I never realize the joy of having children at home until I have my nephew. He will be 2 years old by the end of November this year. Children are definitely one of the miracles in life. I admit I still cannot handle children, especially when I find it very dirty to clean them and change their diapers, find them their shouting and crying unbearable, etc. However, I still find them miracles. Somehow, after my work or during my free time, I will try to set some time aside for my nephew. The hug and smile of my nephew never fail to cheer me up no matter how stressful I may feel outside. I find his hug therapeutic and warm. There is no stain of pretence and filth at all. The hug is so clean and loving and warm. The smile is so radiant and sincere. I guess that is what a hint of holiness is. There is no pretension in it which makes Love so pure and clean beyond description. I thank God for the presence of my nephew in my life. Though I have no children of my own, I do have a taste of a mother by helping out to look after him at times. I really enjoy those moments with him.
I do see every child as a jigsaw puzzle of his parents just like how everyone of us, as a child of God, is created like the image of God. The features, characteristics, personality, genes and other elements of the child are made up of both the parents of the child. For instance, when you look closely at a child, you see the nose and mouth of the child similar to the mother’s while the face shape and eyes may resemble the father’s. Another example would be a child has the talent of singing like his father and a compassionate heart like his mother. That is why they are miracles as they are the fruits out of the Love from the lovemaking of their parents where they have the combinations of features, character traits, genes, etc. from them as the inheritance of Love from the union between his parents.
I am not a mother. I do enjoy asking my friends how it is like to be a pregnant woman with the foetus in her. I am very curious about it. So far, from their sharing, I have never failed to see the joy radiating on their faces from within while describing the experience of their pregnancies. They always share with such joy and love that I can see their beauty as mothers. The foetus in the womb is so part of her that no words can describe the awe of such intimacy or closeness between the mother and the foetus in her. They share the same body and blood and air. It is very amazing when the foetus moves in the womb. It is even more wonderful when the foetus hit the mother’s stomach and the mother can see the mark of the fist of the foetus while he is hitting her stomach at times. This gift is definitely a privilege from God which man can never experience naturally. This experience can also help the mothers to have a taste of how it is like to be part of God. They will be able to understand better how it is really like to be part of God in God just like how a child is part of her within her. She will understand better the kind of love that God has for her as she is part of God.
As mentioned, a child is the fruit out of Love from the lovemaking of his parents. It is all done out of procreation where love multiplies in the form of giving birth to a child. An abstract love between a man and his spouse becomes tangible and concrete. The presence of their child reminds them of the love that the man and his spouse have for each other. It is vital that a person should be right with God so that he will love and appreciate himself as a child of God. Then, he will know how to love his spouse as part of himself in Christ way, followed by loving his children as the fruits out of the love between the man and his spouse. Love comes with responsibility and commitment. If he truly loves his spouse and children, he will never go too far off the tangent as he loves his family with fidelity and cannot bear to hurt them as he will feel the pain since they are all parts of him and together, with him, they are all parts of God. If needed be, he will die to himself when he knows he has done something wrong and truly repents and humbles himself to ask for forgiveness from his children and spouse so that he can be transformed gradually to be more complete in God and love them more and more in Christ way. If not, he will continue with his sinful ways and cause more hurts to them as if they were not parts of him. When a man sees and loves his spouse and children as parts of him from God, he will never judge them harshly. Instead, he will nurture his relationship with them with care and tender love that his spouse and children will grow in Love. As they continue to grow in Love, they are so filled with Love in the family that they share this Love with the others from within. That is how a man expands the Kingdom of God by first loving his family as part of him from God and then his children and his spouse will be so filled with God’s Love through him that they share such Love with the others.
Children can also be the parents’ saint-makers. I used to have one lecturer who was unusually patient and understanding. He drew my attention and I ever asked God to reveal why this lecturer could be so patient and understanding towards others. I did not deliberately find out more about him. I realized it only when I bumped into him at Bedok interchange one day. He was with his family. Then, I realized that his daughter was mentally disabled. I think that explained why his patience and understanding towards others drew my attention as he had to look after his daughter with extra care and patience for the rest of his life. He did not terminate her life through abortion but chose to have the courage and love allowing her to come into the world. This helps him to grow into someone who is very patient and understanding towards others and become light to the others. Another example was I went for the mass in this morning. There was this family who sat right in front of me. I could not help it but diverted my attention to this family. (Sorry! I should be focusing on the mass but I really could not help it.) There was a mentally disabled child in this family. The parents had to try to keep her still and quiet for the mass as she did not know what she was doing and did make noise and fidget throughout the mass. I saw how patient and loving her parents were. They kept her still by hugging her with love and patience. They did not raise their voices at her at all. During the exchange of peace, the girl smiled widely to her father and he kissed her with tender love. I was very touched deep within and nearly moved to tears. Her parents were like saints to me where they love her beyond her disability with such patience and love. The mass which I participated in was truly a rich and deep one from God through this family though my focus was not on the altar.
This comes to my mind that some people have chosen to deprive their children of their lives through abortion when they were diagnosed with certain diseases and disorders, such as Down Syndrome, even before birth. My question is: who am I to decide to take away the lives of the foetuses even if they are in me? I am just a steward for all the things and people in my life but not an owner. God is the owner. I am not God and I should not play God. I am just here to be an instrument for God to share His Love with the others. My children are not mine. I do not do anything to deserve them. They are God’s gifts to me. They are here to help me to develop and grow such as patience, generosity, forgiveness, etc. which may be lacking or underdeveloped in me so that I can be a more complete person walking towards holiness. Yes, I do not deny that the children who are disabled or sick in any forms will suffer. If I am their parent, I will also have to walk this tough journey with them for the rest of my life. It is never easy. I may even think what I have done to deserve such suffering and pain. But, what have I done to even deserve to have a child at all? All children are blessings from God. The fruits that we eat may be rotten or some of these fruits may be bad. However, no fruits of Love are bad out of the lovemaking between a man and his spouse. When I look deeper into the issues, these disabled or sickly children are not defective. They are just different. They are the catalysts for me to shine through suffering with them to be witnesses of Christ to the others. When I have these children, I may invite stares and gossips and mockery. No matter what, this will help me to die to my pride and allow the Love in me to protect and love my children who are parts of me even deeper. If I love them, I will protect them. My focus will be on Love and no longer on self. Children, whether disabled, sickly or healthy, will bond the couple even at a deeper level if both of them come together in Love to love their children as parts of them, just like how God has always loved all of us as we are like the images of Him. I have known a visually handicapped friend who had managed to attain grade 8 for her piano and Masters for Mathematics. I have also known a friend who has been sick since young and yet she has spent her time at home to do some handicrafts to sell them for charity. Recently, a news article featured a person without any hands could play piano well. If their parents chose to abort them upon discovery that they were not going to be born healthy and normal, would they ever have opportunities to shine as an inspiration for all of us? In fact, I thank them for their presence in this world that they have shown us though they are different from us, God has His creative ways of using them in giving us hope and strength to continue to live and love. I also admire and thank their parents for having such great courage and love to bring them into the world and nurture them with great care and patience which exemplifies God’s great Love for us as sinners who are handicapped or disabled in some ways spiritually. What seems to be impossible is all possible with God through the examples of these people who may be disabled in any ways and the people who have taken great care of them with such noble love.
Having my own children will also help me to realize how tough and how much it takes to be a parent to the others. I will learn to be more appreciative and understanding towards my own parents and be more thankful towards them. Some parents may not know how to be good parents though they may have done their best to love us. The way they love us may not be the way we want. But, it does not mean they do not love us. No matter how bad they seem to be to us, I can never deny the fact that they have given me my life. I come from them. If I do not learn to love them properly with the right state, I am not going to love myself as I am part of them. If I cannot love myself in the right way, how can I love others in the right way? Forgiveness must be done in ‘seventy seven’ times. If not, I will only bring this hatred into my own family and continue to abuse my spouse and children just like how my parents have abused me as I am bonded by hatred with the pictures of these unhappiness repeating in my mind. If I do not learn to forgive my spouse and children for the wrong they have done, I will hold on to the grudges and replay these unhappy and bitter scenes in my family. Only by forgiving ad letting go, will I allow God to transform and heal me deep within for me to lead new life with my family. My children will look up to me as an example by seeing how I love the people in my life.
Children will remind me to be childlike in faith. They trust their parents completely without any doubts. Adults are complex because there is so much doubt in them with certain perceptions and values conditioned in them with a lot of suppression through their experiences and upbringing. Young children are true with their feelings. The younger they are, the more sincere and true they are as they are still not tainted with the worldly issues and values. When I am true to God about my thoughts and feelings just like the children, I open up my true self for God to work in me with this childlike faith that God knows me the best. Easier said than done. That is why I need to make conscious efforts on spending regular time with God so that His tender Love can continue to heal me. I must give thanks to God for whatever I have, even my own life as this will help me to be more aware of God’s Love for me through these gifts and my faith will increase slowly. This will in turn give me the confidence and trust to surrender more and more of myself to God for God to continue to transform me to be more complete and I can also love people more and more in Christ way.
To conclude, no fruits of Love out of lovemaking between a man and his spouse are bad. All the children are here as gifts for their parents to go through transformation for their love to expand and be purified. They are also here as God’s light for us to learn how to have childlike faith. These children touch us deep within with their true and sincere smile and hugs and words from their hearts, painting the world with the beauty of their innocence. Treasure the time with your children, especially the years of their development. Once you miss it, you miss it forever as time can never be reversed to grow with them again. They may be pain in the neck at times but this pain can never be greater than Love. This pain is bitter sweet as it is part of your love for them. If given a choice, I really pray to go through such rich loving experience of being a mother though it entails a lot of uncertainties, worries, fears, burdens and pain for the rest of my life as I believe it is a gift for me to experience Love conquers all.
With Love,
Elena
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