Just come back from the polling centre. I prayed before casting my vote though my individual vote may seem small and yet together with the others, each vote comes together will determine the future of not just ours but also our descendants. No matter what the results are, I really hope that those people who are supposed to be transformed, will be transformed from the lesson. It is not about me, me, me & me. It is about we, including our children. It's about the future. I really pray for God's invention for the leaders who really want to serve the people with Love to be elected so that they will use their gifts and talents for the better future for this big home which is our country. I believe that most of us, whether voting for PAP or opposition parties, want to have better quality of life In Singapore.
Personally, I do not like to vote. If voting is not compulsory, I choose to forgo the chance to vote. I believe in God's intervention. I have been to rallies from Workers' Party and PAP from Aljunied GRC which is not mine, just to listen to them with open mind and heart.I am impressed by their passion in such rallies though I am not sure who have hidden agendas or who have the true hearts to serve. Different strategies and tactics were used by different parties to win the trust and the hearts of the people and votes. I was discussing intensely with my colleague about politics yesterday. Both of us were in dilemma who to vote for though we are all civil servants. On a local GRC level, our GRCs are well maintained and taken care of by the MPs. On the national level, most of us who belong to middle income group and below are struggling to survive. Unseen worries and insecurity at the back of our minds such as the rising costs of education, exorbitant prices of flats, unbelievable increase in medical and hospitalization bills, frequent increase of transportation fees, influx of foreign talents which take up 1/3 of the population contributing to psycholgical and real threat in getting employed and staying employed, etc. without much increment of salaries since the 90's keep on toiling and tossing within. The rising cost of living correlates inversely with the quality of living. Most people in the middle income group continue to feel trapped. There is no more security in Singapore as a home. Some people do not feel they are heard and continue to endure such suffering with agony. That leads to complaints, complaints and complaints with people voting for opposition parties hoping that different voices will speak up for us in the parliament. However, one must realize that no matter how well planned policies may be or executed, they have their own flaws. No one poilcy has a one fit for all approach. From my observation, what people look for is to be heard and improvement in the quality of life in Singapore where all of us can proudly say this is a home to stay in. We just want leaders to serve us with true hearts and have better quality of life. We need ears to listen to us and have policies planned and executed or refined to the needs of the people. We really do not want to see the stress level to survive to go up so high that more people suffer and kill themselves in the end. It is not about pointing fingers and pick on the flaws. It is about learning from lessons and improving the situations and ourselves. Certain things have to be intervenend or stopped while certain areas need to be refined before issues get out of control. Hopefully, the results of the election and agony from people expressed during the rallies should wake the relevant people up to make some improvement. The next five years are meant for those people to repent. For all of us, biases and prejudices should be overcome to give these people opportunities to improve. Who never err? As long as people are willing to change for the better, why not give them some space to change so that all of us live in better condition?
Ok, I have to go back to reality to face my own cross. Have been having headache daily which upset my whole body system. So painful that I really feel like opening my head and cleanse what is inside. Lose appetite. Maybe time for me to go on diet. I have to move my workstation to sit just outside the monster at the end of this coming week. She needs absolute silence to work while I tend to be loud and need music to stay focus on my work. Shit lo...See how I die, man. I am very stressed out and scared now as she tends to throw her tantrums whenever she likes on anyone. I have got it from her alot of times even when I am seated faraway from her. I can forsee myself getting sacked by her after the two months of scrutinity with me sitting just outside her. Sometimes, she did not like it when I tried to joke with my colleagues to lighten up the atmosphere and I got told off. I cannot be my carefree self.
Out of so many staff in my office, I am always the person who keep on going through changes. Have done a professional stress level test online. The result is my stress level is so high that I am falling sick. Well, I am having migraine almost daily. Need to depend on strong painkillers which cause damage to my gastric. Sometimes, I really feel like dying from the pain. I was talking to the silent angel in my office yesterday. She has similar health issues as me. Only then, I feel that at least I am not suffering alone. She understands how a person with bad health feels and what I am going through. She has married someone from my organization. Her spouse got promoted very quickly after he had married her. She told me she also came from a poor family and her spouse was just an executive when she knew him. And yet, she did not marry him because of money. She married him as she had the chemistry with him. Her spouse loves her alot despite her bad health even till now. The miracle is she still manages to have two smart and active kids despite her ill health. She has to manage her family and the heavy workload in the offcie daily. She is a smart and fast person. Till now, she manages very well. I do not say that she is perfect but she is definitely a person to learn from. She gives me the hope that though in ill health, it is not the end of the world. An unhealthy person can still work well as long as she is positive. It also does not mean that no man will accept unhealthy woman or should not set up a family. There will be some rare men out there who will be willing to accept sickly women as their spouses out of Love. Now, I have more confidence that if it is God's will for me to get married and have a family, I will put my trust in God and set up a family. Meanwhile, I will work hard at work. If this job is not for me after doing my best, I will look for a suitable one and continue to work hard. I will continue to serve others with my talents and gifts wherever I go. My bosses keep on telling me that I am capable. I just need to see how I can put my talents and gifts for the good of others. God shows me through the example of the silent angel that there is always hope as long as I believe in Him. I should not impose death penalty on myself too soon, depriving others from being Christ to me. Even if I am called to be single, He will have plans for me.
Now, I am still dealing with my feelings within though I have forced myself to let go of the person as he is doinfg very well wityh joy with his loved ones and firends and supporters. He is much better off and happy without me and has forgotten me. I am happy for him. I like him but I love him even more. As for me, I have to see how to deal with my feelings. I don't know how to but I will find a way. My friend talked to me and laughed at me, advising me to change my attitude and approach towards matters of heart. She was quite amused that I treat romantic matters like IT projects where I just want to delete someone I love from my heart with a click on the button and expect and force him to do so. She is right to say that if I continue that way, the guy who loves me will suffer. So far, a few people have suffered liao. Time for me to change. I have to keep on reminding myself that the other party with me has feelings. I should be more considerate and consider what the other party is thinking and feeling. It is also time for me to repent. LOL. I will and will continue to work hard to improve if I want to have a healthy family and relationships. I do not want my loved ones and friends to suffer with me. I am not doing it alone but with God and loved ones and friends who give me the space and time and chances to change for the better and walk with me.
With Love,
Elena
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