Lk 20:27-38
One thing that the Sadducees had denied which I am equally capable of is the resurrection. In my head, I know about the resurrection of Christ. As a child of God, I believe that with my knowledge that there is resurrection. But, how about me living my daily life? How do I behave? Do I continue to behave the same old ways or sin even though I am called forth to die to myself and be resurrected to start anew? I may claim verbally that I believe in the resurrection. How about my actions, words and way of living and relationships with God and others? Do they reflect such belief? Each day of my life is a gift from God for me to purify myself by dying to the aspects of myself which separate me from God and people, and be transformed by his tender Love so that I may continue to grow more complete and walk closer and closer to holiness. As I am walking closer and closer to holiness, I will realize that I am dying more and more to myself, surrendering myself more and more to God so that God will increase in me and I will be more and more like the image of God. This will be expressed through my behaviour, words, way of living and relationships with others and God where I share Love and stand united in Love with the community for the goodness of others and love for God. True transformation within will naturally change the outward expression of a person without pretence.
I am a wilful person. I want things my way most of the time and I get it. There is nothing to be proud of as I find myself very tired. In fact, I am a clown by doing that. Why am I so silly not to die to myself slowly and let God take over? His yoke is definitely lighter than mine as He takes control of my life and I do not have to struggle so hard with my own limited efforts and talents. When I start to die to myself slowly such as pride, wilfulness, anger, envy, etc., I am opening myself to God and resurrecting as a new person each time after my death. I become more perfect. I used to be so perfectionistic that I almost suffocated myself to death, nearly dropped out of internship and school as I did not perform up to my own standards, became a monster to my project mates who were forced to perform up to my standards.I woke up when my ex-supervisor and teachers kept on slapping me hard with their words of wisdom. Only then, I realize that if I am perfect by myself, there won’t be any room for God to work in me as I was so full of myself. If I continue my old ways, I am going to hurt more people with my harshness and become slave to my own perfectionistic streak. God works through my cracks of flaws so that He can be the Light to shine through me from within. Then, I won’t be so hard on people with my high standards and become more compassionate towards others. I will truly love and live life to the fullest instead of being controlled by my perfectionistic streak. This helps me to tone down alot over the years. I know I am still very flawed whom most people cannot accept and slap me with labels of ‘weird’, ‘unstable’, ‘abnormal’, ‘having artistic temperament’, etc. . Because of this, I appreciate even at a deeper level my friends and loved ones who accept and love me as who I am even though I am a very difficult person and it is hard on them. I experience God’s Love through them though most people out there cannot accept me. At least, these loved ones and friends give me the opportunities to change for the better. I am still struggling in my own ways not alone but with God and these loved ones and friends for me to continue to die to my sins and resurrect as a new and more complete person in Love. No matter what, I know I am loved as long as I am living until the Lord calls me home and continue to love me. The crucifix is God’s proof of His magnificent Love for me to keep me going as I continue to fix my eyes on the crucifix, being convinced by such sacrificial Love from Jesus with its redemptive effect on my gradual and continual surrendering of and dying to my sins and transformation deep within, leading to resurrection of my new life.
With Love,
Elena
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