Just come back from a date. Whahaha...Watched a movie 'Priest' at Bishan. My friend sent me back home. On my way home, he switched on FM 95.0 and it was playing all dance music. Wa lau, I was feeling very hyper as my friend was speeding. I felt the adrenaline rush through my blood. Really miss my younger days when my friend sped in Malaysia while they were on pills with the music blasting in the background. I love speed. I may take up driving courses to learn how to drive. Then, I can speed legally somewhere. Woo hoo...I love speeding. My close friends all know how much I love to speed when they went for go-kart with me, especially with obstacles along the way and I tried to swerve them with full speed. I ever missed the 'Go Slow' sign and my go-kart car almost rushed out of Level 3 of the track. In the end, I managed to control the car. I love adventure. Woo hoo....I simply love the feeling of music blasting in the background while speeding on the empty road with the wind slapping my face. I love speed. Hurray!!
One of the scenes struck me in the 'Priest' show. It was the part when a priest went for his confession in the confessional and his 'confessor' was just a pre recorded video with a 'confessor' in the video giving absolution and penance. The priest who confessed his sins got frustrated as he kept on getting the same answers from the virtual 'confessor'. Wa lau, when I watched that, I complained to my friend who is a non Christian. Though I no longer go to church, I still respect the sacraments lo. What human touch is there and how do the people experience the Spirit of Love and mercy through the Sacrament of Reconciliation from God if there is no human confessors around to have this human touch? I can't imagine all Catholic churches have these pre recorded videos to absolve people's sins and give the same advice through such pre recorded videos. What the crap! Might as well close the church when there is no Spirit of Love to be experienced through the priests in real time as the confessors to speak the words of love and forgiveness for the people to experience God's Love and mercy through hearing them from the mouths of the confessors in real time for themselves?
I have also watched another show at NEX with a friend on Friday. It was 'Beastly'. It was about looks and packages and material wealth being not the most important factor when it comes to true love. There was this scene when the guy who loved the gal kept on buying all sorts of branded stuffs for this plain gal whom he loved, thinking that the gal would look for material wants and appearance in a romantic relationship, just like all his materialistic girlfriends. The gal rejected all the gifts he sent. Then, the guy's housekeeper asked him to think with his heart and asked him to understand the gal deeper and then provide her with what she needed but not what he thought she wanted. Then, the guy made the extra efforts to spend more quality time with her and tried ways to find out what she needed. In the end, all it took was just a few boxes of gummies to cheer the gal up. Though cheap, it was what she liked but not what he thought she liked. Ultimately, as a person who used to be popular in school for his looks and fame and wealth before he was cursed by a witch to become ugly and the only way to break the curse was to get a person who truly loved him beyond his ugly apprearance to tell him sincerely, 'I love you.', he even went down to the gal's level to learn some manual skills and built a green house to express his love to her. He went all ways to protect her from harm by quietly following her to protect her and to rescue her from danger out of his love for her. He was even silly enough to tell the gal he liked those things which the gal told him he liked. He tied to get into her world and touched her heart with his heart.
I agree that if a person truly loves the other person, he will find ways to know her at a deeper level, just like exploring the other side you himself since she is already part of him. He will do all he can to protect her from harm and insults. He will trust her. Trust is one of the most important ingredients in a strong relationship. It is that faith in that person and God that the relationship continues to stay strong even during tough times and conflicts. He trusts that the person truly loves him and God has sent this person to be part of him to grow as one if it is God's will for her to be his spouse. He trusts that God will take care of everything as long as he let go of his own control to let God work through the person in this Love. To me, keep all the love within the heart is bullshit. How can the other party know you love her if it is all kept in your heart? I only see these people as having no guts and being cowards. If keeping the love in the heart is enough, then, God would not have sent Jesus down to earth as a Son of Man to be tortured and die for us to express how crazy and intense His Love is for us. He could just have kept all this Love in his 'heart' and Jesus did not have to be tortured and died. Therefore, acts of love is important. It must be done with sincerity and patience. To begin with, it is all about acceptance and forgiveness of the other party. In the show, if that gal tolerated with his ugly look, how much could she take it as more and more people mocked and humiliated him? How much can a person tolerate within herself? Sooner or later, it would just like a volcano eruption hurting not just herself but also the other party. Rather, she accepted him as who he was beyond his sppearance. She accepted his whole being including his flaws and ugliness. It is only through acceptance and forgiveness that true love stands. One sentence struck me as mentioned by the guy at the end of the show, 'Love changes everything' after the gal had told him she loved him and the guy regained his good look from her verbal expression of love, claiming that he still loved her which the gal found it impossible that he loved her as a plain girl with her complicating and poor family background in the end. Love does change everything. If not, why would love be always so magical beyond rational thinking and understanding? Why would people still want to fall in love in the world even if it hurts? It is beyond the horizon.
To me, this show is the modern version of fairytale. I was touched by the show and wondered if this would ever happen to me. I am a very practical person. The answer is 'No!' to me. It will be a miracle if this would ever happen to me. Even now, facing a lot of stress and problems, I am handling it alone. Who will qiuietly walk with me and protect me and stay by my side no matter what? Who will be so silly to forgo his fame and popularity and give up everything just to walk with the plain me? Yup, it did happen when I was younger and not that ugly yet. Now, I am fat and ugly and have been poor with poor health. Who would want to bring me out as part of him to feel proud of me being part of him? I don't mean I am inferior lah. But, this world has focused on appearance and status quo and class very much and I do not fall into those high calibre categories. I have none of them according to the worldly standard though I know God will never forsake me.
Ok, enough of my writng here. It's already three plus in the morning. Going to sleep now. Have to go IKEA with friends in the early afternoon. Sigh! I have just moved my workstation to sit outside the monster. I am still thinking if I should quit. She has pushed all her blame on me when things do not go her way or the top management does not agree with what she does. The worst thing is she would promise a lot of nice things in front of other people that she would help me or keep things simple so that I can do well. Then, at the back of everyone, she would throw things to me and make them more complex at the last minute without helping me at all and even expect me to step on everyone's toes just to get what she wants. I am stressed out not because of my workload but because of her. After the incident of her sending a harsh email to me, pushing all the blame on me and cc my RO and colleague in the early morning this week, they are also scared of her, feeling insecure and shocked by her self centered behaviour and wondered if they would get into trouble like me. Even my RO shook her head and felt sorry for me. Sigh! I am really stuck. How I wish I can do my own business. Though still not easy and can be stressful, at least, I do not get all the blame. How much I put in will be how much I gain. At least, no blame or accusation from anyone above me. Now, for my position, I will be handling money matters for my department soon. I am afraid of ending up in jail as she tend to push all blame on her staff when things go wrong. All of us have got it. Besides, she did purchase something without consulting me if there was enough budget for a project as I was in charge of the budget for that part of the project. In the end, I had to figure my way out of the trouble and I managed to get out of it as the figure was small. If the figure was big, I would be in deep shit. I am very worried. She is the worst boss I have ever met. She was trying to imply to other staff from other departments that she got their help because her subordinates were incompetent to produce the work she wanted. Guess what? It backfired. People just shook their heads and told my colleagues she should guide us, especially for me who is still new to the orgainization, instead of stepping on us. I am damn tired lah. Have not visited my grandfather for three weeks liao as I have been catching up with my sleep and taking supplements to adjust my body. Wanted to go for a jog at the stadium and visit my grandfather after that yesterday but overslept as I was too tired. My friend told me I looked pale. Luckily, I am going to Hong Kong from the 26 May to the end of May. If not, my boss wants to squeeze me again for the major event on the 27 May. Nowe, they have no choice but to remove me from the major role of this project and I can still have some space to breathe before I 'cheong' for another important event in July. My other team mates are suffering as she has been shouting at some of them for this major event in May. The Yam Ah Mee songs and photos done by the Singaporeans cheered me up. I laughed until my colleague laughed at me. So funny. I even so 'bo liao' and 'like' him on his facebook and left a comment which someone went to 'like' it. Life has to go on whether I am happy or sad. Might as well try to cheer myself up and be positive. Even if nobody likes me, so be it. I know God loves me. I have a few loved ones and friends loving me. Those people who do not like me or care for me have left my life liao. So, just move on liao. See where God is leading me to now. Will I ever have a chance to go for higher education or go overseas for a new life? Just yearn for a new lifestyle. I am really very tired of my current lifestyle now until I am literally sick. Meanwhile, I will wait for the new life to come be it getting married, new life overseas, higher education, travelling around the world, etc. I just need to start anew with a change to my current lifestyle as I feel stagnant now. Being stagnant to me is being dead. I really hope to have a complete change of lifestyle to continue to grow to be more complete as a person to love better and better to be more Christ like while experiencing God's Love deeper and deeper.
With Love,
Elena
No comments:
Post a Comment