I was sitting in the living room watching my usual Hong Kong Cantonese drama serial. My nephew was playing by himself. He pushed his tricycle that I bought for him to the kitchen where there was a very small step at the entrance. Then, he tried to push the tricycle back to the living room but he could not due to that small step and the tricycle was abit too heavy for him. I decided not to help him and observed how he handled the situation.
He was crying for help. Somehow, something prompted me within not to help him but to observe. He was crying while trying to get the tricycle up the step back to the living room. The tricycle collapsed but he did not give up. He managed to pick the tricycle up to an upright position and continued to push it up the step back to the living room. He refused to give up. To my amazement, he managed to push the tricycle up the step and back to the living room. He even tried to push it extra miles across the living room to get into the master bedroom where the entrance of the master bedroom was too small for the tricycle to go in.
I have learnt a lesson from my two year old nephew who is also my godson. I admire his perseverance and unwavering faith which brings to my mind if I have such perseverance in my faith. Sad to say, my faith is not that strong where I actually could persever. Sometimes, I even try to escape where emotions get too strong. I do not like to handle feelings as I find them difficult to understand. I find it too much of hassles to handle them. So, I avoid most occasions, especially romantic relationships, when feelings run high or intense as I simply can't rationalize these matters of heart and feelings. I still prefer to stay in my head. But, by continuing with such life based on my mind, I can never grow. There must be a purpose why God gives me feelings. I am not a robot but a human with flesh and blood. How can I avoid feelings for the rest of my life? Even if God were to bless me with marriage, I close the doors by avoiding all occasions of romance. I will never learn to handle situations where feelings are involved. If I have the faith, I should not back off. Instead, I should learn to hang in there and depend on God to guide me with faith to go through it all.
When I am tempted, do I still persever with faith or do I give in? Jesus is my example for such perseverance in faith when he was tempted by the devil alone many times. As a man, if he refused to give in and overcome all temptation, it is possible for me to persever as a person. I don't need to do this alone but with Jesus in me. I get the strength also through every Eucharistic celebration and prayers and God's Word from Jesus. These tools are easily accessible to me. It is up to me to choose if I want to keep myself close to them for God's wisdom and strength.
I thank my nephew for showing me, even as a child, such perseverance is possible no matter how much heavier the tricycle seems to be. It is all about the faith and pereverance to get out of my comfort zone and overcome the obstacles in life. If a small child like him can overcome his obstacles with such unwavering faith and perseverance, how about me who have skills and intelligence and strength with God in me?
With Love,
Elena
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the 27 January 2011
Mk 4:21-25
The parable is speaking to me that God’s love is not meant to be hidden. It should be like the lamp ‘to be placed on a lampstand’ where the ‘lampstand’ is me as a Christian. This is what it means to be a Christian. Sometimes, I may sin, thinking that nobody knows. But, God, who is my Creator knows as He is telling me through the gospel reading today ‘For there is nothing hidden except to be made visible; nothing is secret except to come to light.’
I don’t like to hide things. Whenever I attempt to hide things, I feel them eating me within me. Then, the devil will take the chance to attack or deceive me with lies, drawing me away from God. If I keep on lying, God can never trust me with big things as I can’t even be honest with small things. Well, I am happy that at least, my current employers give me opportunities to keep in touch with confidential matters at work where I learn alot. I am very happy as God and the employers trust me that I am a person with integrity. But, I must continue to stay vigilant at all times as I will never know when I will be tempted or how I long how I can strong in the midst of being tempted. So, my workplace is also a place for me to the ‘lampstand’ for the ‘lamp’ to be shown as a Christian. It no longer matters how other people badmouth or accuse me in any ways. At least, I know that I am still loved as who I am by God and a few people. I will do my best wherever I am called to, bringing glory to God. And, that will be my response to God’s love. Therefore, it is more essential that I must spend regular time with God in His Word and prayers now that I am entrusted with greater matters at work where my work nature is going to affect a lot of people.
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for trusting me no matter what! I will do my best.
With Love,
Elena
The parable is speaking to me that God’s love is not meant to be hidden. It should be like the lamp ‘to be placed on a lampstand’ where the ‘lampstand’ is me as a Christian. This is what it means to be a Christian. Sometimes, I may sin, thinking that nobody knows. But, God, who is my Creator knows as He is telling me through the gospel reading today ‘For there is nothing hidden except to be made visible; nothing is secret except to come to light.’
I don’t like to hide things. Whenever I attempt to hide things, I feel them eating me within me. Then, the devil will take the chance to attack or deceive me with lies, drawing me away from God. If I keep on lying, God can never trust me with big things as I can’t even be honest with small things. Well, I am happy that at least, my current employers give me opportunities to keep in touch with confidential matters at work where I learn alot. I am very happy as God and the employers trust me that I am a person with integrity. But, I must continue to stay vigilant at all times as I will never know when I will be tempted or how I long how I can strong in the midst of being tempted. So, my workplace is also a place for me to the ‘lampstand’ for the ‘lamp’ to be shown as a Christian. It no longer matters how other people badmouth or accuse me in any ways. At least, I know that I am still loved as who I am by God and a few people. I will do my best wherever I am called to, bringing glory to God. And, that will be my response to God’s love. Therefore, it is more essential that I must spend regular time with God in His Word and prayers now that I am entrusted with greater matters at work where my work nature is going to affect a lot of people.
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for trusting me no matter what! I will do my best.
With Love,
Elena
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Precious Mini Experience of Being a Mother
Took my off-in-lieu from work on last Friday. Did not know why I was prompted to do so suddenly. Anyway, I still did it. My initial plan was to accompany my sister for her checkup. Who knows God revealed the real reason for me to take my off-in-lieu on the day itself? My sister went for delivery of her child. Therefore, I was assigned the task of taking care of my nephew in the morning on Friday and Saturday while my mum was at work. I am not sure how other people feel when they have to handle children alone. For me, I was very anxious and stressed out before I took care of my nephew who is also my godson who is two years old alone. I was afarid to handle children alone. A lot of things went through my mind such as what happned if he cried looking for my mum or sister, what happened if he was too naughty and I was out of control, what happened if he had soiled his diapers, etc. I was not confident on this task assigned to me as some kids used to hurt themselves right in front of me under my care and I always did not know how to communicate with them. I was praying very hard. I saw it as an opportunity from God for me to learn something out of it or to train me as a mother if my vocation were to be marriage.
It was not as difficult as I thought to be. My nephew gave me a wonderful experience of being a mother to him during those few hours on each day. He turned out to be easy to manage. One experience of awe was when I was sleeping with him on my mum's bed, he would push my face or knock his head against mine to wake me up. Then, he would lie his head down with me with his face touching mine, looking very innocent with a smile so genuine. I don't know how to describe such wonderful experience. It was beautiful beyond description. I felt very close to him. I felt like a mother. I even learnt to prepare some milk for him. Though he did not drink it as he had his milk earlier on which I was not informed of, I was happy that he did drink a few mouthfuls of it. I did make a mess out of preparing the milk. And yet, I was happy as I did manage to successfully prepare the milk. It was a small achievement for me personally as I am bad with housechores and taking care of kids. I did not manage to break through the barrier of changing diaper for him when he soiled his diaper and asked my mum to rush back home as soon as possible. I am still scared of filth and can't stand the thought of touching the faeces. But, somehow, I believe I will break though the barrier in the future as I have successfully taken care of my nephew well.
I thank God for giving me this opportunity of being a mother to my nephew during those few hours for the past two days. By today, I am totally drained to go anywhere but to go to my sister's place which is a few blocks away with my mum who needed my help in carrying the things to her. I have learnt that it is so time consuming and energy draining to be a mother to a child. I really respect those mothers who need to take care of not just one but a few children. My sister has just come home today. She shared with me her personal experience of giving birth as a mother. What I have learnt is it entails a lot of suffering and pain to deliver each child with a lot of patience, love, wisdom and sacrifices to bring up and nurture every child for the rest of her life. I thank my mum for bringing me into the world and make some efforts into raising me up.
Here, I would also like to thank all mothers who bring lives into the world and raise them up and nurture them. One thing I have always personally believed is that even if our mothers may not have loved us the ways we would like them to love us, we can never deny that we carry part of their genes and blood. No matter how they have wronged us or how much some of us hated them, we still have to thank them for bringing us into the world to enjoy God's blessing. Without them, we would not have come to this world to enjoy the creation of God and God's love with others. We should learn to forgive them and and still be thankful to them for bringing us into the world no matter what they have done wrong or how they have offended us . If we can't even forgive the very people who have brought us into this world, we can never claim that we love God. Love is unconditional and forgiving. If we can't even forgive and love the very people who have brought us into this world, what makes us think that we can love God who can't be seen or touched? It is not easy to forgive but it is not impossible with the power of Love. We need to make the decision to forgive and then ask God for the wisdom and strength to help us to expand our hearts to forgive.
I really hope that God blesses me with marriage and the opportunity to have a child in my womb created out of Love with my spouse. Listening to people's sharing is one matter. But, experiencing it myself is totally a different matter. Though being a mother is never easy and entails a lot of sacrifices and love for the rest of my life, I would still like to pray for such experience of awe of being a mother. Now, it is God's will if He will bless me with chidlren of my own as He still knows what is the best for me. I lift it up to Him. If you have not thanked your mother all these years, time to do so with gratitude as nobody knows who will leave this world next.
With Love,
Elena
It was not as difficult as I thought to be. My nephew gave me a wonderful experience of being a mother to him during those few hours on each day. He turned out to be easy to manage. One experience of awe was when I was sleeping with him on my mum's bed, he would push my face or knock his head against mine to wake me up. Then, he would lie his head down with me with his face touching mine, looking very innocent with a smile so genuine. I don't know how to describe such wonderful experience. It was beautiful beyond description. I felt very close to him. I felt like a mother. I even learnt to prepare some milk for him. Though he did not drink it as he had his milk earlier on which I was not informed of, I was happy that he did drink a few mouthfuls of it. I did make a mess out of preparing the milk. And yet, I was happy as I did manage to successfully prepare the milk. It was a small achievement for me personally as I am bad with housechores and taking care of kids. I did not manage to break through the barrier of changing diaper for him when he soiled his diaper and asked my mum to rush back home as soon as possible. I am still scared of filth and can't stand the thought of touching the faeces. But, somehow, I believe I will break though the barrier in the future as I have successfully taken care of my nephew well.
I thank God for giving me this opportunity of being a mother to my nephew during those few hours for the past two days. By today, I am totally drained to go anywhere but to go to my sister's place which is a few blocks away with my mum who needed my help in carrying the things to her. I have learnt that it is so time consuming and energy draining to be a mother to a child. I really respect those mothers who need to take care of not just one but a few children. My sister has just come home today. She shared with me her personal experience of giving birth as a mother. What I have learnt is it entails a lot of suffering and pain to deliver each child with a lot of patience, love, wisdom and sacrifices to bring up and nurture every child for the rest of her life. I thank my mum for bringing me into the world and make some efforts into raising me up.
Here, I would also like to thank all mothers who bring lives into the world and raise them up and nurture them. One thing I have always personally believed is that even if our mothers may not have loved us the ways we would like them to love us, we can never deny that we carry part of their genes and blood. No matter how they have wronged us or how much some of us hated them, we still have to thank them for bringing us into the world to enjoy God's blessing. Without them, we would not have come to this world to enjoy the creation of God and God's love with others. We should learn to forgive them and and still be thankful to them for bringing us into the world no matter what they have done wrong or how they have offended us . If we can't even forgive the very people who have brought us into this world, we can never claim that we love God. Love is unconditional and forgiving. If we can't even forgive and love the very people who have brought us into this world, what makes us think that we can love God who can't be seen or touched? It is not easy to forgive but it is not impossible with the power of Love. We need to make the decision to forgive and then ask God for the wisdom and strength to help us to expand our hearts to forgive.
I really hope that God blesses me with marriage and the opportunity to have a child in my womb created out of Love with my spouse. Listening to people's sharing is one matter. But, experiencing it myself is totally a different matter. Though being a mother is never easy and entails a lot of sacrifices and love for the rest of my life, I would still like to pray for such experience of awe of being a mother. Now, it is God's will if He will bless me with chidlren of my own as He still knows what is the best for me. I lift it up to Him. If you have not thanked your mother all these years, time to do so with gratitude as nobody knows who will leave this world next.
With Love,
Elena
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the 23 January 2011
Mt 4:12-23
The gospel on this day gives me hope through the proclamation of ‘the people who sit in darkness have seen a great light, on those dwelling in a land overshadowed by death light has arisen.’ No matter what darkness I am in, fears, sins and any traps, Jesus is telling me there is hope. He further emphasizes on one point through “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” Though there is hope, the kingdom of heaven is at hand, it is still up to my free will to repent. If I do not make conscious efforts and decisions to repent, no amount of hope or how near the kingdom of God is, can draw me closer to God. I must make the conscious efforts to examine my conscience and see which areas of my life need transformation so that God can heal me and draw me closer to Him.
This point is further depicted in the scene of Simon and Andrew who ‘left their boat and their father and followed him.’ when Jesus called them. Am I willing to let go of the things, sins and even people when called forth to follow Jesus so that I can draw myself to God or do I choose to stay in my boat drifting aimlessly being bound by the net of sins, things and people into the storm where I may get lost forever from God? Notice Jesus did not coerce them to follow him for it is still up to our own will to choose to follow or drift away from him. Of course, all of us will have people, things or sins that we may not be willing to let go of immediately. God understands that. Never lose heart. Just pray for the strength, wisdom and patience to change slowly for Jesus is always waiting for us in the sacraments, especially the Eucharistic Celebration and Sacrament of Reconciliation, so that we can go back to him and draw us closer and closer to him no matter how many times we keep falling into sins. The question is: Do I choose to make the decision and conscious efforts to even participate in such sacraments being aware that these sacraments are graces from God to us, as His gifts of Love for us out of Love? Nobody is unworthy. You are loved for who you are. You must be very tired. Time to come home. Jesus is waiting for you with a smile. :)
With Love,
Elena
The gospel on this day gives me hope through the proclamation of ‘the people who sit in darkness have seen a great light, on those dwelling in a land overshadowed by death light has arisen.’ No matter what darkness I am in, fears, sins and any traps, Jesus is telling me there is hope. He further emphasizes on one point through “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” Though there is hope, the kingdom of heaven is at hand, it is still up to my free will to repent. If I do not make conscious efforts and decisions to repent, no amount of hope or how near the kingdom of God is, can draw me closer to God. I must make the conscious efforts to examine my conscience and see which areas of my life need transformation so that God can heal me and draw me closer to Him.
This point is further depicted in the scene of Simon and Andrew who ‘left their boat and their father and followed him.’ when Jesus called them. Am I willing to let go of the things, sins and even people when called forth to follow Jesus so that I can draw myself to God or do I choose to stay in my boat drifting aimlessly being bound by the net of sins, things and people into the storm where I may get lost forever from God? Notice Jesus did not coerce them to follow him for it is still up to our own will to choose to follow or drift away from him. Of course, all of us will have people, things or sins that we may not be willing to let go of immediately. God understands that. Never lose heart. Just pray for the strength, wisdom and patience to change slowly for Jesus is always waiting for us in the sacraments, especially the Eucharistic Celebration and Sacrament of Reconciliation, so that we can go back to him and draw us closer and closer to him no matter how many times we keep falling into sins. The question is: Do I choose to make the decision and conscious efforts to even participate in such sacraments being aware that these sacraments are graces from God to us, as His gifts of Love for us out of Love? Nobody is unworthy. You are loved for who you are. You must be very tired. Time to come home. Jesus is waiting for you with a smile. :)
With Love,
Elena
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the 19 January 2011
Mk 3:1-6
There are still some people like the Pharisees, even in church. They may be very well versed in the doctrines and teaching of the Church and even teach people about them but like what Jesus may grieve ‘at their hardness of heart’. They have the knowledge but not allowing their hearts to be transformed. That will explain why some people who seem to be holy preaching and writing well and yet their behaviour does not practise what has been preached. I should say they only have the knowledge at the rational level but may not allow themselves personal experience with God for God to transform their ‘hardened hearts’.
Having the knowledge is the first essential step to know more about God. But, how my spiritual life grows will depend on how open I am in surrendering myself to God for God’s will to be done, especially when what I want may not be God’s will. If I am not careful, I will be acting like the Pharisees where I keep on judging people and accusing others instead of looking inward to see which areas of my life should be improved. I will hurt others, especially when people truly love me and others and yet I may accuse them due to my distorted perception. My focus will be wrong. It is good to be righteous following the laws but not when laws are put above Love, just like “Is it lawful to do good on the sabbath rather than to do evil, to save life rather than to destroy it?” I may become harsh on the others with laws and principles when I am called forth to make exceptions in certain situations.
I am very strong in my principles. In order to be right, I may go all out to put things right even at the expense of putting aside all feelings. Over the years, I am not sure how many I have hurt, especially when it comes to matters of heart. The gospel reading has warned me once again to place Love above all principles and laws. If not, I may fall into the danger of being self righteous and arrogant and harsh. My heart may continue to be hardened. No matter what, I should allow the Holy Spirit to guide me and go according to God’s will even if certain things do not make sense to me. Well, Love is never rational. Only by opening myself to the mystery of Love even against my logic, then will I truly be transformed by God instead of me being the person in control.
With Love,
Elena
There are still some people like the Pharisees, even in church. They may be very well versed in the doctrines and teaching of the Church and even teach people about them but like what Jesus may grieve ‘at their hardness of heart’. They have the knowledge but not allowing their hearts to be transformed. That will explain why some people who seem to be holy preaching and writing well and yet their behaviour does not practise what has been preached. I should say they only have the knowledge at the rational level but may not allow themselves personal experience with God for God to transform their ‘hardened hearts’.
Having the knowledge is the first essential step to know more about God. But, how my spiritual life grows will depend on how open I am in surrendering myself to God for God’s will to be done, especially when what I want may not be God’s will. If I am not careful, I will be acting like the Pharisees where I keep on judging people and accusing others instead of looking inward to see which areas of my life should be improved. I will hurt others, especially when people truly love me and others and yet I may accuse them due to my distorted perception. My focus will be wrong. It is good to be righteous following the laws but not when laws are put above Love, just like “Is it lawful to do good on the sabbath rather than to do evil, to save life rather than to destroy it?” I may become harsh on the others with laws and principles when I am called forth to make exceptions in certain situations.
I am very strong in my principles. In order to be right, I may go all out to put things right even at the expense of putting aside all feelings. Over the years, I am not sure how many I have hurt, especially when it comes to matters of heart. The gospel reading has warned me once again to place Love above all principles and laws. If not, I may fall into the danger of being self righteous and arrogant and harsh. My heart may continue to be hardened. No matter what, I should allow the Holy Spirit to guide me and go according to God’s will even if certain things do not make sense to me. Well, Love is never rational. Only by opening myself to the mystery of Love even against my logic, then will I truly be transformed by God instead of me being the person in control.
With Love,
Elena
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Time for Spiritual Reflexology?
Just come back from a movie with my friend. Good to chill out with my friend who is also facing high level of stress at work. I thank God for the companionship through this friend with me. It is really nice to have a friend to chill out with and bitch about work. Time for quiet time through this reflection with God before I start my crazy days again from tomorrow onwards.
I go for foot reflexology quite regularly due to some health issues. One of the benefits from foot reflexology that I gain most is a nice sleep after each session. Foot reflexology is also known to help in improving blood circulation, relieving tension and promoting natural functions of the related parts of the body through the appropriate pressure on the related reflexes on the feet. I am very particular about foot reflexology when it comes to whether the reflexologist has pressed the points accurately or not. Certain points when pressed may be more painful that the others, especially when I do not have enough sleep. Sometimes, the foot reflexologist did point out accurately my main problems when pressing on the reflexes where I experienced more pain to improve the issues. When the points were pressed correctly, I could feel relaxed and able to sleep immediately after that. When I wake up, I will feel very refreshed. If the points were not pressed on accurately, I could immediately know it and my black face would appear and I would not extend the duration of the session.
This comes to my mind that I need time to have my spiritual reflexology from time to time where God is the Spiritual Reflexologist. If not, my spiritual growth would be blocked by my sins if I choose to ignore the issues or sins. Then, the Holy Spirit can never work freely in me, just like how the blood cannot flow smoothly through my body. Subsequently, I will fall more and more sick up to the point that I collapse. When certain areas of my life are exposed to God, I will feel quite painful and uncomforatble. For instance, when I have to admit my fault of being impatient, I may feel uncomfortable at first, just like how I may feel a bit of pain when certain reflexes which indicate some problems in those parts of the body are pressed on at first. It may be a torture to me when I have to deal with difficult people due to my impatience. If I allow myself to handle these people and allow God to help me to develop my patience, I will grow to be more patient and my spiritual life will grow and the Holy Spirit will work more freely in me. I will be freed from that flaw of mine and more accepting of more of such people just like how my blood circulation improves after the foot reflexology. It is definitely very difficult and even torturing to love such people at first. But, if I choose to to judge them and escape from them, I will never accept them and will never grow in my spiritual life. It goes the same to my body where my poor blood circulation will lead to lack of oxygen carried by the blood to the organs and all parts of the body imposing more major health problems in the long run and even death if I refuse to get some treatment or help.
Nobody mentions that it is easy to help myself opening up to God for my certain issues and sins in life. It may be even painful to open up certain wounds for healing and yet it is essential to do so and requires to have some pain in opening them up for healing. If not, those areas of my life will always be in darkness where the devil lurks quietly and uses them to drift me away from God through lies. Those parts of my life will be stagnant which means those parts of my life are dead. Only living things that are dead will stay stagnant. Then, I will never grow to be more complete. Sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to face these issues or sins in life. That is when the support of the community comes in. Even when Jesus was on his way to the Calvary, he did not travel alone. People followed him. The women wiped his face and wept for him. Simon helped to carry his cross for him during certain part of his journey towards the Calvary. He did not push anyone away out of his ego. He was not even crucified alone. There were always be people with him though everyone on the crucifix would have to meet his death face to face alone. No one could replace anyone of them to die. But, the support of the commnuity will give the courage and love for the victims to move on with courage and love. When a person is sick, the quality of life is much better when a spouse goes through it all with her than she facing the suffering and death alone though he is not able to replace her to die. Such presence will bring comfort and strength to the person who is suffering to experience God's Love through the physical presence of her spouse.
Ultimately, nobody can force us to make any decisions in life. If a cow does not want to drink the water, it will still refuse to drink it even if I push its head into the water. God gives us the free will to choose to follow Him or drift away from Him. He knows that it is never easy to go through it alone which is why He will keep on sending people into our lives to go through lives with us. They will come into and leave our lives during different stages of our lives. We can choose to push them away and play God becaue of our egos or pride or accept their help and experience God's love through them for us to grow to be more complete with gratitude. The decision is still ours to make. I can choose to go for the foot reflexology to improve on my blood circulation and improvement of sleep quality or I can choose to allow my problems to persist till I fall very sick and continue to be totured by my health issues. God has given me my life as a gift. It is still up to me how I use this gift.
Is it time for your spiritual reflexology? Try it. It may be uncomfortable to face those blockages at first. It may be even painful and torturing to be pressed on at times. But, trust in the Spiritual Reflexologist (God). Take courage to take the steps to spend quiet time with Him regularly for such sessions. He would make sure that you would live well with peace of mind and heart once these blockages are melted in the warmth of His Love.
With Love,
Elena
I go for foot reflexology quite regularly due to some health issues. One of the benefits from foot reflexology that I gain most is a nice sleep after each session. Foot reflexology is also known to help in improving blood circulation, relieving tension and promoting natural functions of the related parts of the body through the appropriate pressure on the related reflexes on the feet. I am very particular about foot reflexology when it comes to whether the reflexologist has pressed the points accurately or not. Certain points when pressed may be more painful that the others, especially when I do not have enough sleep. Sometimes, the foot reflexologist did point out accurately my main problems when pressing on the reflexes where I experienced more pain to improve the issues. When the points were pressed correctly, I could feel relaxed and able to sleep immediately after that. When I wake up, I will feel very refreshed. If the points were not pressed on accurately, I could immediately know it and my black face would appear and I would not extend the duration of the session.
This comes to my mind that I need time to have my spiritual reflexology from time to time where God is the Spiritual Reflexologist. If not, my spiritual growth would be blocked by my sins if I choose to ignore the issues or sins. Then, the Holy Spirit can never work freely in me, just like how the blood cannot flow smoothly through my body. Subsequently, I will fall more and more sick up to the point that I collapse. When certain areas of my life are exposed to God, I will feel quite painful and uncomforatble. For instance, when I have to admit my fault of being impatient, I may feel uncomfortable at first, just like how I may feel a bit of pain when certain reflexes which indicate some problems in those parts of the body are pressed on at first. It may be a torture to me when I have to deal with difficult people due to my impatience. If I allow myself to handle these people and allow God to help me to develop my patience, I will grow to be more patient and my spiritual life will grow and the Holy Spirit will work more freely in me. I will be freed from that flaw of mine and more accepting of more of such people just like how my blood circulation improves after the foot reflexology. It is definitely very difficult and even torturing to love such people at first. But, if I choose to to judge them and escape from them, I will never accept them and will never grow in my spiritual life. It goes the same to my body where my poor blood circulation will lead to lack of oxygen carried by the blood to the organs and all parts of the body imposing more major health problems in the long run and even death if I refuse to get some treatment or help.
Nobody mentions that it is easy to help myself opening up to God for my certain issues and sins in life. It may be even painful to open up certain wounds for healing and yet it is essential to do so and requires to have some pain in opening them up for healing. If not, those areas of my life will always be in darkness where the devil lurks quietly and uses them to drift me away from God through lies. Those parts of my life will be stagnant which means those parts of my life are dead. Only living things that are dead will stay stagnant. Then, I will never grow to be more complete. Sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to face these issues or sins in life. That is when the support of the community comes in. Even when Jesus was on his way to the Calvary, he did not travel alone. People followed him. The women wiped his face and wept for him. Simon helped to carry his cross for him during certain part of his journey towards the Calvary. He did not push anyone away out of his ego. He was not even crucified alone. There were always be people with him though everyone on the crucifix would have to meet his death face to face alone. No one could replace anyone of them to die. But, the support of the commnuity will give the courage and love for the victims to move on with courage and love. When a person is sick, the quality of life is much better when a spouse goes through it all with her than she facing the suffering and death alone though he is not able to replace her to die. Such presence will bring comfort and strength to the person who is suffering to experience God's Love through the physical presence of her spouse.
Ultimately, nobody can force us to make any decisions in life. If a cow does not want to drink the water, it will still refuse to drink it even if I push its head into the water. God gives us the free will to choose to follow Him or drift away from Him. He knows that it is never easy to go through it alone which is why He will keep on sending people into our lives to go through lives with us. They will come into and leave our lives during different stages of our lives. We can choose to push them away and play God becaue of our egos or pride or accept their help and experience God's love through them for us to grow to be more complete with gratitude. The decision is still ours to make. I can choose to go for the foot reflexology to improve on my blood circulation and improvement of sleep quality or I can choose to allow my problems to persist till I fall very sick and continue to be totured by my health issues. God has given me my life as a gift. It is still up to me how I use this gift.
Is it time for your spiritual reflexology? Try it. It may be uncomfortable to face those blockages at first. It may be even painful and torturing to be pressed on at times. But, trust in the Spiritual Reflexologist (God). Take courage to take the steps to spend quiet time with Him regularly for such sessions. He would make sure that you would live well with peace of mind and heart once these blockages are melted in the warmth of His Love.
With Love,
Elena
Friday, January 14, 2011
Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the 16 January 2011
Jn 1:29-34
Sometimes, when I am too busy in the midst of activities and details that I will miss the picture of what my mission here as a Christian is. My mission here is depicted in the proclamation from John, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world. He is the one of whom I said, ‘A man is coming after me who ranks ahead of me because he existed before me.’ I did not know him, but the reason why I came baptizing with water was that he might be made known to Israel.” It is all about being Christ centered instead of self centered. Sometimes, when I am too busy in my life, I may miss my focus on Jesus and become self centered due to my fallen nature as a human being, getting what I want. It is always useful to spend regular time with God for me first thing in the morning through my prayers to set my day right with God. No doubt I will still sin. But such prayers remind me to put God above me, especially when I can be wilful. Then, I will not go too far away from Him.
In the Kingdom of God, things work differently. In the world, most of us try to be first in everything, like being the first for our children to take up vacancies in some prestigious schools, being the first to produce the best projects to be presented to bosses at work for promotion, to be the first to grab seats in the bus or MRT with the others, etc. It is all about competition, about placing self above others. But, in the Kingdom of God, as what John had mentioned, ‘A man is coming after me who ranks ahead of me because he existed before me.’ It does not matter who comes first. Ultimately, Jesus who came after John is still the Son of Man. Jesus did not try to appear before John in the fear of not being recognized. He never did anything out of fear except from out of fear towards God in obedience out of Love. It implies that we are here to serve but not to be served. God’s grace is for everyone. I do not have to compete against others how holy I am when compared to them, how many people support me when compared to other people or leaders, how wealthy or capable I am, how influential I am, how talented I am, how popular I am, how attractive I am to others, etc. God does not look for all these qualities. As heard from the gospel reading the day before this, ‘Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do.’ God is also here for all the sinners. He comes to love all of us and heal us. So, Jesus dies for everyone, not just for the influential, talented, wealthy, seemingly holy, etc. It is not about being first in everything. What God wants is a contrite heart as depicted in Psalm 51, ‘For you do not desire sacrifice; a burnt offering you would not accept. My sacrifice, God, is a broken spirit; God, do not spurn a broken, humbled heart.’ He wants to work through our brokenness. If I am perfect, I am god for only God is perfect. I am only perfect through love with the others in Love as part of the body of Christ with Jesus Christ as the head. So, I must make the efforts not to judge people as my mission here is to love even my enemies as a Christian to be light to not just the people I like but to EVERYONE. If God loves me even when I sin, I should also love others even when they sin. That also includes forgiving people ‘seventy seven times’. Then, that is truly unconditional love which can expand the Kingdom of God.
With Love,
Elena
Sometimes, when I am too busy in the midst of activities and details that I will miss the picture of what my mission here as a Christian is. My mission here is depicted in the proclamation from John, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world. He is the one of whom I said, ‘A man is coming after me who ranks ahead of me because he existed before me.’ I did not know him, but the reason why I came baptizing with water was that he might be made known to Israel.” It is all about being Christ centered instead of self centered. Sometimes, when I am too busy in my life, I may miss my focus on Jesus and become self centered due to my fallen nature as a human being, getting what I want. It is always useful to spend regular time with God for me first thing in the morning through my prayers to set my day right with God. No doubt I will still sin. But such prayers remind me to put God above me, especially when I can be wilful. Then, I will not go too far away from Him.
In the Kingdom of God, things work differently. In the world, most of us try to be first in everything, like being the first for our children to take up vacancies in some prestigious schools, being the first to produce the best projects to be presented to bosses at work for promotion, to be the first to grab seats in the bus or MRT with the others, etc. It is all about competition, about placing self above others. But, in the Kingdom of God, as what John had mentioned, ‘A man is coming after me who ranks ahead of me because he existed before me.’ It does not matter who comes first. Ultimately, Jesus who came after John is still the Son of Man. Jesus did not try to appear before John in the fear of not being recognized. He never did anything out of fear except from out of fear towards God in obedience out of Love. It implies that we are here to serve but not to be served. God’s grace is for everyone. I do not have to compete against others how holy I am when compared to them, how many people support me when compared to other people or leaders, how wealthy or capable I am, how influential I am, how talented I am, how popular I am, how attractive I am to others, etc. God does not look for all these qualities. As heard from the gospel reading the day before this, ‘Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do.’ God is also here for all the sinners. He comes to love all of us and heal us. So, Jesus dies for everyone, not just for the influential, talented, wealthy, seemingly holy, etc. It is not about being first in everything. What God wants is a contrite heart as depicted in Psalm 51, ‘For you do not desire sacrifice; a burnt offering you would not accept. My sacrifice, God, is a broken spirit; God, do not spurn a broken, humbled heart.’ He wants to work through our brokenness. If I am perfect, I am god for only God is perfect. I am only perfect through love with the others in Love as part of the body of Christ with Jesus Christ as the head. So, I must make the efforts not to judge people as my mission here is to love even my enemies as a Christian to be light to not just the people I like but to EVERYONE. If God loves me even when I sin, I should also love others even when they sin. That also includes forgiving people ‘seventy seven times’. Then, that is truly unconditional love which can expand the Kingdom of God.
With Love,
Elena
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Any formulas or calculation in Love?
Life has been hectic for me, especially my work. As my position is newly created, jobscope is still in the process of being defined. I am a blur sotong. My line of reporting is different from other officers within the same division. I oonly made clear my line of reportingafter working here for 3 weeks plus. Some colleagues have some misunderstanding towards me, even my boss as I do not often open my mouth to clarify the doubt unless I find it absolutely necessary to do so. Nevertheless, I am still coping well. But, when it comes to health, it is not really positive. I was hit very badly three times by migraine within two weeks after not being hit as badly for many years. I am still continuously being delegated with more roles. Not sure if I can do it as I am also required to do some jobs which are meant for university graduates. With my educational level, I am not sure if I can do it. So, I have to work doubly hard. More meetings and training coming. During my weekends, I am so tired that I have to catch up with my sleep. Other than sleeping, I will be an usual couch potato in front of the TVB Cantonese shows from Hong Kong which is very 'auntie' of me to have such hobby. While watching them, my mind will always be very busy with all the themes and lessons from the shows keeping on playing in my mind.
So far, my life is as simple as this without much social life after parties during Christmas and New Year celebration. But, I am still feeling very fulfilled and happy with such simple life. I spend most of my time with my family, especially my nephew who is also my godson. He is very cute. He is the reason why I stay at home often nowadays. I remember I was reading my working document yesterday. He was leaning against, accompanying me to read the document. He is only two years old. He simply imitated me in reading my document. Then, he suddenly stared at me with a cheeky expression. I looked at him and he smiled at me. It brought laughter to me. I always like to carry him once I reach home. There was one occasion when I carried him to view the flat opposite. He suddenly turned to me and looked at me with an innocent look. I burst into laughter at his cute expression. Though simple acts from him, these simple acts never fail to bring smile to my face and cheer me up no matter how unhappy I am outside.
I have learnt that love is never meant to be calculated. It does not matter whether an act or word is big or small. It is never meant to be calculated. During last week, there was a disabled on a wheelchair trying to board on a bus I was in. He tried to board on the bus outdside NEX at Serangoon. Out of so many people, I noticed this Bangladeshi man who kept on looking out for this disabled if he needed help. He made sure that the bus captain helped the disabled to board on the bus as the bangladeshi was not sure how to help him. His body language was showing he was near them to help if needed. After the disabled alighted at one of the bus stops at Lorong Ah Soo, the Bangladeshi also alighted at the same bus stop and stood there to see if the disabled needed any help though the bus captain helped him down. The Bangladeshi went his way after he had made sure that the disabled got down safely. This simple body language which showed his care brought smile to my face.
Anyone is capable of love, whether educated or not, poor or rich, disabled or not, regardless jobs. Nobody is incapable or unworthy of love. Even a smile to a person can brighten up his day. It does not mean that only when someone does something big like Mother Theresa who spent her whole life taking care of the poor and sickly people or some martyrs who died for their faith, then he is the light to someone's life. If everyone were do small little things to love or care, the society will be more beautiful and warmer, be it just a simple act of smile or giving up seats to people who really need the seats. Taking MRT train daily to workplace and back home in my previous job was a torture and stress to me. Those were the times when I got to see the ugly side of many people. Some pretended to sleep in the trains so that they did not have to give up their seats, some saw some pregnant women and still rushed to get the seats before, some simply ignored these people who really needed the seats, some scolded us like barbarians when some of us accidentally bumped into them while they formed a small circle which took up a lot of space to talk in a train sardine packed, some men even tried to get close to take advantage of some women, etc. The daily travel to work and back home by the trains simply pissed me off and drained my energy daily. During some occasions, I simply could not take it and told some commuters off for not giving up seats to some pregnant women or women who were carrying young children. They apologized to me. What was the point of apologizing to me? I did not need the apology. All I expected was for those people to give up their seats to those people who really needed the seats. Action speaks louder than words. If everyone were to be considerate and caring, everyone's life will be happier.
However, I should say that I did bump into some considerate people. There were a few occasions when I was sick and the trains were poor ventilated which I could not breathe properly and my face went pale. Some people gave up their seats to me though I rejected. There was one funny occasion when I closed my eyes to rest. When I opened my eyes, I saw a few pregnant women standing in front of me. I offered the seat to the one nearest to me. She refused to sit down. The others who looked at me also refused my seats. I was thinking to myself that even pregnant women had to give up their seats to me. So pai seh (embarassing)! Those were the moments when I was really grateful towards these considerate people.
It's not about how many times I give up my seats to others and how many times they give up their seats to me. In relationships, it is not about how much I have given and how much I have received. It is not about whether my status matches with yours to be friends or married couples. It is not about how manay times I have forgiven you and how many more times I have to do so. Sometimes, I do think that some people romanticize love too much. For instance, if a person is sick, he will give up his lover to someone whom he thinks will give her happiness. My questions are: How does he know that his lover is better off with a leath person? Has he ever even discussed with her? Why is he deciding for her? Is he God? Is it even God;s will for him to do that? Is God really so powerless that they can never experience love togther in God? If that is the cae, the commandment should have stated if anyone were to be sick, he loves by giving up his spouse or lover to the others who are healthy. I would suggest it would help us to gain insight into what is love about between lovers and spouses in the vows made within the Holy Matrimony. I ever spoke to a person who wanted to be a priest. He told me I would never undestand how tough it was to be a priest, how much sacrifice was needed to be a priest. To me, sorry to say that, what makes him think that married couples do not have to make much sacrifice? What makes him think that being single staying in such fast and modern world is easy? Every vocation entails its own risks, difficulties and sacrifice. Talk to some elderly in the aged homes. They can share with you their sufferings and sacrifices as married or single people. Some priests live even better off than them.
When love is given to others, never ever complain or measure. If not, might as well not give because ultimately by complaining or measuring, Love is belittled. By calculating or measuring, it becomes transaction where I give you this thing expecting something from you. It is no longer unconditional love as I have set certain conditions to it. Jesus had given so much and yet, have you ever heard him complaing, 'Do you know how tough it is to be the Son of Man?', 'I have sacrificed and died for you, what have you done for me?', 'Do you know how much I have sacrificed? How much have you sacrificed for me to show me that you love me?', etc. He had never asked such questions. He never whined or complained. He did not measure love how much he loved and how much he received as he was suffering at the Calvary. He simply gave up his life out of Love. His love was never calculative or measured.
How do we, as Christians, make a difference to other people's lives? It can be just as simple as a smile to a person to brighten someone's day up. It can be as simple as giving up seats to people who need them. It can be as simple as spending time with family members. It can be as simple as offering comforting words to friends who are in distress. It can also be as simple as just being present without the need to say or do anything to people who feel lonely in facing their illnesses or issues. It can be as simple as saying 'I love you' once in a while to the spouse or helping out with housechores. Sometimes, I may not know what to do. If I am close to God, the Holy Spirit will guide me on how to love the others in my behaviour or words at the right time in the right place or whether only prayers are needed from me without approaching some people according to God. The only conscious effort from me is to be open to God's will for the Holy Spirit to work freely in me and have the courage to do or say what the Holy Spirit has guided me in doing so to the people I am called to approach to share God's love.
When love is given, it must be given freely just like how God has loved me unconditionally. If I complain why I never receive as much or measure it, I will never be truly joyful in sharing Love with others. I will never get to experience deep joy of sharing this Love as I am busy calculating the give and take and get myself very miserable or upset if I never receive as much. I am very blessed to have met a few people in my life that they love me without calculating if they receive as much. One person is my deceased 'mummy'. I had hurt her so deeply and made her so angry that I had affected her health until her blood pressure rose during one occasion. And yet, she forgave me again and again. I was a very rebellious schoolgirl at that time. Because of her relentless love and care, she managed to melt my hardened heart and I even got a Singa Award where I was nominated as the most courteous student for helping the unfortunate ones. I always think that I did not deserve the trophy. It should go to her. If not for her, I would not have won the prize and I may not be in this world enjoying what I have today. She led me to the Catholic faith as her rare quality of being forgiving again and again and sincere towards others drew me there in the midst of politics and pretension around me. She shone in her sufferings. I will never forget the message she conveyed to a person who told me, 'She wants you to be happy. But, she does not know how to.' Those words touch me even till now. It does not matter whether she knew how to make me happy. I am happy enough that she made the efforts. She was always there for me helping me when needed and yet gave me the room to grow and make my choice, and make mistakes and learn from them. She helped me to start anew many times through her forgiveness and patience. I failed many times and yet she kept on giving me chances. No matter how deeply I had hurt her even to the point when it affected her health, she never abandoned me even till her death. She even made some plans for me through her husband after she had gone. How much more can I complain? No words could ever express my gratitude and appreciation inside. I have learnt that love is never meant to be calculated. It does not have any formulas like Mathermatics.
Nobody knows who will leave this world next. It is precisely such uncertainty that I should treasure every moment of my life with the people and live as if each day is my last day. Imagine if I can predict exactly when I am dying, I may start to make calculative moves and plans and will never open myself freely to God for God to give me surprises or work wonders in my life. I may play God to decide to do what I want though it may not be God's will. I may push some people away thinking that it is for their own good that they should leave me before they are hurt by my departure. In such cases, I will never get to experience miracles from God and love with others as I have played God to decide what have to be done for them and myself. I may even torture my loved ones with my so called good for them decisions. I will never enjoy each moment as I may be busy planning and calculating what to do with the little time I have.
Love is never Mathematics to be calculated nor to be understood with rational mind with limited capacity of human mind. God is Love. Whether I experience this Love to the fullest is up to me if I dare to open up and have the courage to love and receive love with a generous heart even if it hurts or not. Sometimes, it is good that it hurts as this shows that I am still a human made of flesh and blood, capable of love. I am not a robot. I know I still love. The worst state is not pain from the hurt but numbness where the person just lives like a walking zombie closing himself to the wonders of life. What a pity to have such hell on earth when a paradise on earth is possible with life live to the fullest open to adventure to grow and love! The decision ultimately falls in my hands.
With Love,
Elena
So far, my life is as simple as this without much social life after parties during Christmas and New Year celebration. But, I am still feeling very fulfilled and happy with such simple life. I spend most of my time with my family, especially my nephew who is also my godson. He is very cute. He is the reason why I stay at home often nowadays. I remember I was reading my working document yesterday. He was leaning against, accompanying me to read the document. He is only two years old. He simply imitated me in reading my document. Then, he suddenly stared at me with a cheeky expression. I looked at him and he smiled at me. It brought laughter to me. I always like to carry him once I reach home. There was one occasion when I carried him to view the flat opposite. He suddenly turned to me and looked at me with an innocent look. I burst into laughter at his cute expression. Though simple acts from him, these simple acts never fail to bring smile to my face and cheer me up no matter how unhappy I am outside.
I have learnt that love is never meant to be calculated. It does not matter whether an act or word is big or small. It is never meant to be calculated. During last week, there was a disabled on a wheelchair trying to board on a bus I was in. He tried to board on the bus outdside NEX at Serangoon. Out of so many people, I noticed this Bangladeshi man who kept on looking out for this disabled if he needed help. He made sure that the bus captain helped the disabled to board on the bus as the bangladeshi was not sure how to help him. His body language was showing he was near them to help if needed. After the disabled alighted at one of the bus stops at Lorong Ah Soo, the Bangladeshi also alighted at the same bus stop and stood there to see if the disabled needed any help though the bus captain helped him down. The Bangladeshi went his way after he had made sure that the disabled got down safely. This simple body language which showed his care brought smile to my face.
Anyone is capable of love, whether educated or not, poor or rich, disabled or not, regardless jobs. Nobody is incapable or unworthy of love. Even a smile to a person can brighten up his day. It does not mean that only when someone does something big like Mother Theresa who spent her whole life taking care of the poor and sickly people or some martyrs who died for their faith, then he is the light to someone's life. If everyone were do small little things to love or care, the society will be more beautiful and warmer, be it just a simple act of smile or giving up seats to people who really need the seats. Taking MRT train daily to workplace and back home in my previous job was a torture and stress to me. Those were the times when I got to see the ugly side of many people. Some pretended to sleep in the trains so that they did not have to give up their seats, some saw some pregnant women and still rushed to get the seats before, some simply ignored these people who really needed the seats, some scolded us like barbarians when some of us accidentally bumped into them while they formed a small circle which took up a lot of space to talk in a train sardine packed, some men even tried to get close to take advantage of some women, etc. The daily travel to work and back home by the trains simply pissed me off and drained my energy daily. During some occasions, I simply could not take it and told some commuters off for not giving up seats to some pregnant women or women who were carrying young children. They apologized to me. What was the point of apologizing to me? I did not need the apology. All I expected was for those people to give up their seats to those people who really needed the seats. Action speaks louder than words. If everyone were to be considerate and caring, everyone's life will be happier.
However, I should say that I did bump into some considerate people. There were a few occasions when I was sick and the trains were poor ventilated which I could not breathe properly and my face went pale. Some people gave up their seats to me though I rejected. There was one funny occasion when I closed my eyes to rest. When I opened my eyes, I saw a few pregnant women standing in front of me. I offered the seat to the one nearest to me. She refused to sit down. The others who looked at me also refused my seats. I was thinking to myself that even pregnant women had to give up their seats to me. So pai seh (embarassing)! Those were the moments when I was really grateful towards these considerate people.
It's not about how many times I give up my seats to others and how many times they give up their seats to me. In relationships, it is not about how much I have given and how much I have received. It is not about whether my status matches with yours to be friends or married couples. It is not about how manay times I have forgiven you and how many more times I have to do so. Sometimes, I do think that some people romanticize love too much. For instance, if a person is sick, he will give up his lover to someone whom he thinks will give her happiness. My questions are: How does he know that his lover is better off with a leath person? Has he ever even discussed with her? Why is he deciding for her? Is he God? Is it even God;s will for him to do that? Is God really so powerless that they can never experience love togther in God? If that is the cae, the commandment should have stated if anyone were to be sick, he loves by giving up his spouse or lover to the others who are healthy. I would suggest it would help us to gain insight into what is love about between lovers and spouses in the vows made within the Holy Matrimony. I ever spoke to a person who wanted to be a priest. He told me I would never undestand how tough it was to be a priest, how much sacrifice was needed to be a priest. To me, sorry to say that, what makes him think that married couples do not have to make much sacrifice? What makes him think that being single staying in such fast and modern world is easy? Every vocation entails its own risks, difficulties and sacrifice. Talk to some elderly in the aged homes. They can share with you their sufferings and sacrifices as married or single people. Some priests live even better off than them.
When love is given to others, never ever complain or measure. If not, might as well not give because ultimately by complaining or measuring, Love is belittled. By calculating or measuring, it becomes transaction where I give you this thing expecting something from you. It is no longer unconditional love as I have set certain conditions to it. Jesus had given so much and yet, have you ever heard him complaing, 'Do you know how tough it is to be the Son of Man?', 'I have sacrificed and died for you, what have you done for me?', 'Do you know how much I have sacrificed? How much have you sacrificed for me to show me that you love me?', etc. He had never asked such questions. He never whined or complained. He did not measure love how much he loved and how much he received as he was suffering at the Calvary. He simply gave up his life out of Love. His love was never calculative or measured.
How do we, as Christians, make a difference to other people's lives? It can be just as simple as a smile to a person to brighten someone's day up. It can be as simple as giving up seats to people who need them. It can be as simple as spending time with family members. It can be as simple as offering comforting words to friends who are in distress. It can also be as simple as just being present without the need to say or do anything to people who feel lonely in facing their illnesses or issues. It can be as simple as saying 'I love you' once in a while to the spouse or helping out with housechores. Sometimes, I may not know what to do. If I am close to God, the Holy Spirit will guide me on how to love the others in my behaviour or words at the right time in the right place or whether only prayers are needed from me without approaching some people according to God. The only conscious effort from me is to be open to God's will for the Holy Spirit to work freely in me and have the courage to do or say what the Holy Spirit has guided me in doing so to the people I am called to approach to share God's love.
When love is given, it must be given freely just like how God has loved me unconditionally. If I complain why I never receive as much or measure it, I will never be truly joyful in sharing Love with others. I will never get to experience deep joy of sharing this Love as I am busy calculating the give and take and get myself very miserable or upset if I never receive as much. I am very blessed to have met a few people in my life that they love me without calculating if they receive as much. One person is my deceased 'mummy'. I had hurt her so deeply and made her so angry that I had affected her health until her blood pressure rose during one occasion. And yet, she forgave me again and again. I was a very rebellious schoolgirl at that time. Because of her relentless love and care, she managed to melt my hardened heart and I even got a Singa Award where I was nominated as the most courteous student for helping the unfortunate ones. I always think that I did not deserve the trophy. It should go to her. If not for her, I would not have won the prize and I may not be in this world enjoying what I have today. She led me to the Catholic faith as her rare quality of being forgiving again and again and sincere towards others drew me there in the midst of politics and pretension around me. She shone in her sufferings. I will never forget the message she conveyed to a person who told me, 'She wants you to be happy. But, she does not know how to.' Those words touch me even till now. It does not matter whether she knew how to make me happy. I am happy enough that she made the efforts. She was always there for me helping me when needed and yet gave me the room to grow and make my choice, and make mistakes and learn from them. She helped me to start anew many times through her forgiveness and patience. I failed many times and yet she kept on giving me chances. No matter how deeply I had hurt her even to the point when it affected her health, she never abandoned me even till her death. She even made some plans for me through her husband after she had gone. How much more can I complain? No words could ever express my gratitude and appreciation inside. I have learnt that love is never meant to be calculated. It does not have any formulas like Mathermatics.
Nobody knows who will leave this world next. It is precisely such uncertainty that I should treasure every moment of my life with the people and live as if each day is my last day. Imagine if I can predict exactly when I am dying, I may start to make calculative moves and plans and will never open myself freely to God for God to give me surprises or work wonders in my life. I may play God to decide to do what I want though it may not be God's will. I may push some people away thinking that it is for their own good that they should leave me before they are hurt by my departure. In such cases, I will never get to experience miracles from God and love with others as I have played God to decide what have to be done for them and myself. I may even torture my loved ones with my so called good for them decisions. I will never enjoy each moment as I may be busy planning and calculating what to do with the little time I have.
Love is never Mathematics to be calculated nor to be understood with rational mind with limited capacity of human mind. God is Love. Whether I experience this Love to the fullest is up to me if I dare to open up and have the courage to love and receive love with a generous heart even if it hurts or not. Sometimes, it is good that it hurts as this shows that I am still a human made of flesh and blood, capable of love. I am not a robot. I know I still love. The worst state is not pain from the hurt but numbness where the person just lives like a walking zombie closing himself to the wonders of life. What a pity to have such hell on earth when a paradise on earth is possible with life live to the fullest open to adventure to grow and love! The decision ultimately falls in my hands.
With Love,
Elena
Friday, January 7, 2011
Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the Day of The Feast of the Baptism of the Lord
Mt 3:13-17
Though the Son of Man, Jesus went through baptism like any one of us. It showed his obedience to God as he confessed “Allow it now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfil all righteousness.” without a tint of arrogance as the Son of Man. He humbled himself down to our level to be like us going through baptism. This showed his surrender of his total self to God’s will. Jesus is my example on how to be a humble person, especially a leader. He was here to serve as a man despite his status as the Son of Man. I am also here to share God’s love with the others through my gifts like how Jesus had served the community throughout his life according to God’s will.
I can also imagine myself back to the time when I was baptized and my Heavenly Father was telling me, “This is my beloved daughter, with whom I am well pleased.” out of Love. Isn’t it beautiful to be chosen as a child of God to be part of Love and I responded to God’s love through my baptism?
With Love,
Elena
Though the Son of Man, Jesus went through baptism like any one of us. It showed his obedience to God as he confessed “Allow it now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfil all righteousness.” without a tint of arrogance as the Son of Man. He humbled himself down to our level to be like us going through baptism. This showed his surrender of his total self to God’s will. Jesus is my example on how to be a humble person, especially a leader. He was here to serve as a man despite his status as the Son of Man. I am also here to share God’s love with the others through my gifts like how Jesus had served the community throughout his life according to God’s will.
I can also imagine myself back to the time when I was baptized and my Heavenly Father was telling me, “This is my beloved daughter, with whom I am well pleased.” out of Love. Isn’t it beautiful to be chosen as a child of God to be part of Love and I responded to God’s love through my baptism?
With Love,
Elena
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the 6 January 2011
Lk 4:14-22
What is the purpose of the Holy Spirit? It is for me to love as mentioned in ‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to bring glad tidings to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord.’ From here, one can gather that Christianity is all about sharing God’s Love. The Love is never meant for self. Our mission as Christians is to love. How do we love? We love by first loving God and love our neighbours as ourselves. Then, the Holy Spirit out of our love with God will guide us in our daily lives how to love others and get closer to God. All the gifts that we have are meant to be shared with others.
Sad to say that , at times, when I talk to people, some of us, including me, may focus too much on whether we go to hell or heaven, whether we are holy enough or not. Such focus is no longer on loving God and others but focusing too much on self. Christianity is no longer Christ centered but self centered. Holiness is not meant to attain in God with the community anymore in this case. Rather, it becomes a goal to achieve based on the effort of self without Love, just like how one fights to gain high position in the corporate world. The whole picture of Christianity is painted wrongly all together.
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. The only way to get the perspective right with God is to spend more time with God through the Scriptures, Sacraments, Christian community, etc. God may speak to us through other people, sometimes, unknowingly even non Christians. Surprisingly, most of the time, I see Christ from non Christian friends where I experience true love from them without calculating or pretence. They allow me to be myself and yet they have the courage to correct me from time to time even though they know I am quick tempered and may take offence. I really appreciate them for who they are and their care and concern. This is how I experience God’s love and am constantly reminded that God is with and in me no matter where I go and I should never confine God within a church building or a mass. Mass is meant to continue in my daily life after I am dismissed from every mass in church. The world is the universal church where ‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to bring glad tidings to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord’ with my gifts and to pass on the love that I have received from Christ through the people and sacraments with the others so that the Kingdom of God can continue to expand.
With Love,
Elena
What is the purpose of the Holy Spirit? It is for me to love as mentioned in ‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to bring glad tidings to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord.’ From here, one can gather that Christianity is all about sharing God’s Love. The Love is never meant for self. Our mission as Christians is to love. How do we love? We love by first loving God and love our neighbours as ourselves. Then, the Holy Spirit out of our love with God will guide us in our daily lives how to love others and get closer to God. All the gifts that we have are meant to be shared with others.
Sad to say that , at times, when I talk to people, some of us, including me, may focus too much on whether we go to hell or heaven, whether we are holy enough or not. Such focus is no longer on loving God and others but focusing too much on self. Christianity is no longer Christ centered but self centered. Holiness is not meant to attain in God with the community anymore in this case. Rather, it becomes a goal to achieve based on the effort of self without Love, just like how one fights to gain high position in the corporate world. The whole picture of Christianity is painted wrongly all together.
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. The only way to get the perspective right with God is to spend more time with God through the Scriptures, Sacraments, Christian community, etc. God may speak to us through other people, sometimes, unknowingly even non Christians. Surprisingly, most of the time, I see Christ from non Christian friends where I experience true love from them without calculating or pretence. They allow me to be myself and yet they have the courage to correct me from time to time even though they know I am quick tempered and may take offence. I really appreciate them for who they are and their care and concern. This is how I experience God’s love and am constantly reminded that God is with and in me no matter where I go and I should never confine God within a church building or a mass. Mass is meant to continue in my daily life after I am dismissed from every mass in church. The world is the universal church where ‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to bring glad tidings to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord’ with my gifts and to pass on the love that I have received from Christ through the people and sacraments with the others so that the Kingdom of God can continue to expand.
With Love,
Elena
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Reflection on the Gospel Reading on the 5 January 2011 & An Inspiring Passage to start this New Year on a Positive Note with God
Mk 6:45-52
Is my heart as hardened as how ‘their hearts were hardened’ in the disciples? How is my heart hardened? I think for me, my heart is hardened to a certain extent by the harsh environment I have been constantly exposed to, be it the merciless corporate world where some colleagues plot against the others to get their ways or my poor family where I have to work very hard to survive even in poor health as every family member works hard to survive or even some places where people are expected to love one another and serve others but some of them turn out to fight against one another to gain favour from the authority or to be superior or behave and say things that put the others down? I was exposed early to such politics even when I was a student in school.
So, over the years, my heart is hardened at times. I have learnt to tough and independent. I do not believe in depending on anyone. It’s either I swim or I sink by myself. This results in me not having compassion towards others at times and working in a business-like manner even when it comes to relationships. Some friends even find me cold without much sympathy when giving advice at times. I often do not know how to express my care and concern outwardly and my loved ones may doubt if I really care from time to time. Fear takes over at times as my hardened heart has blinded me from recognizing Jesus just like how the disciples ‘had all seen him and were terrified.’ In this morning, Jesus is telling me “Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!”
I can visualize Jesus is always with me like how ‘he saw that they were tossed about while rowing, for the wind was against them.’ If needed be, I would see him ‘walking on the sea’ towards me and help me through and calm my troubled sea. He is always there. He has been telling me “Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!” and I must constantly keep this in mind With him, I have no fear no matter what challenges are ahead of me for I am not going through this troubled sea alone but with Jesus. I must open up my hardened heart and allow Jesus to soak me in his love so that I can absorb this Love like a sponge and share this overflowing Love with the others, having more compassion towards others.
My Deputy Director sent a few of us who are Christians the passage below yesterday. The passage helps me to start this new year on a positive note with God. If you happen to read this blog entry (I doubt anyone bothers to read this blog as I am not a priest nor a religious sister or a seminarian since most people will only treasure what they write. Whatever…That doesn’t bother me.), I hope that you will be inspired by it and continue to appreciate and lead life to the fullest with childlike wonder and awe so that you may continue to live each day with surprises as gifts from God in the sea of the mystery of Love with the start of this new year. Here it goes:
Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive and accept and welcome the kingdom of God like a little child [does] positively shall not enter it at all. Mark 10:15 AMP
As we begin our walk with God in 2011 we need to guard our hearts against certain attitudes that will keep us far from His heart. These include the mind of the proud who wants to know it all; the opinion of the critic who wants to judge it all; the attitude of the narcissist who wants to be it all; the desire of the covetous who wants to have it all.
Instead, walk with God in 2011 as a child. Never lose the simplicity of trust and the world of wonder that a child lives in from day to day. Walk with your eyes on your Father—happy in His presence, content in His care, awed by His greatness, delighted by His surprises, secure in His love.
Let your prayer be similar to one spoken by Vance Havner, “Lord, let me never get used to living. Keep afresh in my heart a childlike wonder. Above all, let me never get used to being a Christian. Let me walk with a constant sense of surprise and expectancy. Why should there be a dull moment in the life of a Christian when every hour is a fresh adventure in faith and love?”
The following quote became the signature of the life of Gypsy Smith, the well known evangelist who lived into his eighties, “I have never lost the wonder.” May you never lose the simplicity of trusting His love and the wonder of watching Him work in marvelous ways.
Roy Lessin
________________________________________________________________________________
With Love,
Elena
Is my heart as hardened as how ‘their hearts were hardened’ in the disciples? How is my heart hardened? I think for me, my heart is hardened to a certain extent by the harsh environment I have been constantly exposed to, be it the merciless corporate world where some colleagues plot against the others to get their ways or my poor family where I have to work very hard to survive even in poor health as every family member works hard to survive or even some places where people are expected to love one another and serve others but some of them turn out to fight against one another to gain favour from the authority or to be superior or behave and say things that put the others down? I was exposed early to such politics even when I was a student in school.
So, over the years, my heart is hardened at times. I have learnt to tough and independent. I do not believe in depending on anyone. It’s either I swim or I sink by myself. This results in me not having compassion towards others at times and working in a business-like manner even when it comes to relationships. Some friends even find me cold without much sympathy when giving advice at times. I often do not know how to express my care and concern outwardly and my loved ones may doubt if I really care from time to time. Fear takes over at times as my hardened heart has blinded me from recognizing Jesus just like how the disciples ‘had all seen him and were terrified.’ In this morning, Jesus is telling me “Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!”
I can visualize Jesus is always with me like how ‘he saw that they were tossed about while rowing, for the wind was against them.’ If needed be, I would see him ‘walking on the sea’ towards me and help me through and calm my troubled sea. He is always there. He has been telling me “Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!” and I must constantly keep this in mind With him, I have no fear no matter what challenges are ahead of me for I am not going through this troubled sea alone but with Jesus. I must open up my hardened heart and allow Jesus to soak me in his love so that I can absorb this Love like a sponge and share this overflowing Love with the others, having more compassion towards others.
My Deputy Director sent a few of us who are Christians the passage below yesterday. The passage helps me to start this new year on a positive note with God. If you happen to read this blog entry (I doubt anyone bothers to read this blog as I am not a priest nor a religious sister or a seminarian since most people will only treasure what they write. Whatever…That doesn’t bother me.), I hope that you will be inspired by it and continue to appreciate and lead life to the fullest with childlike wonder and awe so that you may continue to live each day with surprises as gifts from God in the sea of the mystery of Love with the start of this new year. Here it goes:
Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive and accept and welcome the kingdom of God like a little child [does] positively shall not enter it at all. Mark 10:15 AMP
As we begin our walk with God in 2011 we need to guard our hearts against certain attitudes that will keep us far from His heart. These include the mind of the proud who wants to know it all; the opinion of the critic who wants to judge it all; the attitude of the narcissist who wants to be it all; the desire of the covetous who wants to have it all.
Instead, walk with God in 2011 as a child. Never lose the simplicity of trust and the world of wonder that a child lives in from day to day. Walk with your eyes on your Father—happy in His presence, content in His care, awed by His greatness, delighted by His surprises, secure in His love.
Let your prayer be similar to one spoken by Vance Havner, “Lord, let me never get used to living. Keep afresh in my heart a childlike wonder. Above all, let me never get used to being a Christian. Let me walk with a constant sense of surprise and expectancy. Why should there be a dull moment in the life of a Christian when every hour is a fresh adventure in faith and love?”
The following quote became the signature of the life of Gypsy Smith, the well known evangelist who lived into his eighties, “I have never lost the wonder.” May you never lose the simplicity of trusting His love and the wonder of watching Him work in marvelous ways.
Roy Lessin
________________________________________________________________________________
With Love,
Elena
Monday, January 3, 2011
A Letter to God for the New Year
Dear Heavenly Father,
I am sorry to be late for spending my usual weekly reflection for this week. I was busy with organizing a Year-end Celebration for my department at workplace and spending time with family members on Friday before spending time with my friends at the chalet at Sentosa from Friday night to Sunday. Ok, I missed the Sunday mass. Sorry about it. But, I have not fogotten you. Thank you for all the people and things that you have been blessing me with in my life. My new year was spent with my friends during the weekend where my friends spent the money and time and efforts for such rare joyful gathering. I did enjoy myself with them. My new year started with Love enveloping me through these friends for the celebration for this new year.
Though they are non Christians, I see Christ in them. I felt your Love through them. They were not calculaive about money, time and effort to make this celebration an enjoyable one. I find them rare gems in this modren world where I see Christ in them. One of them even cooked for us while we were teasing him. It was really nice of him to come up with money and still went extra miles to cook for us. I felt very pampered by God through him. I just went there to rest and relax which I really need before I charge full force at work from today onwards. I don't know what I have done to deserve such Love from you. But, I know I do not have to do anything to earn this Love from you because You just love me. I am very thankful for these friends who had spent the weekend with me to welcome the new year. I am very touched by their act of selflessness. All they wanted was just for everyone to enjoy the special occasion together.
During the stay at Sentosa, I also enjoyed the time for us to come closer together to get to one another even deeper. We shared our joy and problems. We advised and discussed issues in our lives with one another. Though we may not solve our problems immediately, it is this support that I really value, especially in this modern world where most of us no longer spend quality time together. Sometimes, even during the little time together, I find it ridiculous that some of my friends rather spend time on their handphones right in front of me, playing games or chatting with other friends. They do not find anything wrong with it. I think they may not have realized that they have sent the wrong signals to me or are wasting my time which I could have rested at home or spend time with others who really want to spend quality time with me. Call me petty. But, when I spend time with my friends, I really treasure quality time just like how I try to give You all my attention during masses or reflection. That is why I find such quality time together with friends and family to truly get to know one another and share one another's life very precious.
My gathering with my friends is a good start where I am enveloped by Your Love through their selfless contribution and Love right from the beginning. I know that You love me. Thank you for making me realize that Love is selfless, not calculative. Love can never be measured. If Love has to be measured, it is no longer Love. Father, thank you for loving me. Thank you for all the things and people in my life! Muack! :)
With Love from Your beloved daugther,
Elena
I am sorry to be late for spending my usual weekly reflection for this week. I was busy with organizing a Year-end Celebration for my department at workplace and spending time with family members on Friday before spending time with my friends at the chalet at Sentosa from Friday night to Sunday. Ok, I missed the Sunday mass. Sorry about it. But, I have not fogotten you. Thank you for all the people and things that you have been blessing me with in my life. My new year was spent with my friends during the weekend where my friends spent the money and time and efforts for such rare joyful gathering. I did enjoy myself with them. My new year started with Love enveloping me through these friends for the celebration for this new year.
Though they are non Christians, I see Christ in them. I felt your Love through them. They were not calculaive about money, time and effort to make this celebration an enjoyable one. I find them rare gems in this modren world where I see Christ in them. One of them even cooked for us while we were teasing him. It was really nice of him to come up with money and still went extra miles to cook for us. I felt very pampered by God through him. I just went there to rest and relax which I really need before I charge full force at work from today onwards. I don't know what I have done to deserve such Love from you. But, I know I do not have to do anything to earn this Love from you because You just love me. I am very thankful for these friends who had spent the weekend with me to welcome the new year. I am very touched by their act of selflessness. All they wanted was just for everyone to enjoy the special occasion together.
During the stay at Sentosa, I also enjoyed the time for us to come closer together to get to one another even deeper. We shared our joy and problems. We advised and discussed issues in our lives with one another. Though we may not solve our problems immediately, it is this support that I really value, especially in this modern world where most of us no longer spend quality time together. Sometimes, even during the little time together, I find it ridiculous that some of my friends rather spend time on their handphones right in front of me, playing games or chatting with other friends. They do not find anything wrong with it. I think they may not have realized that they have sent the wrong signals to me or are wasting my time which I could have rested at home or spend time with others who really want to spend quality time with me. Call me petty. But, when I spend time with my friends, I really treasure quality time just like how I try to give You all my attention during masses or reflection. That is why I find such quality time together with friends and family to truly get to know one another and share one another's life very precious.
My gathering with my friends is a good start where I am enveloped by Your Love through their selfless contribution and Love right from the beginning. I know that You love me. Thank you for making me realize that Love is selfless, not calculative. Love can never be measured. If Love has to be measured, it is no longer Love. Father, thank you for loving me. Thank you for all the things and people in my life! Muack! :)
With Love from Your beloved daugther,
Elena
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