What am I doing during this late hour? I am doing research on Design Festival in various countries. I am preparing myself for the final panel interview on Monday. I may or may not get the job. No matter what, the fact that I bother to do the research knowing the fact that I may not get the job. I guess the desire of getting the job in me is pushing me to get myself better prepared as if I have got the job. That is how serious I am if I am interested in something. I will make sure I do my research. Every field and industry has its own language. I am learning the language of the MICE industry as it is vital for me to pick it up for my writing since the majority of my job scope is about writing. For every job, I emphasize alot on professionalism which entails discipline. It is not about doing things my own ways as and when I like it. It is about making use my gifts and skills with appropriate discipline to deliver work of certain standards. Of course, the downside is I may become so task oriented that I neglect the interpersonal relations with the others. Over years, I have been trying to brush up that area for higher efficiency and effectiveness.
I am training myself to be more disciplined. In my life, I seldom finish reading books. My attention span does not allow to do so. Currently, after renewing ‘The Secret Scripture’ book for two times from the library, I am going to complete the book. To others, it may be hassle free in completing any books. To me, it requires a lot of efforts. I like reading. It’s just that I cannot sit still to read the books for hours unless I like the subjects much that I seem to be drawn into the books. I also do not know why.
Discipline is very important. Without discipline, I can become wilful hurting people around me. Worse still, I may cause havoc to the society at large. It requires conscious efforts starting from a decision to be disciplined. I am also teaching my nephew at home. I have seen many middle aged adults behaving like kids, such as wasting food, throwing tantrums like some spoilt brats, wanting things to go their ways even if they are wrong, seeking unnecessary attention like some narcissists, being responsible for one’s action and words, and I would not want my nephew ending up like them. Many crimes are committed out of uncontrolled desires with disregard for rules and feelings and well beings of the others. Of course, some may commit crimes due to certain disorders which need psychiatric attention or treatment.
I hold the act of abstinence and fasting high with respect and esteem in Catholicism though I do not practise it often. These acts require a lot of discipline and sacrifice on the part of the person practising it. Of course, I am not referring to people who have practised it and showed bitter expression, complaining to the others how they have suffered from such abstinence and fasting. Obviously, the hidden agenda is just for showing off to satisfy the narcissistic ego from the attention from the others. The focus is still on self centered wants. True discipline from such abstinence and fasting holds deeper in that one recognizes that there is a Power larger than self and such abstinence and fasting is carried out for the good of others and love of God. It set aside one’s desires and wants for the needs of others and love larger than self. It holds God higher than self. Then, a person’s heart and horizon will expand to accept and accommodate to the needs of the others, thus expanding the Kingdom of God. It teaches one who is wilful to learn to love others with the focus of the others and God instead of just one self. But, the approach must be going towards Love, i.e Love God and love thy neighbour as thyself.
For me, I have been trying to discipline myself. Sometimes, my superiors think that I have tried too hard in the organizations that I simply cannot fit in. On the other hand, some friends and loved ones suffer from my tantrums. I guess I need to know how to strike a balance. I am no longer young. I would not want to see myself stomping my feet or slamming the door in my 40s whenever people offend me or things do not go my way. Currently, my nephew is the tool to train me in my patience and discipline as I need to set good examples as a godmother. Only when I am a good example, then I can be a role model or leader to guide others to holiness. It is difficult but it must start somewhere and persevere. It must start from the self.
With Love,
Elena
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