Missing

It was a joyous and fulfilling weekend. I celebrated the birthdays of both my mum and aunt in advance. I brought them out for high tea buffet. Basically, my pay for this month is held back by my organization. I admit I am a poor person without much saving. So, I do not have much to offer them. I just wanted them to be happy. Anyway, money can always be earned. I am not sure who will die next since people in my life tend to disappear suddenly. I guess that is why I do treasure quality time with friends and loved ones. After the high buffet, we went shopping. I did feel bad about buying my mum a less than $100 bag and $69 clothe for my aunt. That was all I could afford. I was glad that both my mum and aunt enjoyed the celebration, especially when the service crews at the restaurant suddenly sang birthday song with two cupcakes for them. Our table was the first table for the celebration. So, both my mum and aunt looked surprise and asked me why I did not inform them of it. I simply answered I love giving people surprises. They enjoyed such surprises. To me, money is really hard earned with a lot of humiliation and tension from the monster and stress from work which I can never do well and force myself to do so. I cannot even remember how much caffeine I have forced my body to absorb for this job. So, when I spend money on anyone, that means I love him/her. I have regretted once. I do not need another great lesson to hit me before I treasure people in my life. Anyway, as I have told my mum and aunt, I can always earn the money back. The most important thing is they were happy on their special days. I hope my aunt is feeling happier. I am also happy that my grandfather has got out of that hell and is running healthily around his neighbourhood. I am very happy to see my true grandfather coming back with his independence and pride. Hurray!

I have just finished watching Secret Garden for the seond time as my reflective material. The theme of missing strikes me this time. What do I mean by missing? I mean both the meanings of a thing or a person absent from my life and taking time thinking of a person or thing during the absence. The interesting scene from this show was the leading male character, Kim Joo Won, kept on seeing the imaginary Gil Ra Im, the woman whom he loved without his own knowledge initially. He could not explain logically why he kept on 'seeing' her walking beside him in the nature. There was one occasion when he freaked out when he could hear the imaginary Gil Ra Im speak to him. He even went to the action school to find Gil Ra Im to scold her for being everywhere he went in his imagination. I find the scene really beautiful when the imaginary Gil Ra Im simply walked peacefully beside him. Somehow, I felt a sense of peace. Maybe, I yearn for that someone to walk with me quietly. I don't know. I am still figuring out.

From this scene, I realize that when we love, no matter how far they are, even through death where it would never be possible to see them ever again, their presence seems to be ever more real and prsent in our hearts. They seem to become more free as they are no longer confined within their bodies to walk with us. Sometimes, by missing them, the act of missing compels us to take action of communication with them through phone calls, emails, skype, facebook, etc., meet them and spend quality time with them. Where the people we miss have deceased, we simply visit the columbarium and spend some time thinking of them, reminiscent of our moments with them. When we miss certain people, our logical minds may not understand why no matter how long they have left or how far they are gone, we still think of them, they still love in our hearts. It is as if they are still walking our life journey with us. Why is that so? The missing comes from our hearts. These people have taken up certain imporatnt positions in our hearts. We love them from the bottom of our hearts. The heart talks to the mind and the mind produces thoughts of these people whom we miss. That explains why certain things can never be first fathomed by the minds unless we look deep into our hearts and acknowledge those feelings and what we miss and love. That is also why when we grieve over the loss of someone or thing, people will always describe they feel empty, a hole, hollow, etc. There is always this empty space after the person or thing is physically gone or gone from our lives. From time to time, if I miss someone, I will call them and meet them to spend quality time with them. I would not want to stoop to the state of spending them with them as the columbarium where I could not see or feel them physically.

How about God? Do I miss God enough for me to spend time with Him at least once a week in church? Of course, God is never confined within space or time. He is everywhere. Whether we admit it or not, we are visual people. That is why there is this saying like 'Out of sight, out of mind.' There are so many things or even people vying for our attention. By spending at least one day with God every week, we are responding to His Love and we are improving on our relationship with Him.

Ok, that is all for my sharing. This week is my Arts week. I am watching the Phantom of the Opera at a cinema later. As for tomorrow, another movie with a friend and chilling out. On Sunday, I will be visitng museums with a friend. Please pray for my uncle. Just received a bad news that he has been suffering tremendous pain daily because of cancer . I am not sure if my aunt can cope with it. Hopefully, her daughters and sons-in-law will support her. My uncle has been in and out of the hospital often due to the pain. This family is a loving family. They really love one another dearly. Hope that they can overcome this ordeal and become stronger. Ok, I am going off liao. If you miss anyone or suddenly think of a person, contact him or her or ask him/her out to spend quality time together. Don't be like me, living with regrets forever. She ever promised me she would try my curry puffs. But, it would never happen again. I have always wanted to ask her out for meals. But due to my pride, I did not. And, it would never happen again.

With Love ,
Elena