The weather is really erratic. But I do appreciate the cold weather. I am literally hibernating most of the time, lazing and watching TV programmes at home. I am going to have two interviews next week. I really hope that I will not be having any abusive bosses. Really have had enough nonsense from such people for many working years. Even as I am going to leave the organization, the monster still tries to squeeze the slides out of me. Frankly speaking, I have got no mood. My soul has been out of this organization, looking forward to having a new start. I really hope that I can start my new job in December so that my income will continue to come in. I am very bored with the set of slides that I have been working on for a few weeks. I am very sick of looking at them. So boring!!
I am dying to get out of my organization. The monster continues to give vague instructions to us. When things go wrong, she can twist and turn her words to protect herself. All the faults would be borne by anyone who is involved with any matters or projects that go wrong. I seriously have got no more respect for her at all. A new deputy director will come in for my department. I really pity that DD who is coming in to be another victim under her. The monster has been going around pinpointing people and scolding people. The morale here is low. Even my colleague who was on leave was not spared from such tension at home. I often wonder what the world has turned into. The monster can speak and dress very well but with no substance. She got anxious and lost her cool very easily. I do not see how I can shine under such leadership. And yet, she promoted two levels up and everyone wonders why. When looking at a deeper level, it is no surprise that this happens everywhere. Like what the monster has told us, it is all about packaging. It also happens in churches that I have been to. Most people idolize leaders who dress and talk well. I am often amused by how these people ‘protect’ their idols even if these idols are obviously in the wrong. In terms of selecting life partners, it is no wonder that such theory applies. Whenever I watch any romantic show, the leading female and male characters are always very good looking no matter how lowly their social status is in the show, how poor they are. Is that realistic? Does it mean that only beautiful, pretty or attractive people can get married, rise to high position, get what they want or go to places where the others who are deemed inferior according to worldly standards cannot even step into? But to begin with, who are we to judge God’s creation? Will God be really so ‘stupid’ to allow ‘ugly’ beings or things to exist? If He is really ‘stupid’, aren’t the beautiful, attractive people also ‘stupid’ to worship such God? Who are we to expect others to be gods, to be perfect in every way that we want them to be? Are we, ourselves, perfect at all? Do we not have flaws? By pushing the blame on everyone else, does it mean that I am perfect without flaws? Too much emphasis has been placed on appearance and packaging. Yes, appearance and packaging are important as our bodies are the temples for the Spirit and they are blessed by God. But, too much emphasis on them at the expense of looking inward will mean that we are just beautiful parcels with worms decaying inside. How about our soul? The Catholic liturgy has just been made some changes. There is a lot of emphasis on the Spirit. Personally, I think it does help us to be aware of our inner state instead of just going through the ritual. Such changes are necessary according to times. In the world, how many people really look at our own spiritual health. I even wonder if my soul gets out of my body, how does it look like? Is it covered with blood from others whom I have murdered in any ways or am I tainted everywhere with dirt of many sins I have committed? If I sin with my mouth or hands, do they show the dirt or filth from the sins on my soul?
I am still studying my books on psychology and soulcraft. The soulcraft book is damn chim (deep). I need more time to study it. Most likely, I have to renew the book a few times since it is a library book. I have started self studying the psychology textbook. I am linking all the ideas from both books at the same time. My sinus which hit my head and eyes got worse on Monday which forced me to go back home from workplace. No exercise for me and I have to stay indoor most of the time. Currently, have to go on two to three weeks of treatment on the spray. I guess this is to force me to slow my pace for deeper reflection. If not, you will see me running all around Singapore. I am also going on diet. I have put on at least 5kg within this year. This is scary. Have to reduce my weight no matter what before I fall sicklier. Whenever I put on weight, I always fall sick. I also don’t know why. Time to detoxify my body and cleanse my soul. It is really a soul searching period for me. I am literally hibernating during such cold weather.
Ok, will be off work soon. Have to go to the job agency for an interview. After that, my small sister from church is asking me out and we are going to enjoy ourselves at Orchard Road today. This weekend will be pretty busy. If possible, I hope to start jogging along East Coast beach tomorrow. I seriously need to get in touch with nature and have fresh air for my body. Then, meeting a friend in the afternoon. On Sunday, have to attend wedding dinner. A very good excuse for dolling up especially when it is at City Hall. Then, get myself prepared for a job interview on Monday. There is another one on Thursday. But, somehow, I kinda like the job scope from the organization that I will be going for an interview on Monday. It has got something to do with media relation. I am sick of paperwork and too desk bound jobs. Really hope to get a job where there is variety and I can run around. If not, I will get into trouble again by being too desk bound. Hurray!
With Love,
Elena
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