'Murder'

Have just read about a devastating news about a disabled boy being beheaded by his dad in USA. It is heart-rending to see such news. I really feel for the mother who had taken much pain to take care of the son, only to be decapitated by her own spouse. The most disgusting matter was the murderer, who was her own spouse and father to the boy, left his head by the road to make sure she saw it. Another news about a body found outside the Istana in Singapore was discovered. What has the world become? Why do people seem to kill one another like slaughtering a chicken for food? Something has been turning in my mind. There are more news about such gruesome murders. Is the increase of more of such news reported is due to the more advanced technology and media to expose such issues which might not be exposed in the past due to poorer communication tools available or is it due to the fact that the people are getting more sick? I am not sure. I do not have any statistics to back up any information on it.

Coming back to the news of the 7 year old disabled boy being decapitated by his own dad. I have a lot of questions swarming in my mind. How did his dad have the 'heart' to decapitate his own flesh and blood with his own hands? Was he really out of his mind due to the long term mental and physical torture of having to take care of his own disabled son? Had he ever thought that his son suffered the most? What did his son do to deserve to be disabled? He was only 7 year old. Nobody with a bit of conscience would be so cruel to behead such a young child and actually hang his head by the road. Did this murder end the suffering of the son or deprive him of enjoying the creation of God in the world? How about the mother? How is she going to face such cruel and cold fact that her own spouse has killed their fruit of Love? This fruit may be defective. But, it is still the fruit of Love no matter how defective. If compared to the murderer, the murderer is more defective. Does it mean that he has to shoot himself for being so sick? At least, the disability of his son had not intentionally hurt others while his own psychotic sickness had destroyed a life. To me, the mother would have to carry this pain for the rest of her life, i.e. a loved one destroyed another helpless loved one. Will this trauma affect her for the rest of her life, especially her relationship with the others since her other half (her spouse) had done something cruel and drastic that also kills part of her inside? Will the murderer ever regret if he looks back at what he has done? A lot more questions just keep on appearing in mind...

According to my observation, there are many forms of murder. Not just the physically ones but also the mental, emotional and spiritual ones where one intends to satisfy his wants and needs and 'kills' others that hinder him. Are we aware that words from our mouths and spreading rumours also kill others? Are we aware that letters to someone's superior just to get him out of a place is killing a person? When a person can't grow, he is dead. If I am the person who has done something in any ways to stop the person from growing, I am 'murdering'. I am 'killing' the person. It is even worse that people 'kill' in the name of just and holiness. Personally, I have encountered some people who had written letters to a leader's superior just to get him out of the place as she thought he was a lousy leader. When reading the letter showed to me, she simply wrote out of biases and her strong dislike towards him. I was thinking to myself she was killing him with the nasty words used in the letter as she showed me the letter. She did not give the leader some space or chance to stay to improve or grow. Well, her petition failed. I heard from the others that the leader did try to make some improvement over his one year of leadership until he fell sick suddenly. If her letter succeeded in getting him out of the place, the leader would be 'killed' of the opportunity to grow and improve. Anyway, the same woman 'killed' me with words from her mouth many times by saying nasty things to me directly or spread rumours to other people about things that I had never done which she was doing herself. I have never confronted her as I believe God will do something about it. I got very angry but no need to fight or prove myself to her. I just need to account to the people involved with the issue and most importantly, God. She was the same person with strong dislike or like. Once she likes someone, she will follow him day and night and tries to get others away from him. Once she dislikes someone, she will 'kill' that person by being nasty with her words and behaviour.

Try to take a few moments. Reflect on whether you have 'murdered' anyone through your words or actions. Have you sent any letters or emails to destroy someone or deprived of anyone from growing or improving? Have you ever spread rumours about anyone to 'kill' that person's reputation or just to gain favour from someone you like? Have you ever 'killed' the person just to protect yourself or cover up what you have done?  Have you ever tried to win people over so that you could 'kill' that person with isolation and ostracization? Are there any other occasions where you have 'killed' a person in any ways just to get what you want like status, popularity, wealth, fame, etc.? Have you ever 'killed' a person out of hatred or strong dislike through your nasty words and behaviour? Have you ever 'killed' someone just to win an argument out of pride or for your own ego? The danger is have you ever in the name of holiness or in any ways, in attaining your holiness as your main personal goal that you have gone to extremes to 'kill' people whom you deem are hindrances to your holiness? When things are carried to the extremes, even in the name of pursuing holiness for self at the expense of everyone, murder occurs. Trust me. Reflect on it at a deeper level. Pursuing holiness becomes a personal affair with God and all other people become your tools. Sometimes, even not doing anything when needed 'kills' a person. When a person who needs help or attention and yet you choose to ignore, you may be 'murdering' the person as the person is 'bleeding' to death. So, the term, 'murder', is not confined to the physical act of killing. You may lift them up to God in the light by acknowledging then with repentant hearts. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is the best platform for this as you verbalize thse sins to God in the face of the priest. Always remember that you are not confessing to a priest. You are confessing to God in the face of a physical person. This especially comforting notn just spiritually but also psychologically as the first step to repent is to admit your sins and dare to voice them out with repentance, asking God for forgiveness. It also takes a lot of humilty and courage to admit the sins in front of another priest. It is therapeutic to hear from God through the priest for yourself that your sins are absolved and you are forgiven. This is how powerful the Sacrament of Reonciliation is not just in the sipirtual arena but also a psychological one. Then, also pray for healing not just for yourself but also your 'victims'. This will help you to be more compassionate towards the others by praying for the others instead of just for yourself. You will learn to expand the Kingdom of God beyond your own world connecting with the others.

That's all my sharing. Not sure if anyone reads my blog. Well, whatever I have, I will just share. If God sends you to read my blog entry, hope it helps you in any small ways. I am not a great person doing great things. However, I do hope that I can doing small little things with Love while I am still living. God bless.

With Love,
Elena