I have one of the more meaningful Chinese New Year this year. I had invited my youngest aunt and her family over to my place on the first day of Chinese New Year as I also wanted to play sparklers with my cousins. Who knows it turned out that my grandmother and my uncles and other aunty also came? We even managed to have a few of us taking our first family photos. I was touched and overjoyed. All of us enjoyed ourselves. That was the first family gathering I had organized. Though I had burnt a big hole in my pocket, I burnt it with such joy. I love seeing such joy and fun that all of us had. Some of them who were shy about taking family photos broke through themselves and joined in the fun. Actually, I love fun and laughter. I always dream to have my own house with my spouse where we can gather people at my house every week to have fun. Such joy can never be bought with money. I thank God for all the people who were at the gathering. No words can ever express my gratitude to God and those people who participated in that gathering.
Family ties are very important. No money can buy them. I have learnt that one must make the efforts and even spend money to organize the gathering. Though tiring, it is really worthy. It is one of the gifts from God. The presence of all the people definitely contribute to the gathering. When you see them laughing and enjoying themselves, all efforts are paid off. This is one way of asahring God's Love with the family.
I also have a rather confusing Chinese New Year. I am not sure what God wants from me. I have been avoiding a person as I can't handle my feelings whenever I see him/her. I have avoided all the places that he/she would most probably go. I tried not to step into area where he/she stays. The worst thing was my friend gave my ther friends and me a lift last night and the first stop was where that person stays as my friend wanted to send my other friend home first. Then, his van passed by the place where I used to meet the person often. I have been avoiding those places to avoid him/her. Then, people keep on mentioning the area he/she stays. Finally, I met him/her at a shopping mall just now. I had prayed to God to intervene yesterday and yet I still met him/her just now. Whenever I prayed to God to intervene, I would always bump into him/her. I am very tired. I still have not got over certain feelings over him/her and have been trying to kill those feelings in me. How can I destroy them completely if I keep on bumping into him/her? I just want my relationship with the person to be right by destroying all those feelings that I should not have for that person. But, how can I get over those feelings if I keep on bumping into him.her? I have tried to kill those feelings that I get so trapped. I don't know how to avoid anymore. I am very tired. I have tried my best to destroy those feelings. What should I do? Does God want to drive me to the edge? My friend asked me not to control and let things go naturally last night but I don't want to take the risks. I am very confused. The more I push him/her away from me, I keep on feeling so wrong. Why is that so? I am just trying to do something right. I am trying to get the relationship right and have the right approach towards him/her. Why can't I get rid those feelings? I keep on asking God to intervene and He keeps on giving us opportunities to bump into each other. I even keep on asking God to bless me with a spouse. But, instead of meeting my future spouse, I keep on meeting him/her. What does it mean? It has happened so many times. I am scared. I don't want to cause my loved one to sin. I am very confused. I no longer know what God wants.
With confusion,
Elena
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