Today is not even Friday, the 13th. Things are not right since this morning. I am sick from head to toe. Having headache now due to my low blood pressure with stomach cramp. Since last night, my left foot has been very painful even if I am resting my legs. So, I have been limping. Also don't know the cause of it. The pain can be unbearable at times. Have to miss lunchtime mass as I am falling sick from head to toe.
I blew up this morning. Other than the scholar giving problems, this other woman whom I shall name as H keeps on giving me problems. She tend to push her jobs to me without clear instructions and asks me to figure her things out for myself. Hello, those tasks are not even mine. I am just doing her favours. In this morning, I simply blew up. I confessed that I am also tied down by my various tasks and I am not sitting there waiting for her to throw me her tasks and asking me to figure out her tasks. She is supposed to give me figures for her project and she simply asked me to source for vendor for her project and put in the figure for her. Hello, that is her project. Why am I responsible for her budget? Might as well give me her pay. She is one person who will turn things around suddenly and I may get into trouble. Helping her is no issue. But, being responsible for her job is an issue. Why can't an adult like her be more responsible for her own things? When I was asked to handle some events which used to be handled by her, she would try to dominate. Hello, I did not ask the monster to give me the projects. Stop making things difficult for me. I am just here to work and get my pay and go home. I just want to do my best here while I can. I have no intention to show anyone how capable I am. She also gives my other colleague problems and my colleague would raise her voice at her. I know my other colleagues may have misunderstood that I am unhelpful as they do not know the story behind. Well, this is not the first time that I am misunderstood by people. So be it. I am too sick to explain anything. I know I have done my best.
I have taken on too many roles at work. So much so that my brain cannot process other things after work. Even my RO is concerned if I can cope.My spiritual life suffers as I do not even have time for meditation in the morning. Sometimes, I even have to skip masses or simply forget the masses altogether. I have no time for any other things or people. At least, I still make sure that I pray to God at the beginning and end of each day. For leisure, I would keep up with my reading on Art Therapy for various conditions. Now, I am touching on the topic of Substance Abuse. I really really need a break.
Nevertheless, I am blessed to have some funny colleagues. Wah lau, one of my colleagues asked me to act in a very short skit where I was acting as a rude staff who ignored everyone when people greeted me. They joked that I look fierce and I am the best person for this role. I did not have to act for this scene and I just had to be myself with black face. After the shoot, my colleagues commented that they could not stand seeing me rolling my eyes. On a separate occasion, my other male colleague asked me to drink more papaya milk as we were looking at the pictures of some leaders' daughters with big boobs. He was implying my figure is like the Changi Airport runway lah. The plane can travel on the flat runway without any bump lo. Whahaha!! Singaporeans should thank 'runway' like us to be the best airport in the world for a few years. I am not angry at all when I am criticized in these ways. In fact, we laugh alot out of it. Sometimes, we do not have to take things too seriously. Imagine if I were to be sensitive over such things, I will never be happy. As long as they are just joking and not doing it out of sarcasm or abusing me, why not be a fool to cheer everyone up? I also have helpful colleagues from other department who go out of their ways to assist me. I really appreciate that. I do admit that I have black face at work as I am taking on too many roles while dealing with two difficult colleagues and a monster which most people are not aware of and doing a job which I do not fit in at all. These three people are enough to give me hell. How to be happy? I do joke around alot with my own team and some young colleagues. Other than that, I would maintain my stoic professional look which people find intimidating at times.
I am feeling very drained and sick and tired now. No time to rest. Ok, meeting friends tonight for a nice meal. Then, KTV in the evening on Monday. I need the break. Going to catch up with my sleep over the weekend as I did not sleep last night due to the pain on my left foot and stomach cramp. Well, my health has been my greatest cross. I have to accept it as part of my life. Sometimes, I think my health issue is for my own good as I tend to burn myself out without knowing. My poor health will force me to slow down before I overexhaust myself. Imagine if I am very healthy, I will end up refusing to rest as I tend to run around everywhere. Even for now, my RO knows that my mind will always think far ahead. I truly rest whenever I am sick. If not, my mind and body will work very hard most of the time. So, certain issues or things which seem bad like a poor health may turn out to save your life. There are always two sides of the coin. It depends on which side you choose to see. If you choose to focus on the negativity, even good news or plesant things may seem ugly or bad to you. Take some time to see how your flaws can turn around for you to use positively for the good of others and growth for yourself. 'Flaws' is just a term that human being uses to indicate traits that we have used or abused resulting in negative outcomes. It does not mean these flaws can never be traits that can be used wisely resulting in positive outcomes. Things are dead. Human beings are flexible. See how you can turn these flaws into positive traits for the good of others and your own growth. When use them with the Spirit of Love, you will never go wrong.
Enjoy your weekends. :)
With Love,
Elena
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