Finally, all books have been safely transported to our
warehouse for shipment soon. I am a project officer in this job for the first
time. At first, I had reservation if I could take up this project due to my
broken ankle which is still recovering from my treatments and I have to go
through another round in mid December. A small fragment of my bones almost fell
from my ankle. I am disabled officially in a way. In the end, I took up the
challenge without knowing how. Even one surgeon laughed at me for my thin frame for such intensive manual work of carrying boxes bigger than me. I just heed my prompting within. Most people
would not understand why every small little help, caring action or kind word
matters to me so much. For the first few days of the project, it was no joke as
I had to get used to only one full meal per day and surviving on cookies during
office hours. I was frustrated by my limitation of my broken ankle and lethargy.
Commuting between workplace and home each day has been challenging. With this
project, moving heavy boxes and walking a lot posed more challenges. The worst
thing was I was expecting people who were supposed to help just helped within
their slots and kept quiet as if they were blind to my difficulties. Not many
volunteers signed up for the project and I wondered how I was going to manage
it with limited resources and manpower facing such cold people who simply
ignored my condition. During those first few days, I felt really down inside
and wondered why people could be so cold and self centered. I was feeling very
drained physically, mentally emotionally and spiritually. By the time I reached
home daily, I simply lied on the sofa and took much effort to even shower.
It came to a point when I had no one to turn to but to
depend on God. I prayed very hard each day for God’s providence, not knowing how
I could manage the project in such condition. I just continued with my project.
I knew I had to change my approach and mentality. If I see it as my work, my
pay and prospect here do not justify my time, efforts and health. I don’t
believe in complaining without improving anything. I cannot change how people
act. I can only change how I respond and my perspective. I choose to see this
project as my way of serving the community. Instead of focusing on my prospect
and myself, I shift my focus to the less fortunate children in South Africa. I
do not have high education and that is why my career is hindered. It is shitty
to be in such rut which affects my earning ability and quality of life since
the cost of living here is high. I believe in education. Though I cannot be a
teacher continuing what mummy had done, I can always continue her legacy of
Love through other means. Helping with book donation through CSR is another way
of empowering these children with knowledge through the books. When my focus
shifts to serving the children through this project, my focus is no longer on
how cold and calculative some people are, how dead I am inside. Instead, my
focus is all on how I could collect, sort and pack all books and send them to
our warehouse on time. All the lethargy becomes meaningful.
When my volunteers came to help, they asked me how I was
going to manage alone with my ankle condition. I shrugged and told them I just
had to manage it. Only one friend knew what I was going through and tried to
help as much as she could. I was very touched and thankful when most of them
went beyond their timeslots to help me as they could not bear to see me
handling it alone. They even stopped me from carrying any heavy boxes. One volunteer even brought two extra
volunteers to help me. One colleague from our sister company who delivered some
books to me on the last day of my packing saw me alone after 6pm. She helped me
until 7plus in the evening until her husband called her. My other colleagues
from other departments offered to buy lunch for me since I could not go out
most of the time. All these kind deeds and words comforted me and gave me the
strength to pull through despite my pain daily from the heavy workload. The
courier person even detoured and drove me to Jurong Point for me to grab a taxi
though he could have stopped me anywhere so that he could go for his next job
which was near our warehouse where he finished his job from me. But, he made
sure I could get a cab from a place where I could get a cab due to my
condition. During such difficult time when I was feeling lonely and cold, these
little thoughts and care from others moved me. I saw Christ in every one of
them. In such time, all little deed or words, no matter how small they seem to
be, mean a lot to me. These are the
angels God has sent to help me to pull through. If not for them, I don’t think
it will be possible for me to complete my project on time.
This project is God’s training ground for me to exercise my
faith. Not by sight but by faith. When I thought it was impossible with my
limitation, God provides. I just have to trust Him without rationalization. It
has taught me to go beyond myself to serve others which are children in this
case. One lesson I have learnt is we will never know how our little kind deeds
or words touch others who may be vulnerable and down at that point of time. We
may think what we do for them are too small but we will never know these kind
deeds or words, no matter how small we may think they are, are what that person
needs the most at that vulnerable point of time. In fact, these little kind
deeds and words from these angels gave me the strength and love to persevere.
No man can journey alone in life. Many people keep telling me all people are
self centered. I refuse to believe in that. If all people are self centred, I
will not be around till now. There is goodness everywhere if we care to look for
it. Gratitude opens my heart to see good in others and appreciate all kind
deeds and words as little miracles which warm my heart and give me the strength
to love others especially when the going gets tough. It opens up my mind and
heart to the world of possibilities when it seems to be impossible. All things
are possible with God. If I choose to harp on people who are cold and
calculative, I will be blinded by negativity and be drawn into the spiral of
demoralization and hardened by harshness no matter how many angels God has sent
into my life. I must remember these cold and calculative people have issues. It
is up to God to handle them, not up to me to control. I am also a human with
flaws. I just have to accept them as who they are and move on. Their coldness
and calculations help me to be creative to learn to work with limited resources
and manpower. God may have some plans for me in the future by getting me to go
through such tests.
As a project officer, it means I am a leader for this
project. Other than meeting required standard within very tight deadline, all
vendors and volunteers are under my care. I will make sure they don’t get
injured because of this project. I feel abit bad when one of my vendors got
hurt while sending the books to my office. Honestly speaking, it was not my
fault as it was beyond my area of control. I still feel sorry as he got hurt
because of this project. For my project, I would always keep all the people
involved with the project, be they vendors or volunteers, in my daily prayers to
be protected from harm and injury. Though I feel bad about his injury even as I
know very clearly it was not my fault, I am thankful all other people involved
with this project are safe. I also pray that he will have speedy recovery. Those
who tried to overstretch themselves would get told off by me. Back injury is no fun. Every step you walk
will be in pain. In life, all people and things are not owned by us. We are
just stewards managing them under our care. This is how I approach my life in general
and as a leader in any projects. Prayers are always my essential components for
every project and my life in general. At least, I am reminding myself there is
a higher Power up there in control. Even if I feel I am losing control, I am
reminding myself God is there to carry me through and I just have to let go and
let God and hold on to Him.
With Love,
Elena
