Feel abit imbalanced psychologically. Have just got my December pay from my previous organization. I have worked the hardest in this organization than the previous ones and yet I do not get a single cent of bonus. I would have guessed so. If not, how could the monster justify why she had to let me go? She could not have possibly admitted that she was bearing grudges against me. Anyway, I am fine with it. After working for many years, I have learnt to accept injustice or unfairness. In my most recent organization, there was one colleague who snored daily during office hour and yet he could still continue to stay there. In other organizations, many colleagues skived like nobody’s business and yet they could still get bonuses. I do feel abit unhappy now. But, I am not going to dwell in it. I am looking forward to a new start in a new job. I still have not got any reply from any organization. Where there is will, there is a way. I really do not believe that I will continue to be so ‘down with luck’ for the rest of my life. As long as I live, there is always hope. Though, sad to say, my Christmas ‘gift’ from my previous organization is such a negative one, I believe good things will come soon. I have been feeling very unwell. Going out becomes a chore to me nowadays. I am still not sure what is happening. Hopefully, my body massage today (which I hate massage by the way) will improve my blood circulation. I also wonder when the construction in my block and the surrounding ones will end due to construction of new lifts. The dust is affecting my throat, lungs and nose as usual. Sigh! What am I supposed to do? DO I have to move house?
I have managed to go for a jog at the stadium on last Saturday. The air is damn fresh. I was watching the birds flying over my head. I really envy them flying so freely. It dawned upon me that we often envy how freely and high the birds fly. Some of us even yearn to be like them. However, have we ever gone back to the difficult moments when they were learning to fly? They were not born to know how to fly immediately. It is not easy task for them. They must have the courage to stop depending on their parents to feed them and staying in their nests for them to be dropped from the trees for them to flap their wings and fly. They must learn to have the courage to plunge from certain height so that they can flap their wings and fly. It takes a lot of courage to move out of the comfort zone and stop depending on others to feed them.
Nowadays, some of the people just want to fly skipping the process of learning how to plunge from a certain height and exercise their gifts. They refuse to move out of their comfort zones to try new things or to be independent from the people they have attached themselves unhealthily to. They will always ‘stay in their nests’ to be fed and never grow up. These people tend to miss a lot of miracles in life due to such lack of courage and novelty to explore. I always believe that God has created the world so big that I find it a waste not to explore it before my death. At work, I have encountered many such people. They may rise to certain high positions by stepping on others and making use of them to go up. When these people of high positions are in the meeting, they will bring a troop of subordinates who are involved in the agenda to answer the question for them while they just sweet talk and shake their legs getting fat bonuses. Try asking them deeper into the projects and you will realize that they are tongue tied. They are always the first people to push blame on the others when things go wrong. How can such people grow and own their responsibilities? Many people around them are cursing and swearing behind their back.
I always believe that one must have the substance with the right attitude to work hard to fly high. You will find such person with integrity as his attitude in everything is right and he does not have to step on others or make use of them for him to go up the corporate ladders. People who pin point or put others down or make use of others tend to be lack of self confidence and they, themselves, know that they do not have the substance within them. You will realize that they may be in their mid forties and yet behaving like a child. I have met many such people in my working life. Recently, one of the interviewers asked me if I mind reporting to someone younger than me. I gave her a look of puzzlement. I confessed to her that I do not mind reporting someone younger than me and I do not see why that should be an issue. She asked me what I looked for in a reporting officer or superior. I answered her I look for someone who is competent with integrity. It does not matter how old he is.
Of course, over the years, I do meet leaders or superiors whom I respect. One of them was my superior during my internship. He not only taught me skills at work but also reminded not to rush through learning and taking shortcuts and placing too high expectation on myself to suffocate myself. He taught me how to be a person with integrity and what it takes to be high up in the position and yet earn respect. Though he told me that more than five years ago, I still remember every word that he said. I do respect him till now as he is not only a smart scholar but also with wisdom and integrity. He is not afraid to teach me things and impart knowledge. Such leader is hard to come by. He even shared with me that he was never sick of seeing his spouse daily. In fact, he saw changes in her every moment, such as after she had learnt some new skills which made her a different person with new skills acquired, becoming a new person by having children, growing older every minute, etc. He enjoyed growing with her. This superior of mine changed my perspective of boredom as I got bored of people and things very fast. He taught me to go through the proper ways of getting things done instead of skipping the process of learning or taking shortcuts.
I thank God for such leaders from time to time to remind me not to abuse my intelligence. One superior even warned me that just because I was intelligent, it did not mean that I could get away from things every time. These leaders have become examples for me to learn to be leaders to the others under me at times. From the bad leaders, they serve as reminders not to be monsters like them and the fact that I see for myself how others suffer under them and I even suffer under them serves as a more impactful print of reminders on my heart. As a leader in some projects, I used to be a perfectionist monster. I expected things to be of such high standard at high speed that people under me suffered. After the projects, they gave me feedback that I was too perfectionist. I learnt from it and learnt to be more compassionate towards people working under me.
Any relationships are just like flying a kite. You cannot hold it too tight that it cannot fly high and snaps nor let go too much that it becomes out of control. Even in marriage where the spouses are supposed to guide and support each other play the same game. If anyone tries to be possessive trying to keep tab on every move of the other, the other will be suffocated and snap. He/She cannot go far or grow with the other people in his/her life. If both or one of them does not seem to care or give adequate attention to the other, the other will feel that he/she is not appreciated or loved. The relationship can never grow far. Might as well look for other people in their midst for such attention or appreciation.
This Christmas is a good time to repair broken relationships or friendships. If you have neglected anyone in your life, spend some time with them. If not, send them warm greeting messages. One good thing about sending such messages or giving gifts is that you appreciate their presence in your life and you still have an opportunity to express your love to them while you are all alive. Gifts or warm greeting is not just an expression of love to them but also a way to give thanks that they are still around in your life. How do I spend my Christmas this year? I will be celebrating Christmas with my non Christian friends at Vivocity and watch mid night show together as a group. I really thank this group of friends who never fail to include and accept me as part of them. On Saturday, I will go for a jog at the stadium and go for grocery shopping with my cousin for our Christmas celebration in my house during Christmas Eve. We are going to have hotpot and BBQ!! Hopefully, we won’t bun my house down. Woo hoo...Then, on Sunday, I will celebrate my best friend’s really belated birthday since she only has time during this weekend. Of course, I never forget God. All these blessings are from God. I do not deny that I will still stay away from church as promised. If it is God’s will for me to go back to Catholic church, the only way is to marry a Catholic lo. If not, for the sake of peace, I will stay away. Not anyone’s fault at all. I am the problem. So, just stay away. Meanwhile, I still chat with my Heavenly Father. If not, I will go haywired again.
What is my Christmas wish? My wish is to have a job which can best make use of my interest, personality, gifts, etc. and excel in it, learning things from wise and competent bosses. How about you? No matter which corner of the world you are, God is with and in you. Spend time with the people around you no matter where you are as all people in your life serve certain purposes. They are here to walk with you during different stages of your life. Learn to accept and love them no matter how different from you and you will realize that you are expanding your heart to love and the Kingdom of God. You become wiser and expand your horizon. It will come to a point when you will find a home no matter where you are required to go. Merry Christmas!! God love you & I love you too! :)
With Love,
Elena
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