Despite the whirlwind around me, I still feel very blessed at this point of time. God is still protecting me and watching over me. My prayers have been answered so far. One of the prayers answered is that monster is away from the office for 10 days as she is on MC. Not that I am gloating over her MC, it's just that at least all of us in the department have a break away from her. Hopefully, after her 10 days of MC, she will not be too stressed out and not throw her tantrums on us often. At least, for these 10 days, I can have my peace in the office without any tension from her physical presence here. If not, I will always feel tensed up absorbing all the negative 'aura' as I am sitting nearest her. At last, my nervous system can take a break and relax. Anyway, I just need to endure till the end of June as she will be moving into a room since she is promoted. This is another prayer that God has answered. I guess He really knows how much my department and I can take it from her face-to-face daily. If she moves into the room, we would not be shot by her by being noisy, eavedropped or for our ringing tones or any other matters where it is convenient for her to step out of her cubicle and pick on us and scold us within very close proximity. If she is in the room, I don't think she will have the time and energy to walk all the way to my department and scold us. So, her move into a room is a win-win situation for all of us and her though she still covers my department until a person comes in to take over from her.
I was doing my reflection and meditation on the Scripture this morning. After that, I went on to read a spiritual article by Fr Ron Rolheiser at http://www.ronrolheiser.com/. He will update his blog weekly on every Monday. He is one of the rare spiritual writers who still captures my attention and motivates me to read his blog entry weekly for my spiritual enrichment. The article I have meditated on from him for this week is poetic and romantic that seeps right into my heart, titled 'Listening to Christ's Heartbeat'. Somehow, this article touches my heart deeply and I experienced the love of God through this article. I feel that it is just like God's love letter to me. It is a wonderful experience to have such loving encounter with God deeply through such an article. I truly understand and appreciate such quiet time with God as how Fr Rolheiser had put it in his article 'By touching the center of our solitude, we sense that we have been touched by loving hands.' I could sense God's 'loving hands' embracing me, giving me such peace and warmth through the article this morning which no other people has given me before. And, for this, I truly believe in the working of the Holy Spirit as I open myself for the Holy Spirit to lead me freely through this reflection on this article. Miraculously, I could go deeper into thanksgiving to Jesus who has been walking with me and being grateful for the prayers that have been answered so far.
Jesus has been walking with me through the faces of my loved ones and friends. The only times when I am alone are the times I believe God is asking me to spend some time in solitude with Him to stay in touch with my being as a child of God. This solitude from time to time is meant for me to recuperate and rejevenate myself through such solitude with God for His gentle healing power to heal me for me to be more complete and stronger to face the harsh world. Without such 'loving hands' embracing me through such solitude, I will be thrown off the tangent with so much distraction from the world. Other than the solitude, Jesus has been walking with me through the faces of my supportive colleagues, friends and loved ones. God has sent Jesus to guide me to walk the Way, the Truth and the Life. These colleagues, friends and loved ones have been going through thick and thin with me. Sometimes, the love from them can be tough as it involves warning and scolding me for me to wake up before I sin. I am really thankful for those scolding and warning out of Love to protect me and help me to be a better person. I thank them for willingly scolding or warning me despite the risk of getting scolded by me since I am a person with quick temper. I always believe that true friends are those people remaining behind with me to walk through life journey with me, especially during bad times. I am glad that those people who do not love me as their friends or loved ones are out of my life. Well, I still continue to encounter nasty and difficult people. But, I have the comfort that things in the world keep on changing including bad times. This also implies that nasty and difficult people who do not love me will also leave my life one day. Bleak moments will also be over. It is just a natural cycle in life. Even economy follows such natural rule going through cycles of booms and recessions.
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The issue is we will never accurately predict when these booms and recessions will come and go. I guess that is the mystery of Love that strengthens our faith. We do not depend totally on ourselves to get through life since we do not know when the ups and downs will be coming and going. However, if I have strong faith, I will always have this glimmer of Hope through the conviction of Jesus' victory over death no matter how bleak situations may be. I just need to trust in God and stand firm that Jesus is guide me through my life. I need to hang on to God tightly for the ups to come back again. The down times are meant for me to slow down and spend more time with God while trying to make conscious efforts to pull myself out to the world to be with the others trusting that Jesus is walking with me in the world whereas the up times energize me to go full force into sharing God's Love with the others through my more frequent interaction with the others and work and even play.
No matter what, ups or downs, regular quiet time with God is very important. Only through quiet time, then I am able to listen to that still little gentle voice deep within me and enjoy God's whisper of tenderness in the air. My faith is not strong all the time. Sometimes, I do not even feel like praying and doubt God's existence. However, the fact that I am living, it means God is still at work for my breath is God's breath of Love blowing into my nostrils. I am receiving teh gift of life from Him as long as I breathe. My life, itself, comes from God. It is evident that the world is created by God for the fact that science still cannot explain everything in the world. Over the many donkey years, scientists have been making new efforts to explain things and discoveries. but some of them tend to contradict or go against one another. For certain matters, no scientists has any explanation so far. So, what does it imply? That is the mystery of Love. How can the mystery of Love at work be rationalized and explained completely? If not, who the heck would want to fall in love if romantic love is somehing that can be explained with cold logical mind and predicted? Human beings, somehow, just like certain elements of suspense or mystery or surprises to spice life up.
Ok, enough of shairng. I am using office hour to blog. Whahaha...Of course, wrong lah. But, nothing to do until a meeting in the afternoon. Things are going very slow at workplace until my reporting officer and that monster come back. Meanwhile, I take my time to do some filing which I dread the most and some reading up on reports to improve on my report writing. I am not sure if the monster is going to sack me after July since she is reviewing me for these two months. Most probably, she will find some excuses to let me go since she is taking roles out of my jobscope. I will just do my best and leave the rest to God. Have not exercised for months liao. Time to start exercising. Also very excited. Going to see an Art Therapist on this Saturday afternoon. Damn far away in Buona Vista. Most probably, will go there after morning exercise. Wonder how it is like to go through Art Therapy. I have also signed up for vocal lessons. Not going to be a singer lah since I sing like slaughtering chickens. Just like singing and picking it up as a hobby for me to have an outlet for my energy and pent up feelings. Meanwhile, also seeking help from James Cook University to see how I can get financial assistance for the Psychology course. See how lo. My future is very bleak with my family situation. I am still trapped. I wonder when I can get out of it. Never mind lah. See where God is leading me to. I know He will never abandon me. So far, He has been blessing me no matter how dark my situations may be. He is light. So, God shines at its brightest during darkness. It is up to me to lament over the darkness or to seek the light in the darkness lo.
With Love,
Elena
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