On Sunday, I was prompted to go with my niece for her checkup which was scheduled yesterday. When I reached home, I was requested to go for my niece's checkup with my brother-in-law as my sister could not take leave yesterday since she is still very new to her new job and the boss would not be happy with her taking leave. Besides, she needs to take more leave in the near future for her daughter's condition. So, I took urgent leave at the last minute smsing my team mates and reporting officer at work on Sunday night. I know I may get sacked by the monster or she may find this situation as her excuse to get rid of me. But, after weighing the pros and cons, nothing is more important than kinship. I can always look for another job but I can not have another exact beautiful niece of mine. If my organization wants to fire me because of this urgent leave, so be it. It just shows that this organization does not take care of the welfare of the staff. Besides, we thought my brother-in-law could not handle things alone in the hospital. I decided to go ahead with my urgent leave.
My niece is only three months plus old. She was the youngest patient around for the checkup when we were there. For this checkup known as the nuclear medicine, she had to fast for at least three hours just in case she needed the sedatives to keep her still throughout the scan on her both kidneys. Before the scan, she was required to to have needle inserted into her vein of her small hand for the isotope to get into her body so that the machine which she would be put under would pick up the pictures of her kidneys clearly after the isotope were absorbed by her kidneys. Sounds simple but torturous for a three months plus old baby like her. The whole procedure pained me within. Luckily, my sister was not there. If not, it was going to have a major negative impact on her.
The nurse brought my niece into a small room for the insertion of the needle for the isotope to go through into her body later. They locked the room. My brother-in-law and I were sitting on the sofas which were at least two to three metres away from the room. Guess what? We heard her crying loudly from the room. The nurse came out carrying her and told us she was too young and her veins were too short. The nurse did poke the needle in but not into the vein. To me, I was thinking to myself,' Wow lau, what the fuck! No wonder she was crying so loudly and painfully as if someone had scourged her to death.' I did not scold the nurse as I could see that they were all trying their best to help. Then, they tried to call a doctor a few times to come down and insert the needle into her vein as my niece was crying for milk while waiting. I was quite impressed by my niece. She cried bitterly in her father's arms as if complaining to her father and started to play with us shortly after. When the doctor came down and inserted the needle into her vein, she cried very loudly and bitterly in the room. And, again, she cried bitterly as if complaining to her father for a short while before she played with us again, talking to us in her baby language again, showing us her two beautiful dimples. Her bouncing back to her normal self was very fast compared to the other children in the same area for similar procedures who screamed and shouted and cried much longer than her.
In the room for nuclear medicine, she was wrapped up to a platform before being pushed under a scan for her kidneys. She cried for while at first. Then, the technician allowed my brother-in-law to feed her with milk. I was quite impressed by her again that she managed to sleep deeply despite her fear. Brave girl! She did not need the sedatives for her scan at all. She managed to keep absolute silence and stillness in her deep sleep. My heart dropped when we did not see her right kidney appearing on the screen after more than half an hour while the left kidney had shown very clearly on the screen. I knew something was not right. The techinicain explained to us it was either that right kidney had a delayed effect or absorption of the isotope or her right kidney did not function at all. He asked us to go back for the extra scan to see if her right kidney would absorb the isotope and would be shown on the screen. We went back after our meal. She was wrapped up again. She felt uncomfortable and cried for a short while before she kept still looking around. By then, the isotope in the body had subsided and nothing was shown on the screen except the diaper which was full. I asked the technician what happened again though I knew the answer. She did not want to give me any answer and asked us to get the answer from the doctor on the 26 May. I released the news to my sister. My sister knows what is going to happen as the doctor had mentioned to her that if my niece's right kidney did not show on the screen for this nuclear medicine, it is not functioning at all and may need to have it removed when she is one year old.
Shit lo!! I am speechless. My sister even asked me what she had done wrong to have her daughter punished instead of herself. She told me it was her retribution not on herself but on her daughter. I did not know what to say but to tell her it is just like striking 4-D. There is explaination why she gets it out of so many billions of people. At the back of my mind, I think it is going to be a long and arduous journey for my niece. No words can describe how I feel inside after going through the painful checkup with her today. More to come. I can't imagine her to have to go through so much more in the future. All I pray for is a miracle. Hopefully, the right kidney will develop well and the cysts will disappear by themselves by the time she reaches one year old. All of us are praying very hard now. On Sunday night before her checkup yesterday, I was lying on the bed with her, looking at her into her eyes and talking baby language to her. She was smiling very sweetly and tenderly and responding me with her baby language. Though I did not understand her baby language, the gap between us drew much closer. I felt connected with her. It really pained me to see her going through such painful procedure on the next day.
I have learnt one valuable lesson from such a young and tender baby through such painful procedure. She was true and bounced back very quickly from her pain to her usual self and still managed to bring joy to us with her smile and baby language after expressing her pain and agony though her short loud cry. How many of us face the truth and express the feelings within and bounce back quickly without holding on to any grudges and grievances and blaming the whole world? I do not deny that a baby cannot complain much due to her limitation. What I am trying to say is that I have learnt from her about being true to myself and others and bounce back from the setbacks and mistakes. Like my niece who had no choice but to go through the painful procedure, we, too, in life, may have to go through 'procedures' which may be painful to face at times. Do we just brush them off, pretending that they never happen and more and more of us become dysfunctional or we examine what goes wrong and see what need to be overcome and healed to be more complete in God? Even if some parts are dysfunctional, we will realize them and accept them as parts of ourselves and see how we can change or adjust ourselves to lead more complete lives. In the case of my niece, if she has only one kidney to live on, she may need to take extra care of her diet and daily living, etc. to continue to live as who she is while contributing to the world in her own unique ways. Who knows she may be able to share her life with and help the others with similar situations as hers in the future? Who knows such a condition builds her character and inspire others with her strength and courage? We will never know. People, especially her loved ones, will need to accept her as who she is and do their best to nurture and love her so that she will be filled with such love that she will share this love with the others. We cannot suffer for her but we can do our best to accept and love as as who she is, including her condition. We can give her our support and let her know that she is not going through it alone but together with us who love her. I will just do what I can to help and support her. I will continue to pray for her as I always believe in prayers.
Thanks to God for giving me this opportunity to got through the nuclear medicine with my niece that I learn such courage and quick rebounce back to usual self after the pain. Despite her pain, she brought us her smile and baby talk. How about I who am adult with much more capability to bear responsibility and maturity and choice than her? Do I just complain and blame the whole world for my mistakes and setbacks and continue to hold on to grudges and bitterness? If so, am I not ashamed of it after the lesson I have learnt from her yesterday? Am I not a coward to face my own feelings?
Ok, that is what I have learnt from my niece who is just three months plus old. It also reminds me nobody is too young to teach us life lessons. It is a matter of whether I am humble and open enough to learn from different sources, even from infants who seem to be useless. The more humble and open I am, the more I learn and the wiser I am in life and the closer I am to Christ. That's all I can share from this lesson. Hey, I have recently bought three cactus and a pot of money plant from IKEA for my office. The reason for this is I want to tone myself down by placing plants at my workstation to cool myself down and to colour my worklife since I really dread facing the cold blooded monster and my temper is getting more and more explosive nowadays. By placing some living plants at my workstation, I am reminded of God's creation and not become as dead as a cold steel exposing to such harsh and cold working environment. Ok, very excited to meet my best friend in town in the afternoon to discuss our Hong Kong trip next week. Can't wait to get out of here for a complete break away for awhile. Hurray!! Holidays coming my way!!I can explore as a free spirit again!!
With Love,
Elena
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