Took my off-in-lieu from work on last Friday. Did not know why I was prompted to do so suddenly. Anyway, I still did it. My initial plan was to accompany my sister for her checkup. Who knows God revealed the real reason for me to take my off-in-lieu on the day itself? My sister went for delivery of her child. Therefore, I was assigned the task of taking care of my nephew in the morning on Friday and Saturday while my mum was at work. I am not sure how other people feel when they have to handle children alone. For me, I was very anxious and stressed out before I took care of my nephew who is also my godson who is two years old alone. I was afarid to handle children alone. A lot of things went through my mind such as what happned if he cried looking for my mum or sister, what happened if he was too naughty and I was out of control, what happened if he had soiled his diapers, etc. I was not confident on this task assigned to me as some kids used to hurt themselves right in front of me under my care and I always did not know how to communicate with them. I was praying very hard. I saw it as an opportunity from God for me to learn something out of it or to train me as a mother if my vocation were to be marriage.
It was not as difficult as I thought to be. My nephew gave me a wonderful experience of being a mother to him during those few hours on each day. He turned out to be easy to manage. One experience of awe was when I was sleeping with him on my mum's bed, he would push my face or knock his head against mine to wake me up. Then, he would lie his head down with me with his face touching mine, looking very innocent with a smile so genuine. I don't know how to describe such wonderful experience. It was beautiful beyond description. I felt very close to him. I felt like a mother. I even learnt to prepare some milk for him. Though he did not drink it as he had his milk earlier on which I was not informed of, I was happy that he did drink a few mouthfuls of it. I did make a mess out of preparing the milk. And yet, I was happy as I did manage to successfully prepare the milk. It was a small achievement for me personally as I am bad with housechores and taking care of kids. I did not manage to break through the barrier of changing diaper for him when he soiled his diaper and asked my mum to rush back home as soon as possible. I am still scared of filth and can't stand the thought of touching the faeces. But, somehow, I believe I will break though the barrier in the future as I have successfully taken care of my nephew well.
I thank God for giving me this opportunity of being a mother to my nephew during those few hours for the past two days. By today, I am totally drained to go anywhere but to go to my sister's place which is a few blocks away with my mum who needed my help in carrying the things to her. I have learnt that it is so time consuming and energy draining to be a mother to a child. I really respect those mothers who need to take care of not just one but a few children. My sister has just come home today. She shared with me her personal experience of giving birth as a mother. What I have learnt is it entails a lot of suffering and pain to deliver each child with a lot of patience, love, wisdom and sacrifices to bring up and nurture every child for the rest of her life. I thank my mum for bringing me into the world and make some efforts into raising me up.
Here, I would also like to thank all mothers who bring lives into the world and raise them up and nurture them. One thing I have always personally believed is that even if our mothers may not have loved us the ways we would like them to love us, we can never deny that we carry part of their genes and blood. No matter how they have wronged us or how much some of us hated them, we still have to thank them for bringing us into the world to enjoy God's blessing. Without them, we would not have come to this world to enjoy the creation of God and God's love with others. We should learn to forgive them and and still be thankful to them for bringing us into the world no matter what they have done wrong or how they have offended us . If we can't even forgive the very people who have brought us into this world, we can never claim that we love God. Love is unconditional and forgiving. If we can't even forgive and love the very people who have brought us into this world, what makes us think that we can love God who can't be seen or touched? It is not easy to forgive but it is not impossible with the power of Love. We need to make the decision to forgive and then ask God for the wisdom and strength to help us to expand our hearts to forgive.
I really hope that God blesses me with marriage and the opportunity to have a child in my womb created out of Love with my spouse. Listening to people's sharing is one matter. But, experiencing it myself is totally a different matter. Though being a mother is never easy and entails a lot of sacrifices and love for the rest of my life, I would still like to pray for such experience of awe of being a mother. Now, it is God's will if He will bless me with chidlren of my own as He still knows what is the best for me. I lift it up to Him. If you have not thanked your mother all these years, time to do so with gratitude as nobody knows who will leave this world next.
With Love,
Elena
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