In Memory of Amy

In the midst of my busyness yesterday, I took a break to read some Facebook posts. One of my friend’s Facebook posts shocked me. I read a few times before I could understand what she was writing. Again, another friend gone. I really hate such surprises. Sometimes when I do my usual news monitoring, I would see familiar faces on the obituary pages. I am very scared of such feelings. Whenever I see friends’ death, it hits me real hard since I don’t have many friends. I take every friendship seriously though I may not show it. The news of the death of my friend, Amy, somehow hit me quite hard beyond my expectation. I don’t know why I struggled very hard to finish my work as my mind seemed to paralyse me when I first got to know the news. When I saw the pencil holder with an angel on my work desk, my tears just rolled down while rushing through my work to meet deadline. This pencil holder was a gift from Amy before she left Singapore. The pencil holder brought back all the memories I had with her. She is one of the angels that I have met in my life.

I knew Amy at Tao Nan School. I am amazed by this woman. I admire her professionalism at workplace. No matter how some people made life difficult for her at workplace, I never saw her lose her temper. I ever told her she was one of very different woman I have met so far.   She was quiet and stoic but somehow, she had this silent strength in her. She would deliver her work with good quality. Never for once, I heard her complaining no matter how harsh some people would treat her. I agree with most people’s comments. She would always smile.

After I had left Tao Nan for years, Amy and I were only Facebook friends. Before she left in April last year, she sent me a message through Facebook messenger. I was surprised by her message. She asked me to join her and another friend for dinner as she was going to leave Singapore for good to Philippines for her family. What she messaged and did touched me. She told me she wished I could join them for dinner in that evening as my friend and I were among her very good friends in Singapore. Only then, I realized that I was seen as her good friend. I felt honoured to be one of her good friends in Singapore. I joined them for dinner.

Amy brought us to Jolibee restaurant in Lucky Plaza. She told me it was popular in her hometown. She wanted us to try the good Filipino food. I was really touched by her treat. She insisted on treating us to the well-known Filipino chicken outlet which I will never forget. I know she had been saving every single cent for her family back home. With the little money she had, she wanted to give us a treat and  joined the long queue to buy the food for us. That really touched me and showed me how much she treasured the friendship between us. She wanted to share the good things with us. She was generous to buy us dinner with that little money she could have saved up for herself and yet she even served us on her last day with us. That evening was very precious. She shared a lot about her faith and her personal life stories.  Amy was carrying a big bag with her around when she met us. In fact, the bag seemed bigger than her. That was also when I realized how skinny she was at that time and could feel how much she had to go through to get her family to have better quality of life by working had here. I felt she was a great mother and wife who worked hard silently. When we were about to part with one another, she took something out from the big bag. That was a present from her. It was the pencil holder with an angel sitting on my tray now. I was very touched. I knew I might not see her in Singapore again. I decided to take taxi with her as I wanted to spend more time with her before she got out of Singapore for good. Never would I ever know that that was really my last time seeing her.

In the taxi, Amy was sharing with me about what her dad had taught her. He kept telling her she had a plain look but she was beautiful. That gave her the confidence to face the harsh reality in life. Her dad had a great positive influence on her. She told me she had missed her children’s growing stages when she had to come to Singapore to work and save up for her family. She wanted to spend more time with them when she got back to Philippines. Amy was a contented person who lived in joy out of simplicity. She shared with me though Singapore is a developed country with more comfort and modern technology, she preferred a simple life back home with her family with limited access to Internet. Quite a strange thing coming out of the mouth of a teacher with Computer Science background. She restricted her children’s usage of Internet back home as it affected their quality time spent together. This showed how much she treasured the precious time she had with her family. After Amy had left Singapore, I sent her a Facebook message when I read about natural disaster in Philippines during Chinese New Year at the beginning of this year  to see if she was affected. I was relieved she was not affected. We chatted. Though her pay was much lower with no means to save up at all as a Math teacher in her hometown, she was contented and felt life was very meaningful. She relied on God to provide and continued to work hard. She went on to do her best to educate the next generation. 

To me, I agree with her dad, Amy was beautiful. I have never told her how much she had taught and touched me on that last day we met before she left Singapore.  That short trip in the taxi with her was very enriching and warm as she opened her life up to me for the first time. I will never forget how a normally stoic Amy turned into an enthusiastic child when sharing her life stories with me, especially her family. I will also never forget how she carried that big bag with her meeting us at Jolibee restaurant for the last time. She was so simple and yet deep. She was mature and yet childlike in her own ways. She thought that she was plain looking but something in her just attracted me to know her more. I admire her simplicity, sincerity and strength which I find very rare in the modern world where corporate settings are all about fighting and hypocrisy. With Amy, I did not feel such negative vibes from her. I wish I could have spoken to her more.

I am very sorry to know she had to lose her lower limbs before she passed on. It must be painful for her. I do not understand why she had to go through that before she returned to the Lord. I am not sure why she had to leave early. No matter what, I believe she is now in the good hands of the Lord.  I hope that her most beloved family will continue to stay strong and live on with Amy’s never-say-die spirit. I believe Amy would watch over her family from heaven with all the angels and saints and want to see her family to live on strong and continue to be blessings to the others just like how she was a blessing to all of us carrying on with her dad’s legacy  of simplicity and appreciation with her wherever she went. That was how she could bless others joyfully with the little that she had.  I believe her two young children will be well taken care of by God and carry on with meaningful life with the legacy of Amy’s love for them and share this love with the others by serving like Amy in the future.

Amy, thank you for being a gift from God to me. May your soul rest in peace. Though you may be gone physically, your spirit stays alive in every one of us. Eternal rest grant unto in the name of Jesus. I also pray that her family will be blessed with the necessary support, love and grace to go through the ordeal. May they be blessed with the strength, courage and grace to continue with leading their lives to the fullest like how Amy had led a colourful life serving wherever she went and set good example as a follower of Christ. Amy, once again, thank you for being a present in my life to teach me life lessons and how to be contented with what I have!

With sadness, 

Elena

Reflection on My Role As A Mother In A Docu Drama In Transformation By Grace Project

Have been very hectic at work. Feel like penning something down to clear my mind. Just finished a press event for Transformation by Grace project. Transformation by Grace project is raising funds for Salvation Army- Gracehaven with the collaboration of Inner Beauty Crusade and support from other organizations and individuals where the public can make their donations in any amounts here. This project comes with three docu dramas from the real life stories of previous or current residents at the Gracehaven home. These docu dramas present how these youths’ lives changed with opportunities and support from the benefactors who choose to pass the kindness on to them. The press event which happened just now was the launch of this project with its first docu drama which can be viewed here. The second docu drama will come in August and the last in September. Such docu dramas are to create awareness and educate the public that there are some needy youths with dysfunctional backgrounds who need support and help in some ways even in this developed countries.  In fact, there are many more tragic life stories around. Are we even aware of that? Do we think that all people are as fortunate as us?

How did I get involved with this project? As usual, I saw my friend’s Facebook request for actors and actresses the day before the shoot and I replied to her request on impulse as my 1^st project of my personal outreach. I have always had this passion of serving the youths and enjoy serving the youths as I believe the youths are the hope of our future. I have stopped serving the youth ministry for years and it is now time for me to serve. I used to be a rebellious student with a lack of family support. I had a very tough time through my school life since Sec 2.  I was notorious in schools and often got into troubles with teachers. There was one point when I almost got expelled from school. I was blessed enough to go through my education with the help of friends and teachers along the way. One even put me through my A level which I flunked due to some reasons and she did not give up on me and gave me a 2^nd chance by leaving her legacy for my Polytechnic education. If not for these kind souls, I would not be here enjoying life. So, I would like to carry on the legacy of this deceased loved one by sharing her love with the others. Love multiplies only through sharing while becoming corrupted if we choose to keep it to ourselves. Love is purified only when shared unconditionally.

 I wanted to act as a grandmother at first. When the organizer saw me for the first time on the day of the shoot, she exclaimed I looked young. The makeup artiste took a long time to draw more lines on my face and dull my eyes for me to look like a mother. When we were about to start the shoot, I suggested to them that y role should be acted out by this other woman as she could fit into the role better than me. I was very touched that they wanted me to continue with the role. I just needed more time to get into the role as I got my script one hour before the shoot. I did not mind if they passed the role to this other woman as long as the result came out better. This drama is not for fame. It is for raising funds for the youths in the home. As long as this drama can touch other people’s hearts deeper with this woman taking over the role, I am more than happy to give it up. It was alright for me to make a wasted trip there. I was also prepared to be laughed at or criticized by people about my acting skills or my old look. I still went ahead with the role with the encouragement of the team.

Transformation by Grace not just applied to the real people in the drama but also to me as an actress. There was a crying scene. At first, they wanted to spray water into my eyes for the tears. In the end, I told them I would rather try to cry with real emotions. They were all very helpful. They kept asking about my real life situations. At first, I thought it was my current failed career or unhappy family or the death of my deceased loved ones which would make me cry. But, it was none of these. What made me cry was one of my youths’ suicide two years ago. Then, I realized that it hit me hard. The camera crew members were very funny. They saw my tears and quickly proceeded with the crying scene. When I looked at the face of the leading character who was my son in the drama, I saw my deceased youth’s face. Those tears were from my heart. I was very heart broken he went to the path of no return. That gave me a breakthrough in this drama. One of the panelist asked if the parents in the drama were the real parents as the expressions were real. He even joked about recommending us to Jack Neo for dramas. These team members had given me the time and confidence to get into my role though we were rushing to finish the scenes. I was transformed by them through their encouragement. This other woman whom I suggested to take up my role advised me along the way how a typical mother should behave and talked as she had many years of dealing with these youths and their parents. They did not give up on me.   

God blessed me with the miracle of pulling through the shoot to the end. As I could not take the heat of the lights and hot weather on that day, I puked twice and suffered from serious migraine attack. While resting, the rest of them went for other scenes I was not involved with. I took the chance to rest and prayed hard that I could continue with the shoot in a restaurant later. I still fell very sick after my taking my painkiller. When we reached the restaurant, the team members were considerate. They took a lunch break for me to rest. I rested for awhile. When I was fine, they started the shoot. They joked I was sick at the right time as that scene required me to look haggard, disappointed and sad for my son who refused to change at that point of time. I managed to pull through the scene and completed my part. I know God was at work and I was trying my best to pull through it all. I kept telling myself it was not about me but for the youths who need the funds to have better lives. I do not want them to end up like me getting stuck in my career and cannot earn much for rising cost of living just because I do not have a degree. Not many people knew I was in a bad state during my school days and I understand how it is like to go through painful moments without support. I was trying to turn my own frustration with myself into positive energy to help the youths from getting into my situation through this project. I always believe that knowledge and education empower people in life. I do not need any praise for this project. I know my deceased loved one would be proud of me and that is more than enough.

There are many needy youths out there who really need support and help. I could not agree more with one of the panelists who shared the definition of grace. The meaning I gathered from him was grace is a gift that we do not deserve. Transformation by grace would be our lives are transformed with the gifts from the people in our lives which we do not deserve. Not all of us can do great things in life. But, all of us can do small things with great love and this will make the world a better place. It could have prevented my deceased youth from taking his own life. I know I cannot save every youth in my life but I just want to do my best to help them. Never belittle the kind deeds done by a few people. Such love out of kind deeds will spread and can be life transforming.  Look at Jayden, the character in this drama. If Gracehaven did not accept him into the home, where would he end up in? Would he even have the chance to study in UK under Navy’s sponsorship? Where does Gracehaven get enough funds and support to house these needy youths? This would only be possible with the support, time, funds and love from the others.  

My friends had good laughs at the video because of my half past six acting skills. Some of my friends are feeling down. I know they would laugh at me when they saw me on screen with my lousy acting skills. If my acting skills are good, it won’t be funny anymore. I am happy as long as they are happy. I am fine to be a laughing clown. I was all prepared for criticisms as this docu drama is not for my fame but for the needy youths.   

Throughout the docu drama I was in, God was at work. All these actresses and actors for all characters were gathered the day before the actual shoot and all of us only met one another for the first time on the actual day. We had no experience of acting and yet we could do well. This is Love at work (pun). It means Love was working as inspired by the Holy Spirit and Love worked out from the finished work of the docu drama.  We had a lot of laughter though with a little disagreement at times. Despite some conflicts, everyone rose above the disagreement and this drama was completed.

Going forward, I will look into where I should be serving. My mission here is not to please everyone but to do my best to help others as much as I can. I hope to see more successful stories of transformation by grace like Jayden. Here, I would like to thank my team members and friends who give me encouragement for this project. Really appreciated from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being blessings in my life!

With Love, 

Elena

Easter With Overflowing Grace In Love

Time for some written diarrhea. If not, will suffer from serious ‘constipation’. Finally, the lent period is over. Easter Day was on last Sunday which marked the end of lent. I should say this Easter has got some breakthrough for me. It happened on a Maundy Thursday. It has been a practice for some of the Catholics to visit other churches on the Maundy Thursday. For me, deep within, I have missed church very much. Due to certain reasons, I am not prepared to go back to the Catholic Church yet. I guess God looks into my heart. He knows how much I would like to go to the church and yet I don’t know how to go about getting into a church without fear. Finally, He brought me back to Him through a friend on the last Maundy Thursday night. It was all His divine arrangement.

At first, I intended to sit in a corner of the pantry at my workplace. I decided to sit there and stone as I was plagued with a lot of issues in my life. I was feeling so down that I could not see any way out. The more I tried to sort out my issues, the more I could not see any doors. Also, I did not want to do this in front of a friend who was still hard at work in the office. I decided to stone alone until she left the office as I did not want to trouble her with my problems since I thought she was already overloaded with work and her own family. At around 8plus, I went back to my desk as I thought she should have left. I packed my things and was ready to go home. As I was figuring out how to switch off all the lights (I wonder who the hell created such complex switching system), my friend suddenly appeared and I jumped up. She told me she thought she heard my footsteps near the restroom and decided to turn back for me. She was waiting for me to give me a lift. However, my instinct told me she might want to tell me something else. I just kept my heart open and waited for her to say what she wanted.

Finally, in her car, she asked me if I wanted to go to her church since I had shared with her earlier on that I did not want to go home early. I paused for awhile, praying silently about it since the church was not a Catholic church. She did not push me. She allowed me the space and time to consider. Somehow, I was prompted to accept the invitation. I agreed to go with her. She shared with me when she looked at my laptop on my desk in the office earlier on, something prompted her to ask me to go to her church. I think it was all arranged by God. God had used her as an instrument to get me to church.

What happened in the church overwhelmed me and moved me to tears. No words could describe how touched I was in the church. By the time we went in, the pastor was finishing his sermon. My friend apologized to me for being too late for the sermon. Actually, it did not matter. Basically, God wanted to show me how much He loves me through the songs and the practice after the sermon. The song sung right after the sermon was a Taize prayer, “Stay with me. Remain here with me”. I got very shocked that I could hear that prayer in a non-Catholic church. That song ran deep into me as it was one of the Taize prayers which I liked and picked for one of the priesthood promotion event when I was part of the vocation team in a parish. That Taize prayer made me feel at home with God even though I was in a totally foreign non-Catholic church. Somehow, Taize prayers have a way of getting deep into my heart, giving me peace no matter how down or troubled I can be at any moments. They never fail to calm me down and still my mind, especially when sung in a church. Since I have not been to a church for years, I was fighting hard to hold back my tears from the unspoken comfort. My friend was behind me and asked me if I was alright. I simply nodded my head.

The next thing that surprised me was the way the communion was carried out. My friend whispered to me that the practice this year was so different from previous years. That confirmed my suspicion that God was calling me there to touch me and show me how much He loves me. It was so Catholic way of receiving the communion where we would walk out row by row and queued up into two lines while slowly walking towards the altar for communion. Even the pastors dressed like the Catholic priests. I had to keep reminding myself not to make the sign of a cross as that was not a Catholic church. Lol.  My friend was quite supportive. She queued right behind me to guide me on how to receive communion in her church. I understand that receiving communion to them is just a form of remembrance of the last supper. It is symbolic. To me, while receiving the communion, albeit in a non-Catholic church with different approach and practice, I received Jesus through the communion. That was my approach. I still loved the feeling of slowly walking towards the altar for the communion with my eyes fixed on the cross. Such wonderful experience can never be found anywhere else. To me, when it comes to communion, I cannot tolerate any nonsense from the recipients and the givers. When anyone shows no reverence during communion, I will never fail to bring the matter up, be that person a priest or parishioner. I strongly believe that if I can’t even offer or receive the communion who is Jesus, Himself, how can I say that I am a child of God who loves God since there is not even basic respect? If you truly love someone, isn’t respect the very first basic element in the relationship?  

Sigh! I can’t break away the Catholic way of receiving communion. I was waiting for the pastor to say, “The body of Christ” which they would not. I almost said ‘Amen’ as if the pastor had said those words. I felt very peaceful and loved after receiving the communion. In fact, my tears started to build up in my eyes. After the communion, I went back to the pew to pray and started to cry. During the moment, I realized how much I had missed being in the church staring at the cross like I used to do. Some parishioners used to think that I stayed back in the church to suck up to the priests. The truth is I feel very comfortable in a church with the cross. Whenever I was misunderstood or too overwhelmed or hurt, I would always cry to God before the cross or simply stared at the cross and felt understood by Jesus. I remember my priest whom I respected the most told me everyone could misunderstand me and never understand what I am going through but Jesus would as he was also misunderstood and was crucified to death after that. I keep those words from my priest in my heart till now. Yes, everyone has his own cross to bear in life. If I think I am suffering alone, I am absolutely wrong. Nobody understands our pain and suffering more than Jesus. Suffering is part and parcel of life just as before the hope out of the resurrection of Christ is Good Friday when Jesus suffered and died for us. What holds me through the suffering is faith which is ‘not by sight but by faith’. As usual, I did not bother to explain to anyone. They just continued to spread negative word of mouth about me. I know Jesus understands me.

After the communion, we continued to sing the hymns. Most of the hymns were very familiar to me. One of them described exactly how devastated and weary I was at that time. I sang it out loud to God and placed my trust in Him again. The hymn was God’s way of allowing me to sing my hidden feelings out to Him. Sometimes, intense feelings and thoughts can no longer be effectively expressed through words but can be delivered accurately through songs. I think I have kept my feelings and things so much that I was broken and falling apart. God was using the cracks all over me for His light to penetrate deep into my darkness to heal and touch me.

The stripping of the altar was done slowly in complete silence and darkness. The solemnity was deeply respected by all of us who ‘mourned’ over the death of Jesus. A black cloth was draped over the big cross at the altar. I just stared at the cross. As Jesus died, I died to my old self with him at the cross before I resurrected with him on Easter Day as a new person.

The whole service was sort of renewal of my baptismal vow. I confessed my sins to God with the community and felt cleansed. I felt much better. I could feel God’s immense love for me through the very Catholic-like practice during the service. I could easily feel at home during the service. I did not even have to try hard to adapt since I was very familiar with the Catholic practice which was done at that night. That gave me the space and attention to Jesus completely. God is showing me He knows me through and through. No matter how far or how long I have been out of church, I am always welcome back ‘home’ and He will pursue me no matter where or how long I have drifted away, just like how a father in the prodigal son parable always welcomes his prodigal son back with celebration. After the service at that Maundy Thursday night, all of us walked out of the church quietly. I really enjoyed the reverence that the pastor had emphasized on during the service earlier on.

I am also very grateful to the friend who was there with me. I was very touched by her wait for me. She is a very busy person and could have spent her time elsewhere or even rested at home. She also had her own stress. I really appreciate her time and effort. I don’t really know how to demonstrate my appreciation towards her but deep in my heart, I am very grateful. She tries to listen to me and give me advice when time permits. After the service on that Maundy Thursday night, her task of bringing me to her church from God was completed. She could have left me alone after that. But, she bothered to drive me to a nice café for a nice meal at her expense. When the carpark was full, she waited patiently.  When we finally got to that place, she asked me nicely what I preferred to eat. I could see that she cared. In this fast paced modern world, how many people bother to slow down and spend quality time with loved ones and friends? Though most of us earn more money, we become stingier with time. Sometimes, I really wonder how long we have stopped slowing down to ask the people around us a simple “How are you?” or really take a good look at our loved ones and friends. Sometimes, I get very frustrated when some friends just fix their eyes on their phones when we are out together. How can a person spend quality time with the other person during the meeting when half of the attention goes to the phone? How can a person process the conversation correctly when she is reading messages online at the same time? To begin with, there is no basic respect for the other person present. I know it is a norm. But, does it mean that it is right or even respectful? It is no wonder that more and more misunderstanding arises. Friendships and relationships are easily broken off. Some of my friends even want to resolve conflicts through whatsapp. That is the worst form of communication for such matters as we cannot see the other party’s body language, expression and even hear the tone of expression, leaving more room for more misunderstanding or misinterpretation. Gosh! Imagine if I go for mass and my eyes are fixed on the phone instead of God. I think the priest will scold me for sure.

I am very thankful to God during this Easter. My life is still challenging with many issues I have to sort out and overcome, some of which are beyond my control. I don’t know how. But, I am very thankful to my friends who have been sticking with me through thick and thin, especially during these few months. They really care. That keeps me staying strong and continuing to improve slowly. When I am handling too many things at the same time, they will remind me not to take on too much. Christian life is no solo journey. That is why participating in a mass is never an individual affair but a communal gathering around the altar. A church is not just about individual holiness but many different people as different parts of body of Christ coming together as a Church. I guess church to me is everywhere. I know God has never given up on me. This Easter is indeed one with overflowing grace in Love that keeps burning that light of hope in me no matter where I go with my cross in life. God bless. 

With Love,

Elena

Discovery of God Through Life & Death

Guess where I am writing this blog post now? I am writing this blog post from ICU of Changi General Hospital. My uncle collapsed in the evening on Sunday during his soccer game. Here, I am staying overnight as it is his crucial point. If he pulls through, he will be on his way to recovery. However, as he has not waken up so far, nobody is sure how much damage has been done to his body as he was lack of oxygen for awhile when he first fainted. My aunt is resting in a room. I guess she is too exhausted from running around and it is emotionally draining to her, especially when she has been trying very hard not to break down. It has been tough on her. What is my task here then? I am here to accompany her as I understand how scary it is for her to face such matter of life and death alone. At least, she has someone to discuss matters with her if needed. I have also been around to be the middleman to break any news to my family with my aunt’s consent as my aunt does not know how to speak Cantonese and will not know how to handle my family members’ reaction, especially my grandmother’s. I also have to think of ways to put the harsh words from the nurses and doctors first hand and try to minimize the harshness for my family members to digest them slowly. I am also here to feed the doctors with my family medical history for them to track any suspected congenital disease. It really put my crisis management and communication skills to test.

I should say it is very tiring, especially emotionally. So far, to my surprise, I am handling it quite well. I guess it may be due to the working of the Holy Spirit. I have been praying hard for my uncle and also for the Holy Spirit to guide me since this is my first time handling such matters. It is rather challenging to hear the doctors telling you straight to your face that your uncle may pass on at any time and we should inform our family members. At least, for me, it was a shock since my uncle has been a healthy man and he is quite young. I had to quickly get over my shock and start discussing with my aunt if we should inform our family members and I had to think of how to communicate such news to them. It could have been worse if my family members received such harsh news from the doctors who did not mince their words. At least, I am the filter. While informing my family members, I had to face the emotional outburst from them in various forms. Some cried bitterly, some scolded me, some bombarded me with questions. I had to try different methods of pacifying them. This saved my aunt from further distress.

My sister asked me if I have cried so far. I told her I have no time to break down or cry. I just have to help my aunt as much as I can. My family members and I have been taking turns to visit my uncle and talk to him to wake him up. The longer he sleeps, the more his brain will be damaged. He did try to struggle to get up and had some responses to what we said. Tears even rolled down his cheeks. We have been trying very hard to say things that will motivate him to fight this battle. My last words to him were getting him to fight for his spouse who has been running around and controlling her tears very hard and mum who is too old for such blow. I told him if he loves them, he must wake up to take care of him. If he continues to sleep, his spouse and mum cannot take it anymore. Enough of his sleep. We are all waiting him to join us for reunion dinner during Chinese New Year.

When it comes to life and death matter, all I can do is to lift him up to God. He is still not out of danger. All of us are praying very hard for him. I believe he will wake up. As long as he lives, there is hope for him to live anew. His case is also a warning to all of us as his family members. Sudden death due to heart issues seem to run in the family, especially males. For me, I am well aware of it after my grandfather and another uncle passed on suddenly due to heart issue. I have also experienced near death experience due to heart issue during a few occasions. I guess it is God’s way of telling us to be more careful with our health to prevent similar incident from happening. I should say that God has protected my uncle. Someone had performed CPR and AED on my uncle before the ambulance reached the site for him. According to the doctor, he was revived from initial death. Another God’s working was I happened to meet my aunt after a few postponement of our appointment. Right after I met up with her, her mobile phone rang just as she was about to hand it over to the service centre for repair. It was from my uncle’s friend informing us my uncle collapsed and was on his way to the hospital. All the timing was ‘nicely arranged’. I believe it is God’s work. I also see God in my uncle’s soccer team. I saw how supportive they were through their group chat and their presence in the ICU for my uncle. If not for them, my uncle could not have made it at all.

I see this incident as one of my training grounds for sharpening my crisis management and communication skills. It also teaches me how to let go and let God since it is a matter of life and death which I have no control over. It also helps me to see how God works wonder and experience His Love in terms of timing of help and people who come forward to help and support in many ways. Through this incident, I also discover I am capable of handling crisis better than I think, giving me confidence as a person, injecting a boost to my self esteem.

I have confidence that my uncle will be well. All I hope is to see him well again and live life to the fullest with my aunt. That is all I want to see. I know that he will join us for our reunion dinner with his spouse during the coming Chinese New Year.    

With Love,

Elena

Renewed Hope Through Simple Life in 2015

Happy New Year to all! New Year, New Start, Renewed Hope! No matter what happened in 2014, learn the lessons from 2014 and move forward to 2015 with renewed hope. With God in life, life will always get better if we seek the silver lining on every cloud. May you be blessed with good health, joy and peace in Love! As I have been exhausted from late nights with great friends, I choose to spend my quiet time at home after having a New Year dinner with my parents for the first time as my way of entering the New Year of 2015 with peace.

2014 had been a challenging year, especially in career and my income. It will still continue to be challenging. I will continue to lift everything up to God. God is a God of abundance. Only He knows what is the best for me. For all that He has taken away from me, I know that it is always for my own good and for the good of the people involved though I may not fathom how or why. The answers will always be revealed to me when I am open enough to seek the truth instead of clinging on tenaciously to my old thinking or perception.  

How do I look at 2015? It is going be a year of living a life of simplicity. No more gym workouts for me as I need to cut costs with my limited pay. No overseas travelling for the next few years. I will be saving hard for my renovation for my new flat which will be taking place in third quarter of 2018. Since my pay is low, I will need more time to save up. People think that singles have got no commitment. But, they have forgotten that once we are unemployed, we have no spouses to fall back on. We have to handle things alone. We also have to support our parents. We have to plan for our retirement alone. Nobody knows if we ever die alone in our own houses. Who will look after us if we are old and sick? We have no companions to walk with us. Nevertheless, I can count my blessings that I am able to get my own flat. This is the goal I am working towards. By living a frugal life, God is teaching me how to count my blessings and live a life of simplicity. Just see it as a new lifestyle. I can only pamper myself once in awhile with my limited budget. There is no point lamenting over what I don’t have or dreaming of marrying a rich man. I’d rather work hard and depend on myself to fulfill my dreams. I believe in fruits out of hard work.

There will be uncertainty to my income. Once my job is gone, I will have problems with basic needs.  I guess it is a period of time to stretch my faith. It will also teach me to learn to save up.  It is an opportunity to improve on my weaknesses. No matter what, I know God will always go through my life with me. So far, He has never abandoned me. When my mission is completed in my current organization, God will call me to another one. This is how I see my current situation which has been recurring over the years. Meanwhile, I will continue to do my best to improve on things to be better than before I joined the organization regardless of any recognition or appreciation or not. This is my professionalism. Whoever comes to me for help, I will try my best to help until I am called to leave the place. I realize that other than the professional roles that I have to fulfil in the organizations, there are always people coming to me for advice which I also don’t understand why. So far, this has been what I have been practising in every organization I go to. I will do my best and leave the rest to God.

I am very blessed to have some friends around me from time to time. People come and leave my life very often. When reflecting on my life for the past 36 years, I see a pattern of people leaving my life after my mission is completed in their lives. I will treasure them while they are still in my life. People think that I am merciless or cold but deep down in my heart, no matter how much I can’t bear to see them leave, I know that it is time to let go of them for them to continue their life journey with the others for them to grow to be more complete in God. It takes me many years before I have learnt to let go and let God. Fortunately, I still have some friends who never leave me and accept the difficult me.  I am very thankful to have them year after year.

As for romantic matters, I guess at my age of 36, I do not expect much, especially so with my flat coming in under Single Scheme. I will let nature take its course. If I am blessed with a spouse, I will accept him as God’s gift to me. I guess I am more ready to accept a romantic relationship now. Thanks to my colleagues who keep ‘brainwashing’ me over the years, especially my boss who also advises me as a friend and mentor. They have shared their lives with me and helped me to learn more about myself. They have even taught me how to love myself better. They keep reminding me to keep my door open.  If I called to be single, I will still continue to lead life to the fullest and continue to reach out to others who come to me for help.

How about you? How was 2014? If it was a bad year, learn life lessons and move on with renewed hope. We have new year every year to remind us of hope to start anew no matter how bleak situations might be in the past. It is a chance for us to forgive ourselves and others for whatever wrong we or others have done. It is for us to hang on to the glimmer of hope and look forward to a new start. Nothing and nobody can ever be greater than God no matter how much we may have magnified the challenges or the people involved. Instead of being fearful of the creation, it is healthier to be fearful of the Creator. Through healthy fear towards God, we will learn to keep check on our sins. Our focus will be on God who is Love. What is your new year resolution? No matter where you are, may you be blessed with good health, joy and peace in Love! God bless. 

With Love,

Elena