Finally, Out of the Tomb!!

I would like to start my blog entry by thanking all my friends and loved ones for being there to support and encourage me during the past five months of my unemployment. Sorry, guys, for putting up with my nonsense at times. This period of five months has been really tough for me. I have finally settled myself in a Japanese MNC in Jurong East. Yes, it is indeed far for me. I am literally travelling from East to West of Singapore. Since the MRT system is no longer reliable due to frequent breakdowns and delays, I tried to take a bus from my home to the workplace this morning. My gosh!! It took me at least two hours to reach Jurong East interchange and another 15 mins to walk to my office. However, I am still glad that I have found a job. I cannot expect to have a perfect job where the workplace is near my house and I like the job scope at the same time. I am starting work on 2 May and I am looking forward to a fresh start in my career.

Jesus was in the tomb for three days before he was resurrected. During my unemployment for five months, I did have a taste of how it was like to be in a tomb, especially, in my career. I could imagine that when in a tomb, one would be feeling lonely, cold and dark though there might be people walking with you. Nevertheless, they could never die with you. You still have to face certain matters like death, illnesses, unemployment, etc. in life. Nobody can ever replace you in going through such events. Yes, I felt the loneliness, coldness and darkness during my five months of unemployment. I got told off or even put down by interviewers, no reply after sending countless resumes, and even insinuated or condescended by some close friends. Sometimes, I did doubt about my ability though I generally would not be affected by people’s personal attack.

Though we are all human beings and not human doing, it is definitely true that inertia for too long will cause depression in the long run. When we have something with certain purposes to do, we will focus on the tasks to be done with objectives and harness our energies and turn these energies into productive results that serve others for the love of God. When a person is inert for too long, his mind will wander without any control and anything productive. Instead of being stagnant, I did try to reach out to friends who needed help from time to time so that I would not fall so down that I became depressed. The best medicine for pulling oneself out of the spiral of downs would be to stop focusing on one’ own negative feelings for too long but to reach out to help others who need support or help in any ways so that one’s world can expand beyond self and connect with the others’ and he will not feel the loneliness unbearable.

I am finally resurrected in terms of my career. There were many times when I did want to give up looking for a job that matched my personality and abilities the best as advised by my previous reporting officers and settle myself down into any job which I loathed and got myself tortured again like how tortured I had been feeling for the past 7 years of my working life. I could not help it but felt worthless at times though I know very well my own worthiness is not based on what I do but who I am as a child of God. Once again, my ex reporting officer’s advice kept on ringing in my head, ‘Don’t be someone you are not. Don’t keep doing something you cannot. It will keep on coming back to haunt you, just like what had been happening to my friend until she got herself a job which matched her personality and abilities.’ There were many times I was feeling so down that I simply rot at home. Somehow, meditating on God’s word and regular prayers did help. I did not rot at home for long. Somehow, some energy, I would believe, would have been the Holy Spirit, pushed me to reach out to others or do something to keep my mood up. During this period of cooping in the ‘tomb’, I have learnt that regular prayers and time with God through meditation on the Word would prevent me from falling too deep into depression. Such acts serve as reminders that God is always there for me though I may not feel His presence. Besides, by hanging in there for God’s time to bless me with the job, it enables me to know better what I want in life instead of short changing myself by settling into any job which may repeat the vicious cycle of unhappiness in my career.

The other thing is I did not journey alone. My friends would drag me out of the ‘tomb’ from time to time. One friend brought me to Goodwood Park Hotel to treat me to high tea buffet and my favourite durian puffs and crepe to celebrate her birthday. A few others reminded me to be patient and wait for God’s time to bless me with a job. And, a few others treated me to Starbucks coffee and meals at times. As usual, I do not express my gratitude much directly to them. Basically, I am really thankful for their efforts and time to cheer me up. Some posted positive comments and encouragement on my Facebook. This enables me to see clearly that no Christian journey should be travelled alone. We need brothers and sisters to journey with us and pick one another up from time to time.

Finally, after five months in the tomb with my unemployment, I am seeing light in my career. I am getting myself out of the ‘tomb’ by getting into the private sector which many reporting officers and even job recruiters advised that my personality matches the best with. Besides, it is a field which I have always wanted to develop in which is corporate communication. The plus point of this Japanese MNC is they believe in Corporate Social Responsibility. I have just signed my appointment letter for this job this morning. Every staff has to fulfil at least one hour of social responsibility through any charity work. Personally, I always believe that community work is essential for the growth of working adults and building bonds among colleagues. There were some organizations I worked with did not go for social responsibility. What I realize is those staff seemed to have forgotten that they were blessed to be healthy and count their blessings and tend to whine alot. They tend to be more self centered at work. The bond among them was not strong. For those organizations which practise corporate social responsibility, the bond among staff is stronger since they come together to do something meaningful for the less fortunate ones and they find more meaning in their work since they are reminded through such community work that it benefits the community. In fact, I am glad to see that I have to fulfil one hour of corporate social responsibility every year since I tend to be very task oriented and forget I am a human with compassion too. Such yearly activity helps me to keep in touch with the human side of me and serves as a platform for me to help the less fortunate ones.

With the light shed on my career through my new job, I am more hopeful that other areas of my life will also improve slowly. The other area I hope to see light is my romantic relationship. I hope that men looking for fling or flirt will stay out of my way. I get annoyed and disgusted by such men. Recently, I got harassed by someone whom I did not know through smses. I gave him warning directly and told him I had no interest in being friends with him. I really hope that I will not have some weird guys coming to me with some weird expression or words which scare me off, especially at work. I am just a plain Jane. Nothing special or attractive about me. If I am willed by God to get married, I just hope to have a serious relationship with the man who is willed to be my spouse. If I am called to be single, I also would not want any fling with any men. I am happy alone. I believe that if I am right with God, and love and accept myself as who I am, I will attract the right man. If not, my life will be forever screwed up and attract all sorts of Tom, Dick or Harry who just want to have fling or sexual pleasure with me. I will never ever allow anyone to abuse me in any ways as I am a precious child of God.

Now, I really see light in my life by first setting myself right in my career by using my talents and gifts in my job and growing with organization which my personality can fit in. My new chapter of life starts with this Easter and I will continue to seek improvement on other areas of my life by first loving and accepting my true self. I know I can do it with God!!

With Love,

Elena