Love is all about for-giving. When we are in any relationships or marriage, it requires both parties to give up some parts of themselves in some ways, be it time, money, efforts, energy, pride, living habits, etc. for each other. It requires time and efforts in maintaining and building the relationships, just like how a person takes care of his plants consistently for the plants to blossom. In the context of Christianity, God has shown his immense Love for us through the act of Jesus Christ giving up his life for all of us at the Calvary. It is definite that while we love for-giving ourselves to the others, we also love for-giving other people the opportunities to love us. Love is never a one way track. It is all about giving and receiving love between two or more people. God has shown me His Love through the death of His beloved son and we respond to His Love by accepting and loving Him as my Father through my baptism as a child of God with my free will and spending time regularly with Him meditating on His Word, before the Blessed Sacrament or participating actively in the sacraments, especially the Eucharistic celebration where the real presence of Jesus Christ is there. The Holy Spirit can only work freely through Love. Without love between God and me, the Holy Spirit can never work. Because of the intense giving and receiving of love between the Father and the Son, the Holy Spirit exists to form the Holy Trinity.
If I want my relationships to be right with people, my relationship has to be right with God first. Only then, the Holy Spirit from my close relationship with God can work freely in my life and direct my actions and words in Christ way. Only God knows what is the best for each one of us and knows us through and through as He even ‘knows the number of hair on us’. Only He knows how to draw each one of us closer to one another. Only He knows who should come into my life or leave my life for me to grow in Love during the different stages of my life. All of us are instruments of God for God to draw us closer to Him through our relationships with people. No man is an island. Even a hermit can never claim that he does not need anyone from the fact that he also comes from another human being who is his mother.
Love is also about forgiving. Why are there so many broken relationships or marriages with grudges or fights? It is because I am not ready to let go of my self-centeredness, my pride. Pride is the main culprit for unforgiveness as I have refused to place God and the others above me. Sometimes, what I call principles may be just rules I want to impose on the others even when I am called forth to be more compassionate and those rules do not apply in these exceptional situations. This is depicted in the Pharisees in the bible as they insisted on the rules and laws so much that these rules and laws were above Love where they even accused Jesus of breaking the laws for working or healing the sick on the Sabbath Day. In any relationship, it requires a lot of giving up, adjustment and fine tuning of self for the relationship to work, especially marriage. It is a tall order to forgive people who have wronged us ‘seventy seven times’. It requires dying to self in small ways when called forth for the relationship to work, such as dying to my pride and humbling myself to admit my mistakes and ask for forgiveness from the people whom I have hurt or offended, letting go of the hurt and grudges that I have towards the people who have wronged me and forgiving them with generous hearts, etc. When I forgive, I am freed from the bondages of grudges, anger, bitterness, hatred, etc. which may have hindered me from living life to the fullest. I know that I am freed and have forgiven when I don’t get angry or hurt anymore at the mention of the incidents or upon seeing these people who have wronged me. If not, they may be eating me inside each time I see the people who have wronged me or people mentioning about these unhappy incidents or misunderstandings. Only through forgiving, the Kingdom of God can expand as I am willing to grow by forgiving and loving and accepting these people as who they are, who are also as imperfect as me as only God is perfect. Only through forgiving, the people who have wronged us are no longer bound by my grudges and anger and bitterness but released from them so that whenever they see me, they are at peace and know that there is no knot or ill feelings between us. I cannot claim that I love people when I don’t forgive. When I don’t forgive, it just shows that I am self centered. I have refused to extend the mercy of God to the others and choose to keep this mercy to myself. In this way, I am belittling God as God’s mercy is infinite and His Love through His mercy is too big to be kept within the small me. It is meant to be extended to the others so that the Kingdom of God can expand through sharing this Love with the others by forgiving.
Jesus has broken himself during the Eucharistic celebration so that we may have a share in him. I am also called forth from every mass to continue the mass in my daily living for me to be broken by sharing my life with the others. If I want healthy relationships with the others and need guidance, the advice can be found in the bible. The bible is all about how to live life to the fullest and love other people in Christ way. It is a priceless rich book that holds the secrets to eternal life and God’s message of Love to me like a person’s love letters to his lover. Before I dwell into this book, I must pray first for me to set my focus right on God so that my reading and interpretation is guided by the Holy Spirit. If not, I may interpret the bible with my own human mind and twist it according to what I want subconsciously and cause me to hurt others or carry things to the extremes with destruction.
To conclude, Love is all about for-giving in Christ way. It is easier said than done. I ever had one friend who confided in me that she/he was having problems with his/her mother-in-law. Many times, it even caused him/her to quarrel with his/her spouse and she/he felt like giving up. I just asked him/her what he/she had promised during his/her marriage vow for a few minutes at his/her wedding. He/she took the time to recall the vow for awhile. Then, I told him/her he/she had to walk the talk by fulfilling the vow with the rest of his/her with the spouse through his/her actions and words. It is never easy to love as it calls forth for a person to stay committed to be forgiving ‘seven seven times’ whenever the other has hurt or wronged him/her, and for-giving his/her love again and again to the other and for-giving the other person to love him/her again and again. It takes a generous heart and humility to be willing to break and surrender oneself to God for God’s love to penetrate through the cracks of brokenness to transform him/her deep within and share his/her life deeply with the others. Just like marriage vow which never promises a bed of roses, baptismal vow also does not promise that. That is why I need to rely on God instead of on myself as He knows how difficult it is for me to live by the vow and love in Christ way. He is available for me in the biblical scriptures, Blessed Sacraments, Sacrament of Reconciliation, and Eucharistic Celebration and even through other people. I am never alone. It is up to my free will to seek Him. Wedding anniversary is not just an occasion to celebrate their love for each other. It is also a reminder of the marriage vow that they have made on the day of their wedding. So, it is also a reminder to me the baptismal vow that I had made on my day of baptism and to live by it in my daily living with God in me through my renewal of it on Easter Day yearly. I am never going through it alone. I have God in and with me.
With Love,
Elena
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