I was chatting with my close friend through the Facebook Messenger a few days ago. I was teasing her that making move and making love is only a letter of difference. It suddenly dawns on me that making move is indeed the first step towards making love through Holy Matrimony. When two people get into romantic relationships, it requires both parties to be willing to take the risks in making the move of expressing and accepting and starting a romantic relationship. Imagine if both parties are fearful of getting hurt and are not willing to make the move to express the interest and willingness into getting into relationship. When is this romantic relationship going to start with both parties being passive? It requires two hands to clap. It requires efforts and actions from both willing parties to start and nurture the relationship. That is the starting point of turning move into love through courtship.
However, the act of making move does not turn into making love in the relationship before marriage since both parties are still in the process of trying out the relationship and making various moves of adjusting themselves to work the relationship out. Nurturing a relationship is never a one sided affair as the relationship will become lop sided with the active party ending up being drained and tired of making moves to make the relationship work, sometimes with resentment while the other being passive. How can clapping happen with only one hand carrying the action without the other? Making moves are not just expression of love towards ach other through gifts, sweet talk, spending quality time together, doing things together, etc. but also the moves of forgiving each other again and again when one has wronged the other and slowly opening up to each other with deeper intimacy and working on each other’s needs to keep the relationship going healthily. Making love at this stage is not appropriate. Why is that so? If having sexual intercourse without blessed by God through Holy Matrimony, it is just merely fulfilling the sexual pleasure or needs of the both parties. There is no covenant bound from the Holy Matrimony out of Love. Any one of the parties in the relationship does not have any commitment to the other and thus, can leave the relationship at anytime. It may lead to social problems such as abortion, single families where the children may not have complete families or the single parents may have problems or not prepared to bring the children up or sexual diseases may be spread through such acts with multiple sexual partners.
Making move into making love can only happen through the Holy Matrimony where both willing parties have the courage to sign on the lines on the covenant as blessed by God and stay connected in marriage regardless of all circumstances as professed by both parties through the marriage vows. The covenant is sanctioned through the mass with God’s blessing. Making love is meant for procreation other than satisfying the sexual pleasures. When both parties really love each other, they will abstain themselves from sexual intercourse before marriage and keep themselves chaste so that they do not treat each other as sexual tools for sexual pleasure. Rather, sexual intercourse is truly making love with the intention of bearing fruits out of love for each other. When both parties keep their chastity till the day of Holy Matrimony, the love making is truly pure merging both parties not just physically but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually, being confident and assured with conviction that the married couple truly love each other and have been keeping their own precious chastity for each other and offer it as a gift to each other out of Love on the night of consummation.
Some people mention that marriage is the graveyard of love. Well, to me, marriage is the beginning of true love as it is no longer bound by feelings but with commitment and vows regardless of circumstances. Two parties have the responsibilities of helping each other to grow and bringing out the best of each other. Path together may be tough as two different individuals have their own habits, personalities, preferences, needs and differences. That is when the married couple should be each other’s confessor, opening up to each other and connecting both worlds into one. It takes a lot of courage to admit one’s own vulnerability and for the other to see and accept each other as who he/she is with all the flaws. It is a lifetime of honest communication and adjustment of oneself to purify the marriage to be less and less self centred while more and more Christ centered towards one’s spouse. If the couple choose to blame each other for the rough path in marriage and insist on keeping to their old ways, divorce will be the result as their love is self centered than sacrificial towards the spouse. He/she chooses to serve self in this case. Marriage is a lifetime of making moves of forgiving and adjusting into making love. If making love is not carried out out of love, it is merely just for the sake of both parties treating each other as sexual tools for sexual gratification. Then, how can both parties elevate lovemaking to a level to have a taste of paradise through connection not just physically but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually for the Holy Spiritual to be in the act for procreation? If the Spirit of Love is not there, the sexual act is no longer lovemaking but just for serving self centered pleasures.
Some people may think that the idea of lovemaking only after the Holy Matrimony is old school thinking. But, does it matter if it is old school thinking? Such misconception comes from people who give themselves excuses to satisfy their self centered pleasures without being responsible for the consequences. Lovemaking is meant to create lives. Irresponsible sexual acts will destroy lives at different levels, such as transmission of sexual diseases, killing the sexual partners emotionally, suicide, rape cases, abortion, etc. A truly courageous person who is Christ centered will take the responsibility for their acts and words. If Christ centered, they will love with fidelity and are willing to love others not based on just feelings but also with dedication and wisdom. They will exercise necessary self restraint and abstinence as they see the values in them out of Love. It is never outdated to keep one’s chastity until one is married. Don’t you think you may enjoy the act of lovemaking at its highest level and pleasure with a taste of paradise knowing that both of you keep chastity as a precious gift for the unique each other in each other’s life and doing it with the full confidence that you truly love each other by being bound by the covenant and vows with the blessing from God and the Holy Spirit is working through such loving connection?
Making move towards each other is the starting point of having the courage to take the risks of getting hurt by getting into the romantic relationship where you invite each other to start walking together in Love. Then, when both parties decide to take the giant step to get into marriage out of love for each other, the two individual worlds will merge into one through Holy Matrimony where both parties have to die to themselves and making necessary forgiveness, sacrifices and adjustment of self so that the tinge of self centeredness will become less and less as the love between them is going through purification with devotion and bringing each other closer and closer towards holiness based on the foundation of God’s Love. If the marriage is nurtured with God, God will give the couple the wisdom and love to keep the relationship growing even during tough times as he focus is less on self but on Love.
That’s all for my sharing now. Very tired after visiting Van Gogh Art exhibition and KTV with a friend. Have to go to sleep now. Lead life to the fullest for life is short. Have the courage to love and pray for God’s guidance on how to love your lover with the confidence that the act of making move with conscious efforts will lead to making love if the relationship is blessed by God.
With Love,
Elena
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