It has been months since I have penned down any reflection
here. I have been very tied up with
Social Psychology online course conducted by Wesleyan University from Coursera
and Professional PR course from Institute of Public Relations on two evenings every week till end of November this year on top of my hectic work. I
have never expected my online course to be so intensive. Through my online
course, I have managed to reach out to other students from Singapore and
started a topic on Middle Sexes for people to post their comments and for me to
reach out to some people and learn from them. I guess at this point of time, I can only use my writing
to help others. For this course, we do have peer evaluation for every assignment
for 6 weeks. We have to evaluate at least
5 students’ work. Basically, for the past 6 weeks, all my weekends are burnt on
the readings and assignment and evaluation. The final exam online is this weekend.
This course is interesting. The focus is on compassion as emphasized by Dalai Lama in a video. The last assignment is to write
our reflection on Our Day of Compassion which was stipulated to be on 6
September 2013 for all students. The official Day of Compassion set since last
year is on 6 July yearly which commemorates Dalai Lama who shares the same
birthday as me! Here, I would like to share my reflection on my Day of
Compassion as part of my online course with the application of some Social Psychology theories here:
Charity starts from home. On my day of Compassion, I had decided
to take leave and brought my mum, two year old niece and four year old nephew
(who is also my godson) out for an educational and fun tour to Sentosa and
Vivocity since it was my nephew’s school holidays. I used to be out of the
house most of the time to serve in my church community. Thus, I seldom spent
quality time with my family. Now, I have decided to take a break away from
serving in my church community to focus on strengthening my bond with my
family. It is often easy to gain more from the others due to social-exchange
theory(Module
30 (page 387) of Myers, D.G (2012). Exploring social psychology (6th ed.) New
York: McGraw-Hill.) in
the form of praise, social approval and a sense of holiness as mentioned by
others though only at a cost of spending my time in church at the expense of
family time or even having fun with friends outside. It was also easier to
create positive first impression of being altruistic through the thin slice of
judgment since people did not know me at first and would form first impression
through my behavior. I have ever seen for myself how some people who have
served in the society with social-exchange theory with no altruism but to gain
something out of it and treat others and their own families with cruelty,
neglect or even abuse. So, here, I am, have chosen my family, especially the
young children, as my recipients for my efforts as an expression of love towards
them. I have lived with my family (my mum as one of the recipients in
this case) for more than three decades and see all sides of me, including my
not so pleasant sides. I would not expect any social exchange from them.
To
me, compassion means to go through it all with my recipients. It requires
humility which my faith as a Catholic has taught me in order to love
unconditionally with altruism. In order to love unconditionally, compassion
must be part of it with empathy. My two year old niece had one of her kidneys
removed last year while my nephew is diagnosed recently with underdevelopment
of certain parts of his eyes which affect his eyesight badly. They may seem
fine now. But, nobody knows what will happen in the future. While I still can,
I would like to shower them with love and want them to know that they are loved
no matter what conditions they have. I want them to grow to be healthy in body,
mind and spirit by playing my role to love them. Besides, my nephew is my
godson and I have the social responsibility to mould his character and educate
him. I feel a social-responsibility norm where we should help those who really
need it, without regard to future exchanges. Anyway, they are still very young
and I would not expect them to remember the kindness that I extend to them now.
I expect nothing from them in return (Module 30
(page 388-389) of Myers, D.G (2012). Exploring social psychology (6th ed.) New
York: McGraw-Hill.). Besides,
it is easier for me to empathize with them who have medical conditions as I
used to be misdiagnosed with rare congenital disorder for twelve years until
the specialists cleared me from it two years ago. I understand how it is like
to have medical conditions.
I
brought them to the S.E.A aquarium for them to gain exposure to the marine
life. My mum has been looking after the kids and that is my reward for her for
her hard work. I have always believed in interactive education with the
environment other than confining them within a room with books and knowledge
empowers a person to do well in life. As I am not known for my patience with
children, that day of compassion was a challenge to me, especially when my mum
was away for awhile to buy food for the children for lunch and my niece was
crying loudly for her. Keeping in mind of the day of compassion keeps reminding
me not to flare up but to understand why my niece was crying loudly. Many
people were staring at all. I did not do anything much as I did not know what
to do with children normally. I tried to talk to her but to no avail. I left
her crying. I guess I was suffering from bystander effect (Module 30 (page 391) of Myers, D.G (2012).
Exploring social psychology (6th ed.) New York: McGraw-Hill.).where my
niece was crying for attention due to her fear of losing my mum or eating
something wrong as she was spitting something out of her mouth and yet I did
not do anything much like the people around me. I was acting like a stranger
with my inaction with dealing with her. That was my failed part on my day of compassion.
I believe I also suffered from spotlight effect when ‘seeing myself at center
stage, thus intuitively overestimating the extent to which others’ attention is
aimed at us.’ (Chapter 2
(page 34) of Myers, D.G (2012). Exploring social psychology (11th ed.) New
York: McGraw-Hill.) I
felt very embarrassed by my niece’s crying and my rather inaction to do
anything as I feel people’s attention was on my behvaiour. I did turn around to
look at the others and they seemed to be busy with their own activities.
However, I still believe that they did stare at us for awhile.
In
general, we enjoyed ourselves. My niece and nephew were very cute. They told me
they liked me. They enjoyed their time with me. I was touched by those words as
young children would speak whatever come to their minds without much
manipulation like adults. I do not come from a rich family. In terms of cost,
the cost was high to me Every cent I earn is hard earned money. The outing was
expensive to me as the admission fee for one child was expensive to me not to
mention I had to pay for the admission of one child and two adults. Besides, I
had to take leave from for such outing as I could not bring them out during
weekends since they were their family days with their parents. As it was peak
period at my workplace, it would also mean my lost time to do my work and I had
to speed up my work to catch up. However, the benefits far exceeded the costs
to me as the children were better educated on the marine life with wider
exposure. The quality time spent with them enhanced my relationship with them
which money could never buy. Money can always be earned but time spent can
never be earned back. Money can still increase with hard work but time, once
lost, can never increase. This makes time more precious than money. My
relationship with my mum also improves as she offered to help me by coming up
with money for our lunch. To me, that outing seemed like collaborative project
to enhance our relationships with the children and each other to make this outing
a happy and fulfilling one. Through this outing during my day of compassion,
social relationships help define our sense of self (Chapter 2 (page 36) of Myers, D.G (2012).
Exploring social psychology (11th ed.) New York: McGraw-Hill.) as we ‘may have One self with
MOM, another with friends, another with teachers.’ In this case, I am one self
with my mum, niece and nephew where I feel my self-esteem boosted since
everyone was happy and more educated after the outing. I felt this connection
with them to be stronger and help to develop my social life to be richer and
wealthier in soul, as an individual with joy. I prefer the self on the Day of
Compassion. My normal self is usually task oriented and face paced without much
time to keep in touch with my human self and feelings. Sometimes, I do feel
like a robot a my normal self without much meaning at times. Sometimes, I
am too rational for my own good that I appear cold to others which my loved
ones have complained.
I
would encourage people to take time away from their busy-ness to spend quality
time to have a day of compassion at least once a week and have some self
-reflection and feedback from others after that, keeping in mind about The Self
in A Social World (Module 19
(pages 214-215) of Myers, D.G (2012). Exploring social psychology (11th ed.)
New York: McGraw-Hill.). This
enhances our self-awareness as the ‘opposite of deindividuation.’ (Chapter 2 (page 36) of Myers, D.G (2012).
Exploring social psychology (11th ed.) New York: McGraw-Hill.) The reflection and feedback from
others are just like mirrors for us to look into ourselves. This helps us to
have more accurate evaluation about ourselves in the Social World. The day of
compassion also allows us to communicate with the others, especially the recipients
of our efforts. We are all social beings who are interdependent on one
another. What we do or say to one another affects one another, good or bad. To
reduce social dilemma that we have in our lives, people must communicate.
Especially, when people are face-to-face, it enables them to commit themselves
to cooperation (Bouas &
Komorita, 1996; Drolet & Morris, 2000; Kerr & others, 1994, 1997;
Pruitt, 1998) (Module 28 (page 360-361) of Myers, D.G (2012). Exploring social
psychology (6th ed.) New York: McGraw-Hill.). On
the day of compassion, we should seek to communicate more with the recipients
face-to-face. This will help us to have more self-awareness and reduce the
otherwise deindividuation with the anonymity in our social media world.
The day of compassion weekly also gives us the platforms for ‘usefully
appeal to the social-responsibility norm’ ‘when cooperation obviously serves
the public good.’ (Lynn & Oldenquist, 1986). When we do this at such
regular basis, it will help to shape our healthy sense of self and contribute
positively to the society with more awareness and have compassion with others,
reducing our prejudices and discrimination in the process.
I
believe the day of compassion may have some impact on me now that I have gone
through it and have the knowledge from Social Psychology. As in ‘experiments
with University of Montana students by Arthur Beaman and his colleagues (1978)’
where it was ‘revealed that once people understand why the presence of
bystanders inhibits helping, they become more likely to help in the group
situations.’, my practice of compassion on that day of compassion helps
me to understand and applies the social psychology knowledge to my everyday
life. I have already had such self-awareness about my self in the social world.
This is how knowledge empowers me through my learning from social psychology in
the world. I would see myself as attempting to seek to be more compassion
towards others instead of judging people instantly or holding on to prejudices.
I also become more aware of the social issues and see how I can play my part to
improve the social world. Interestingly, I share the same birthday as Dalai
Lama though we were born in different years. 6 July has been stipulated as the
Day of Compassion. On my birthday, I always believe in sharing joy with others.
For my birthday this year, I had bought a cake to celebrate my lunar birthday
with a tea lady from China at my workplace, giving her surprise since she had
shared with me how tough her life had been and nobody celebrated birthday with
her. That was my way of having my birthday as a Day of Compassion before I was
aware of this official Day of Compassion to commemorate Dalai Lama. This is
also my way to continue with practicing compassion wherever I go. At least, I have
long fixed my birthday as the Day of Compassion which coincides with Dalai
Lama’s birthday. It’s meaningful to me.
-End of Reflection on Day of Compassion Assignment-
I still have a long way to go for my Professional PR Course which is part of my KPIs for my work. Hopefully, I can pass in the end. Meanwhile, as much as I can, I will keep my stress level down. I really can't wait to go for y New York trip at the end of this year for my countdown!!! Life is good. It is my choice to choose to lament and complain or to improve on my life and make full use of my gifts to share Love with others. Here, I wish everyone leading fulfilling life enriched with Love and joy! :)
With Love,
Elena
