Just went for an interview yesterday. There was a panel of four interviewers for the interview. Hopefully, I can get the job. The nature of the job is more outgoing which suits me more. I was quite happy when they told me I will be required to travel overseas at times and they would not expect me to have family commitment and further studies if I were to be hired. I really hope I can get such job as I feel I am more at ease with such nature of job which requires me to travel overseas and liaise with different people of different cultures. However, I was quite shocked when I was asked to go for a written test which lasted for 15 mins immediately after the interview. I did not expect the test. The test was about writing an essay on how I have handled difficult customer in my work life. The interviewer wished me good luck for my test. I really pray hard to get the job.
I have been reading alot about the Catholic faith and meditating on the Word during this Lent period. One thing that strikes me is about joy. I remember advising a friend as she told me Catholicism focuses alot on suffering and it was rather depressing. She even got the wrong impression that she had to suffer in order to be a good Catholic. Sometimes, she even deliberately caused self inflicted suffering so as to show that she was a good Catholic. I think she has missed the whole point of Catholicism. God has never wanted us to suffer and be depressed or sad so as to be a good Catholic. In fact, it is through the acceptance of the suffering out of one’s free will in Love that one is resurrected in glory like Jesus. The emphasis is more on the acceptance of God’s will and go according to the divine plan rather than the suffering itself which may not be in God’s plan. It is also on loving and accepting as oneself as who he is even if it goes against his own desires and desired self image which are not congruent with God’s plan. God knows the best even beyond our understanding and better than us knowing ourselves for He is the Creator and a loving Father.
Self inflicted suffering comes when we do not accept certain things that happen in our lives and we insist on hanging on to the issues and people to be let go and let God. I remember watching On Call 36 Hours Hong Kong Drama series. I agree that not all healthy people are happy and not all sickly people are unhappy. Of course, it may take some time for us to come to terms with certain conditions such as contracting with terminal diseases, losing loved ones through death, unemployment, etc. Yes, we should acknowledge our feelings of sadness, anger, depression and other negative feelings for a period of time instead of suppressing or denying them. Then, we bring them up to God for God to shed light on those areas asking for God to heal us. Sometimes, if necessary, we may need to be humble enough to get professional help. And, we allow people to walk with us through those difficult times. That is what it means by carrying our crosses. It is not about deliberately looking for suffering and acting like some martyrs to show others that we are carrying our crosses and we look holy.
After we have allowed God to shed light on those areas, God will show us the Way. When one door is closed, another will open. Sometimes, it requires one to be patient as it is in God’s time to answer our prayers. When the door is not opened, you may have knocked on the wrong door. Then, ask God to guide you to the right door. If you insist on the closed door, then you are causing that self inflicted suffering that leads you to misery. From acknowledging our vulnerabilities or issues to waiting for another right door to be opened in God’s time, it entails necessary suffering of waiting in seemingly bleak period of time and space making one feeling like living in ‘purgatory’. Such ‘purgatory’ is necessary for us to make redemptive sacrifices by detaching ourselves from some people, fame, popularity, bad habits and other things that we have been clinging dearly to in our lives so far to purify our souls and therefore, our love from a self centered one to become more and more Christ centered one. This is also what it means by carrying one’s cross.
Ultimately, it will lead to resurrection of oneself through such death to oneself in glory. One can truly enjoy the joy within living according to God’s divine plan for us even if it goes against our desires which we think are the best for ourselves when they are actually not according to God’s plan. Then, why do some of us think that Catholicism is all about suffering and dying which seems like Catholicism is bleak, depressing ? It is due to too much focus on the suffering and the process of it with its negative emotions? The focal point should be on joy with hope in the resurrection after the suffering and death to oneself. We should rejoice to be chosen as children of God who will never be forsaken. Since Jesus has conquered death through his willingness to suffer and die for all of our sins, we should be filled with joy that we have such loving Father who has never abandoned us to sins and death and that Jesus has salvaged us from eternal doom. He has loved us so much that He has sent His Only Son to die for us. Those who are parents will understand the pain of sacrificing their children in any ways. Imagine how ‘painful’ God must have ‘felt’ in ‘seeing’ His Son dying for us out of Love. And yet, He is willing to go through such ‘pain’ of sacrificing His Only Son just because He loves the sinful human beings like us capable of sinning again and again. What have we done to deserve such immense Love? This should fill us deep in joy that we are chosen to be children of God who are capable of sinning again and again that He is still willing to sacrifice His Only Son for all of us. And, we also resurrect with Jesus through death to our sinful selves by making conscious efforts and decisions to die to our sins again and again so that we will not be held captive by the sins leading us to doom but to rise with Jesus in renewed hope. Shouldn’t we be joyful to be able to live each day as God’s gift to us so that we still have the opportunities to fix broken relationships with others and deal with other issues that break us down constantly so that when we leave this world, we will not leave with regrets?
I am reading a book on Between Heaven and Mirth by a Jesuit. It is true that there is humour in the parables. As familiarity breeds contempt, we overlook the humour in the bible. Meditating on certain parts of the Psalms bring us joy. As quoted from the book, Humour is a prelude to faith, and laughter is the beginning of prayer. I always like to laugh at the jokes created by the priests during the homily. There was one occasion when I embarrassed myself by laughing loudly at Fr Paul Goh’s joke and nobody else laughed. Then, I stopped myself from laughing. Fr Paul Goh asked me to laugh heartily as it was meant as a joke and we should laugh with our hearts’ content. And, I continued to laugh. Eucharistic celebration is meant to be a joyful occasion to meet Jesus. Sometimes, I wonder why the whole atmosphere seems to be too solemn as if we were attending a funeral. Of course, we have to participate in it with reverence and yet be joyful. Sometimes, I even saw some people scolding others during the Eucharistic celebration and I have never seen these people smiling in general. I thought people who are loved by God should be joyful. Where has that joy gone to? Does it mean that life’s trials and tribulations are greater than God’s love?
It is healthy to learn to laugh at ourselves at times. By learning to laugh at ourselves, we do not live in constant tension and always carry the gloom on our faces. Sometimes, I like to laugh at my own figure, telling my friend Singapore should thank me for its best airport in the world with such a flat runway like my figure for the planes to take off smoothly. I ever applied for jobs at CAAS. I even joked that they would regret not employing me as they are losing a smooth ‘runway’ like me. My friends would always laugh without fail. Sometimes, I even crack such jokes with my team in times of stress at work so that we would not feel so tensed up under such abusive boss. That is why my supervisor told me she would miss my wacky jokes when I left the organization. Perhaps, that is why one of the Polytechnic lecturers told me he always felt that I was free and I joked with him of course, I was free as I was unemployed. He slapped his forehead and exclaimed when he mentioned I was free, he meant I was free spirited. By learning to laugh at ourselves at times, though we are facing the harsh reality, we will not suffocate ourselves to death and we may see things from another angle which give us fresh perspectives and even creative solutions. Sometimes, when the lessons were too boring in school, I would suddenly laugh quietly to myself as I was imaging things about my tutors. My friends asked me what I was laughing at and I shared with them and we laughed. Then, lessons would not be boring anymore. I often scored better in subjects taught by teachers who were humorous.
All of us have our own pain and issues in life. By appearing solemn and gloomy does not mean that I am a serious holy Catholic. Who would you approach; a poor Catholic who is filled with joy or a wealthy Catholic who looks gloomy and keeps complaining about everyone and everything? It depends on your mentality and approach towards life. Once again, I quote from the On Call 36 Hours show, not all healthy people are happy and not all sickly people are unhappy. Joy can be experienced when one loves and accepts himself as who he is and does God’s will even if his desires goes against God’s will as God who loves us so immensely that He sent His Only Son to die for our sins so that we would not be eternally separated from Him. Only He will lead us to joy not just to heaven but also here on earth. When we obey God’s will, we will go through the necessary suffering with joy deep within as we know that God will lead us to eternal life while we enjoy every small miracles here on earth instead of lamenting on what we do not have or suffering from misery insisting on becoming who we are not. Learn to see humour in life so that we will be more free spirited even laughng at ourselves. Then, it will be easier to carry the cross.
Hey, I have watched a comedy alone after the interview yesterday. The show was This Means War. I had a good laugh with the other people in the cinema throughout the whole show. If you need a good laugh, this is a nice show for such good laugh. I have been feeling down since my unemployment. Instead of allowing the situation to drag me down the spiral of depression, I would always look for ways to cheer myself up or reach out to the others who need help so that I will not indulge myself into self pity or focus too much on myself that I hide in my own small world becoming self centered. You, too, no matter how down you are feeling now, try to find ways to cheer yourself up or help others to count your blessings. The world is not about me but about us, especially in the realm of Christianity. The quality of life is much higher with the ability to laugh at myself and even laugh at the problems that these problems will never be too great to overwhelm us.
Cheer up, man! Lead life to the fullest with joy deep within for you are chosen and loved by God who never forsakes you. Nobody is too worthless to be loved by God with the fact that you are created by God. He is perfect. Therefore, there is no such thing as making a mistake in creating you. Love yourself and love others as yourself. The most important of all is Love God. Let’s continue to do our penance with repentance and joy deep within as we are approaching the Easter Sunday next week. Hurray! I love you, Jesus!! Oh, by the way, it is my spiritual birthday today as I was baptised to be part of the unviersal Catholic family on this day in 1997. Happy Birthday to myself!!
With Love,
Elena
No comments:
Post a Comment