birth with true joy without the burden of sins and hurt? I see such period of Advent as God’s gift for me to slow down and spend quality time with Him so that the experience with Him is truly transformative and healing, especially after going through the Sacrament of Reconciliation and healing.

While I set my focus on the birth of Jesus Christ, I must also learn to find peace within the process towards it. This peace can only be found in Jesus Christ. The crucifix should always give me the hope that if his birth led to his death for him to conquer death, what is in my life that is so great that he cannot conquer? The process may be painful, for instance, getting rid of habitual sins or letting go of some people, I must give thanks to God that I am still given the opportunities from God for me to be closer to Him. I must also learn to appreciate the friends and loved ones around me who go through them with me instead of focusing too much on the ends which is my place in heaven. If I only focus on the ends, I will pursue it as if it were my personal goal and anyone who hinders me may be hurt or destroyed by me. I must remember God is Love. The reason the present time is known as ‘present’ because the present time is God’s present for me to fix broken relationships with God and people and enjoy God’s Love through His creation for me to be closer and closer to Him. It is not just about me pursuing my personal goal at the expense of everything and everyone else. One of the reasons why a mother is so close to a child is because the mother goes through the pain and thick and thin with the child who shares everything within her womb as part of her. Though painful and falling sick from time to time, the mother will still experience such joy within this pain and suffering out of Love. In a way, the mother is enjoying the proces of carrying the child deep within her with such strong bond with this particular child that no other people can experience. Imagine if her focus is only on getting the baby out of her and only the pain and suffering. I can say that she has missed out the joy of carrying this child as part of her which is part of the msytery of Love while this child shares everything with her as one with her within her womb.

Jesus Christ is the example for me to follow. Though he is the King of Jews, he did not do anything to usurp the throne. Rather, he even died with the two criminals beside him while going through all levels of humiliation and torture and being stripped naked in death without any sins. He simply lifted himself up to God. He had never pursued anything for his own benefits alone. Well, he had the power to do so and yet he chose to obey God’s will with a high price. I am not saying that we should not have any personal goals. It is good to have goals in life but I must never pursue such goals when it is not God’s will for me at the expense of everyone.

This period of Advent is God’s gift for me to slow myself down and look into my life and see which areas of my life need healing or transformation so that my relationship with people and God will improve. It is time for me to listen to that small little voice deep within me and be guided by the Holy Spirit so that the celebration of Christmas is truly filled with meaningful joy.

With Love,
Elena

Reflection on the Gospel Reading on First Sunday of Advent

Mt 24:37-44

‘Therefore, stay awake! For you do not know on which day your Lord will come.’ strikes me out of the gospel reading. God is reminding me everything is unpredictable for I will never know what or who will be ‘taken’ at anytime. This sets me thinking what I have been doing with my time. Do I spend time with God or do I pursue things and pleasure for myself at the expense of everything else, even God? ‘Therefore, stay awake! For you do not know on which day your Lord will come.’ wakes me up from my sleep of being busy from all the activities around me and get myself prepared for I will never know how the Lord is coming to me, maybe, he is among the people around me, maybe, he is calling me home soon, etc. I will never know how I will be meeting him. No matter what, as long as I spend time with him and love others with Love out of Love according to God’s will, I should not have any regrets. I must make conscious efforts to spend more time with him so that I can keep on going back to him whenever I drift away from him because of my sins. This period of Advent is for me to quiet down and reflect on my life and be guided by the Holy Spirit to which area of my life needs transformation to be closer to God. Then, I go for a good confession where I am truly repentant and ask God to heal me through the Sacrament of Reconciliation so that I can truly rejoice in the birth of Jesus.

With Love,
Elena

The Wonder of Dreams

Never belittle the power of dreams, no matter how small these dreams seem to be. These dreams come from the desires that we have deep within us. These dreams give us the glimmer of hope for us to move on, especially during tough times, from time to time. Without any dreams, life may seem meaningless and we may live like walking zombies. These desires within these dreams are not planted within us by coincidence. They are the very catalysts which lead us to our vocations and attaining small little goals from God for us to achieve in life though they may not lead us to what we want at times.

One of my spiritual directrors shared with us that her desire was to get married and have her own children as she loves children. She had never thought of becoming a religious sister. This desire of hers did not lead her to marriage but lead her to becoming a religious sister where she has many children wherever she goes. Sometimes, a man may dream to be a priest where he can serve God by being a shepherd to the people. However, after his discernment, he may end up being a shepherd to his own family which he has set up with his spouse and be a shepherd to his children and spouse first where he is called to bring up and nurture his children with Love so that they will share this Love from him with the others. He may be filled with such deep joy and overflowing Love from sharing the intimacy with his spouse that he may be called to share such joy and Love from this intimacy with the others as a speaker for family life talks or marriage encounter which touch married couples. These are some examples where it starts from a dream with a desire though the results may not be what we have expected.

Dreams can work in either way. When dreams are pursued according to what I want at the expense of the other people against God's will, they may become destructive and hurt or kill others in many ways. The focus is on me. It gets me to be more and more self centered as I pursue these dreams for my own benefits. These dreams turn into demons which devour me. For instance, I may dream to be a rich person. I want it so much that I use underhand means to murder my own father so as to gain his inheritance. The other example example would be I accuse my manager for making a major mistake that I have made to protect myself and get him out of the organization so that I may take over his position. These are the examples where I place myself above others and God, causing division within the community and hurt or kill others physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. These dreams work against me and hinder me from entering the narrow gate to the heaven. I miss the narrow gate totally where my vision is only set on my dreams for my own benefits.

However, if I appreciate myself as a child of God and thank God for creating me, I am always aware that God is the Creator and will give me what is the best for me at anytime for 'What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him?' (Luke 11: 11-13) This convinces me that He is my heavenly Father who knows me thoroughly and 'Even all the hairs of your head are counted.' (Matthew 10:30). I must learn to surrender all my dreams and desires to Him, not just my fears and worries. By lifting all my desires and dreams up to God, I acknowledge that God is in control and I have placed Him above myself and everything else. Other than lifting them up to God, I must pray for the courage and openness for Him to make use of my dreams and desires to share His Love with the others with my gifts and talents that ultimately lead me to bear fruits in life and live my life to the fullest with what I am blessed with. I must never forget that I am here not for myself but to love God and others so that I can expand the Kingdom of God and get myself ready to enter the narrow gate to the heaven. I may think that I know what I want. Since God is my Father who always love me, doesn't He know better what is the best for me? What makes me so sure that what I want is the best for me? What makes me think that I know better than God who is my Creator what is the best for me and what really fills me deep with joy? One fundamental question I can ask myelf is whether I can ever count the number of hairs on me like God does. Do I really know myself  better than God?

Sometimes, we do see some people going to the extremes to get what they want. They may seem to be getting greedier and greedier. For example, a woman dreams to be the most attractive woman around so that people may like her. She may think that she needs to go through plastic surgery on her nose after she had gone for a plastic surgery on her eyes. Then, after the nose surgery, she may inject botox to lift her skin. It seems that she is never contented and she is doing more and more to get herself more attractive. The other case may be a man may have earned $5,000 monthly which is enough for him to indulge in his material comfort. But, he is still not happy and wants more. So, he works harder at the expense of his quality time with his friends and family and earns up to $8,000 monthly. And yet, he still thinks it is not enough and he works even harder and wants to get rid of his colleague to get his position. Then, he becomes unscrupulous and frames his colleague and takes over his position and yet he is not happy and wants more. In all these cases, they want more and more to fulfill their desires within. However, they have already focused on the wrong things. The real issue is to fill that insecurity deep within and the yearning to be appreciated and loved. They may have managed to fill the wants in them on a superficial level but such happiness is superficial  and temporary and does not fulfill a person deep within. And, they may misunderstand that they may need more and more of such things to fill them deep within. Little do they realize that they are filling themselves with the wrong things when they actually need God's Love to fill them deep with joy and to appreciate themselves as a child of God and realization of God's Love for them.

All of us have our own dreams which give us insight into our desires. Dreams paint our lives with colours of hope. They may not be what we have been imagining them to be. Rather, they are the pushing force to keep us going in life no matter how tough times seem to be. Most importantly, God knows the best how these dreams may fill us deep with joy from time to time as gifts from Him to us as part of the mystery of Love. They may not be what we have expected but they are definitely better than what we have expected. Personally, I am filled with joy from time to time as some of my little dreams have been fulfilled. I used to dream of seeing myself singing or acting on stage in front of many people which I dread to do so in real life. Well, God had fulfilled my dream by having me acting in a small role in two church plays though I sing horribly like slaughtering chicken. I am very happy to have given such opportunities though the role I played was very small only in front of a small group of people. I do not look forward to acting or singing on a stage at an international level. I am happy enough to be on a stage performing in a very small role in front of a small group of people. I had a dream of having high tea buffet in a nice restaurant and God had fulfilled that with my best friend treating me in such restaurant on my birthday. God has fufilled my many small dreams in many small ways. One thing I learn is that it may not be as grand as I want or in the ways that I have expected them to be, as long as I count my blessings and give thanks to God, such small happiness becomes joy filled within. I enjoy my blessings instead of brooding over what I do not have or things that do not go my way or not as grand as I think. Sometimes, I even think that even if I manage to perform on a stage at an international level, I may not be able to handle it and may not enjoy the joy within the process under much more stress. It may be too much for me to handle. Only God knows what is the best for me.

Well, I still have dream unfulfilled. I dream to set up a family with my own spouse and have my own children in my own house and being a strong career woman.Though I have such dream, I do not insist on it as these should be blessings from God. Who knows He may use this dream of mine to lead me to religious life where the Love within me is best shared with others by becoming a religious sister where I have children wherever I go or a consecrated layperson where I practise celibacy to share the Love with the others and every place is my home whereever I am called to evangelize or do mission work, given my talents, gifts, personality, etc.? When I surrender my dreams to God, the Holy Spirit will guide me to fulfill my dreams out of Love and I will be on the right track towards fulfilling such dreams which will truly fill me deep with joy and live life to the fullest where I get to taste paradise on earth from time to time while walking towards holiness. I will be drawing myself closer and closer to God.

Have the courage to dream and surrender the dreams to Him. He knows us the best. Nobody is too worthless to dream and you will never know how God can use your dreams for you to shine as a light to the others and fill you deep with Love and joy. Whenever you are in doubt or not confident if God will fulfil your dreams in the best loving way where you will be filled with joy with no other ways and taste the paradise on earth, always meditate on ''What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him?' (Luke 11: 11-13) for He is Love who is our Heavenly Father who has created us out of Love.

With Love,
Elena

Reflection on the Gospel Reading on The Solemnity of Christ the King

Lk 23:35-43

The supposed mockery of ‘the King of the Jews’ at Jesus turned out that he is indeed ‘the King of the Jews’. Though this title announced was meant to insult or mock at him, it turns out to be a true prophesy. What does this tell me from the gospel reading this morning? Human minds may be fixed in some ways. Most of the time, I would expect a king to be adorned with grandeur and glory sitting on the golden throne. However, Jesus, as ‘the King of the Jews’, came down to all of us in a totally unexpected way where he was insulted and suffered at all levels when he had ‘done nothing criminal’.


This tells me not to look at things or people on a superficial level and judge. It gives me the hope that everyone is just as capable to be Christ-like no matter how sinful or unworthy we seem to be, just like the two criminals beside him who had the honour to die with him. If God could work such miracles through the resurrection from the death of Jesus Christ who is ‘the King of the Jews’ where the people might not see God’s Love from his sufferings at first, God can also work wonders in my life, even out of the seemingly hopeless and helpless moments. He is the Creator who knows me thoroughly and will love me with His perfect Love which no other people or things can bring. He has His creative ways of loving which is beyond any human imagination. Whenever I lose hope, it just means that I am hindering God’s creativity with my own limited human imagination or rational mind and shut myself to God. I close myself to what God is capable of doing to my life.

The question is: Do I have the faith to open up myself to Jesus and tell Jesus ‘Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.’ Do I even trust that there is this paradise waiting for me at the other side with Jesus waiting for me as long as I follow Jesus even it means to carry my own crosses in life? During my reflection, as one of the Taize prayers keeps on ringing in my mind ‘Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.’, the gospel on this day gives me more confidence and faith that Jesus is looking towards me in the paradise waiting for me as I visualize myself as the criminal full of sins with Jesus looking into my eyes and says, "Amen, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise." I can’t explain such experience and conviction. I just ‘know’. Such feeling is even more ‘high’ than taking alcohol or drugs. I know I am loved no matter what is going on around me. Such moment is a taste of paradise with Jesus during my quiet time with Him.

With Love,
Elena

Joy out of simplicity

Life has been pretty simple for me nowadays. I am still working in my current workplace until the end of November this year. That means I am jobless after that. With my remaining time here, I am enjoying myself with most of my colleagues by getting to know them more. I also enjoy my time with my supervisor as she is the first nice supervisor I have since my first job. With my free time, I am playing with my nephew most of the time. If not, I will be writing online or catching up with my reading. Sometimes, I do find some time catching up with friends. I should say that I am pretty much on my own nowadays. At least, I have peace without much complication in my life.


During this period of solitude in a way, I enjoy the simplicity of life. Being simple can be such a joy. On some Saturdays, I would wake up late and get some breakfast from the coffeeshop near my house. The sight of people enjoying food and time with one another can be such a joy filled deep within me. On last Saturday, I was at my sister’s house. I have never known that it was such a joy to sit down quietly and simply enjoy watching my nephew how responsible he was as a two year old toddler to keep his toys one by one into the designated place. Joy can be as simple as that.

It comes to my mind about the parable about Martha and Mary where Mary was listening quietly to Jesus while Martha was busy with all her tasks and did not manage to enjoy her time with Jesus around. Jesus replied Martha that Mary had done the right thing by sitting down and spending her time listening to him while Martha was too busy with her own tasks and worried too much. I am like Martha most of the time. Even if I do not move physically, my mind is always so busy. It was worse in the past that I was so busy with work and friends that I could not even spend time with God and my loved ones at all. I guess God has His way with me. I have been looking for jobs with the nature of having to work late into nights or even during weekends. So far, I have failed all those interviews.

My life has slowed down alot now that I am less involved in church. It’s healthy to slow down once in awhile. At least, I have quality time with my family and friends and for myself. In this hectic modern world where most of us are working hard for our careers and everything from everywhere is trying to grasp our attention, have we forgotten to quiet ourselves down like Mary to spend time with God and our loved ones? When is the last time I have spent time with God before the Blessed Sacrament? When is the last time I have participated in the mass?

How about my loved ones and family? Do I spend quality time with them? From my facebook, I can see my friends posting photos of times spent with their children and families. Certain moments once lost are lost forever such as the development of the children. From my nephew, it is a real joy to see him learning how to talk, how his face changes, how he has learnt from crawling to walking, etc. Imagine if, as parents, you have missed all these growing stages of your children, can you reverse the time? Can the money that you have earned or the status that you have attained buy the time back to see your children growing? For couples in marriage or relationships, how much quality time is spent with your partners? How much time is spent to understand and communicate with each other at a deeper level? Is there any time to resolve the issues between you? How much time have you spent in enjoying the presence of each other as a gift in each other’s life? In family, do we spend time with our parents? They are not going to live forever. Do we fulfil our duties as children and spend time with them while we still can? How about friends? Do we spend time with them and find out what is going on with their life? Do we show care and concern to these loved ones and friends in our lives? Sometimes, we may be pretty guilty of neglecting these people who are close to us in our lives while we are busy in church or workplace or even in our hobbies. Even if I am meeting my friends or loved ones, do I really enjoy their presence or am I busy with my smses, facebook or doing something or chatting online with my laptops, handphones or some other IT gadgets? Is that really quality time spent with them? Or is it just one of the tasks to be done among other? Such scene can also be seen in the church where some people are busy with their smses on the phones. How can one truly enjoy the presence of Jesus when he/she is preoccupied with some other things at the same time? Imagine you have specially arranged a candle-lit dinner in your favourite restaurant to celebrate your wedding anniversary with your spouse or the birthday of your girlfriend/boyfriend with him/her. You are telling him/her how much you love him/her while he/she is busy playing games or chatting online with his/her friends. How do you feel? Do you feel like you are just another piece of furniture in that restaurant? Do you feel the love in the relationship? Will you suspect that he/she may listen part of your message or not even listening it at all? Will it lead to misunderstanding due to inattentive to the communication? Is the love between you even shared during that moment? Then, next time if you are with your loved ones and friends and even with God, will you still do that? I admit I am pretty guilty of that as my loved ones have been complaining at times that they do not have clue if I even care for them as I am always so distracted or busy. I had even paid a high price that I seldom expressed my care for a loved one even until she died. This is the regret which I have to live with for the rest of my life where time can never be reversed for me to care for her ever again.

It is not about doing big things that I may bring love to others. It is all about doing small little things for others so that I may share God’s Love with the others. Even a smile from a person can brighten up another person’s day. I remember I was very touched by my ex-colleague’s simple act. It touches me even till now. I felt God’s love out of that very small act. I like Tiramisu alot. During my last few days of work in my first job, my ex-colleague knew that I like Tiramisu alot. Her sister could make very good Tiramisu and had been finding ways to improve making Tiramisu but she was down with sickness. She had asked her sister to make Tiramisu for me and her sister who had never seen me before agreed to make two for me despite her sickness. I tried her Tiramisu. I should say that was heaven on earth. Till now, I have never tasted any better Tiramisu since then. I was very touched by the efforts and time from her in making the Tiramisu. Well, I have never seen her before. But, I really thank her from the bottom of my heart. Even a stranger could touch me deep within by her act of making my favourite dessert. That joy that this stranger had filled me deep within can never be described with words. I believe that was God ‘s love to me from this stranger.

When I am getting greedy, wanting more than I need according to God’s will, I become blinded by such greed, such as wanting more and more money for myself, wanting to climb up the corporate ladder in the corporate world even if it means to hurt others, gaining popularity to myself while smearing or tarnishing other people’s reputation, snatching other people’s spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend for me to possess the person, etc. I begin to place myself above others and God, becoming more and more prideful. I become harsh on others, especially when they do not measure up to my standard, leaving no room for compassion towards them. People become tools for me to possess in fulfilling my gratification and wants. My life becomes more complex with so many unnecessary wants cluttering my life and set all my priorities wrong. I become so distracted that I can never slow down to admire what God has created for me to enjoy. How can I possibly admire the nature, the beauty of sunrise and sunset, and appreciate other people as parts of the body of Christ with their unique personalities and talents while having so much distractions vying for my attention? My focus will become more and more on me. How can I even listen to God’s voice when all I can hear is about what I want with my own voice? What happens if I don’t get my way? I may start blaming God, other people and even myself.

Joy can be enjoyed best out of simplicity. God knows what I need the most. All other wants which I may not even need in my life are distractions to draw me away from God and may make me more and more self centered and blind. When I enjoy simplicity as simple as slowing down to enjoy the nature, I allow myself to dwell deeper into the beauty of God through His creation and learn to appreciate life as a gift at a deeper level. When I allow myself to spend quality time with people, taking time to understand them better and reconciling with them if needed and enjoying their very presence, I also learn to see and experience Christ in them. I allow myself time to be spent with God through His creation where God is truly everywhere. God is very simple. He is Love. Sometimes, I realize that some of us may be so well versed on some theories that we may get lost in the small details and theories that we may forget God is just as simple as Love. In this case, our intellect hinders us from truly appreciating God’s mystery of Love which can never be fathomed by the rational minds no matter how brilliant our human minds may be.

Basically, it is just as simple as opening myself to experience life to the fullest with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, surrendering my life to God gradually and throwing myself into the sea of the mystery of God. Simple and yet difficult at the same time as it takes a lot of courage to overcome my fears and obstacles deep within and faith of a mustard seed for me to trust that everything is in the hands of God. The more I surrender myself to God, the simpler I am, the more I can experience joy out of God’s Love for me without being blinded by my unnecessary wants or distractions from the world, the closer I am walking towards holiness. In order to do that, I must learn to slow myself down from time to time and set quiet time aside with God to allow His Love to tenderize me deep within and give thanks to the gifts that He has been blessing me with through His creation and people and the fact that I am still living so that I can appreciate the beauty of simplicity with deep joy which can never be attained from the worldly values.

Take some time to imagine if you were to die tomorrow. Can you bring your fame, status, wealth and material wants with you when you die? What are the regrets that you may have in life where you have not cared or done enough or words not said or feelings not expressed towards anyone? These regrets are the very areas that may fill you deep with joy if they are done, expressed, or said. I must never also take for granted that the people in my life will live forever. Life is fragile and unpredictable and I will never know who will leave me next. Will I have regrets if he/she leaves me suddenly? If I may have regrets towards that person, time to do something about it before I live in regrets where no amount of tears can erase such regrets. When all these things or words undone or unsaid or unexpressed are done or said or expressed out of Love to these people, we are truly living in joy out of Love with the others.

With Love,

Elena

Reflection on the gospel reading on 14 November 2010

Lk 21:5-19


I often wonder how many people really do what is right with God and not with is right according to the people we like or please especially if they are wrong. If I do or say things according to what other people like or to try to please people, I will definitely be wrong with God. I am no longer working for God but become slaves to others. Personally, I find it very tiring to live up to the standards of people with a lot of criticisms or insults from some people no matter how hard I have tried to be a better person. Ultimately, I realize that no matter how hard I have tried to be better as a person, some people will still condemn or criticize me or gossip about me. In the end, I sit down and ask myself, ‘Why am I so silly to allow my life to be led by people when my life is a gift from God to be led by God?’

The gospel reading on this day warns me, ‘See that you not be deceived, for many will come in my name, saying, 'I am he,’ and 'The time has come.’ Do not follow them!’ These people are not God. If I follow blindly or just do or say things to please people or live according to their expectations even when they are wrong, it will be never-ending. It is so tiring for people will keep on changing according to moods, situations, hidden agendas, motives, etc. Only God is Perfect Love who will never change. It is I who should be transforming to be more and more like the image of God. And yet, God has never promised a bed of roses in my Christian living if I follow Him since it entails a lot of sufferings, misunderstandings, etc. in life where ‘they will seize and persecute you, they will hand you over to the synagogues and to prisons, and they will have you led before kings and governors because of my name. It will lead to your giving testimony.’ My life here is not just about myself. It is about loving others and God and share my life with the others for my life is a gift from God meant to be shared with the others. This is illustrated in the first two commandments that are to love God and love thy neighbour as thyself. Every life experience is meant to be a ‘giving testimony’ to bring hope to the others so that they may live in and with Love. God has even assured me by using such extreme analogy as ‘You will even be handed over by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends,and they will put some of you to death. You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perseverance you will secure your lives.’ to assure me that He will always protect and love me no matter what I am going through, no matter how tough times can be, no matter how nasty or merciless some people may be towards me, as long as I am living in Love walking right in justice with God, He will always be there to protect and love me as He has promised in Psalms 23 where ‘The Lord is my shepherd.’ He is definitely not saying that we will be betrayed by our parents, brothers, relatives, and friends and we should abandon or stay away from them. He is just trying to convince me how much He loves me that even if all the people abandon or leave me in the end, I am never running out of love for God is Love who dwells in me. I can even experience this Love in loneliness. Only God is eternal with all things and people passing away with time. So, which one should I follow as my strong anchor in life; God who is always there to protect and love me no matter what or people and things that are ever-changing and perishing with time?

With Love,
Elena

Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the 11 November 2010

Lk 17:20-25


The gospel reading today reminds me not to judge as I am capable of that. When I judge, I have this wooden beam in my eyes that I do not see Christ is in others when in fact, Jesus had mentioned in the gospel reading today ‘For behold, the Kingdom of God is among you.’ I also realize that ‘The coming of the Kingdom of God cannot be observed, and no one will announce, ‘Look, here it is,’ or, ‘There it is.’ can be alluded in the modern context of how some Christians treat different groups of people differently. For example, they may treat the priests very well seeing them as faces of Christ, supporting and loving them in many ways. However, this same group of people may condemn and gossip about their brothers and sisters who have sinned as if they, themselves, have never sinned and may even go all out to get them out of ministries or even the church instead of looking for ways to help or pray for these brothers and sisters who may be crying for help and chances to change.

What I have learnt from the gospel reading today is ‘For behold, the Kingdom of God is among you.’ It never mentions that it is only among the priests, the Archbishop or Pope or other clergy men. It is ‘among you.’ It means it can be among everyone. What I am reminded of is I should love all my brothers and sisters in Christ way, regardless of their identities and status as even for Jesus, as a Son of Man, ‘first he must suffer greatly and be rejected by this generation’. This gives me the hope that no matter how unworthy or sinful or dirty I feel I may be, I am part of this Kingdom of God. It gives me the hope that I can go back to God again and again as long as I am willing to repent. I also have Christ in me. I just need my faith to grow this seed of Love in me through God’s living water which may come in the forms of God’s word, quiet time before the Blessed Sacrament, involvement with other sacraments, especially the Eucharistic celebration, love from the others. I must also be aware that I am just capable of sins as anyone. Therefore, before I judge or condemn anyone, I must ask myself if I am sure I have never sinned or wronged anyone before in my life. If I am given opportunities from others and mercy from God to change, why can’t I give the other people opportunities and extend such infinite mercy from God to them for them to change and be more Christ-like? If not, I am a sinner who hinder the Kingdom of God from expanding by getting rid or condemning people who have sinned or wronged me depriving these people of the opportunities to change or grow in faith to be more and more like the image of God, resulting in divisions and fights in the community. Today’s meditation to me is ‘For behold, the Kingdom of God is among you’.

With Love,
Elena

Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the 9 November 2010

Jn 2:13-22


Whether it is the temple of my body which is my own body and houses the Holy Spirit or the temple for God which is the church are the same. How I treat my body will be how I treat the temple. If I respect myself, I will know how to behave and treat the temple appropriately. I wonder how many people are aware of that. For instance, if I seduce people with my body, I will also treat the church as if it is a place for me to date and flirt. I will not dress appropriately and the way I carry myself will distract my brothers and sisters, bringing attention to myself instead of bringing glory to God. It all boils down to the mentality and attitude towards ourselves and others. It reflects the inner state of self. It also tells about my focus, whether my focus is on myself or God. If my focus is on myself, my behaviour and attitude will show, bringing attention of others to myself away from God. One example will be wearing revealing clothes which distract people. However, if I focus on God, I will behave and dress appropriately and draw people to God. For example, I will know how to dress appropriately and participate actively during the mass so that the others will be attentive too.

Therefore, whether a person’s focus is right or not and the spiritual state is strong or weak will be reflected on how a person behaves, talks, carries himself/herself and how he/she treats others no matter where he/she is. I realize that whether a person truly loves in Christ way, just observe how he/she treats and talks to the others, especially people who have wronged him/her or the people who are poor and less fortunate, as everyone, even those who do not have the faith, can also love people who are similar to us which does not make any difference whether we are the light for Christ or not. Only when I am able to love everyone, especially people whom I dislike or who have wronged, then I can truly claim that I am leading a Christian life as I cannot deny that Christ is in every child of God, including people whom I may dislike or despise.

With Love,
Elena

Practice makes Perfect

Most of us know that with the faith of a mustard seed, God can perform miracles in life and Love can move mountains. All of us, as children of God, know in our heads that we are blessed with this faith with our baptism. We may even preach or write or evangelize very well on it or even on Christian living or spiritual life or God. We may be very well versed in the theories and knowledge. It is a good start. At least, it is a stepping stone with such awareness and knowledge. What is next? Do we just preach, teach, write or evangelize on all these spiritual topics or God or knowledge without applying them in our lives? Do our actions, words and behaviour towards others live out such faith? Or do we portray our holiness through such knowledge and theories through writing, evangelizing, preaching or teaching but live like monsters hurting and backstabbing others? Yes, I may appear holy through my knowledge, teaching, writing or preaching. But, is that really holiness in life if I do evil or hurt others behind people, thinking that nobody knows? It is just like walking two steps towards holiness through sharing the knowledge and Love of God through teaching, writing, preaching or teaching and yet moving three steps backwards away from holiness through the evil acts and words of hurting, backstabbing or killing others at the same time. Then, when can I ever be closer to God?

I am going through very tough time now. In terms of career, I am searching for a job where I can use my talents and gifts and yet I am hindered by my educational level. I am stuck at the administrative jobs which I am really bad in no matter how hard I have tried. Sometimes, I even have to be insulted by some interviewers. In church, I am dying from the gossips, backstabbing and other issues from some people when one person is enough to make my life a hell. Sometimes, I wonder where God is. I have been feeling very hurt and down and even thinking of leaving the church totally until I went for the mass this morning. The mass spoke to me about faith today. And, I understand such difficult times are tools for me to exercise my faith where I still trust in God without signs. These difficult times are the times when I have to learn to live by faith but not by signs. I can say that I have quite good knowledge of God and some theories where I have positive feedback from some people that my sharing is profound and has impact on them at certain levels. I am always very happy as I have put my knowledge to good use for the good of others. Is that enough to be a light to others, bringing hope to others and drawing others and myself closer to God?

However, it is really difficult to live out such faith. I really feel like giving up. I feel very tortured for years on certain issues which some people simply refuse to let me off. It also teaches me not to judge people based on their appearances and it sharpens my awareness and helps me to be wiser. Through some ministries I am involved with, I have learnt that some people may appear to be holy but they may behave like monsters behind the others while some people who may behave not up to standards of others are truer in caring for others. What does this teach me? It teaches me not to have discrimination against anyone. Everyone is capable of holiness as all of us are created like the image of God.

This is where practice makes Perfect comes to my mind. Look at certain characters from the bible such as the sinful woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her hair, the tax collector who was willing to pay back fourfold for the wrong he had done, Peter who denied Jesus three times and became the rock of the church, Paul who persecuted the church at first and became the strong evangelizer, etc. They shared the common traits of being sinful and yet they put their faith into practice by making conscious efforts in repenting with their free will. They turned to God in the end. They might have sinned from time to time and yet they continued to put their faith into practice by making conscious efforts to turn to God with their sins and improved gradually with the trust in God.

What I learn is church politics may be more serious and cruel than the ones in the corporate world, especially when it is much more disgusting for the people and priests in church to abuse their power , hurt and attack other people, cause divisions within the community to get closer to some corrupted priests, inappropriate use of church funds, chase people who have wronged or hurt us in certain ways out of the church or ministries, etc. since church is God’s holy ground. I am guilty of such harsh judgement when it comes to such church politics. By judging, I am also no better from them. Instead of judging, I should put what Jesus had taught into practice. I should be more understanding that people and priests are still human beings with fallen nature. Not only do people need forgiveness from God and people, priests also need forgiveness from God and people. I always believe in correcting people out of Love in private. Only if that fails, appropriate people who can help the person with problems will come into the picture in private. Does it do the person with issues or problems any good by gossiping, getting more people to ostracize him/her, complaining him/her to Archbishop or priests, especially when he is a priest who may have made mistakes and may need time to change or improve, shouting or abusing him/her in the public, circulating emails to defame him/her, etc. What kind of practice is that? Had Jesus ever done that to any sinners? Is there any Love expressed for the fellow brothers and sisters who may need help? If the church turns them away, where can they go? Jesus is here not for the healthy only but for the sick for only the sick needs physician. If, we, as brothers and sisters in Christ do not practise such love and mercy towards others, how do others see us as light of Christ? What is the difference between being children of God and those without the faith? If others without the faith see us as monsters, aren’t we become the evil ambassadors of God?

All of us are sinning from time to time. As long as we are truly repentant and turn to God for help and put conscious efforts in practising Christian living, we can change gradually and loving others more and more in Christ way with true transformation within from God’s Love. There is no need to be so harsh on ourselves and others who have done wrong. As long as we live, as children of God, we are given such opportunities from God for us to keep going back to Him through the Sacrament of Reconciliation and continue to make conscious efforts in practising our faith and Christian living so that we become more and more like the image of God who is Perfect. Practice makes Perfect does not mean I will be completely perfect by myself. Rather, practice makes Perfect , means that I am walking closer and closer towards holiness as part of the body of Christ with the others in faith as the other parts of the body of Christ with Christ as the head in the Perfect God. It is never practised by me without others as God is Love where I am called to love God and people which is clearly stated in the first two commandments which are to love God and love thy neighbours as thyself.

I must constantly spend more time with God and His word so that I can love more and more in Christ way instead of dealing with people in my own ways where I think I am holy and right which may turn out to be self-righteousness and imposing my own will on others which may not be God’s will, causing hurts and divisions in the community. I am playing God, placing myself above God. It is essential to practise my faith continuing with the mass in my daily living after being sent off from each Eucharistic celebration owning the responsibility for my actions and words and behaviour as I may never know how much damage or hurt I have done to the others if I were to be irresponsible and self-righteous or self centered. Worse still, I may never know how broken the other person is already inside and I may push him/her to the edge with him/her ending his/her life here with what I have done or said as the last stroke among his/her other issues.

I really hope that things will improve in the bad situations. I may not be the person to handle them but I can lift them up to God through my prayers, having the faith that God will take care of everything. Sometimes, such prayers with faith are also practice of faith, trusting that all things are in God’s hands as I may not be the right person to handle or do anything to such situations according to God’s will. Only when I am called by the Holy Spirit to do something about them, then I will do it according to God’s will wit the guidance of the Holy Spirit out of Love. No matter what, I must always keep in mind that God is Love and Love only builds or creates life but never destroys life where the person will be brought closer to God and people and never away from God and people. Only then, I can confidently say that I know God through the practice of living my baptismal vows to love and not just knowing about God where I only have knowledge of Him and Christian living without living it out.

With Love,

Elena

Reflection on the Gospel Reading of the Ordinary Sunday of 7 November 2010

Lk 20:27-38

One thing that the Sadducees had denied which I am equally capable of is the resurrection. In my head, I know about the resurrection of Christ. As a child of God, I believe that with my knowledge that there is resurrection. But, how about me living my daily life? How do I behave? Do I continue to behave the same old ways or sin even though I am called forth to die to myself and be resurrected to start anew? I may claim verbally that I believe in the resurrection. How about my actions, words and way of living and relationships with God and others? Do they reflect such belief? Each day of my life is a gift from God for me to purify myself by dying to the aspects of myself which separate me from God and people, and be transformed by his tender Love so that I may continue to grow more complete and walk closer and closer to holiness. As I am walking closer and closer to holiness, I will realize that I am dying more and more to myself, surrendering myself more and more to God so that God will increase in me and I will be more and more like the image of God. This will be expressed through my behaviour, words, way of living and relationships with others and God where I share Love and stand united in Love with the community for the goodness of others and love for God. True transformation within will naturally change the outward expression of a person without pretence.


I am a wilful person. I want things my way most of the time and I get it. There is nothing to be proud of as I find myself very tired. In fact, I am a clown by doing that. Why am I so silly not to die to myself slowly and let God take over? His yoke is definitely lighter than mine as He takes control of my life and I do not have to struggle so hard with my own limited efforts and talents. When I start to die to myself slowly such as pride, wilfulness, anger, envy, etc., I am opening myself to God and resurrecting as a new person each time after my death. I become more perfect. I used to be so perfectionistic that I almost suffocated myself to death, nearly dropped out of internship and school as I did not perform up to my own standards, became a monster to my project mates who were forced to perform up to my standards.I woke up when my ex-supervisor and teachers kept on slapping me hard with their words of wisdom. Only then, I realize that if I am perfect by myself, there won’t be any room for God to work in me as I was so full of myself. If I continue my old ways, I am going to hurt more people with my harshness and become slave to my own perfectionistic streak. God works through my cracks of flaws so that He can be the Light to shine through me from within. Then, I won’t be so hard on people with my high standards and become more compassionate towards others. I will truly love and live life to the fullest instead of being controlled by my perfectionistic streak. This helps me to tone down alot over the years. I know I am still very flawed whom most people cannot accept and slap me with labels of ‘weird’, ‘unstable’, ‘abnormal’, ‘having artistic temperament’, etc. . Because of this, I appreciate even at a deeper level my friends and loved ones who accept and love me as who I am even though I am a very difficult person and it is hard on them. I experience God’s Love through them though most people out there cannot accept me. At least, these loved ones and friends give me the opportunities to change for the better. I am still struggling in my own ways not alone but with God and these loved ones and friends for me to continue to die to my sins and resurrect as a new and more complete person in Love. No matter what, I know I am loved as long as I am living until the Lord calls me home and continue to love me. The crucifix is God’s proof of His magnificent Love for me to keep me going as I continue to fix my eyes on the crucifix, being convinced by such sacrificial Love from Jesus with its redemptive effect on my gradual and continual surrendering of and dying to my sins and transformation deep within, leading to resurrection of my new life.

With Love,
Elena

A Rare Gem- Sincerity

Diamond is often a much sought after gem by many women for it is known for its beauty and being the hardest natural material known which the various advertisers have cleverly marketed it as a symbol of ever-lasting love between the two lovers. To me, diamond is just a stone. Beautiful but it does not have any impact on me. To me, the rare gem I look for in any relationships and friendships is known as Sincerity. During my 32 years of life, I am very blessed to have found such rare gem in a few people in my life with some much pretence and masks and politics around me no matter where I go. That is why I see these very few loved ones and friends in my life as rare jewellery which I can never buy with money. They have also taught me how to be a sincere person along the way.


I am a very task-oriented person, especially at my workplace or in school. I will make sure that I produce work with high qualty. Because of such perfectionsitic streak in me, I often suffocate people who worked with me in the projects where the deadlines were very tight. I often failed to be sensitive to their feelings and hurt them in the process. It was so bad that I even treated my friends as projects. Whenever they were in troubles, I would always be there to help them. However, I would disappear from their lives when they were moving on fine and appear when they were in troubles again. I did that for many years until my close friends sat down and talked to me many years ago. I was very shocked when one of my close friends told me she did not need a counselor who would only be there when she needed help but would disappear when she was fine. She needed a friend to share not just her sorrows but also her joy. The other close guy friend of mine complained that he did not want to be one of my projects and he often did not feel appreciated. He even told me off that presents from me would not buy our friendship. All he wanted from me was I would be sincere in my friendship by being true to my feelings and true to him in my friendship with him. Even my deceased mummy whom I love dearly complained that I should care for her directly if I really cared for her. She did not want me to care for her quietly at a distance. All these complaints from my loved ones woke me up. What I lack in all those examples was being true and sincere which I found from them. I simply treated them as projects without knowing which hurt them inside.

Perhaps, I have been in the corporate world for too long where I am constantly in battlefield with poiltics around. I was even exposed to such politics in school during my schooldays. What I find more sick is I even see it in church. Most of us have to wear masks with hidden agendas. I am pretty sick of such matters. I am very tired of it. I will never want to be involved with such politics which I find meaningless and silly. To me, even if I gain power, what is the point of being lonely up there? I often look at those people who are playing politics in church with some leaders and priests getting involved. I really pity them. Perhaps, for these priests, they only have that small world for them to gain power and enjoy having pets following them and feel secure as they can no longer and may not be capable of gaining power in the corporate world. As for the followers and leaders who fight against one another, they know that they do not have the capability to gain power outside church which is why they choose to fight against people who are just as broken as or more broken than them who are all depending on God. I have teachers during schooldays or colleagues at workplace and brothers and sisters in the church telling me if I know about the politics that people play and how they have badmouthed me or abused me or even bullied me. My answer is always, 'Yes, I know.' What goes on in my head is, 'Even if I know, is there a need to play along? Why do I have to waste so much energy and time on such politics, especially in church where I do not have pay increment or promotion even if I win? What glory is there in winning in church where I only beat the broken people? It does not make me any holier by being closer to any priests or Archbishop or even the Pope. By playing politics to get closer to them while badmouthing or preventing others from getting help from them, I show my ugly side and deprive others who really need help from them of getting any help. Even if I show others I know who the people are with hidden agendas and play politics, does that mean that I am smarter than the others?' So far, all I have been doing is just to sit down and observe with amusement. I am only concerned with people who really need help. Instead of wasting my energy and time on playing politics which may drain me very fast, I rather spend my energy and time on helping those people who need help.

I am definitely not a holy person. Instead, I am a rebellious, impulsive and much distracted person who drift around alot and yet am very blessed with my loved ones and friends who are sincere and true to me in our friendships and relationships and are always there for me no matter how long or far I have drifted away. I seldom express my appreciation to them as I am very bad with expression of feelings as I live in my head most of the time. My temper is always very bad when it comes to sorting out my feelings as I find them hard to understand and rationalize. But, I treasure these loved ones and friends as my precious jewellery deeply within me. They are very special to me. Each of them has a space in my heart even if some of them have left me. I feel very honoured whenever they share about their deeper selves to me, about how they feel about themsleves, about their secrets, joys and sorrows. I do feel burdened at times because I get worried for them, I do feel for them though I may advise them at a rational level. But, that is what makes us human beings with Love. It also reminds me that I have feelings since I live in my head most of the time. Their sincere sharing binds us stronger in friendships and relationships between them and me. I appreciate their honesty in pointing out my mistakes and correcting me in private when necessary though I may get offended and frustrated during those moments. But, I know they do it out of my own good. It is better than nobody bothers to correct me at all. I have also learnt from their honest and true confession of what I have done to hurt them. I felt very touched when my close guy friend told me he felt very hurt and angry when I told him off in front of everyone. He asked me not to do that in public and he told me I could tell him off in private. He was willing to take my nonsense out of the tantrums that I threw as long as I kept that between him and me. I deeply appreciated that. At least, he was honest with me and our relationship improved and we became closer. He transformed part of my life with his sincere love and led me out to the light in terms of romantic relationship.

I have never believed in relationships or friendships where there is no direct communication with each other at all. It is no doubt romantic to have someone who walks with and cares for you quietly, even at a distance at times. But, what kind of relationship is there if the two people in the relationship do not have the guts and humility to have direct communication and care for each other at all? Since I always seek improvement in all things and relationships and friendships, for such relationships without direct contact, I will simply give up and move on as such relationships will lead to nowhere but to more misunderstandings especially with people with hidden agendas around us to cause chaos or biases or gossips. Just imagine if your spouse loves you but keeps to himself and walks quietly with you without any action or words of concern at all, will you be sure that he loves you? An another example would be if your boyfriend cares for you alot but chooses to pray quietly for you without any actions or words of concern or quality time spent together at all, will you ever know that he cares and can the relationship be ever stronger or maintain at all? Nowadays, the modern technology allows us to communicate with one another through facebook, MSN, emails, skype, SMS, etc.. It is good in a way that no matter how far we are from one another physically, we can still connect with one another. But, it can also be a hindrance from true human communication as we cannot communicate face-to-face and feel that person's presence. Can you touch or hug or kiss him through the gadgets? Can you feel directly the person's touch and warm feelings from him? Sometimes, those communication channels through such gadgets will cause a lot of misunderstanding as we do not get to see the facial expression of the other parties, body languages, tones and pitch of voice, and the written words sent are up to the parties to interpret which may not be what I have meant at first, etc. I have seen friends having conflicts because of messages sent online and some have even broken their friendships due to such miscommunication.

All Saints' Day is tomorrow. Basically, I do not have to read about the saints to learn from them about living in Christ way. I have a few people in my life who have touched me deep within. They are the living saints to me. All of them have this rare gem of sincerity deep within them even if many people may disagree with what they do or say at times. These people, just like the saints, know that they do not live to please people but to love God and people. They even sacrifrice themselves if needed. My deceased mummy is one of these saints in my life. Though many teachers and students mocked at her and verbally abused her, she did not fail to go back to school to teach even when she had relapse at times. She was still a dedicated teacher who sincerely wanted to impart her knowledge and taught the students even till her death. She still loved despite the mockery and abuse from the others. She had made a lot of efforts to teach me how to love people with sincerity when she was still around. I am seldom close to priests and often deal with them at a professional level where they are just authorities appointed by God to minister to us and I respect them because they are my elders, except for a few of them whom I have true respect for them for I see this rare gem of sincerity in them. One of them is Fr JJ from IHM. He treats everyone with kindness and true smile. I really respect him for his honesty about his own past mistakes during my confession to him at times so as to make me understand certain issues. To me, it takes a lot of humility for a priest to confess his past mistake to a parishioner so that she can learn from his mistake. The other priest is Fr Albert Renckens. I followed him for two years to learn introductory Philosophy from him when he was still around. One thing I admire about him was his honesty with his views towards certain issues though it might not go according to certain laws. I would always felt welcome with his sincere greeting and smile. I can still remember vividly how he had held my hand with a big smile as a father, talking to Fr Paul Goh about me attending his lessons. His grip was very fatherly as if God was holding me with Love. He had never failed to explain his lessons clearly and as simply as possible to make sure everyone understood them. He never looked down on anyone at all though some of them were very slow. The other priest is Fr Paul Goh. I knew him from OLPS. I always go to him for major sins and I can always be true to him with my flaws. He never judges me and always welcome me to go to him for help. Instead of judging me, he teaches me how to make my flaws work for the good of the others. If my sins are serious, he does not fail to correct me. But, he will never judge or ostracize me. This is the face of Christ I see in him and it gives me the confidence to go for confession no matter how bad my past experience was with some priests during my confession. The last priest whom I see this rare gem is Fr Aloysius. He is the only young priest whom I respect alot so far. I read his blog. He is very honest with his feelings and thoughts. He does not write which should be politically correct. He is true to himself and people. That was why I chose him as my spiritual director as I think it takes a lot of courage and humility to be true to one's feelings and thoughts. Even when I went to him for spiritual direction, he would be very frank with his communication with me. I see sincerity in all these priests whom I respect deeply as they do not select people to help. They may have their own flaws or close friends from the parishes and yet they do not select people to mingle with or serve. They show the same care and dedication to everyone and have taught me to be sincere and true to my feelings, thoughts and myself. I also have a few close friends who have gone through thick and thin with me for many years. I thank them for caring for me from their hearts and correct me when necessary. It should take a lot of courage for them to correct me as I am known for my impatience and bad temper. All these people are saints in my life with such rare gem of sincerity in them which I can hardly find in the world today. Their sincerity has melted my hardened heart and wilfulness bit by bit over the years for me to be more and more complete.

This gives me the hope and strength to continue to brave through storms in life as I experience God's Love through such sincere people. I should also learn from them to be more sincere with my feelings and myself with them. I must learn to care for people directly, especially my loved ones. I should also learn to have more face-to-face communication with them uinstead of writing to them. If not, I can never bring our relationships to higher levels. Jesus is also one good example for me to learn from. When it was time for rebuke, he would rebuke his disciples and the Pharisees and the other characters out of Love. He did not try to please the Sadducees and Pharisees. He was also true with his feelings as he mourned over the death of Lazarus. He did not care from a distance. Rather, he cared for people directly through his face-to-face communication with the people, spending quality time to have meals and share common activities with them, allowing the sick and sinners to touch him or him touching them directlyto heal them, etc. He was always having this gem of sincere love in him by being true as a Son of Man. There was no tint of pretence in him. He did not wear masks to face anyone. Life here is short. Though it is only transitory here before we go to the other side, one of the secrets to live life to the fullest is to use this rare gem of sincerity to love others and God so that the light from this rare gem will radiate from within bringing light of hope to others' lives and Love to tenderize the hearts of others.
 
With Love,
Elena