It has been a week full of changes at work. My department is the most affected department. I was only away for 4 days over the long weekend and was shocked to receive the news of my DD promoted to GD and my GD promoted to DCEO in another goverment agency and even my big boss who is the Minister of National Development also changed after that. Even since I joined the organization in mid December last year, things have been changing so much. I simply have got no time to settle down. Changes range from IT system and computers changing to another new systems and computers for the whole organization where I am the coordinator for my department, procurement process getting very strict and papers written needing more justification for our purchase, my ever changing roles, my adjustment to ever changing directions, decisions and moods of the monster, last minute changes to presentation slides even the evening just before the event, change of workstation to be just one metre away from the monster to many other small changes. Every change comes with stress. So, many changes mean higher stress level. I have been facing changes even before I have time to settle down. Till now, I have not really settled down at work with so many major changes streaming in which the existing staff here are also getting confused.
Hopefully, the change for the monster to go up higher will be good for my department as we do not have to deal with her directly. My colleagues from other departments and mine can forsee that all of us will suffer under her as she tends to micromanage and does not show any compassion or support to staff. Well, I have no comment. As long as God wills it for her to be promoted, it is up to her to change for the better or to become more like a monster. I am just relieved that my whole department does not have to report to her directly. If the new boss for our department comes, he/she will have to deal with her directly. Personally, at least, I do not have to sit so near her and get the high risk of being scolded by her as I tend to be loud and need music to work and concentrate while she needs absolute silence. Now, she is promoted. Good for her. At least, she has a room for herself and all of us will be spared from her chiding. It is also good for her to get promoted. Now, she is going to have a few departments under her. I will see how she can shift all the blame to staff. I don't think the bosses for each department will swallow the pills as easy as the staff in my department. It may be a chance for her to start growing up and taking up her own responsility as a leader.
I will be going to Hong Kong next week by budget airline. I remember one bad experience in a plane by budget airline. I was on my way to Kuala Lumpur. It was departing from Singapore. When it was departing, my nightmare came. The plane was flying up so steep and fast that I almost puked. My whole body system was very upset after that and I could feel my food up to my chest choking me. Guess what I did. I ordered spicy cup noodle which cost me $8. Damn expensive lo. The funniest part was the air crew announced that the plane was going to arrive at the KL airport soon even before I could start eating my noodle!! In the end, I felt like a snake swallowing my noodle without biting it. One precious lesson I learn is never ever order cup noodle when travelling on a plane to KL unless you want to have a taste of being a snake swallowing your food without enough time to chew it and let the stomach do the job of digesting the food. Ok, joking!!
Jokes aside. One thing I learn from both the promotion of the monster and my bad flying experience is they share the same trait of going up too high and fast for one to cope with. From the bad flying experience, I felt sick as I could not take the steep and fast flying up to reach the sky. For the monster, she has been promoted so fast that she is sick emotionally and mentally through her expression of anger and her act of getting out of control and stepping on everyone's feet and hurting her staff under her. It is very obvious to us that she can't cope with the stress of managing our department and her stress. When things go wrong, she simply refuses to take up the responsibilty as a leader and pushes every blame on the staff who handles the things. She will pick on every small petty thing and blow it big when she is under tremendous stress and gets thrown out of balance. I was even shocked that she would stomp her feet while walking when she is angry or upset. I thought only kids will do that. She can only handle one thing at a time which is why by the time instructions from her comes to us, we do not have enough time to prepare for the events. All of us under her will have to speed up alot more and get very stressed out coping with her fluctuating moods and ever changing directions at the same time since she does not even know what she wants. She is literally sick during those times and throws her tantrums on us. Now, she has managed to step on all of us to climb 2 levels higher. I have no issue with her getting promoted. Good luck to her. We all know that she can't even cope with the stress and work within our department. How is she going to cope with the work and stress of a few departments under her with her new position? Truth will come out one day to the top management that she has been depending on all of us to go up and hurting us to get what she wants without supporting us at all. She is capable of pinpointing us and pushing blame on us, especially in front of the other departments and the top management. I have got it a few times from her even as a new staff. Some of my colleagues' self esteems and morales are affected by her. She better transform within and become a serving leader who work well with staff and be considerate towards all of us. If not, her new position will only magnify and expose all her negative traits to the top management since the stress for the new position is much higher and the responisbility for that position is very much heavier and it is more difficult for her to find any one staff to blame for anything failed. Hopefully, she will see her new position as a platform for her to grow and be a better person who seeks to love and serve with integrity, especially when she is a cvil servant who is supposed to serve all the Singaporeans. She is a staunch Christian. I know God has answered my prayer of intervening and stopping her from abusing all of us in the department directly. At least, we do not have to be abused by her face-to-face. Our boss for the department will deal with her. Most importantly, I really hope that my prayer for her to be transformed to be a Christ-like leader will be answered. If not, more people will suffer under her. I know it takes time for a person to change. I really hope that she will change not just for her own good to be a more complete and balanced person but also for all the staff under her. If not, I can forsee people here going against her and this place will turn into a battle ground. They told me she used to be very nice. I really hope that she will go back to the nice her.
I have learnt from this incident that one must never climb up too fast that one falls out of balance. Sometimes, it takes a lot of moulding and time for one to learn how to take up the heavier responsibilty coming with higher position. It may seem glorious to be up there. But, if one is still not mature, wise and strong enough to ocuupy that position, one will fall sick in any forms be it physically, mentally, emotionally or even spiritually. When one is out of balance, he/she will go to extremes in his/her behaviour, words and mannerism, hurting himself/herself and others. If God wills it, one does not have to be unscrupulous to step on everyone to be a leader. Take some time to ponder. Did Jesus go around harming or killing everyone like King Herod to stay secure as a leader? Did he blaspheme or gossip about anyone just to feel superior and tell others that he is much better than the others? Take a few moments to ponder what kind of leader Jesus is. What traits do you desire in him as a leader in God? Then, visualize yourself as a leader like him. Visualization is very powerful. It will tell the brain to behave in the way it has visualized. How far are you away from him as a benchmark to be a Christ-like leader who seeks to serve but not to be served? If you are still far away from it, do not give up. Jesus is with and in you to mould you since God has given you the chances to be a leader. It is never too late to change. There are also people who work with and under you. They may be God's tools to speak to you to change for the better. Listen to their feedback to you. If they criticise or insult you, are there any elements of truth in them? If yes, thank God for such criticism and insults as they are tools for you to walk closer to holiness. If not, sympathize with theses people and just pray for them as they are poor in spirit tortured by their inadequacy. They need your prayers as their leader. By praying for them sincerely with Love, your heart also expands to be more and more accepting of more people and you also grow as a more complete person going closer to holiness. You will also realize that you will no longer be agitated by people who are different from you easily as your expanded heart is more loving towards more people, thus expanding the Kingdom of God.
Ok, enough of my sharing here. Really can't wait to go to Hong Kong on next Thursday. Have to get all the necessary items for the trip over the weekend. Really can't contain all the excitement in me. Hurray! Weekend is coming. Watching 'Pirates of the Carribeans ' with my friend later. No mood to work now. Now, I am taking a break at work as my role for the 27 May event is not major. Things are going well for me with the slower pace at work in the midst of so many changes. I hope that these changes at work are for the better. The monster is too busy to micromanage me. Enjoy my peace while I can. Enjoy your weekend too!! :)
With Love,
Elena
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