Finally, have some time to write my blog. Have been busy handing over the tasks and roles to my colleagues. One of my roles is still pending for someone to take over. It was supposed to be taken over by a colleague as assigned by my new DD. Obviously, she was playing taiji, pushing the role away. I am wondering if she pushes her bonus away when it comes. If she could push the role away, I could have pushed it away with some 'brilliant' reasons. Anyway, it is not up to me to worry over who will take over the role. I am on holiday mood liao. During last week, my new DD squeezed me for the presentation slides. One of my colleagues found me silly to stay back for the slides and had to even cut down on my lunchtime to rush the slides for her since I am leaving. I know that it is silly as some people here sleeping in the office still get their bonuses. Sometimes, we could even hear them snoring while passing by their workstation during office hours. I just do not understand that after working so hard, my work is not recognized. Instead, what I get is accusation and could not pass my probation. Who asked me to offend the monster? If I know how to lick her boots, even if I sleep here, she will still praise me and recognize my work. This is how it works here. Anyway, I have learnt to accept it long time ago when I first started work. Sometimes, when my colleagues complained things are unfair, I would ask her to look at her fingers. They are all of unequal lengths. So, what is fair? How do you define fairness? By whose perspectives? Things which seem bad may turn out to be blessings in disguise. Sometimes, when I complain, my colleagues will also comfort me with the words which I have told her. Anyway, I have started packing my things as my last day of work is on next Wednesday. I really need a rest as I seem not able to recover from my migraine since last Friday when I was forced to leave the office early due to it.
I went to the Art Science Museum with my friend the week before. We spent half a day there. Since it was raining heavily, we postponed the trip to the National Museum for the Van Gogh exhibition. At the Art Science Museum, we visited the Dali exhibition followed by the Titanic exhibition showcasing the artifacts retrieved from the deep sea. From the Dali exhibition, I got in touch with the human side of myself. Most of the Dali's art and paintings seemed to focus a lot of femininity, sexuality and anxiety. He kept in touch of the soul deeply. Dali was a surrealist. According to the definition of Wikipedia, 'Surrealist works feature the element of surprise, unexpected juxtapositions and non sequitur; however, many Surrealist artists and writers regard their work as an expression of the philosophical movement first and foremost, with the works being an artifact.' From Dali's art, I gathered that a person's development right from the childhood will influence his growth even as an adult. How a child is handled from young will somehow determine if he can grow healthily as an adult. When you do not know how to express yourself with words, drawing, painting, sculpting can be other effective avenues to convey your feelings, thoughts and ideas which limited words could not convey. Sometimes, a picture does speak a thousand words. Personally, when I am too depressed, I can't even find words to express how I feel and think inside. I would draw some simple pictures. You do not need to have any skills to express yourself through drawing. Just doodle on the papers according to who your heart wants it to be. Sometimes, the pictures will only make sense to you after some time though they may not make sense on the spot.
Why do some people suffer from anxiety or depression? I think they do not have healthy outlets for them to vent out. Worse still, they keep denying they need help or outlets to vent their pent up negative feelings and thoughts that they become sick. Denial does not mean you are fine. It just means you have this pride that stops you from acknowledging that you do have your vulnerability like everyone else. If not, you may not have the courage to admit you are facing challenges that you feel trapped by. Art may help if no words can express how you feel or think inside. There is no right or wrong in the realm of arts. You may share your art with someone whom you trust or close to. By talking through the art pieces that you have produced with someone, you may discover something that also surprises you or something that you have never thought that is in you. Art to me, is a good way of communication with my soul and God. When I was viewing the Cross and bible by Dali, I was communicating with God in the museum. I simply stood right in front of it and started to thank God in the museum from my heart. My visit to the Dali exhibition was meant to be meditation through the art with God. It was a fruitful trip as I gained certain insights into human nature and growth of a person.
After the Dali exhibition, I went for a break with my friend over a cup of Mocha and chocolate croissant. We discussed on our feelings and thoughts over the artpieces. Both of us had different views on a particular sculpture. My friend felt painful viewing that artpiece while I felt healing from it. That artpiece was a sculpture with the horn of a unicorn piercing through a distorted wall with a heart shaped hole. The horn came with a drip of blood at the other side of the wall. My friend felt painful because of the piercing. I felt healing because as described on the artpiece on a label at the piece, unicorn was known for healing. To me, it was something positive to see a unicorn's horn piercing through the distorted wall. It means the wall is akin to a person's wall drawn up due to past hurts, wounds, abuses from others, etc. That wall is drawn to protect the person from further harm for awhile. Over time, if it is not torn down, the person will never get to see the other side of the wall, thus, hindering him from growing or seeing the light. The wall is distorted, distorting the person' growth and perception and approach towards people and life. I see the horn as a certain traumatic situation or challenge which pierces through the distorted wall. The person may bleed and get hurt. No doubt it is painful and yet it is God's way of piecing through that distorted wall. That blood means the person is still alive. It means new life. The hole comes in the shape of a heart to me means Love is imprinted on the person. That hole in the shape of the heart is God's Love to heal the person so that light can shine through the hole on his soul for healing. Old blood comes out on the horn and new blood is replenished within the person for the person to have a new life.
We went for the Titanic exhibition after the break. Each of us was given a boarding pass with the name of the real victim who was saved or lost in the wreckage. I was a person by the name of Mrs William Coutts (Winnie Trainer) who brought her two sons to join her husband in US where he had found steady job as an engraver and had saved enough money to send for them. She was a third class passenger on Titanic to save more money. My friend and I went to search for our 'names' displayed at the exhibition. Instead of finding mine, I found my friend's 'name' on the list where more than 500 third class passengers were lost. I tried to look for mine for more than 15 mins. In the end, out of slightly more than 100 third class passengers saved, I was saved together with my 'children'. Somehow, I felt God was speaking to me though this search. Life is precious. When I found my 'name' on the 'Saved' list, I felt a sense of relief and love. Personally, I believe that if I am still alive after such great disaster, God's grace can never be described for such survival. I was feeling quite down before this visit to the museum as my job search has been very slow and I was losing hope with my poor health. My 'survival' is God giving me the spiritual boost that if I did not die at such traumatic disaster where the survival was very slim, I can still enjoy the blessings ahead. Such survival is God's goft of Love to me. Nothing is more important than being alive. If a person is dead, no amount of wealth or fame can be enjoyed anymore. The Titanic exhibition also tells me that whether the people are distinguished by their classes such as first, second or third, by the kind of services and products which they were entitled to enjoy, lives would still be lost no matter what. Death does not distinguish the social classes of people. All lives are equal and precious to God. If God only looks at the social classes of the people, then only the first class passengers should have survived the ship wreckage. What does it tell you that even people from the third class of the ship still got saved despite the fact that the priority of saving went to the first class passengers according to the infrastructure of the ship and the most number of the passengers saved out of all the three classes? Man can never beat God no matter what.
Ok, enough of my sharing here. Time to go home liao. I simply love the weather here. It is cold and I have the feeling of Christmas. This weekend is a busy weekend again with the celebration of the full month of my friend's son and my Bong Bong's birthday. Hehe...I have just bought my new toy after thinking about it for months whether to get a new phone since my old phone rest in peace and finally got $100 voucher for the phone. That is my iPhone 4s!! I enjoy playing it. Hurray! Have to scrimp and save like shit now. Now, I have to search harder for a new job. My colleagues are organizing a farewell lunch as initiated by the monster for me tomorrow. She did not even ask me what I like and went ahead with what she preferred which most of us do not like. That is eating in the boring office when most of us prefer to eat out. Well, that is her. She always wants her way though it is my farewell lunch. I heard that she is more enthusiastic about my farewell lunch than anyone else. It could just mean that she can't wait to get me out or she just enjoys such event. Sigh! Never mind. Ok, time to go home now. No matter where you are, always remember that being alive is a gift from God. Without life, no amount of wealth and luxury can be enjoyed at all. Enjoy life, man!! Don't have to wait till the Titanic disaster to happen in your life before you appreciate how precious life is! :)
With Love,
Elena
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