Happy Go Lucky

Just came back from a wedding dinner. The strange thing is whenever I am unemployed, I would always be invited to weddings. This often causes more strain to my pocket. Nevertheless, I am honoured to be part of the celebration. I am happy that my friends remember me and ask me to be part of the joyous occasions. I did enjoy the dinner just now. As usual, my table was quite noisy as we were cracking jokes even with strangers among us. As usual, I was the main clown. I just wanted to add more spice to the otherwise silent table. Might as well be the clown and bring some laughter to the table. My friend and sister also joined in the fun.


In the last afternoon, I was watching a Hong Kong movie titled Happy Go Lucky. The story was about the friendship among a spastic, blind and an intellectually disabled. They did not give up on themselves. Instead, they tried to save up more money through opening a food stall where the intellectually disabled cooked and the spastic served the customers so that the intellectually disabled could open a restaurant and the spastic could open a bookstore since he did not have the chance to get into a university. As for the blind, she managed to get new corneas and fulfilled her dream of seeing again. At the end of the show, the quote strikes me, ‘Everyone has a wish and every wish should be created by our hands.’

I have seen many normal people choose to stay at home and depend on their family members to feed them even if they are already in their 30s. Some choose to live off the influential and rich people in the name of some projects or kind deeds. Some of the friends choose to spend most of their time looking for boyfriends. If their boyfriends fail them in any ways, they choose to kill themselves or drown themselves with alcohol or cigarettes. Some simply waste their lives away. And, I also have a handful of people who are handicapped or sick in some ways and yet they struggle hard to improve on their lives.

When I was in Secondary school, with the encouragement of my mummy, I went out of my way to help others instead of wallowing into self pity. I stayed in the visually handicapped room most of the time after school as I did not want to go home. I had the opportunities to mingle with the visually handicapped. Mummy got quite scared when she peeped into the room and saw how I closed my eyes to feel the Braille like the visually handicapped. My parents even discouraged me from helping these people, despising them in some ways. Some visually handicapped friends claimed that I did not understand them. So, I tried to close my eyes to feel the Braille, how it was like to live in the world of darkness so that I would be in a better position to help them. The other reason for staying in school was because of mummy as I saw with my own eyes how other students just passed by her without offering to help her when she needed help. I wanted to be there for her so that I could help her especially if she fainted, and yet never disturbed her teaching or her rest in the staffroom. As I could not express myself well, it created a lot of misunderstanding and rumours which cut my dignity and pride. I did not back off as I knew what I was doing. It was a lonely path with a lot of accusations and it took a lot of pain and time before mummy finally understood what I was doing and why.

These people who were less fortunate than me served as reminders to me that I was more fortunate than them despite my poor health. At least, I could see, hear, speak and run around. I was very active in school. I had also come across a primary one girl who would pass by the visually handicapped room with her clutches daily since both of her legs could not function. I also got to chat with her mother and even went to her house as we were all friends. Like what the movie has shown, all them have their own skills and use in the society as long as they do not give up on themselves. They serve as reminders to us who are well developed that there is no reason to give up on ourselves if they, with their own limitations or deformity, can make themselves useful in the society.

We have the tendency to complain, lament and blame. Why do we keep on focusing on what we do not have but not working on what we have and count our blessings? Some people just dream but never put their dreams into reality with courage and efforts to work towards them. Wish is still a desire and abstract as long as we do not create them with our hands; that is with our hard work and time. Whenever I advise people who come to me for advice, I get very frustrated with some of them who keep on complaining, lamenting and blaming everything and everyone but themselves without trying to improve on themselves or the situations. How can a person grow if he merely complains, laments or blames everyone or everything? How can he ever be mature? I always see such person without any guts. Personally, if he were a man whom I love, I will never marry him as I would be nursing a baby who is not capable of leading me in faith and the family. He will never be a wise man. Most probably, you will still see him stomping his feet, slamming the door, shouting at people, blaming people, following selected influential or wealthy ones for his living or fame, wanting his way or no way, etc. even if he is in his fifties. He may be fifty years old biologically but may be only fiftenn years old spiritually, emotionally and mentally. How can I ever have a bright future walking towards holiness with such a person? I am not trying to put anyone down. This is a fact if one looks at it objectively unless he is willing to wake up and own his words and actions, be a man with courage to face himself and walk the path meant for him according to God’s will, loving and accepting himself with all his flaws and limitations.

I am proud of some of the people I have helped; I heard one visually handicapped friend had completed her doctorate and working with MOE on coming up with Mathematics syllabus, one of my friends who used to have problems walking for many years due to her spine problems is a nurse now serving patients with her determined passion, one visually handicapped friend of mine got married in KL and is able to cook for her whole family from a girl who did not even do a single chore before she was married, and she evangelized with her spouse in different states of Malaysia and even Thailand. During my employment with certain organizations, I had the opportunities to help out in the children’s home, Spastic Association, Old Folks’ home. One vivid incident of volunteering was in Spastic Association. I was in a lift with a few colleagues and a staff there. There was a girl who was suffering from the condition in the same lift too. She was only 9 years old. She was very pretty and fair and could articulate very well. When we asked her for her name, to my surprise, she had the same name as me, Elena. I am also Elena. But our predicaments are very different. I am healthy volunteering while she was suffering from the condition. Both of us are Elena and yet I am more fortunate than her as I am healthy enough to run around while she needed help to move around in wheelchair. If I complain, lament and blame everyone and everything else, she has more rights to do so.

During these forty days of desert (Lent period), we may find certain times tough and we question why certain tragedies or issues happen in our lives. We may complain, lament and blame everyone or everything else or even God. Let us open our eyes big to see the less fortunate ones around us. If we feel that we are pitiful, they are many more people much worse than us. If they never give up on themselves, how about us who are well developed and healthy? We may not be perfect or may feel defective in some ways but we can never deny that all of us are blessed with different gifts and abilities no matter how insignificant we may think they are. It is not about doing things big to bring attention to ourselves for our self inflated egos or pride. It is about doing our small parts in the world to share God’s Love through putting our gifts and abilities to good use for the good of others. Personally, I have never idolized people who are good looking, performing on stage well, speaking eloquently, etc. throughout my life so far. I often overlook such qualities as my focus tends to be what is inside. If I can help, I will help them to realize that potential within and help them to shine in their own lives. Only when people start telling me the good superficial qualities like appearance, eloquence, wealth, etc. about the people, then I will notice. If not, I am simply blind to those superficial qualities as I am busy with what is inside.

I remember my close guy friend used to get upset over me seeing him shouting, showing his ugly side. What did it matter? That silly guy thought that I would despise him in some ways. Anyway, I knew him since secondary three. We were fighting for years as he was a good boy from the Express Stream while I was a rude and rebellious girl from Normal Stream. We never met eye to eye. During that period of fight, I had seen his ugly side enough. But, who is perfect in the world? The fact that I still went out with him despite his ugliness showed that I accepted him as who he was. There was nothing to be inferior about.

Sometimes, it is good to volunteer to help the less fortunate ones. If God were to be unfair to us, should I say that God would be even more unfair to them? We know it is not true from the fact that they are many handicapped or sickly people who do much better in life than normal people like us. Go and see how they make themselves useful. They really create wish with their own hands. They never give up. How about us? Do we have to live in deception or dreams forever? Why not put the dreams into reality and deception into truth? It is suffocating to wear layers and layers of masks to suffocate ourselves especially spiritually. Isn’t it lighter and fresher to be yourself without any masks? Is being in the limelight so important that it overrides truth and even self who is created by God out of Love?

It is never too late to repent. The fact that we still live each day means that each day is new hope to fix the broken relationships with others and improve on dark areas of our lives. It is never too late to peel layers and layers of masks to go nearer and nearer the truth. These 40 days of Lent is time for intense reflection and see which areas of our lives need light to shine on and repent, and which relationships need to be reconciled. Most of us find it hard to say sorry. Have you hurt anyone and yet never say sorry? Do you have to wait till the person concerned is dead or you are dead and you regret for not saying it? I have met many friends who told me they never got to say sorry or thank you and the people concerned were gone suddenly. I also paid a high price for living with such regrets for the rest of my life though I know the person concerned and God had forgiven me. It is still regret nevertheless.

If trash can be recycled, what more people who have gifts and abilities created by God? Even if you think you are worse than trash, do you think God is ‘stupid’ to create trash? It is the mentality you have to change about yourself. The fact is God never creates trash. We make ourselves as trash if we think that we are trash. If our perception is set right with the claim of a beloved child of God, we will love ourselves in Christ way, and thus love others in Christ way and put our gifts and abilities to good use for the good of others out of Love overflowing from our hearts as guided by the Holy Spirit.

Here, I end with everyone has wish and every wish should be created by our hands. Don’t lead your life in deception. Don’t let others lead your life. Be brave. It just takes faith to get out of your comfort zone and listen to that inner voice deep within and walk your path in glory towards holiness. If you are right with God, God will bless you for all your needs, sometimes, even your wants.

Ok, have to go to sleep liao. My friend has just chio (invited) me to join her in the U run around Marina Bay Sand early in the morning. Wonder if I can make it there by 8am. That is damn early lo. It is a 5km run. I wonder if I can survive this run since I never jog after my last 6km fun run. Then, I have to keep looking for a job. I got told off by HR personnel for my change of jobs in my employment history last week. For every job that I do, I work very hard, sometimes, at the expense of my health. If not, I do extra tasks to improve on the existing system or ways of doing things. She has misunderstood me which I did not have the strength to explain anymore. I just hope that she will secure the first interview for me with the hiring managers. I just want a new start even if this means some scolding or accusation from her. I will see what I can do. I am already feeling so down and demoralized and I still got scolded by the HR personnel which dragged me even lower down the spiral. I will see what I can do. I am feeling very hopeless in my career. It seems that I am doomed. I will see how I can find a door out. Meanwhile, all I can do is to hang on tightly to God before I have some destructive thoughts again. I know I can make it if I have faith of a mustard seed. So, you too, never lose hope if the less fortunate ones who are much worse off than us never give up on themselves. Let’s work hard together toward holiness with the faith of a mustard seed through these forty days of desert.

With Love,

Elena